Apollo poured the dark steaming liquid into the pure white cup, and contemplated the destruction of all that was pure and innocent. 'Was there no innocence left?' he wondered. The destruction had robbed them of so much. Purity and innocence were a hard commodity to find in the fleet. But he had found them in his son. Now, he worried that he'd lost that too.
When he'd arrived back at his quarters, Athena was waiting for him. Since she had volunteered to watch Boxey, her presence was no surprise, but the fact that Boxey was absent was. She had stood before him, defiance written in her posture and the determined expression she wore. What ever she had to tell him, he knew he was not going to like it.
He hadn't.
Without consulting him Athena had taken Boxey to see Dr. Larous, the battlestar's only remaining psychiatrist. She had expected an explosion of anger from Apollo, but had only received his silent resentment.
"Where is he now?" he had demanded calmly, his voice level.
"He's at my place," she answered cautiously.
"Alone?" This time his alarm did register through his voice.
"No, of course not. Bojay's with him," she replied, surprised that he would think her so irresponsible.
"Why, Athena?" he asked bewildered.
"He was upset.." she started.
"I know he was upset!" Apollo interrupted angrily.
"Dr. Larous suggested he needed some normality around him, and with you barely here.." she faltered, not sure how to say what it was she needed to say. The arguments she had rehearsed for the past centar, while waiting for Apollo, had all abandoned her, and she was now at a loss for the right words. She had only intended to take one more problem from Apollo's shoulders, yet she now feared he was taking it as an unintentional criticism.
Apollo could only sputtered at her comment. So many angry statements fought to be first out his mouth, that he stumbled on them and couldn't say a single one. What did Athena think he'd been doing all this time? Shirking his responsibility to his son? They were still under a state of alert. The Cylons could return at any moment. They had to get the fleet moving. He didn't have the time right now to talk to Boxey. But he would. As soon as he could, he would sit down and have that much needed talk with his son. She knew that. She had to know that. "Athena, I've been busy...."
"I know, I know. I didn't mean to sound like you were doing anything wrong." she tried to reassure him hastily.
"Well then why?" he asked.
"Apollo, it's just for the night. He just needs a little security.."
"And you don't think I can give him that?" he asked, wounded.
"No, of course not, but..," she took his hands in hers, "You-are-busy. I'm only trying to help you and Boxey. He needs constant reassurance right now and you need to be able to do whatever you need to do, with out worrying about him."
Apollo sighed and rubbed his temple. "I don't know.."
"I do," she stated, trying to assure him this was alright.
"Can I at least go and say good night to him?"
"He's already asleep.." Athena said her, eyes apologetic.
"Shit," he said as he sat down wearily on his couch.
"You haven't done anything wrong," she said reassuringly as she sat down next to him.
Apollo sighed and leaned his head against the back of the couch. "I'm not so sure about that."
"I am." She watched him, then added, "Dr. Larous doesn't think so either." Apollo threw a couch pillow at her for that.
"You know how I feel about him," he said aggrieved.
"I know." She agreed.
"But you took him there anyway."
"Yes."
Apollo closed his eyes and took a calming breath. Then he looked back over at Athena, "Okay."
Athena smiled at him, then reach over and hugged him."Get some sleep, Apollo, then maybe you can find some time to come by in the morning and have breakfast with us." She got up and looked back at him.
"I'll try," he said in answer to both her suggestions.
So Athena had left, and Apollo had been left too upset to sleep. The stack of reports on his desk had sat accusingly in a neat pile, so he decided to lose himself in work, again.
Only this time, it wasn't working. The image of Boxey, crying for him to stay with him, kept replaying itself over and over in his mind. Frustrated, he'd got up to make some coffee, hoping the stimulants in the drink could turn off his unnerving memory and help him concentrate on the reports.
Now, lost in thought, he idly watched the steam rise from the dark liquid in the cup. Dark. Death. In his mind, he could see the image of the Dark Raider as it sat in the cordoned off hanger on Beta deck. A dark sinister machine. As of yet, the scientist hadn't reported much that would help them detect these silent death machines. The only bit of information that they had managed to gain, had come from a dangerous experiment that had left Dr. Wilker and two techs in need of Dr. Salik's help. Sound. Somehow, the Cylons were using sound to distort how their scanners perceived the radars. They had to find a way through this technology, or they didn't stand a chance.
He couldn't stop his mind from imagining a base ship, outfitted with this technology and its Raiders undetectable, as they cut their way through the fleet. He shook his head, trying to dispel the image of the imagined massacre. They wouldn't stand a chance. He took a sip of his coffee and the fiery temperature of the liquid immediately scalded his tongue, effectively erasing the nightmare images from his mind.
