Chapter 4
4:38am. Shit! Still cant sleep goddammit! What the fuck! What is wrong with me?! I cant believe I let Seto do that to me...no I think he's an asshole again so I'll call him Kaiba..it's less personal. I don't want anything relating to Seto and me to be personal anymore. I'm so fuckin pissed right now! I feel sooo embarrassed! God! Rolling around like a bitch in heat with Se.KAIBA!
It sounds so stupid but man! He had his hand down my pants even...feel a little bit vulnerable now...like even if we are back to insulting each other again, I cant do it. He just knows too much about me now. Like I said a lot to him...talked to him about personal shit...i mean not like ultra personal shit but more than I would of with him before.
I wonder if thought about me after he left. Did he regret how he acted after my dad came home? Did he regret what happened on the couch? Do I? I dunno. Sometimes I think I do and sometimes I don't. sometimes I don't care what he thinks and sometimes I'm so anxious about it I don't think I can face him ever again. Like how do I even make eye contact during our little insult wars now?! I'd probably just blush like a moron. As if people don't already think I'm stupid and afraid of him as it is. Most people treat me like I'm some mental retard. Just cause my grammar aint all that proper doesn't mean I lack intelligence. I'm definitely not the most confident person in the world (though I might talk big) but my confidence is even more shaken. Again I cant believe I'm letting him do this to me!
I cant believe I fell for it. He was waaaay to nice! Waaaay to polite and quiet and non-sarcastic to me! I should have seen this coming. I should have seen what he was really after!
Wonder if he's laying in bed thinking about me? Probably not. Why would that fucker think of anyone but himself.
I'll just act like nothing happened. I'll ignore him. Pretend he doesn't even exist. Simple. I can do that. Hope he doesn't talk to me. I don't know what I'll do then.
Well I guess I should be thankful my dad got off work early tonight. Who knows what would've happened if he hadn't?! Probably would've gotten laid no doubt but I'd just end up being another of Kaiba's little conquests. Not that I've heard about him having an reputation...but he's rich and famous. Little duel monster groupies would probably be willing to sell their decks to get attention from him. No way he's a virgin. Which now makes me nervous. I would've sucked ass. Not literally. Sucked other things maybe...wow cant believe I said that! Haven't don't it before, it didn't happen so why even think about it? Probably just the ragin' hormones of a teenage boy in need of some action.
Best not to think of this whole situation. It's not even a situation! Its nothing! Not important! I have better things to think about! NO more time for Seto! Kaiba I mean! I wont waste one more second thinking about him or how hot he is or how hot he makes me!no more! Goodnight!
4:38am. Shit! Still cant sleep goddammit! What the fuck! What is wrong with me?! I cant believe I let Seto do that to me...no I think he's an asshole again so I'll call him Kaiba..it's less personal. I don't want anything relating to Seto and me to be personal anymore. I'm so fuckin pissed right now! I feel sooo embarrassed! God! Rolling around like a bitch in heat with Se.KAIBA!
It sounds so stupid but man! He had his hand down my pants even...feel a little bit vulnerable now...like even if we are back to insulting each other again, I cant do it. He just knows too much about me now. Like I said a lot to him...talked to him about personal shit...i mean not like ultra personal shit but more than I would of with him before.
I wonder if thought about me after he left. Did he regret how he acted after my dad came home? Did he regret what happened on the couch? Do I? I dunno. Sometimes I think I do and sometimes I don't. sometimes I don't care what he thinks and sometimes I'm so anxious about it I don't think I can face him ever again. Like how do I even make eye contact during our little insult wars now?! I'd probably just blush like a moron. As if people don't already think I'm stupid and afraid of him as it is. Most people treat me like I'm some mental retard. Just cause my grammar aint all that proper doesn't mean I lack intelligence. I'm definitely not the most confident person in the world (though I might talk big) but my confidence is even more shaken. Again I cant believe I'm letting him do this to me!
I cant believe I fell for it. He was waaaay to nice! Waaaay to polite and quiet and non-sarcastic to me! I should have seen this coming. I should have seen what he was really after!
Wonder if he's laying in bed thinking about me? Probably not. Why would that fucker think of anyone but himself.
I'll just act like nothing happened. I'll ignore him. Pretend he doesn't even exist. Simple. I can do that. Hope he doesn't talk to me. I don't know what I'll do then.
Well I guess I should be thankful my dad got off work early tonight. Who knows what would've happened if he hadn't?! Probably would've gotten laid no doubt but I'd just end up being another of Kaiba's little conquests. Not that I've heard about him having an reputation...but he's rich and famous. Little duel monster groupies would probably be willing to sell their decks to get attention from him. No way he's a virgin. Which now makes me nervous. I would've sucked ass. Not literally. Sucked other things maybe...wow cant believe I said that! Haven't don't it before, it didn't happen so why even think about it? Probably just the ragin' hormones of a teenage boy in need of some action.
Best not to think of this whole situation. It's not even a situation! Its nothing! Not important! I have better things to think about! NO more time for Seto! Kaiba I mean! I wont waste one more second thinking about him or how hot he is or how hot he makes me!no more! Goodnight!