Chapter 22: The Little Dark One
Apathy can devastate hope, and it can obliterate faith. Apathy is the opposite of love. It is the complete lack of any emotions, memories, or feelings. Apathy is all I have left. I know not how I got here, nor what I left behind. All I know is that something inside of me is crying to get out, urging me to remember some unknown past. If I give in to it, perhaps the memories will surface. I am to lead an attack on a fertile land called the Shire. I am a respected apprentice to the great leader Saruman, and I benefit from serving my master. I often wonder to myself, alone in the darkness of night, do I want these memories to surface? Do I want to know who I used to be? Is it even possible...
Keaira set down her quill and looked up from the parchment that she wrote on. She had begun a sort of journal. Questions that she would never voice out loud for fear of being reprimanded. She had often wondered of her past...her home. "Isengard is your home now!" said a voice within her. "Isengard is where you belong!"
Every time a new dream occurred, Keaira was filled with even more hatred and rage, but once she reasoned through the dream the emotionless apathy returned to her. It was a miserable way to live, but it was all she knew.
Saruman looked out from atop the mighty tower of Orthanc. He watched the Misty Mountains, and awaited the return of his Crebain spies. Keaira stood respectively a good distance behind, watching her master. She knew not what he searched for, as he had told her that knowledge was earned and not given freely. Suddenly Keaira saw a great spout of green and blue flame. It disappeared as quickly as it had come, and Keaira stared at the place where it had been.
"Master! Away to the Northeast. There was a spout of green and blue flame!" she cried out curiously.
"Where? Where did you see it?" asked Saruman quickly.
Keaira pointed directly at the great mountain Caradhas, and Saruman smiled inwardly. "Gandalf, I would have thought you more careful than to light a fire by your staff. You do not know what unfriendly eyes could be watching," he thought to himself.
He strained his well-trained eyes and looked closely at the exposed face of Caradhas. Smoke drifted lazily up from somewhere on the wayward side, and Saruman was about to aid his own master in deterring the newly formed Fellowship from their course when his attention was turned to the sound of horse hooves on the path below. Saruman went down to meet the man who rode up quickly on a caramel colored horse.
Keaira followed, curious as to whom the newcomer was. They descended down the large stone steps of the tower and met the rider as he dismounted from his horse. He looked at Saruman and bowed his head respectively and then cast his gaze on Keaira and stared at her for a good time, as if trying to place her.
"You!" he said suddenly, recognizing her face at last. "You are the little spy we caught in Bree!"
"I do not know you, sir. You must have me confused with someone else," Keaira said, giving him a cold stare. "I am not a spy!"
"Dwell not on Keaira, Ferny. Why have you come here?" asked Saruman sternly. "Did you bring the leaf?"
"I know not where to look, my Lord. I came here to ask for some sense of direction, I am very sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused you..."
"Fool! If you cannot handle such a simple task as bringing me pipe weed then how shall you possibly succeed when I send you with Keaira to conquer the Shire? Perhaps I should do away with you now, if you cannot be of use."
"Nay, Master! Please be merciful. Remember, if you kill me then there shall be no one to send except this young, inexperienced Hobbit-lass to conquer her own kin. Is that truly a wise decision?" Ferny pleaded, trying desperately to reckon with Saruman's rage.
"My own kin?" Keaira thought to herself. "What does he mean by that?"
She was disrupted from her thoughts when Saruman said crudely, "Keaira! Show our pathetic guest the maps I have shown you. It seems he cannot find the Longbottom Leaf on his own."
"Yes, master," Keaira replied, leading the now terrified man up the stairs.
"So tell me, young one, how were you able to gain his trust and escape punishment?" asked Ferny once they had entered the tower.
"I do not know what you are talking about! I would suggest that you do not dwell on whatever infatuation you have with knowing me in the past, for I know my master would not take kindly to you after a bad report or another failure to bring him the pipe weed he desires."
Ferny nodded but stared coldly after the young Hobbit-lass, unable to fathom how she had gained more respect than he had in such a short time. They entered a large room strewn with parchment and many maps of Middle- earth. Keaira scanned over the numerous piles until she found the map that she sought. It was a detailed map of the postal roads through the land called the Shire. Keaira ran her finger along the roads, scanning for a sign of Longbottom. At last she found it, in the South Farthing of the Shire.
"Here," she said, pointing to a small city marked on the map.
"I shall return in a fortnight at the most. I will survey the lands of the Shire and begin to gain allies in the area, for our infiltration of that land will come swiftly once Saruman has dealt with the people of Rohan. We must be ready to act," Ferny said, accepting at last the fact that he would have to cooperate with this Hobbit-lass until he found a way to get rid of her for good.
Keaira nodded absently, looking over the map again. She often brought it back to her room with her and looked over it. She seemed drawn to it for some reason unbeknownst to her. Her eyes always settled on a part of the Shire called Buckland, but when they did a certain rage always filled her.
"That shall be the first place I destroy," she thought to herself.