Apollo, disturbed, walked back to his desk. Setting his cup down, he picked up the newest repair report. He had just begun to read it when the door buzzer sounded. Apollo sighed, and looked up at the door, unwilling to see who was there with more problems. He ran a hand through his hair, picked up his cup and wearily got up.
Sheba pressed the buzzer again and waited. Nervously, she twirled the ends of her hair around one finger, then realizing what she was doing, abruptly put her hands behind her back.
The door slide open and Sheba looked up. Apollo seemed a bit surprised to see her. "Apollo..I.." She hesitated, unsure of what to say now that she was here and he was standing there, just staring at her.
Sheba noted how exhausted he looked. He was still wearing the same uniform she had last seen him in and carried a steaming cup of coffee in one hand, while he ran the other through his already tousled hair. Dark circles under his eyes only confirmed her theory that he hadn't slept.
Eyes that now watched her, open and candid.
She stared at him as she realized his defensives were down. His barriers, those invisible walls that he put between himself and others, were down.
Her heart pounded so hard in her chest she thought it would jump up into her throat and strangle her. She tentatively smiled at him as her own defenses faltered, allowing the love she'd tried to ignore, shine out through her eyes.
His face seemed to clear of worry and a warm smile crept across his face.
Apollo watched bemused as Sheba paused, unnaturally flustered. When she looked up at him, his breath caught in his throat as he saw the love staring out at him through her eyes. He felt an answering ache in his heart, and it was all he could do not to gather her up in his arms. Then his smile faded as he recognized his feelings. No, he would not love again; he couldn't take any more pain. Firmly, he stamped down the errant feeling.
Sheba watched, bewildered, as Apollo's eyes narrowed and the barriers, which had been at bay, came crashing down. His face stiffened and seeming turned to stone.
"What can I do for you, Lieutenant?" He asked stiffly.
Sheba simply stared at him, unsure of what she had done. One moment Apollo had been smiling warmly at her and then suddenly he was cold and official. 'Lieutenant?'
"I was wondering if we could talk?" she asked determinedly. It had taken her a long time to get up the courage to come here tonight. Apollo had been glad to see her. She would hold onto that. She wasn't going to be intimidated.
Apollo fought the urge to hold her close and let all the pain and anguish fade away. But he couldn't; he'd just be trading one pain for another.
His smile was cold as he regarded her., "Can't it wait until tomorrow? It's late and I'm really tired."
Sheba was not prepared for this reception from him. She felt unsure of herself, and she looked down uncertainly, trying to gather her courage. Somewhere, deep inside, her stubborn pride balked at these feelings. Challengingly, she looked up into his eyes. "No," she stated, "No, it can't."
With a reluctant sigh, Apollo moved to let her pass.
As Sheba passed him, Apollo's senses were assaulted by the scent of her. His blood seemed to boil under his skin. He turned from her and violently hit the door sensor, closing the door. He hadn't slept much in the past several days and he was losing his control over himself and his emotions. He gulped his hot coffee, hoping it would help him regain some of his control before he turned back to face her.
Sheba walked to the middle of the room and took in the state of his quarters. His desk was piled with reports and computer printouts. Data disks, that had evidently at one time had been piled in a stack on the floor, had fallen over and now were strewn across the floor in an oddly neat line.
In the low light of Apollo's quarters Sheba's oversensitive nerves made her edgy. Warily, like some caged animal she turned back around to face him. Apollo 's eyes sparkled in the low light near the door and she found herself frozen to the spot as if captured in the hauntingly dark gaze of a predator.
For a moment, Apollo lost himself in her eyes, so bright in the dim light, they drew him in. He took a step forward before he realized what he was doing.
Sheba held her breath as he took the step toward her, then Apollo shook his head dispelling the moment.
"O.K., what is so important that it can't wait until tomorrow?" His voice was harsh even to his own ears. He needed to get her out of here before he lost all control.
Sheba flinched at his tone but did not give an inch. "WE can't."
Apollo took a step back, as if struck. "Not now Sheba. I'm really not up for this right now." Angrily, he strode past her to his desk, as if this small barrier could protect him from the impending conversation.
"Yes, now!" Sheba cried out as she followed him. "Apollo, you can't just ignore this."
"I can try." He gave a halfhearted laugh.
"I'm not going to leave until you talk to me!" Sheba stopped in front of the desk.
Apollo closed his eyes. He was so weary. He didn't have the strength in reserve for this argument. Afraid to look at her, he kept his eyes closed and whispered, "Please leave Sheba."
