Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings or any recognizable
characters and/or places.
" "You burned yourself again?" Furii asked, drawing away the smile with which she had answered Deborah's.
"I tried to, but I couldn't."
"Oh?"
"Because it HURT!" "
" "You have no corner on suffering. . ." "
-Hannah Green, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
"You should never let the sun set on tomorrow/Before the sun rises today"
"But you're so far gone that you don't see the hands upheld to catch you"
-Nine Days, If I Am
The Wanderer: Does your name come from a book title? Anyway, well, I didn't know what to write so. . .yeah.
Shauna: Thanks! It is sure reassuring to have such faith, isn't it? Don't worry. . .somehow or again, things will be well. Though perhaps not for many years. . .MWUHAHA!
ElvenPrincessofLegolas: Considering what you and Ardana do to him, I could go for sainthood! Just kidding.
Gwyn: Thanks. Yes, I did write the songs. No, you should not have to wait that long for an update. There should be a law against it.
Pure Luck: I'll do my best to help him! Yeah, the twins would be awesome. . .perhaps they ill be in Return of the King? That was when they arrived in the books, after all.
Queen-of-Gondor: Thanks, and I will try.
ZeroCool: That does tend to happen, doesn't it? Sorry! **ducks in shame** But what makes you think that all Men are strong? You must realize what draws near for Aragorn, that his destiny taunts him. He has much to endure as well, and it is difficult for him. This news about Legolas was really too much. He does his best.
Erhothwen: Yes, poor Elf, with his poor low-self-esteem . .aww. . .I guess I shall just have to update, huh?
Lady-Daine: Aw, my weakness--I'm a total fan of Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn, but the hobbits, well. . .they mean well, but. . .you know. I'll try to include them. Thanks for pointing that out or I would have forgotten! Thanks, and Legolas will have to get his hope back--as will Estel.
Tbiris: Yes, that was quite a metaphor. . .there is hope, but it is so hard to see through the darkness. That's o.k., a sign of a good author is making a character come alive. Thanks, and hope you enjoy this chapter!
Estelle Yavetil: Thanks.
Tadrienda of Mirkwood: Thanks. Writer's block is. . .is Melkor's fault! Hehe, it's kind of natural to blame it on the Valar. Nah, writer's block is my fault. Anyway. You're welcome!! Thank you! That really made my day.
Soulsearcher-Arbariel: Thanks! Don't worry, Elf-boy will get plenty of hugs. I'm sorry if I made you cry. LEGOLAS!! Quit being so sad! You're making my readers cry! Legolas: It's your fault. Me: Mutinous little. . .
Dana Malfoy: Thanks for the encouragement!
EarendilStar: Thanks for that code! Well, there will be plenty of at least one twin in this chapter, and their 'idiot blond depressive elf' friend has yet a journey before him. . .**continues to be mysterious**
Alyssa-Anime-Angel: Thank you! I'm sorry I almost made you cry. . .
Zelda123: Eep! Sorry! I didn't mean to make anybody cry, I swear! But thanks. . .
Reginabean: There will be more as soon as I upload this chapter. . .hm, the Elf and the Man are getting it hard in this story, aren't they?
Fellinlovewithsephy: Thanks! Yes, FINALLY. . .hmph. Hope this wait wasn't too long.
Aryaveiel Skycryer: I am writing an original version, but Middle-earth is an already-developed place where I can. . .you know. . .get my footing. Galadriel was acting like someone's (Legolas's) mom because that was the role she was called upon to play. It was actually Elladan, not Galadriel, who pulled Aragorn off of Legolas after the fight. And what Galadriel said then was simply what she felt needed to be said. She wasn't saying 'Oh, look, I am older than you are', she was simply saying, 'act like a child and I shall treat you as such'. I think Legolas has already done a few stupid things, but he'll have to wise up sooner or later.
Lady Lenna: Thanks! Who doesn't love Legolas?
939597: Thanks. Don't worry, Legolas and Aragorn will have to work out their problems eventually. . .I hope. . .me: Guys, you did give your story a happy ending, right? Legolas: We-- me: No spoilers!
Angel of the Elves: I tried to tell you, but your inbox was full. Sorry!
Silver Spirit: As far as I know, Aragorn was eighty-seven, or there-abouts. He also says that he has not been to Lothlorien in forty-nine years, which would be quite difficult if he were forty two.
Jessie-Greenleaf: Yes, I wrote that song. Thanks! I'll try to patch up their relationship. Anyway, it wasn't his wrist--it was his arms and legs. Wrist is a death-slit. Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying this!
