~Author's Note: Yes, a sequel to "Scars"! I didn't intend on doing
this originally, but I felt it needed to be done after a while.
I'd also like to take a brief moment to note that I wasn't intending Scars to be the typical story of "guy does bad thing, friend tells guy, guy apologizes, friends frollick through fields of flowers into sunset" sort of story. It was a wonderful freefall trip into the deep, dark, and not-too- pretty world of the human psyche. Keep in mind that Gojyo WAS abused as a child, and statistics show that children who experience frequent abuse are far more likely to be abusive as adults.
I'm not saying that Gojyo's the type who'd beat his kids. He's far better than that. But alcohol kills your judgement, rips down carefully built defenses, and takes away any discretion you may have otherwise had. So the question is not of Gojyo's self-control or the type of man he is, but the type of man alcohol could possibly make him.
I love Gojyo to death... he's a fun character, he has a great sense of humor... and the perverts are always the fun ones to swoon over. ^^ But I tend to write far more realistically than most people would wish. At least sometimes. I'm sorry if ya don't like it... but hey, somebody's gotta do it! ^^~
~=When I See You Smile=~
Yet another dreary morning. I stared out the window of the small shack I shared with Gojyo, tracing the paths of the raindrops that fell on the icy panel of glass with my eyes. Gojyo was still asleep, and though I knew he'd have to wake him up soon for breakfast (despite the hangover I knew my friend would have), I almost didn't want to. Gojyo made a rather endearing picture when he was curled up sideways on the bed, arms holding a pillow so tightly I thought it might burst.
I smiled. It had been a little over a year since I had come to live with the roguish half demon, and life had seemed pretty normal of it. We got along quite well, really. It was a mutual relationship to the very core, with me always being there with hot tea and some asprin when Gojyo had a hangover, and Gojyo always being there for a good game of cards and some coffee when I suffered from another sleepless rainy night.
It was very give and take, and by this point, we were both very used to it.
Finally, I sighed. I had put off his task much too long, and now I had to do as was required, no matter what sort of mood Gojyo may be in when he awoke. I was still bearing some bruises from the escapade when Gojyo had come home after one too many shots of vodka...
With a deep sigh, I shook the thought out of my head quickly. That horrible event was in the past... and besides, I had never told Gojyo it had happened. No use dwelling on the past. I slipped to Gojyo's room silently, reaching out and gingerly shaking the shoulder of the sleeping half-breed.
Everything happened in an instant. Gojyo's broad, strong hand shot out and grabbed hold of my arm, and for a moment, I tensed, almost expecting to be struck. But instead, that hand pulled me down against Gojyo's bare chest and held me there. I had almost forgotten... Gojyo's instant grapple mechanism. It seemed that when the kappa was asleep, almost anything that touched him became prey for being instantly snatched into a tight embrace... such as the pillow from before.
My response was sudden and instant. Shocked by the sudden proximity to my friend and strangely excited by the prospect, I found myself quite speechless, a blush burning my cheeks as my heartbeat raced. I could feel Gojyo's breath soft against my ear, and felt every slight movement in the lithe form. When I tried to move, Gojyo held me all that more tightly, and murmured quietly. "Too early, itooshi [1]... just lay still a little longer..."
The excited response melted almost as quickly as it had risen. Gojyo was likely dreaming about one of his many consorts at the bar, the many women that watched him move and warmed his bed sometimes at night. I went to move again once the arms had slacked a little, but they instantly tightened again. This time, what he said stopped my heart cold. "Not now, Hakkai... just... a little longer..."
This time, I had no idea whatsoever how to respond. My friend was talking... to me? One of the long hands trailed up his spine and nestled against the back of my head, slim fingers tangling in the soft dark hair, while the other arm held me in an unbreakable vice. The movements of the other were now making was a sure promise that Gojyo was beginning to wake up, and the prospect now had me terrified. What would Gojyo say when he realized he was holding his closest friend against his chest like a lifeline? What if...
