Mercuria: *waves* Hi, Teen Dreamer! This one's for you, babe. Largely because of your review on Lilac's poem/letter. Now, don't get too indignant, this isn't *directed at* you, it has merely been inspired by your callous and ignorant review. *grin* Feels good to be singled out, don't it?
Notes: I am straight, for better or for worse. Thus, I do not, perhaps, know how to capture the emotions of a homosexual. I shall try, however. Anyone with any insights into this will be worshipped and adored. (No, not REALLY ... DOWN, literalists!)
More Notes: It's very stream-of-consciousness ... and makes little to no sense. And has no form at all. It's really supposed to represent a jumbled thought process, but if it really doesn't work, let me know, please.
**********
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
(He loves you till you screw it up.)
I didn't ask for this, I swear. I don't want them to hate me (should've thought of that earlier), I promise, please-
It's not something I do on purpose. (Fire, blood, anguish, hope ... hope eternal?)
I tried to shield my eyes (you're staring you're staring youre staringyourestaring)
but not looking at her was just as bad ...
I tried to get rid of whatever it was that made me this way. (pain blood slice wrist)
I tried so hard, I swear. (pills nausea violence vomit)
It was not enough. It is never enough. (Purity? wafer kneel stab saints water drown fire sleep)
What crime have I committed?
It's never harmed anyone (sodom and gomorrah) except me. Why is it wrong?
If I could get a glance from her I think I could transcend everything. (beauty glass hell shatter)
I think I love her.
How do I know? (dream dancing grass sun life hope, hope is always)
Because ... if we were the last two people in the universe, I think that would be all right. (Yes, that's it.)
Yes, I would touch her if I could ... am I going to die? (lust empty power stirring)
If I could just give in (quenching the thirst with a drop of poison) I think I could stop this feeling of terror every day.
Wrong. It's wrong ... it's wrong? It's wrong, it's wrong it's wrong I'm wrong.
But what about her?
(Hope through bruises.)
You think I cannot love, when she is ... (drama-kitten-glass-spirit-joy). All I feel is lust? I'm not just some animal. (Am I?)
(sweat dirt ground death hate) Am I less than you? (doubt fear rage anger angels falling) You think I'm making it up, but who would I pretend to? Why would I lie so that I could be spit on and beaten and railed against every single waking hour of every single living day?
Because of her?
God wants us all to be
happy.
(lie twisting copper snake)
But I am so alone ...
Why does everyone else get to be
happy
(illusion myth metal cold)
except me?
(I am the way I am and so I'm unhappy but if I were to lie and be like them would I be less unhappy why was I born like this or if I wasn't why would my senses trick me into misery why would god do that to me?)
It doesn't matter. Why am I talking? You'll never believe me.
(acceptance is lost on the ears of the wolves)
What can I do to find peace? (Surrender or die? Surrender and die? Differences, similarities? Pay attention ... there'll be a quiz.)
I'd like to be
happy
but how can that be?
When I'm sinning
against my will
back to the wall
chasm at my feet?
I'd like to be
happy
hugging my pain until it crumbles
Is such a thing possible for me?
With my faded promise of eternity
and rhapsody of broken glass?
Perhaps some people weren't meant to be happy.
************
Mercuria: *slumps dramatically* The end! *grin* Reviews most appreciated.
Notes: I am straight, for better or for worse. Thus, I do not, perhaps, know how to capture the emotions of a homosexual. I shall try, however. Anyone with any insights into this will be worshipped and adored. (No, not REALLY ... DOWN, literalists!)
More Notes: It's very stream-of-consciousness ... and makes little to no sense. And has no form at all. It's really supposed to represent a jumbled thought process, but if it really doesn't work, let me know, please.
**********
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
(He loves you till you screw it up.)
I didn't ask for this, I swear. I don't want them to hate me (should've thought of that earlier), I promise, please-
It's not something I do on purpose. (Fire, blood, anguish, hope ... hope eternal?)
I tried to shield my eyes (you're staring you're staring youre staringyourestaring)
but not looking at her was just as bad ...
I tried to get rid of whatever it was that made me this way. (pain blood slice wrist)
I tried so hard, I swear. (pills nausea violence vomit)
It was not enough. It is never enough. (Purity? wafer kneel stab saints water drown fire sleep)
What crime have I committed?
It's never harmed anyone (sodom and gomorrah) except me. Why is it wrong?
If I could get a glance from her I think I could transcend everything. (beauty glass hell shatter)
I think I love her.
How do I know? (dream dancing grass sun life hope, hope is always)
Because ... if we were the last two people in the universe, I think that would be all right. (Yes, that's it.)
Yes, I would touch her if I could ... am I going to die? (lust empty power stirring)
If I could just give in (quenching the thirst with a drop of poison) I think I could stop this feeling of terror every day.
Wrong. It's wrong ... it's wrong? It's wrong, it's wrong it's wrong I'm wrong.
But what about her?
(Hope through bruises.)
You think I cannot love, when she is ... (drama-kitten-glass-spirit-joy). All I feel is lust? I'm not just some animal. (Am I?)
(sweat dirt ground death hate) Am I less than you? (doubt fear rage anger angels falling) You think I'm making it up, but who would I pretend to? Why would I lie so that I could be spit on and beaten and railed against every single waking hour of every single living day?
Because of her?
God wants us all to be
happy.
(lie twisting copper snake)
But I am so alone ...
Why does everyone else get to be
happy
(illusion myth metal cold)
except me?
(I am the way I am and so I'm unhappy but if I were to lie and be like them would I be less unhappy why was I born like this or if I wasn't why would my senses trick me into misery why would god do that to me?)
It doesn't matter. Why am I talking? You'll never believe me.
(acceptance is lost on the ears of the wolves)
What can I do to find peace? (Surrender or die? Surrender and die? Differences, similarities? Pay attention ... there'll be a quiz.)
I'd like to be
happy
but how can that be?
When I'm sinning
against my will
back to the wall
chasm at my feet?
I'd like to be
happy
hugging my pain until it crumbles
Is such a thing possible for me?
With my faded promise of eternity
and rhapsody of broken glass?
Perhaps some people weren't meant to be happy.
************
Mercuria: *slumps dramatically* The end! *grin* Reviews most appreciated.