A/N: Ugh...finals next week. Well, this will probably end up being one of those "creativity-outlet fics," after hours of studying. So review if you like, comments are always appreciated! (Sorry if the gameshow format isn't totally accurate, I haven't seen Hollywood Squares in quite a while.)

Disclaimer: Wow...I have three things to disclaim this time! I feel all special. Well, first and foremost, I don't own the labyrinth, or the characters. I don't own the game show, Hollywood Squares, or the host either. Simple as that. And...what was the third thing? Oh yes...I don't own Harry Potter.

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~Labywood Squares~

"Oh, Toby, stop it!" Sarah screamed in frustration. "After all I did to rescue you from the labyrinth, this is the thanks I get!" It was the one month anniversary of the day Sarah rescued Toby from the labyrinth. Ever since, Sarah had been waiting for some miraculous change in her baby brother. Disappointed when no such change occurred, she was fed up with the constant crying and irritation.

She picked the boy up, spinning him around in a desperate attempt to quiet his fretful cries. Still the boy sobbed, soaking the shoulder of Sarah's t-shirt. The girl looked into her baby brother's flushed face. "Toby, why won't you just be quiet? Maybe I should have let Jareth keep you as a goblin. You would have made a good goblin, you'd be able to sit around the castle, and cry, and swim in the bog all you want! Ha! I never should have rescued you. In fact, I, I wish...I wish the goblins would come and take you away...right now!"

Realizing her horrible mistake, Sarah clamped a hand over her mouth. But it was too late. A cool breeze blew in through the open window, and in sailed a majestic white owl. He appeared, as usual, in a cloud of glitter. This time, however, he seemed...different. His hair was kind of flat, his makeup sloppily done, even his cape was somewhat wrinkled. Speaking to Sarah in his alluring British accent (though it sounded tired and weary), he proceeded to get on with his usual questioning.

"Funny," he said, "I thought you'd be able to put up with the little bugger longer than a month." He looked Sarah up and down. Not much had changed since their first encounter in the labyrinth. Her hair and face hadn't changed, and her sense of style also remained the same, but her eyes looked tired and hopeless, as though she had fought a thousand battles.

"Jareth," she said firmly, "you know very well that I didn't mean to wish Toby away. And I've already solved your labyrinth. What more do you want from me?"

Jareth took a minute to consider. "Well," he began, "Since you already know your way through my labyrinth, it would be senseless for you to solve it again. Anyway, I suppose your little friends, the dwarf, the monster, and the fox would help you through. What shall I do with you?"

Sarah looked sardonically hopeful. "Well, you could let me go, and forget this whole thing ever happened?" she suggested.

Jareth smiled his twisted little smirk. "Oh no, no, my dear Sarah, I could never forget you." Jareth knew Sarah hadn't really meant to wish Toby away, but he just couldn't pass up the chance to torment a frustrated teenage girl, especially one as cute as Sarah. "No, my dear girl, I have much bigger plans for you."

Fear filled Sarah's eyes, and her voice came out shaky and unsure. "W-What exactly do you have planned?"

Jareth held up a crystal, gazing into it with his penetrating, mismatched eyes. Sarah looked, too. A swirling image depicted a well-lit room with all her friends from the labyrinth, and then some. Jareth tossed the crystal, hitting the ceiling, and exploding into a shower of glitter. The two then found themselves in the same room, sitting at podiums on opposite sides of a tall goblin. Or at least what Sarah thought was a tall goblin. She peered around the back of his podium, to see a tall step stool supporting him.

"'Allo ladies and gentlemen, I'm your host, Igglewert, and welcome to Labywood Squares! Now let's meet our stars. In the top row, we have Ludo, Junk Lady, and Wise Man." Ludo smiled a silly grin, and waved to the vast audience of goblins. The Junk Lady barely acknowledged the fact that there was an audience, and the Wise Man awoke with a start at the dozens of screaming fans that sat before them. "In the bottom row, we have Hoggle, Firey Number One, and Sarah's Stepmother." Hoggle hung his head in embarrassment, and Sarah's stepmother looked thoroughly confused, while the firey danced around senselessly. "And in the middle, we have the Worm, Sir Didymus, and in the center square...Harry Potter? Ok, Sarah, you won the coin toss backstage, so you start."

Jareth slid Sarah a mocking look, as she quietly said "I'll take Harry Potter?" It came out more a question than a statement.

Igglewert turned toward the center square to look at Harry. "Harry Potter?"

"Yes, Igglewert?" Harry said.

"Here's your question: Which of the following is not one of Jareth's mispronunciations of Hoggle's name--Higgle, Haggle, Hogwart, or Hedgewart?" Harry's eyes lit up.