His words hit her as if it were a physical blow. Tears sprung up in her eyes, but her fiery nature would not let her give up so easily. Before he could turn from her again, Sheba rounded the desk to stand in front of him. His eyes remained closed, as if he was afraid to look at her. She placed her hands on either side of his head, drawing him down to her. "I love you whether you like it or not." Quickly, she kissed his lips, afraid he'd pull away at any moment.
His eyes flew open as her lips touched his and Sheba saw what his closed eyes were trying to conceal. Desire smoldered there. Desire and something else, something that was trying desperately to hide. He stared at her with a look she feared she'd never see again. It flooded her senses and wrapped her in a warm blanket. She was spellbound by that look, a look of love, that shown so vividly from his eyes.
Unable to resist, he lowered his head, ever so slowly. His mind told him to stop and back away, but his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her against him as he allowed his lips to lay claim to hers. It was as if an electric charge had past between them, sparking a wave of desire that flooded their senses. Sheba wrapped her arms around his neck to support herself as she felt her knees weaken.
Desperately, like the drowning man he was, Apollo used all of the strength of will he had left to pull himself free of her lips. "No," he gasped. Apollo tossed his head back in an attempt to increase the distance between them, yet his grip on her only tightened.
He was lost in the river of emotions that flooded through him. Frantically, he held onto her as if she were a rock in that river. Afraid to let go, lest he be swept away to drown in these unwanted emotions. "I can't," he breathed.
Sheba looked up at him, his struggle clearly visible. Somewhere in the back of her mind, where the rational part of herself had been hastily tossed, she told herself she should do as he asked and let him go. Yet, the warrior in her would not so easily surrender such an advantage, and she was not about to lose hers. Sheba pulled Apollo's head back down to her. Just a breath away from her lips, he managed to resist.
"Every good warrior knows when he has lost the battle, Apollo," Sheba whispered. "Love me."
With her words, she saw his stubborn pride flare behind his eyes. He pulled his head away, his smoldering eyes burning furiously back at her.
Briefly, Sheba wondered if she'd over played her hand, but she had been right, he had lost his battle. As Apollo's anger flared, it ignited a chain reaction that turned the desire he'd been fighting into a firestorm that swept him along. He placed his hands behind her head and claimed her lips again, allowing the full heat of his passion to flood her senses too. His battle lost, he surrendered himself to her fully.
When he'd arrived back at his quarters, Athena was waiting for him. Since she had volunteered to watch Boxey, her presence was no surprise, but the fact that Boxey was absent was. She had stood before him, defiance written in her posture and the determined expression she wore. What ever she had to tell him, he knew he was not going to like it.
He hadn't.
Without consulting him Athena had taken Boxey to see Dr. Larous, the battlestar's only remaining psychiatrist. She had expected an explosion of anger from Apollo, but had only received his silent resentment.
"Where is he now?" he had demanded calmly, his voice level.
"He's at my place," she answered cautiously.
"Alone?" This time his alarm did register through his voice.
"No, of course not. Bojay's with him," she replied, surprised that he would think her so irresponsible.
"Why, Athena?" he asked bewildered.
"He was upset.." she started.
"I know he was upset!" Apollo interrupted angrily.
"Dr. Larous suggested he needed some normality around him, and with you barely here.." she faltered, not sure how to say what it was she needed to say. The arguments she had rehearsed for the past centar, while waiting for Apollo, had all abandoned her, and she was now at a loss for the right words. She had only intended to take one more problem from Apollo's shoulders, yet she now feared he was taking it as an unintentional criticism.
Apollo could only sputtered at her comment. So many angry statements fought to be first out his mouth, that he stumbled on them and couldn't say a single one. What did Athena think he'd been doing all this time? Shirking his responsibility to his son? They were still under a state of alert. The Cylons could return at any moment. They had to get the fleet moving. He didn't have the time right now to talk to Boxey. But he would. As soon as he could, he would sit down and have that much needed talk with his son. She knew that. She had to know that. "Athena, I've been busy...."
"I know, I know. I didn't mean to sound like you were doing anything wrong." she tried to reassure him hastily.
"Well then why?" he asked.
"Apollo, it's just for the night. He just needs a little security.."
"And you don't think I can give him that?" he asked, wounded.
"No, of course not, but..," she took his hands in hers, "You-are-busy. I'm only trying to help you and Boxey. He needs constant reassurance right now and you need to be able to do whatever you need to do, with out worrying about him."