Thanks to everyone who took the time to review! I appreciate it!
*****
"I just do not know what to do," Aragorn confided. "I feel that every action of mine is a stab to Legolas, I am over-cautious yet still I falter with each step I take."
Elrohir and Aragorn ambled slowly through the forest. Aragorn poured out his troubles, glad to have them off his shoulders for a moment. It was true that he tried to help his friend, he did the best he could, but it seemed fruitless. In less than an hour he must meet with the Lady, and under her scrutiny he feared he would break. Elrohir, for his part, had found a very upset younger brother in need of a talk, and lent an ear.
"If I may say so, Estel, this caution is your breaking," Elrohir counseled. "Legolas needs not a mother, he is fully grown. Let him be his own person, as you must be yours, but do not shut him out. He is still fragile, this closeness to the One Ring, I believe, is wasting him. What you need to do for Legolas is simply be yourself." Pausing in his step he turned to the Man, who looked suddenly much younger in his trouble and his need of guidance. "And that is nothing to be ashamed of," Elrohir added.
"Thank you," Aragorn said, closing his eyes for a moment and nodding his head once slightly off to the side, his own small shrug-like gesture of appreciation.
"No matter what, you are still my brother," Elrohir reminded him, inviting any further troubles to be spoken.
Aragorn's shoulders fell and his gaze left Elrohir's eyes, shifting to the ground. "I. . .I am dissatisfied with myself, Elrohir. Try as I may, it is impossible for me to live up to all I should be, all everyone expects of me; you, Elladan, Ada, everyone. . .it is of love, and I wish more than anything to please you all, but this is something I cannot do. My character is greatly flawed. Mithrandir said to me, before he fell, that time drew near when I would reclaim the throne of Gondor. I worry for that time, Elrohir. For my inability, for the effects it would have on my people. . .I can not even please Ada, let alone an entire country."
"Oh, Little One," Elrohir sighed, placing a hand on Aragorn's shoulder. "You need not worry what Ada thinks of you! He loves you, just as Elladan and I do. He believes in you. Did he not tell you only twenty years into your life of your heritage, when originally he planned to wait at least twice that? You are a man of valour, honour, and strength. You will do well."
Elrohir did not lie, for he knew it pointless. If Aragorn, in Elrohir's eyes, were not a fit leader, Elrohir would say so. There was no need for anyone to suffer an incompetent leader. With a little self-respect and pride, Aragorn would see Gondor to days of glory. "Mithrandir chose you, Aragorn, and Mithrandir had a purpose in everything he did."
"Elrohir. . ." Aragorn could not express his gratitude for what the Elf had said, what he had done. Elrohir smiled, for he already knew. The two embraced warmly, so much love between the brothers. For ever Aragorn would remain in the hold if he could, but he knew that he could not. "I love you so much," he whispered.
"Tell me something I don't yet know," Elrohir replied. He also did not wish to do so, but he loosened his hold on his brother. "Have you not a meeting with Grandmother? Beware her wrath, Little One. Remember, be an ear and you shall always have one."
"Thank you," Aragorn said once more, and propelled by a shove from his brother he headed off. A warm feeling remained, not only the warmness he and Elrohir had shared, but the confidence restored within him, a greater understanding of his ever-mysterious father, and the knowledge that despite the baby name or "Little One" Elrohir saw him as a man--for when he was not attentive, Elrohir had indeed said Aragorn.
*****
Gimli leaned his chin on his axe, nodding off. He had not gotten to sleep at all since the night before. When he found Legolas sobbing and Aragorn so uncertain, he had shooed away the Man at once. "Go! Get away!" he insisted.
Legolas had looked at the Dwarf, and immediately tried to dry his tears. "Don't mind me, laddie. For tonight, just pretend you are not an Elf!" Gimli came off as a very gruff sort of person, he knew this well, but inside he could be quite soft. Even an Elf, he thought, did not deserve to suffer so.
For the rest of the night Legolas had cried, somehow at ease around this Dwarf. There was no history between them, and Legolas felt that he did not need to be strong for him. Gimli did not see Legolas as "the Elf", but as a person, a manner in which Legolas had trouble seeing himself. The two had not exchanged words, but mere comforts of presence, and after a long while Legolas had fallen to dreams.
Now as birds sang the morning in, Legolas stirred. "I was not asleep!" Gimli said at once, proud. Then, gentler, "Are you all right, lad?"
Legolas nodded. "Thank you, for being so understanding last night I cannot imagine how you knew. . ."
