Episode One: "Welcome to Girard, PA"
(One day, for reasons known only to her, Mik-chan bashes Miroku to Kingdom Come.)
(Unfortunately, her aim is a little off . . . . )
Miroku: *Doppler effect * HEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeellllllp . . . (He lands in Girard, PA.) What the . . . . MIKOMI! WHERE THE HELL AM I?!
Yue: YAY! (Runs in and hugs Miroku.)
Mik-chan: *Sadistic Grin of Death* Simple . . . .
Miroku: *gets glomped* GAH!
Mik-chan: You're exactly where I want you . . . . OHOHOHOHOHOOOOO!
Miroku: O.o; Eep . . . .
Yue: ^.^ Hiya! (Hugs Miroku.)
Miroku: Um . . . ok then . . . hugs are good . . . . *thinks* Who the hell IS this chick?!
Yue: *grins evilly*
Miroku: Um, hello, miss . . . . I didn't catch your name?
Yue: ^.^ Yue. (Miroku pours on the charm, that lout.)
Miroku: *gets down on one knee*
Yue: -.- Don't even ask it, monk.
Miroku: Yue-sama . . will you please bear my child?
Yue: *hits Miroku on the head*
Mik-chan: He HAS to, you know?
Miroku: @.@ Ite . . . .
Yue: Come on, time for you to babysit the devil children for that. *drags Miroku into the house*
Miroku: NANIIIIIIIIIII?! MIK-CHAN! TASUKETEEEEEEEEEE!
Mik-chan: Help you? (Calmly sits back with her popcorn.) Why should I help?
Yue: Haden! Herb! New play toy for you! (yooc: these kids really are devils, they brought me a deer carcass once.)
Fluffy: This is shaping up to rather entertaining, ne?
IY: O.o; A WHAT?!
Yue: A deer carcass.
IY: o.o; Eek . .
Yue: (ties Miroku up and lets the boys drench him in pink paint) Wheeeee! Fun fun!
Mik-chan: Are these kids or animals? Or can't you tell?
Yue: Kids . . . at least, I'm pretty sure they are.
Miroku: WHY MEEEEEEEE?!
Yue: Because NO ONE asks me to bear his child and gets away with it.
Mik-chan: That and we love to watch you SUFFER! *Evil Grin of Death* OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOO!
Miroku: Mik-chan . . . kirei . . . darling . . . get me outta here . . . onegai?
Mik-chan: (matches Aoshi record for stoicism) Nope.
Miroku: (gets a blob of paint in the eye) I HATE YOOOOOUUUU!
Yue: (turns chair to tv and puts in a tape of Barney) Here Miroku, watch this. (Miroku starts writhing and screaming and foaming at the mouth.)
Miroku: NOOOOO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! WAAAAAAAAAAAH! I WANNA GO HOOOOOOOME!
Yue: (watches the boys getting out cooking utensils and feels a bit of pity) No, you two cannot cook the monk.
Miroku: O.o; COOK THE MONK . . . . . ?!
Yue: Don't worry, I won't let them. They made too much of a mess the last time. *evil grin*
Miroku: O.o; LAST time?! *hollers desperately to the southeast* MIK-CHAN, PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLP!
Mik-chan: *grins just as evilly* No, I don't think I will . . . . (Luckily, the boy's parents choose this moment to arrive home.)
Yue: Oh look, saved by the parents. Come on Miroku, I have other plans for you. You still have to meet my sisters. I have seven of them, and one is bound to say yes to your question. *evil grin*
Miroku: *tears tears tears* I wanna go HOME . . . . . (Gets dragged outta the room.)
Yue: *big cheesy grin* Why's that, Miroku?
Miroku: *sobbing* Because, you're worse than Mikomi!
Mik-chan: -.-* Say WHAT now?
Miroku: Well, she is!
Mik-chan: Oh, I don't think so . . . I think the threat of castration by vegetable peeler is about as evil as you can get . . . especially since all my veggie peelers are dull and rusty at the moment . . . MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!