"HOGWARTS! I go to school there, you know! Did you know I'm a wizard? I can turn you all into toads if you like!" Igglewert looked at Harry, exasperated.

"Yes, yes, Harry, we've all seen the movie, we've all read the books. We all know you're a wizard. But please don't turn us into toads." Igglewert turned back to face Sarah. "He answered Hogwart,' do you agree or disagree?"

Sarah thought for a moment. Actually, I believe I was the one who called him Hogwart.' It must have been Haggle.' "I'll disagree," she said. A bright red "X" covered Harry's square, as Igglewert complimented her on her victory.

"Jareth," Igglewert said, "Your turn. Choose a square." Jareth scanned the board, a look of disgust crossing his face from Sarah's victory.

"I'll go with the Wise Man." J said with a sigh.

"Wise Man," Igglewert said, looking at the top right square. "What does Sarah use to mark her trail in the labyrinth, only to be changed by the goblins?" The Wise Man, however, didn't seem to be very "with it."

"Uh...Sarah? Ah, yes...Lady Sarah...lovely girl...left a lovely contribution...now what was this?" Igglewert looked impatient.

"What did the girl use to mark her trail in the labyrinth?" But before he could finish the question, the Wise Man was already asleep, and snoring loudly. And at just that moment, his hat seemed to come alive.

"Well, well, then, what's all the trouble?" the chicken-like-thing said in that unidentifiable accent of his.

Igglewert sighed. "Your master seems to have fallen asleep in the middle of his question. Perhaps you can be of some assistance?"

"Well, well, I'll do anything to help! What was the question?"

"For the third time," the exasperated goblin said, adjusting his microphone, "WHAT did SARAH USE to MARK her trail in the labyrinth?"

"Lipstick," the bird drawled, pecking at his master's head with his beak. A hollow sound accompanied it.

Jareth looked at Sarah's lips, completely devoid of any unnatural coloring. Couldn't be, he thought to himself. The girl doesn't wear lipstick, or carry a purse. "I'm going to disagree," he said, wondering how his own lipstick was holding up, and how long it would be before a commercial break.

"I'm sorry," said Igglewert, "but lipstick' is the correct answer. Sarah, it's your board."

"I'll take Hoggle for the win," she said, smiling at her screaming fans. Hoggle placed his head in his hands, knowing the pressure was on.

"Hoggle, here is your question: According to the Fireys, what policy did Sarah violate?" The dwarf desperately racked his brain, singing Chilly Down' silently to himself in hopes that some inspiration would come. Seconds passed, and none did. "Well, Hoggle?" said the host.

"Uh, Sarah? I don't think it's the fact that you weren't chilly,' so that's what I'm going to go with."

"Your non-chillyness, Sarah," said Igglewert, "do you agree or disagree?"

"That's cheating!" Jareth said, jumping up from his chair and pointing a gloved finger at Hoggle's square. "You just told her to disagree, because you have no idea what the bloody hell you're talking about!" The dwarf trembled, trying to hide beneath his podium. Sarah, who was gaining confidence by the minute, jumped to his rescue.

"He is not cheating, Jareth, he gave his answer, and I'm going to disagree," she said with a stern, yet polite air. Sarah smiled sweetly at the crowd, who by now were going wild, her name reverberating throughout the room from their admiring chants. Sarah! Sarah!

"Of course," Igglewert said. "The correct answer would be, You're only allowed to throw your own head.'" At that moment, a firey's head sailed in from the crowd, hitting Jareth square in the stomach. Bitterly, he drop-kicked the head back into the crowd with those leather boots of his, which believe me, had to hurt. "Well," said Igglewert, "that completes round one of our game, with Sarah in the lead. Let's take a little commercial break, and begin round two after a word from our sponsors."

As the thunderous applause slowed to a halt, and Sir Didymus and Ambrosious began endorsing a new line of dog food (sponsors of the show), Sarah heaved a great sigh of relief. Well, she thought, I've won this round...but the fun is just beginning! Meanwhile, the makeup crew was er...having fun, trying to suit His Highness's cosmetic needs. "No, no, no! You're doing it all wrong...first the eye makeup, then the lipstick! You have to get this right, people!" Sarah shook her head, surpressing a giggle. I can't believe this is what I was afraid of, she thought to herself. Sure, the tights are kind of creepy, but he's no more than a quirky goblin king who's more afraid of me than I am of him! This next round could be interesting...

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You like, you like? Well, I guess I should say that I'm going to continue whether you want me to or not, but still, reviews are appreciated. Any and all flamers will be used to heat my room, cuz it's a bit chilly in here!

~CrystalDreamer620~

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