"You know, Elf, when you do something like this, you are not the only one it affects. Everyone around you is changed by your actions, and if it gets so far that you kill yourself, you leave more behind than you know. Aragorn, for one, would be much grieved at your destruction. He looks to you more than you see. His love is deeper than any cave a dwarf could build."
No words seemed to merit a return to such a speech. Tears glimmered in Legolas's eyes, tears of gratitude but neither of mirth nor of sadness. "How do you know so much?" he could not help but ask.
"Oh, so you think this only happens to Elves? Let me tell you, boy, you have no corner on suffering. My cousin had a problem similar to yours, and he decided to end it. Dwalin was a blind fool not to see how many people cared about him. Sometimes in the midst of a fall, we do not see the hands that could catch us, or we evade them." Gimli scoffed once, clearly unhappy. "I do not pretend to understand what is in your head, Elf, but it cannot be that bad."
*****
Aragorn and Legolas were far more confident than they had been the night before. They had far more faith in themselves, but that faith did not extend so far as to make them comfortable around each other. 'I have failed him,' each one thought to himself, 'I could have done so much better, been there for him, and look how I have failed. I am undeserving.'
Legolas looked up from his shoes to see Aragorn staring at him. "Sorry," they said together, each returning his gaze to the ground. Both felt the heaviness between them, and both went to break it at once, together speaking each other's names.
"Go ahead," Legolas offered. Aragorn was ready to offer it right back, then he remembered how hard this must be for Legolas, and he took a deep breath.
"I just wanted you to know that. . .that I'm sorry. There is so much that I could do for you right now, so much I could be, and I have not been that, I have made things far worse. From now on, whenever you need to talk, I will listen."
"No, Aragorn, it is I that should be sorry," Legolas amended. "I never showed you who I truly was, and this was wrong of me. You need me now and I am not what you expected."
Neither could speak, each wondering how he could ever be forgiven and if indeed he could be forgiven at all. All at once it hit them that they were thinking quite the same thing as the other, and that if they did not stop this nonsense it would only continue onwards for all eternity. First Legolas then Aragorn began to chuckle. They dared to glance up, and as their eyes caught, they dissolved into fits of laughter.
"We. . .Legolas, we are so stupid!" Aragorn gasped between breathless states of laughter.
"Both of us are loony!" Legolas agreed, leaning against Aragorn lest he fall over. "Thinking. . .oh, my!"
Something else occurred to Aragorn, and he howled, "The Lady is going to be so angry!"
Just out of hearing of the two, Galadriel whispered to herself in an amused tone, "I am sure she is, Elessar. I am sure she is."
Galadriel was ready to be as condescending and overbearing as necessary to get those two back in line. She found it completely silly that two grown beings should have such ill-earned lacks of faith in themselves, especially two grown males such as themselves. Galadriel would be a real martinet, if that was what it took.
But that was not what it took. All it took was two adults giggling like boys, falling over each other, and realizing that maybe being grown up was not all that bad.
*****
.
.
.
.
.
Author's note: I wrote 'Cold Steel', and this one as well, because I wanted to reach everyone who hurt himself or herself. There is no reason for that. I would know, I too am a cutter. Whenever I said 'my friend', I meant myself--I despise myself for it, but usually I simply realize that it is something I must move on from. The first, really bad time was when I was eleven. I am thirteen now, and despite a recent fall from grace, am growing and moving on.
Recently in homeroom, I let a boy who I consider a friend read the poems written for the previous chapter. I hope he does not mind my saying that he told me he felt that easily he could imagine me reading one verse and him the next. I had not realized before then how much my "problem" affected others.
Some people, like that boy, treat me the same as before, with an occasional mention of my fall from grace. Others, like Sam, are very careful, looking out for me, not knowing what to do but doing what is right, for their hearts are pure and (though I am an atheist) a star is guiding them. Still others know not what to do, but they try, and that is what matters. These people really, truly care about me. They do what they can simply by being there, and being the awesome people that they are. Not one of my friends has deserted me for what I did. I love them. They have given me the gift of my life.
Not everyone has people like that. For those that do not, I am always here if you want to talk, e-mail me or AIM, but please do not hurt yourself. There is always a solution. It may seem dark, but if you hang in there, things will get better.
.
On another note, there will be one more chapter to this (an epilogue), and that will be all for this one. The NEXT STORY in this series will be called 'Nightly Gleams the Blade', or something along those lines. Hope to see you all back for that one!