Yue: O.o; Yikes, that IS evil!
Mik-chan: ^.^ Hai!
Yue: (feels sympathy for Miroku) Don't worry, I won't hurt you . . . much.
Miroku: -.-; I'm so sure . . . .
Yue: Honest I won't! Can't say anything for the twinling though... or my cats.
Mik-chan: This is a good time for a happy song! *starts singing the theme from 'Love Hina'*
Yue: Speaking of happy, I don't suppose you've got Tasuki over there at the moment?
Mik-chan: Nope . . . Saja's got him for the weekend. However . . . (drags Kouji out from behind the Magical Couch of Hidden Stuff) . . . I have one of my own. ^.^
Yue: ^.^ KOUJI!
Kouji: Aw, HELL no! You're gonna drag ME into this now, too?
Mik-chan: Why not?
Yue: Hey, where's Kouga? (Pouts.) I want my youkai!
Mik-chan: Kouga? Oh, he's . . . (feels a familiar glomp on her backside) . . . -.-* Right . . . behind me . . . . *vein pop poppity pop pop pop* HENTAAAAAAIIIIIIIIII! (Bashes Kouga to Kingdom Come . . . also known as Girard, PA.)
Yue: ^.^ YAY! (Ties Miroku up and glomps Kouga.) Now I have two people to play with!
Kouga: O.O; WHAT THE F- . . . .
Yue: Hiya sweet thing! (Smiles charmingly.)
Mik-chan: *swat* Watch your language, damnit, there's children present . . . somewhere or other . . . I think.
Kouga: O.o; What the hell is goin' on here?!
Yue: (pouts) You don't wanna play with me? (Starts to cry.)
Kouga: -.- Stop that . . . .
Mik-chan: *SWAT SWAT SWAT* BAD! BAD DOGGIE!
Yue: (cries even louder) Kouga doesn't like me! WAAAAAAH! (Kouji seizes the opportunity to sneak away.)
Kouga: Ow . . . OW! *bellows* OKAAAAAAAAAAY! (Hugs Yue-chan.) There, ya happy?
Yue: (stops crying) YAY! ^.^ (Glomps Kouga.)
Kouga: *scowls at Mik-chan* I HATE you . . . .
Mikomi: HURRAY! HE HATES ME! No more Wolf Boy glompage! WAI WAI WAI WAI WAI! (Promptly launches into her Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy Song and Dance.) Happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy joy! ^.^
Yue: (points to Miroku and Kouga) Both of you, on your feet. We're going shopping. NOW! (The boys leap to their feet at once.)
Mik-chan: ^.^ Are they well-trained, or WHAT?
Yue: Yes, they are Mik-chan! (Ties a leash to both of them.) don't think about escaping either
Miroku: -.-;
Kouga: -.-;
Mik-chan: ^.^ Hehe . . . . (Smiles proudly.)
Yue: (stops and thinks) Well, maybe we'll go shopping later. Right now you two can clean out my swimming pool, it's been all winter since its been done. *evil grin* (The D-town bishies go -.-; Yue tosses Miroku and Kouga into swimming pool.)
Miroku and Kouga: *glub glub glub*
Yue: Hey, Mik-chan, is Chiriko still in the hamster ball?
Mik-chan: Yep! He's gonna be there for the duration of the series, I think.
Yue: ^.^ Sweet! (Turns to Miroku and Kouga.) Had enough yet, you two?
Both: YEEEEEEEEEEESSS!
Yue: Well, I'm not done yet . . . and least, I'm not done with Kouga.
Both: WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
Miroku: Oh, wait a minute . . . YAY!
Kouga: -.- K'so . . . .
Yue: ^.^ Miroku gets to meet my sisters . . . .
Miroku: O.o; Eep!
Yue: Don't worry, they're nicer, 'cept for the twinling. Kouga... you get to stay with me.
Both: o.o;
Kouga: -.- Imagine my joy . . .
Mik-chan: *swat* Bad . . .
Kouga: (growls) ONE OF THESE DAYS, MIKOMI, I SWEAR I'M GONNA . . . .
