Disclaimer: Not mine. All Buffy characters belong to the mighty Joss Whedon. All hail Joss Whedon!

A/N: I made up this story as I was listening to Dust in the Wind, by Kansas. Please R & R!

Summary: What did Spike actually think about when Buffy was dead? Takes place between season 5 & 6.

Dust in the Wind

Spike had to venture out of his crypt that night. His senses were telling him to go visit Buffy. Wait, not Buffy. Her grave, he thinks as he makes his way through the thickness of the trees. But he knows he's lying to himself. About everything, maybe, and the fact that-

Ever since Buffy died, Spike had been in deep depression, but he finally got over it. Just in time to visit Buffy.

Spike reaches the grave. Her grave. The smell of her is still in his mind, reaching out to him, making him think that Buffy is alive and well. The way she talked, the way she moved-Spike closes his eyes, and Buffy comes into his mind. The way she dressed, the way her hair bounced with every step she took. It was almost as if she were alive…again.

But she's not alive. She's dead. Even I'm well enough to know it, Spike thinks as he opens his eyes to a new door. A door that made him realize: she's actually dead. And that she won't come back. All this time, I've been fooling myself, he thinks. All of it was just a cover up. To hide my feelings.

Spike started crying. The impact of him finally realizing that Buffy was dead hit him harder than any feeling ever before.

"She's gone. She won't ever return," Spike sobs. "Buffy…"

The sky starts to lighten by the sun, but black clouds move to cover it.

"Oh, God, Buffy, I miss you."

Rain starts to fall down in tiny drops, making the soil covering Buffy's grave look black.

"I love you," he says as he looks to the darkened sky, and the sky looks down on him, pouring rain on him, almost as if it were crying, too. "But you're just dust in the wind." He looks to the ground, and finds his courage to slowly make his way back to the crypt.