For now,
JediKnightBalthasar
" "You burned yourself again?" Furii asked, drawing away the smile with which she had answered Deborah's.
"I tried to, but I couldn't."
"Oh?"
"Because it HURT!" "
" "You have no corner on suffering. . ." "
-Hannah Green, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
"You should never let the sun set on tomorrow/Before the sun rises today"
"But you're so far gone that you don't see the hands upheld to catch you"
-Nine Days, If I Am
The Wanderer: Does your name come from a book title? Anyway, well, I didn't know what to write so. . .yeah.
Shauna: Thanks! It is sure reassuring to have such faith, isn't it? Don't worry. . .somehow or again, things will be well. Though perhaps not for many years. . .MWUHAHA!
ElvenPrincessofLegolas: Considering what you and Ardana do to him, I could go for sainthood! Just kidding.
Gwyn: Thanks. Yes, I did write the songs. No, you should not have to wait that long for an update. There should be a law against it.
Pure Luck: I'll do my best to help him! Yeah, the twins would be awesome. . .perhaps they ill be in Return of the King? That was when they arrived in the books, after all.
Queen-of-Gondor: Thanks, and I will try.
ZeroCool: That does tend to happen, doesn't it? Sorry! **ducks in shame** But what makes you think that all Men are strong? You must realize what draws near for Aragorn, that his destiny taunts him. He has much to endure as well, and it is difficult for him. This news about Legolas was really too much. He does his best.
Erhothwen: Yes, poor Elf, with his poor low-self-esteem . .aww. . .I guess I shall just have to update, huh?
Lady-Daine: Aw, my weakness--I'm a total fan of Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn, but the hobbits, well. . .they mean well, but. . .you know. I'll try to include them. Thanks for pointing that out or I would have forgotten! Thanks, and Legolas will have to get his hope back--as will Estel.
Tbiris: Yes, that was quite a metaphor. . .there is hope, but it is so hard to see through the darkness. That's o.k., a sign of a good author is making a character come alive. Thanks, and hope you enjoy this chapter!
Estelle Yavetil: Thanks.
Tadrienda of Mirkwood: Thanks. Writer's block is. . .is Melkor's fault! Hehe, it's kind of natural to blame it on the Valar. Nah, writer's block is my fault. Anyway. You're welcome!! Thank you! That really made my day.
Soulsearcher-Arbariel: Thanks! Don't worry, Elf-boy will get plenty of hugs. I'm sorry if I made you cry. LEGOLAS!! Quit being so sad! You're making my readers cry! Legolas: It's your fault. Me: Mutinous little. . .
Dana Malfoy: Thanks for the encouragement!
EarendilStar: Thanks for that code! Well, there will be plenty of at least one twin in this chapter, and their 'idiot blond depressive elf' friend has yet a journey before him. . .**continues to be mysterious**
Alyssa-Anime-Angel: Thank you! I'm sorry I almost made you cry. . .
Zelda123: Eep! Sorry! I didn't mean to make anybody cry, I swear! But thanks. . .
Reginabean: There will be more as soon as I upload this chapter. . .hm, the Elf and the Man are getting it hard in this story, aren't they?
Fellinlovewithsephy: Thanks! Yes, FINALLY. . .hmph. Hope this wait wasn't too long.
Aryaveiel Skycryer: I am writing an original version, but Middle-earth is an already-developed place where I can. . .you know. . .get my footing. Galadriel was acting like someone's (Legolas's) mom because that was the role she was called upon to play. It was actually Elladan, not Galadriel, who pulled Aragorn off of Legolas after the fight. And what Galadriel said then was simply what she felt needed to be said. She wasn't saying 'Oh, look, I am older than you are', she was simply saying, 'act like a child and I shall treat you as such'. I think Legolas has already done a few stupid things, but he'll have to wise up sooner or later.
Lady Lenna: Thanks! Who doesn't love Legolas?
939597: Thanks. Don't worry, Legolas and Aragorn will have to work out their problems eventually. . .I hope. . .me: Guys, you did give your story a happy ending, right? Legolas: We-- me: No spoilers!
Angel of the Elves: I tried to tell you, but your inbox was full. Sorry!
Silver Spirit: As far as I know, Aragorn was eighty-seven, or there-abouts. He also says that he has not been to Lothlorien in forty-nine years, which would be quite difficult if he were forty two.
Jessie-Greenleaf: Yes, I wrote that song. Thanks! I'll try to patch up their relationship. Anyway, it wasn't his wrist--it was his arms and legs. Wrist is a death-slit. Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying this!