Mik-chan: (leans over slightly so that her plunging neckline is clearly displayed) You'll what, Kouga?
Kouga: O.O I'll . . . I'll . . . eep! *nose bleeds like a fire hose*
Mik-chan: That's what I thought.
Yue: *light bulb* HEY! I know, let's all play dress up! {yes, I'm **, but hey, why not torture them?}
Mik-chan: Hmmm . . . . sounds evil and nasty . . . .
Yue: You like the idea?
Mik-chan: (whips out her nail polish and makeup and several horribly frilly pink dresses) I am SO in! *evil grin*
Yue: Yoush-a!
Mik-chan: *dangerously evil grin* Come on, boys . . . let's play . . . .
Miroku and Kouga: O.O;
Yue: (pulls out her own dresses and makeup) I'll do Miroku!
Miroku: *hentai grin of extraordinary caliber You will?
Mik-chan: *SMACK SWAT TRAMPLE KICK BITE GOUGE* BAD MONK! BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!
Miroku: @.@ ite . . . . .
Yue: (shouts for the cats) Here kitty kitty kitty! (Several cats come out and tear Miroku up.)
Kouga: *hackles raise* YIKES!
Yue: *to Kouga* Sit!
Kouga: (kisses floor) WAAAAAAH . . . . . why me!
Yue: ^.^ Good wolf-boy! (Pets Kouga's head like a dog.)
Kouga: I HATE you . . . . ALL of you!
Yue: (pouts) You...hate..me...? *giant tears forming*
IY: BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA(rolls around, pounding the floor with one hand, laughing so hard that he cries)
Yue: (starts howling like a fire engine) WAAAAHHHHH! AND I LIKED YOU!!!!
Kouga: I HATE EVERYBODY! WHY SHOULD YOU BE ANY DIFFERENT?!
Mik-chan: *holding her ears* BECAUSE, YOU NIMROD, IF YOU'RE NOT NICE TO YUE-CHAN, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!
Kouga: *also holding his ears* WHAT?
Yue: WAHHHHHHHHH! (Pounds Kouga's head.)
Mik-chan: (pulls out the veggie peeler and gestures to Kouga, then to the peeler, then to the relevant portion of his anatomy)
Kouga: O.O; EEP! (Hugs Yue-chan like his life depends on it . . . which it kinda does.)
Yue: (turns to Miroku) *snif* you don't hate me, do you? (Smacks Kouga.) Sit down, wolf-boy!
Kouga: *THUD*
Miroku: -.-; Is there any answer I can give that would not bring more blunt force trauma down upon my cranium?
Yue: Yes, there is, Miroku, sweetie.
Miroku: *tears* WHAT IS IT, THEN?!
Yue: (smiles) Say you like me but DON'T ask me to bear your child.
Miroku: WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST KEEP THOSE FRILLY PINK DRESSES AWAY FROM ME!
Yue: Say you like me first.... and help me dress Kouga up.
Miroku: (bows reverently) I humble myself before you, O Goddess . . . the most beautiful creature to ever grace this unworthy planet . . . . and I think Kouga-kun would look simply DARLING with purple toenails!
Mik-chan: O.o; OK, Miroku . . . you've succeeded in scaring the hell outta me . . . .
Yue: Hmmm... I was thinking neon pink. What do you think Mik-chan?
Mik-chan: I dunno . . . purple would be good too . . . WHY NOT BOTH! ^.^
Yue: (gets out nail polish) Better idea! Purple nails, pink lacy dress.
(Miroku discreetly slips away to the hallway where he giggles himself to tears at the thought of Kouga in a dress.)
Yue: (turns to Miroku) Miroku, sweetie, mind getting me a lemonade?
Miroku: Yes, madam, I hear and obey. (Runs off to get the lemonade. Pops his head back in a second later.) Sugar? Ice? Small paper umbrella?
Yue: Yes, please! Anything for you, Mik-chan?
Mik-chan: -.-* Oi, he never does this for me . . . .