Apollo sighed and rubbed his temple. "I don't know.."
"I do," she stated, trying to assure him this was alright.
"Can I at least go and say good night to him?"
"He's already asleep.." Athena said her, eyes apologetic.
"Shit," he said as he sat down wearily on his couch.
"You haven't done anything wrong," she said reassuringly as she sat down next to him.
Apollo sighed and leaned his head against the back of the couch. "I'm not so sure about that."
"I am." She watched him, then added, "Dr. Larous doesn't think so either." Apollo threw a couch pillow at her for that.
"You know how I feel about him," he said aggrieved.
"I know." She agreed.
"But you took him there anyway."
"Yes."
Apollo closed his eyes and took a calming breath. Then he looked back over at Athena, "Okay."
Athena smiled at him, then reach over and hugged him."Get some sleep, Apollo, then maybe you can find some time to come by in the morning and have breakfast with us." She got up and looked back at him.
"I'll try," he said in answer to both her suggestions.
So Athena had left, and Apollo had been left too upset to sleep. The stack of reports on his desk had sat accusingly in a neat pile, so he decided to lose himself in work, again.
Only this time, it wasn't working. The image of Boxey, crying for him to stay with him, kept replaying itself over and over in his mind. Frustrated, he'd got up to make some coffee, hoping the stimulants in the drink could turn off his unnerving memory and help him concentrate on the reports.
Now, lost in thought, he idly watched the steam rise from the dark liquid in the cup. Dark. Death. In his mind, he could see the image of the Dark Raider as it sat in the cordoned off hanger on Beta deck. A dark sinister machine. As of yet, the scientist hadn't reported much that would help them detect these silent death machines. The only bit of information that they had managed to gain, had come from a dangerous experiment that had left Dr. Wilker and two techs in need of Dr. Salik's help. Sound. Somehow, the Cylons were using sound to distort how their scanners perceived the radars. They had to find a way through this technology, or they didn't stand a chance.
He couldn't stop his mind from imagining a base ship, outfitted with this technology and its Raiders undetectable, as they cut their way through the fleet. He shook his head, trying to dispel the image of the imagined massacre. They wouldn't stand a chance. He took a sip of his coffee and the fiery temperature of the liquid immediately scalded his tongue, effectively erasing the nightmare images from his mind.
Apollo, disturbed, walked back to his desk. Setting his cup down, he picked up the newest repair report. He had just begun to read it when the door buzzer sounded. Apollo sighed, and looked up at the door, unwilling to see who was there with more problems. He ran a hand through his hair, picked up his cup and wearily got up.
Sheba pressed the buzzer again and waited. Nervously, she twirled the ends of her hair around one finger, then realizing what she was doing, abruptly put her hands behind her back.
The door slide open and Sheba looked up. Apollo seemed a bit surprised to see her. "Apollo..I.." She hesitated, unsure of what to say now that she was here and he was standing there, just staring at her.
Sheba noted how exhausted he looked. He was still wearing the same uniform she had last seen him in and carried a steaming cup of coffee in one hand, while he ran the other through his already tousled hair. Dark circles under his eyes only confirmed her theory that he hadn't slept.
Eyes that now watched her, open and candid.
She stared at him as she realized his defensives were down. His barriers, those invisible walls that he put between himself and others, were down.
Her heart pounded so hard in her chest she thought it would jump up into her throat and strangle her. She tentatively smiled at him as her own defenses faltered, allowing the love she'd tried to ignore, shine out through her eyes.
His face seemed to clear of worry and a warm smile crept across his face.
Apollo watched bemused as Sheba paused, unnaturally flustered. When she looked up at him, his breath caught in his throat as he saw the love staring out at him through her eyes. He felt an answering ache in his heart, and it was all he could do not to gather her up in his arms. Then his smile faded as he recognized his feelings. No, he would not love again; he couldn't take any more pain. Firmly, he stamped down the errant feeling.
Sheba watched, bewildered, as Apollo's eyes narrowed and the barriers, which had been at bay, came crashing down. His face stiffened and seeming turned to stone.
"What can I do for you, Lieutenant?" He asked stiffly.
Sheba simply stared at him, unsure of what she had done. One moment Apollo had been smiling warmly at her and then suddenly he was cold and official. 'Lieutenant?'
"I was wondering if we could talk?" she asked determinedly. It had taken her a long time to get up the courage to come here tonight. Apollo had been glad to see her. She would hold onto that. She wasn't going to be intimidated.
Apollo fought the urge to hold her close and let all the pain and anguish fade away. But he couldn't; he'd just be trading one pain for another.