Thanks to everyone who took the time to review! I appreciate it!
*****
"I just do not know what to do," Aragorn confided. "I feel that every action of mine is a stab to Legolas, I am over-cautious yet still I falter with each step I take."
Elrohir and Aragorn ambled slowly through the forest. Aragorn poured out his troubles, glad to have them off his shoulders for a moment. It was true that he tried to help his friend, he did the best he could, but it seemed fruitless. In less than an hour he must meet with the Lady, and under her scrutiny he feared he would break. Elrohir, for his part, had found a very upset younger brother in need of a talk, and lent an ear.
"If I may say so, Estel, this caution is your breaking," Elrohir counseled. "Legolas needs not a mother, he is fully grown. Let him be his own person, as you must be yours, but do not shut him out. He is still fragile, this closeness to the One Ring, I believe, is wasting him. What you need to do for Legolas is simply be yourself." Pausing in his step he turned to the Man, who looked suddenly much younger in his trouble and his need of guidance. "And that is nothing to be ashamed of," Elrohir added.
"Thank you," Aragorn said, closing his eyes for a moment and nodding his head once slightly off to the side, his own small shrug-like gesture of appreciation.
"No matter what, you are still my brother," Elrohir reminded him, inviting any further troubles to be spoken.
Aragorn's shoulders fell and his gaze left Elrohir's eyes, shifting to the ground. "I. . .I am dissatisfied with myself, Elrohir. Try as I may, it is impossible for me to live up to all I should be, all everyone expects of me; you, Elladan, Ada, everyone. . .it is of love, and I wish more than anything to please you all, but this is something I cannot do. My character is greatly flawed. Mithrandir said to me, before he fell, that time drew near when I would reclaim the throne of Gondor. I worry for that time, Elrohir. For my inability, for the effects it would have on my people. . .I can not even please Ada, let alone an entire country."
"Oh, Little One," Elrohir sighed, placing a hand on Aragorn's shoulder. "You need not worry what Ada thinks of you! He loves you, just as Elladan and I do. He believes in you. Did he not tell you only twenty years into your life of your heritage, when originally he planned to wait at least twice that? You are a man of valour, honour, and strength. You will do well."
Elrohir did not lie, for he knew it pointless. If Aragorn, in Elrohir's eyes, were not a fit leader, Elrohir would say so. There was no need for anyone to suffer an incompetent leader. With a little self-respect and pride, Aragorn would see Gondor to days of glory. "Mithrandir chose you, Aragorn, and Mithrandir had a purpose in everything he did."
"Elrohir. . ." Aragorn could not express his gratitude for what the Elf had said, what he had done. Elrohir smiled, for he already knew. The two embraced warmly, so much love between the brothers. For ever Aragorn would remain in the hold if he could, but he knew that he could not. "I love you so much," he whispered.
"Tell me something I don't yet know," Elrohir replied. He also did not wish to do so, but he loosened his hold on his brother. "Have you not a meeting with Grandmother? Beware her wrath, Little One. Remember, be an ear and you shall always have one."
"Thank you," Aragorn said once more, and propelled by a shove from his brother he headed off. A warm feeling remained, not only the warmness he and Elrohir had shared, but the confidence restored within him, a greater understanding of his ever-mysterious father, and the knowledge that despite the baby name or "Little One" Elrohir saw him as a man--for when he was not attentive, Elrohir had indeed said Aragorn.
*****
Gimli leaned his chin on his axe, nodding off. He had not gotten to sleep at all since the night before. When he found Legolas sobbing and Aragorn so uncertain, he had shooed away the Man at once. "Go! Get away!" he insisted.
Legolas had looked at the Dwarf, and immediately tried to dry his tears. "Don't mind me, laddie. For tonight, just pretend you are not an Elf!" Gimli came off as a very gruff sort of person, he knew this well, but inside he could be quite soft. Even an Elf, he thought, did not deserve to suffer so.
For the rest of the night Legolas had cried, somehow at ease around this Dwarf. There was no history between them, and Legolas felt that he did not need to be strong for him. Gimli did not see Legolas as "the Elf", but as a person, a manner in which Legolas had trouble seeing himself. The two had not exchanged words, but mere comforts of presence, and after a long while Legolas had fallen to dreams.
Now as birds sang the morning in, Legolas stirred. "I was not asleep!" Gimli said at once, proud. Then, gentler, "Are you all right, lad?"
Legolas nodded. "Thank you, for being so understanding last night I cannot imagine how you knew. . ."