The wind rushed around her, and Keaira found herself in a place she did not know. There were trees and fields, and she flew above them, looking down at the rushing landscape. Suddenly she found herself on the banks of one of the rivers, and there were voices coming from ahead. Laughing and shouting the voices grew nearer and nearer, and Keaira grew afraid that she would be discovered. She hid herself under the nearby brush and watched as five things rushed into sight.
Their faces and bodies were hidden from her. She could not see them clearly, for they appeared as blurs. They laughed together and ran onto a ferry of some sort, and then they were gone, and Keaira was flying again.
The wind rushed around her once more, and she found herself in a dank cellar, though it was welcoming. Two beings were in the room, but once again Keaira could not see their faces though she looked directly at them.
"Who are you?" she cried desperately.
"How easily you forget us, Diamond of Long Cleeve. How easily you forget your past." said one of the beings. Keaira backed up until she hit one of the walls of the cellar. The beings were advancing on her, speaking low and menacingly.
"Remember us, Diamond. Remember..."
"Leave me alone! I am Keaira! Keaira! I do not know you!"
"How easily you forget us, Diamond of Long Cleeve. How easily you forget..."
Then, suddenly, Keaira woke up in a cold sweat. These odd dreams occurred regularly, and never once did she see the faces or bodies of those in the rooms with her. It gave her chills when she thought about it. That name they called her, Diamond of Long Cleeve, it was familiar in the most remote way. She could not place it.
Not once had Keaira told Saruman of her dreams, fearing he would deem her weak from being unable to handle them herself. "What meaning could there possibly be to these dreams?" she thought to herself.
"There is no meaning! Dreams are simply fictional stories that our subconscious creates when we are bored!" shouted a voice from within her. Keaira drove the thought from her mind as she quickly dressed in the new black robes that had been given to her. She pulled on her cloak and descended down the stairs of the tower. A walk in the woods would surely clear her mind from childish dreams. When she reached the gates of Isengard, the orcs standing guard at the gates gave her a queer glare when she walked past them. She had barely gone ten feet into the dense forest when the light began to fade out around her.
It was eerily dark, quiet and somehow familiar. "Why do I feel like I have been here before?" she asked herself.
Suddenly, in a time that in truth lasted shorter than a second but felt to Keaira like an eternity, she saw an image in her mind and for the first time it was sharp and not simply a blur. She saw herself collapsing into the arms of another who looked somewhat like her. He was short like her, but his back was turned and she could not see his face.
As quickly as it came the image faded and Keaira found that she had collapsed onto the floor of the forest. The two guards had come and were looking at her strangely. One helped her roughly to her feet and then started to lead her back to Isengard.
"I can walk on my own, leave me be," said Keaira sternly to the orcs on either side of her.
"We will let Sharkey determine that," snarled the orc on her left. "You screamed and then we came running and saw you collapse. Master shall be curious as to why I am sure."
"What will I tell Saruman?" Keaira panicked. "Shall I tell him of my dreams and visions."
The orcs led her back up the stairs of the tower of Orthanc and into the large room where Saruman sat on his dark throne. "What is it?" he asked, obviously annoyed.
"We saw her collapse in the woods, right after she screamed that is. Came after her quickly and found her on the ground. She quickly woke though," said one orc.
"Keaira explain yourself," said Saruman harshly.
"I...I...sometimes I have visions. Very strange they are, and there are never faces just blurs. I had thought they may have to do with where I lived before I came to your service...not that I wish to leave your service, my Lord, but I often wonder..."
"How is that possible?" thought Saruman. "Perhaps the memories were not banished as far back as they should have been. There is one way to defeat these memories; I must give rise to new ones. False memories."
Saruman told Keaira to sit, and he told her of a group of beings called Hobbits, and that she was one of them. He told her that she was never accepted and constantly abused by her family and friends.
"You ran from them because you were different, Keaira. Ferny found you, and brought you here where I have made you what you are. I accepted you, and they did not."
He went on to tell her lies upon lies of how corrupt and terrible the other Hobbits were, and how badly they treated her. Keaira listened to her master, taking in and believing his every word. She developed a strong hatred for these creatures that had scorned her, and an even stronger sense of loyalty to Saruman who had taken her in when no one else would.
"Where do these Hobbits live? The ones who were so cruel to me will suffer. I shall make sure of this!" Keaira shouted.
"They live in the Shire. Do not think I chose that land for you to conquer by chance. You shall have your revenge, Keaira. Once you have been properly trained with a sword and the time is right I shall let you return to the place that you once called home. You shall bring wrath on them twofold that that they wrought on you. You must be patient however. Plans such as these cannot be rushed," he said to her persuasively and determined.
"I shall not fail you. I shall take the Shire by surprise and kill those who oppose me. My hatred for these folk shall lend me the strength I need to conquer them. Passion lends power, and a strong passion of hatred I have for these people. The Shire shall fall and I shall have my revenge."
Her hatred was strong and the lies had once again claimed her thoughts but the truth was still not lost. The more lies were told the farther into her head the truth receded but it was still there, ever waiting, until the one day when it would be discovered. The truth could be hidden, but truth can never be destroyed. Never.