"I want you tell me the truth, Hakkai." The words were spoken very plain and clear. "You tensed when I grabbed your arm, like I was going to strike you." Had he been awake all along? "Why? What happened? Did I do something to you? When?"
"E--eto... Gojyo..."
"Tell me the truth, Hakkai. I want to know." The arms moved about my waist, holding me in a comforting embrace. "Tell me."
"...Remember the morning you woke up and I was suffering from all those bruises..."
"Yeah, I remember that. You said you were cleaning and you fell and hit a table. What about it?"
"...I didn't fall and hit a table. You came in drunk the night before, and..."
There was a long, stifling pause before Gojyo pulled me closer out of instinct, arms holding my slim body all that much tighter, careful of my wounds. "Oh my God... I actually... I hurt you that badly...?"
Instantly, I shook my head, trying to use my hands to push away. "Iie... I... it wasn't bad at all, I..."
"Hakkai, you practically had a fucking broken rib!" Gojyo sat up almost instantly, and for the most part, the blanket fell away. At any other point, a normal man or woman would be dumbstruck at the enticing sight of Gojyo's build and the v of flesh that disappeared just before showing too much. But right at this point in time, my attention was focused on the swirling ruby eyes. "I did that to you?! I could've killed you! Why didn't you tell me?!"
"I didn't want you to..."
"Listen to me, Hakkai." Gojyo had the most serious look on his face that I had ever seen him wear. "I did not know I was that drunk. Had I known, I would've left you alone, but obviously, I didn't. I almost killed you. I don't know what I would do if you'd died that night because I was a dumbass and went off on you with one too many shots of vodka running through me." He lowered his head and his voice slightly. "I don't want to hurt you. Ever."
"Gojyo..."
There was a long moment of silence when Gojyo drew me back into a warm embrace, still murmuring apologies and cursing himself for his own weakness. It was a side of Gojyo that I had never seen... one I felt horrible for thinking would do me any intentional wrong. "If I ever come in that drunk again, Hakkai, just... run. Get the hell out of here and stay the hell out of here until I sober my dumb ass up. Or better yet, hit me back! Don't worry about hurting me. I can take it, trust me."
For a moment, I froze, and then shook my head slightly. "I can't do that. Not to you, I..."
"That's one a' the things I like about ya, 'kai. But y'don't gotta feel like ya owe me anything. I offered to let you stay in my home, and I'm making an ass of myself doing it." Gojyo leaned back at that, a frown crossing the features of his face worn by years of troubled days and lonely nights. "You're far more important to me than a simple flatmate. You've reminded me what it feels like to really wanna be with someone... and more than that. You're my best friend... the only person I can confide in. And hell, I don't give a rat's ass what those bastards in town say... if I find out that I care about you far more than even that, they can go fuck a pine tree. I want to see you smile. An honest, real smile. Not one that you plaster on to lie to me and make me think nothing's wrong. Damn, cry if you want. Get it out. I'll be here, no matter what. But I can't go on with you here if I'm gonna do that again..." He sighed deeply, running a long hand back through his hair. "Tell ya what. If I get too drunk like that again, nail me a good one. Knock me out. Then tell me what happened. I'm gonna do better, Hakkai. I really am."
For a long moment, I could only stare, green eyes wide as I watched Gojyo's face in utter disbelief. "Gojyo... I..."
The sentimental moment was interrupted by Gojyo wincing back, the full force of his hangover finally hitting past his emotional tirade. Groaning, he raised his hands to the sides of his head. "I got drunk again... didn't I...?"
At this, I let that gentle smile return to my face. False as it was, it felt right there, even if both Gojyo and I knew it was not real. "I've got some tea on the stove. Would you like a couple of asprin?"
Sighing his resolve, knowing as well as I did that our conversation could wait for a rainy night and a game of cards, he nodded. "That'd be great, 'kai... thanks."