His smile was cold as he regarded her., "Can't it wait until tomorrow? It's late and I'm really tired."
Sheba was not prepared for this reception from him. She felt unsure of herself, and she looked down uncertainly, trying to gather her courage. Somewhere, deep inside, her stubborn pride balked at these feelings. Challengingly, she looked up into his eyes. "No," she stated, "No, it can't."
With a reluctant sigh, Apollo moved to let her pass.
As Sheba passed him, Apollo's senses were assaulted by the scent of her. His blood seemed to boil under his skin. He turned from her and violently hit the door sensor, closing the door. He hadn't slept much in the past several days and he was losing his control over himself and his emotions. He gulped his hot coffee, hoping it would help him regain some of his control before he turned back to face her.
Sheba walked to the middle of the room and took in the state of his quarters. His desk was piled with reports and computer printouts. Data disks, that had evidently at one time had been piled in a stack on the floor, had fallen over and now were strewn across the floor in an oddly neat line.
In the low light of Apollo's quarters Sheba's oversensitive nerves made her edgy. Warily, like some caged animal she turned back around to face him. Apollo 's eyes sparkled in the low light near the door and she found herself frozen to the spot as if captured in the hauntingly dark gaze of a predator.
For a moment, Apollo lost himself in her eyes, so bright in the dim light, they drew him in. He took a step forward before he realized what he was doing.
Sheba held her breath as he took the step toward her, then Apollo shook his head dispelling the moment.
"O.K., what is so important that it can't wait until tomorrow?" His voice was harsh even to his own ears. He needed to get her out of here before he lost all control.
Sheba flinched at his tone but did not give an inch. "WE can't."
Apollo took a step back, as if struck. "Not now Sheba. I'm really not up for this right now." Angrily, he strode past her to his desk, as if this small barrier could protect him from the impending conversation.
"Yes, now!" Sheba cried out as she followed him. "Apollo, you can't just ignore this."
"I can try." He gave a halfhearted laugh.
"I'm not going to leave until you talk to me!" Sheba stopped in front of the desk.
Apollo closed his eyes. He was so weary. He didn't have the strength in reserve for this argument. Afraid to look at her, he kept his eyes closed and whispered, "Please leave Sheba."
His words hit her as if it were a physical blow. Tears sprung up in her eyes, but her fiery nature would not let her give up so easily. Before he could turn from her again, Sheba rounded the desk to stand in front of him. His eyes remained closed, as if he was afraid to look at her. She placed her hands on either side of his head, drawing him down to her. "I love you whether you like it or not." Quickly, she kissed his lips, afraid he'd pull away at any moment.
His eyes flew open as her lips touched his and Sheba saw what his closed eyes were trying to conceal. Desire smoldered there. Desire and something else, something that was trying desperately to hide. He stared at her with a look she feared she'd never see again. It flooded her senses and wrapped her in a warm blanket. She was spellbound by that look, a look of love, that shown so vividly from his eyes.
Unable to resist, he lowered his head, ever so slowly. His mind told him to stop and back away, but his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her against him as he allowed his lips to lay claim to hers. It was as if an electric charge had past between them, sparking a wave of desire that flooded their senses. Sheba wrapped her arms around his neck to support herself as she felt her knees weaken.
Desperately, like the drowning man he was, Apollo used all of the strength of will he had left to pull himself free of her lips. "No," he gasped. Apollo tossed his head back in an attempt to increase the distance between them, yet his grip on her only tightened.
He was lost in the river of emotions that flooded through him. Frantically, he held onto her as if she were a rock in that river. Afraid to let go, lest he be swept away to drown in these unwanted emotions. "I can't," he breathed.
Sheba looked up at him, his struggle clearly visible. Somewhere in the back of her mind, where the rational part of herself had been hastily tossed, she told herself she should do as he asked and let him go. Yet, the warrior in her would not so easily surrender such an advantage, and she was not about to lose hers. Sheba pulled Apollo's head back down to her. Just a breath away from her lips, he managed to resist.
"Every good warrior knows when he has lost the battle, Apollo," Sheba whispered. "Love me."
With her words, she saw his stubborn pride flare behind his eyes. He pulled his head away, his smoldering eyes burning furiously back at her.
Briefly, Sheba wondered if she'd over played her hand, but she had been right, he had lost his battle. As Apollo's anger flared, it ignited a chain reaction that turned the desire he'd been fighting into a firestorm that swept him along. He placed his hands behind her head and claimed her lips again, allowing the full heat of his passion to flood her senses too. His battle lost, he surrendered himself to her fully.