A/N - 24, I repeat, 24 reviews! Wow! This story is now in the lead on my little stats page! Thank you so so so so so much! I love you all!
Chapter 8 - How come you get fangirls, Leggy? All I have is a few orcs and a Gollum....
Legolas, Sam and Pippin were in the inn (Yes I know that sounds funny, but I didn't know if the term 'pub' is used anywhere but Britain!), getting drunk on pints of Minas Tirith's famous 'White City's Best' ale*. They were discussing extremely important issues: such as mushrooms, the importance of getting a good haircut, and (of course) fangirls.
"I hate them," said Legolas, "They scream, run fast, and root through my rubbish. Plus, did you see some the mail they sent? It's scary!"
"But they lurve you Leggy!" said Sam, who really should not be allowed to drink. Ever. He gets giggly, and behaves in ways that may be misconstrued by Frodo/Sam slash lovers.
"And the lovely elven ones we met in Rivendell were kind of sweet," chipped in Frodo.
"I wish I had fangirls." said Sam, looking very mournful now.
"You have Rosie," said Legolas, "Trust me, she's loads better than having fangirls."
"How come you get fangirls, Leggy?" said Frodo, "All I have is a few orcs and a Gollum.... and even he's more interested in Sam now."
"I'm pretty," said Legolas regretfully, "And you do have fangirls. Remember the ones in Lothlorien, when we visited Galadriel's counselling group last year and were subjected to her horrifically mean and difficult assault course?"
"Oh yeah. But they were mean and nasty."
"Well that's what fangirls are."
"You have some others," said Sam, suddenly deciding to stop humming to himself and repacking his bottomless bag and pay attention to the conversation again.
"Oooh!" said Frodo, "Who?"
"Well there's the lovely lady who is writing our adventures down, and there's Tigerlily. They think you're pretty!"
"Awww, thank you Sam!" responded Frodo. Sam moved closer to Frodo and gave him a big hug.
"And you'll always have me....." slurred Sam, before getting the hiccups and falling off the bench.
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The next morning, when they had recovered from their hangovers and were fully awake, Frodo, Sam and Legolas decided to practise their events for the impending (although they were still quite a long way off) Olympics.
They walked to a deserted grassy area, not far from Minas Tirith, and got their equipment ready. Between them, the companions created a bizarre triathlon: they had two minutes to eat as many mushrooms as they could from a large, pre counted pile; followed by a 100m run; followed by target practice - in which they had to shoot apples from a nearby tree. The winner was the one with the least amount of mushrooms left, combined with the fastest running/apple shooting time, and the prize was dinner with the King and Queen of Gondor. Of course, the prize was one which they could all probably have anyway, but they were all still excited.
The race was on, the mushrooms were all consumed (Frodo triumphed), and the 100m was being run with convincing speed from Sam and Legolas, while Frodo lagged behind, falling over every now and then. Sam and Legolas, feeling a little bit sorry for him, paused at the archery stage to wait for him. Eventually, he reached them, and the three drew their bows and arrows and prepared to shoot.
Legolas's arrow flew first. With pinpoint accuracy, he skewered the apple and sent it crashing to the ground. Frodo's followed shortly afterwards and took a similar course. However, he was still having a bit of difficulty with his aim. The arrow flew into the branches.
"Ow!" a muffled cry came from within the tree.
"Pip, are you OK?" came another voice.
"Did you think I just said 'ow' for the fun of it? No, I'm not OK, I'm stuck to the tree."
A few tugging noises were heard, and then the two hobbits crashed through the lower branches and landed on the ground with a 'thud'.
"Merry?!" said Sam, dropping his bow and arrow and rushing over to his friend.
"Pippin!" said Frodo, doing something similar, but without the arrow.
"What?" said Pippin. "All right, which one of you three idiots did it?"
"Did what?" said Legolas trying to look innocent. Whatever it was they were talking about he was not going to take the blame. Not this time.
"Tried to kill me!"
"Oh that!" said Frodo. "Um...... that was me, I'm afraid. But I didn't try to kill you, I was trying to hit that apple there."
"And you're gonna compete against Leggy here in the archery at the Olympics?" said Merry, sarcastically.
"Yes!"
"Oh dear."
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"Frodo," said Legolas, later that evening as they lay stargazing after their feast of the leftover mushrooms, "Why do you call me Leggy? You know it irritates the hell outta me."
"It's short for Legolas," said Frodo, stating the extreme obvious, "And.... you're really tall!"
"Oh." said Legolas. As you can guess, they hadn't just been participating in the innocent act of stargazing and munching mushrooms, they had also been consuming vast amounts of alcohol. Hence Legolas's sudden stupidity.
All of a sudden, there was a rustling in the trees, and a high pitched scream. Running was heard, and flashlights were seen.
"Uh oh." whispered Legolas.
"We're gonna be arrested aren't we?!" said Pippin, shielding his eyes from the light. "I didn't do it!" he shouted out, "It was all Merry."
"That's not the police, you Fool of a Took." said Frodo, looking petrified.
"They're..... fangirls!" said Legolas, running over to the nearest bush and hiding behind it. The stampeding girls ignored him, and rushed over to Frodo.
"We love you Frodo!" they called. Frodo was in fangirl heaven. Now, if only he could master the archery.......
A/N - *'White City's Best' ale: copyright MagicalRachel 2002. OK, maybe not - but never mind!
Right! The Lothlorien fangirls incident is from one of my other stories ('Why Hobbits should come with a health warning', in case you cared!), so if you don't understand that part, then please read it!
Next chapter - *sings badly* We're off to the Olympics, the wonderful Olympics of..... Middle Earth! Yes! For there will be no more awful transitional chapters in which I attempt to be funny, we're on to the real stuff! However...... (and this is the sad part) you will have to wait for a week and a bit because I'm going to Paris!
"Yay!" I hear you cry, "No more stupid stories by the crazy English girl!"
Sob! :(
Seriously now, thanks for all your support! Please continue to read and review even while I'm on holiday because this all means so much to me!
Rachel xx
ps. Gollum will be back soon!