"You know, Elf, when you do something like this, you are not the only one it affects. Everyone around you is changed by your actions, and if it gets so far that you kill yourself, you leave more behind than you know. Aragorn, for one, would be much grieved at your destruction. He looks to you more than you see. His love is deeper than any cave a dwarf could build."
No words seemed to merit a return to such a speech. Tears glimmered in Legolas's eyes, tears of gratitude but neither of mirth nor of sadness. "How do you know so much?" he could not help but ask.
"Oh, so you think this only happens to Elves? Let me tell you, boy, you have no corner on suffering. My cousin had a problem similar to yours, and he decided to end it. Dwalin was a blind fool not to see how many people cared about him. Sometimes in the midst of a fall, we do not see the hands that could catch us, or we evade them." Gimli scoffed once, clearly unhappy. "I do not pretend to understand what is in your head, Elf, but it cannot be that bad."
*****
Aragorn and Legolas were far more confident than they had been the night before. They had far more faith in themselves, but that faith did not extend so far as to make them comfortable around each other. 'I have failed him,' each one thought to himself, 'I could have done so much better, been there for him, and look how I have failed. I am undeserving.'
Legolas looked up from his shoes to see Aragorn staring at him. "Sorry," they said together, each returning his gaze to the ground. Both felt the heaviness between them, and both went to break it at once, together speaking each other's names.
"Go ahead," Legolas offered. Aragorn was ready to offer it right back, then he remembered how hard this must be for Legolas, and he took a deep breath.
"I just wanted you to know that. . .that I'm sorry. There is so much that I could do for you right now, so much I could be, and I have not been that, I have made things far worse. From now on, whenever you need to talk, I will listen."
"No, Aragorn, it is I that should be sorry," Legolas amended. "I never showed you who I truly was, and this was wrong of me. You need me now and I am not what you expected."
Neither could speak, each wondering how he could ever be forgiven and if indeed he could be forgiven at all. All at once it hit them that they were thinking quite the same thing as the other, and that if they did not stop this nonsense it would only continue onwards for all eternity. First Legolas then Aragorn began to chuckle. They dared to glance up, and as their eyes caught, they dissolved into fits of laughter.
"We. . .Legolas, we are so stupid!" Aragorn gasped between breathless states of laughter.
"Both of us are loony!" Legolas agreed, leaning against Aragorn lest he fall over. "Thinking. . .oh, my!"
Something else occurred to Aragorn, and he howled, "The Lady is going to be so angry!"
Just out of hearing of the two, Galadriel whispered to herself in an amused tone, "I am sure she is, Elessar. I am sure she is."
Galadriel was ready to be as condescending and overbearing as necessary to get those two back in line. She found it completely silly that two grown beings should have such ill-earned lacks of faith in themselves, especially two grown males such as themselves. Galadriel would be a real martinet, if that was what it took.
But that was not what it took. All it took was two adults giggling like boys, falling over each other, and realizing that maybe being grown up was not all that bad.
*****
.
.
.
.
.
Author's note: I wrote 'Cold Steel', and this one as well, because I wanted to reach everyone who hurt himself or herself. There is no reason for that. I would know, I too am a cutter. Whenever I said 'my friend', I meant myself--I despise myself for it, but usually I simply realize that it is something I must move on from. The first, really bad time was when I was eleven. I am thirteen now, and despite a recent fall from grace, am growing and moving on.
Recently in homeroom, I let a boy who I consider a friend read the poems written for the previous chapter. I hope he does not mind my saying that he told me he felt that easily he could imagine me reading one verse and him the next. I had not realized before then how much my "problem" affected others.
Some people, like that boy, treat me the same as before, with an occasional mention of my fall from grace. Others, like Sam, are very careful, looking out for me, not knowing what to do but doing what is right, for their hearts are pure and (though I am an atheist) a star is guiding them. Still others know not what to do, but they try, and that is what matters. These people really, truly care about me. They do what they can simply by being there, and being the awesome people that they are. Not one of my friends has deserted me for what I did. I love them. They have given me the gift of my life.
Not everyone has people like that. For those that do not, I am always here if you want to talk, e-mail me or AIM, but please do not hurt yourself. There is always a solution. It may seem dark, but if you hang in there, things will get better.
.
On another note, there will be one more chapter to this (an epilogue), and that will be all for this one. The NEXT STORY in this series will be called 'Nightly Gleams the Blade', or something along those lines. Hope to see you all back for that one!
For now,
JediKnightBalthasar