~Owari~
I'd also like to take a brief moment to note that I wasn't intending Scars to be the typical story of "guy does bad thing, friend tells guy, guy apologizes, friends frollick through fields of flowers into sunset" sort of story. It was a wonderful freefall trip into the deep, dark, and not-too- pretty world of the human psyche. Keep in mind that Gojyo WAS abused as a child, and statistics show that children who experience frequent abuse are far more likely to be abusive as adults.
I'm not saying that Gojyo's the type who'd beat his kids. He's far better than that. But alcohol kills your judgement, rips down carefully built defenses, and takes away any discretion you may have otherwise had. So the question is not of Gojyo's self-control or the type of man he is, but the type of man alcohol could possibly make him.
I love Gojyo to death... he's a fun character, he has a great sense of humor... and the perverts are always the fun ones to swoon over. ^^ But I tend to write far more realistically than most people would wish. At least sometimes. I'm sorry if ya don't like it... but hey, somebody's gotta do it! ^^~
~=When I See You Smile=~
Yet another dreary morning. I stared out the window of the small shack I shared with Gojyo, tracing the paths of the raindrops that fell on the icy panel of glass with my eyes. Gojyo was still asleep, and though I knew he'd have to wake him up soon for breakfast (despite the hangover I knew my friend would have), I almost didn't want to. Gojyo made a rather endearing picture when he was curled up sideways on the bed, arms holding a pillow so tightly I thought it might burst.
I smiled. It had been a little over a year since I had come to live with the roguish half demon, and life had seemed pretty normal of it. We got along quite well, really. It was a mutual relationship to the very core, with me always being there with hot tea and some asprin when Gojyo had a hangover, and Gojyo always being there for a good game of cards and some coffee when I suffered from another sleepless rainy night.
It was very give and take, and by this point, we were both very used to it.
Finally, I sighed. I had put off his task much too long, and now I had to do as was required, no matter what sort of mood Gojyo may be in when he awoke. I was still bearing some bruises from the escapade when Gojyo had come home after one too many shots of vodka...
With a deep sigh, I shook the thought out of my head quickly. That horrible event was in the past... and besides, I had never told Gojyo it had happened. No use dwelling on the past. I slipped to Gojyo's room silently, reaching out and gingerly shaking the shoulder of the sleeping half-breed.
Everything happened in an instant. Gojyo's broad, strong hand shot out and grabbed hold of my arm, and for a moment, I tensed, almost expecting to be struck. But instead, that hand pulled me down against Gojyo's bare chest and held me there. I had almost forgotten... Gojyo's instant grapple mechanism. It seemed that when the kappa was asleep, almost anything that touched him became prey for being instantly snatched into a tight embrace... such as the pillow from before.
My response was sudden and instant. Shocked by the sudden proximity to my friend and strangely excited by the prospect, I found myself quite speechless, a blush burning my cheeks as my heartbeat raced. I could feel Gojyo's breath soft against my ear, and felt every slight movement in the lithe form. When I tried to move, Gojyo held me all that more tightly, and murmured quietly. "Too early, itooshi [1]... just lay still a little longer..."
The excited response melted almost as quickly as it had risen. Gojyo was likely dreaming about one of his many consorts at the bar, the many women that watched him move and warmed his bed sometimes at night. I went to move again once the arms had slacked a little, but they instantly tightened again. This time, what he said stopped my heart cold. "Not now, Hakkai... just... a little longer..."
This time, I had no idea whatsoever how to respond. My friend was talking... to me? One of the long hands trailed up his spine and nestled against the back of my head, slim fingers tangling in the soft dark hair, while the other arm held me in an unbreakable vice. The movements of the other were now making was a sure promise that Gojyo was beginning to wake up, and the prospect now had me terrified. What would Gojyo say when he realized he was holding his closest friend against his chest like a lifeline? What if...
"I want you tell me the truth, Hakkai." The words were spoken very plain and clear. "You tensed when I grabbed your arm, like I was going to strike you." Had he been awake all along? "Why? What happened? Did I do something to you? When?"
"E--eto... Gojyo..."
"Tell me the truth, Hakkai. I want to know." The arms moved about my waist, holding me in a comforting embrace. "Tell me."
"...Remember the morning you woke up and I was suffering from all those bruises..."
"Yeah, I remember that. You said you were cleaning and you fell and hit a table. What about it?"
"...I didn't fall and hit a table. You came in drunk the night before, and..."
There was a long, stifling pause before Gojyo pulled me closer out of instinct, arms holding my slim body all that much tighter, careful of my wounds. "Oh my God... I actually... I hurt you that badly...?"
Instantly, I shook my head, trying to use my hands to push away. "Iie... I... it wasn't bad at all, I..."
"Hakkai, you practically had a fucking broken rib!" Gojyo sat up almost instantly, and for the most part, the blanket fell away. At any other point, a normal man or woman would be dumbstruck at the enticing sight of Gojyo's build and the v of flesh that disappeared just before showing too much. But right at this point in time, my attention was focused on the swirling ruby eyes. "I did that to you?! I could've killed you! Why didn't you tell me?!"
"I didn't want you to..."
"Listen to me, Hakkai." Gojyo had the most serious look on his face that I had ever seen him wear. "I did not know I was that drunk. Had I known, I would've left you alone, but obviously, I didn't. I almost killed you. I don't know what I would do if you'd died that night because I was a dumbass and went off on you with one too many shots of vodka running through me." He lowered his head and his voice slightly. "I don't want to hurt you. Ever."
"Gojyo..."
There was a long moment of silence when Gojyo drew me back into a warm embrace, still murmuring apologies and cursing himself for his own weakness. It was a side of Gojyo that I had never seen... one I felt horrible for thinking would do me any intentional wrong. "If I ever come in that drunk again, Hakkai, just... run. Get the hell out of here and stay the hell out of here until I sober my dumb ass up. Or better yet, hit me back! Don't worry about hurting me. I can take it, trust me."
For a moment, I froze, and then shook my head slightly. "I can't do that. Not to you, I..."
"That's one a' the things I like about ya, 'kai. But y'don't gotta feel like ya owe me anything. I offered to let you stay in my home, and I'm making an ass of myself doing it." Gojyo leaned back at that, a frown crossing the features of his face worn by years of troubled days and lonely nights. "You're far more important to me than a simple flatmate. You've reminded me what it feels like to really wanna be with someone... and more than that. You're my best friend... the only person I can confide in. And hell, I don't give a rat's ass what those bastards in town say... if I find out that I care about you far more than even that, they can go fuck a pine tree. I want to see you smile. An honest, real smile. Not one that you plaster on to lie to me and make me think nothing's wrong. Damn, cry if you want. Get it out. I'll be here, no matter what. But I can't go on with you here if I'm gonna do that again..." He sighed deeply, running a long hand back through his hair. "Tell ya what. If I get too drunk like that again, nail me a good one. Knock me out. Then tell me what happened. I'm gonna do better, Hakkai. I really am."
For a long moment, I could only stare, green eyes wide as I watched Gojyo's face in utter disbelief. "Gojyo... I..."
The sentimental moment was interrupted by Gojyo wincing back, the full force of his hangover finally hitting past his emotional tirade. Groaning, he raised his hands to the sides of his head. "I got drunk again... didn't I...?"
At this, I let that gentle smile return to my face. False as it was, it felt right there, even if both Gojyo and I knew it was not real. "I've got some tea on the stove. Would you like a couple of asprin?"
Sighing his resolve, knowing as well as I did that our conversation could wait for a rainy night and a game of cards, he nodded. "That'd be great, 'kai... thanks."
~Owari~