Yue: Poor Mik-chan . . . .
Mik-chan: I think I'll settle for a vodka martini . . . except that I can't drink . . . -.-* chikushou . . . . .
Yue: Yikes. Coffee, tea, anything? I have a large selection.
Mik-chan: (looks hopeful) Peppermint tea?
Yue: Yes I have that! Miroku, get a peppermint tea as well.
Miroku: Yes, mistress. *scampers off*
Mik-chan: Girl, you're scaring me . . .
Yue: I have talent, what can I say?
IY: Whoo . . hehehe . . . . (Looks up from the floor very briefly, sees the dress intended for Kouga and promptly falls over laughing again.)
Yue: Well, its not finished, but lets see if it fits, ne? (Holds up pink dress with yards of lace on it.) Yes, I think this turned out very nicely.
Kouga: GAH! (Struggles violently against the chains which have appeared out of nowhere.)
Yue: Oi! Miroku, hurry it up!
Miroku: (hurries back into the room with a tray) Gomen nasai . . . had to wait for the tea.
Kouga: O.O;;;;;;;;;;;; Mgjdmgndmgmm mghfmrfmrmfdnhmsnde!
Mik-chan: What's that Kouga?
Kouga: (yanks the duct tape off his mouth) I said, "I F**KING HATE YOU!"
Yue: (hits Kouga) No foul language, Wolf-boy
Kouga: @.@ Ow . . . .
Yue: (holds dress up for Miroku to see) What do you think? I think its missing something, but I can't say what...
Miroku: Needs bows, I think . . . yes, lots of little pink bows.
Yue: AH! Yes, pink bows! Miroku, please make some bows for the dress.
Miroku: Yes, my lady. (Sets to work, tying and sewing.)
Kouga: MIROKU YOU TRAITOROUS SONUVABITCH!
Mik-chan: (bashes Kouga with a mallet) BAD!
Yue: Hey, he made the right choice, you made me cry
Kouga: *grumble grumble* I hugged ya, didn't I?!
Yue: So, what good is a hug if you shout at me and say you hate me?
Kouga: -.-; . . . . . . . . .
Yue: (hugs Miroku) The monk on the other hand, he flattered me and called me a goddess and such, so of course he deserves to be forgiven.
Miroku: *sticks his tongue out at Kouga from behind Yue-chan's back* Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh . . .
Yue: Are the bows finished yet?
Kouga: -.-**** Teme . . . . .
Miroku: Yes indeed, my goddess! (Bows deeply and present Yue-chan with a basket of pink bows.) Is 9000 enough, my queen?
Yue: Yes, that's enough, sweetie. Thank you! (Hugs Miroku and pins bows to the dress.) Now what do you think Mik-chan.
Fluffy: Mik-chan cannot answer at the moment, as she is currently rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically.
Yue: Thank you Fluffy. Pray tell, does anyone else from the Ghetto Bus want to join us? (Entire GB cast goes into hiding faster than you can blink.)
Mik-chan: (regains her feet) Hmm, let's see . . . (Rubs hands together gleefully.) . . . who else can we torture?
Yue: *to Miroku* hope you know how to make dresses!
Miroku: *who has never lifted a needle in his life* O.o; I'll . . . do my best . . . .
Yue: (huggles da monk) That's all I ask for.
Miroku: *starry happy eyes* Awww . . . *blush*
Mik-chan: -.-; That's new expression on the monk . . . and quite frankly, it scares me . . . .
Yue: (ignores Mik-chan's ramblings) Hmm... Maybe I am getting to him? *to Miroku* We'll need more lace, too. Get it from the closet please.
Miroku: Yes, my love . . . . (Trips off to the closet for more lace.)
{We need to use this for a story or something . . . think of all the people it would scare!}
[WAY ahead of ya, sister . . . . ]
Yue: (looks at Kouga and holds up dress) I wonder if we have any jewelry to go with it . . . .
Mik-chan: *suddenly trippy* La . . . I think I shall sing my happy song! (Unbearably kawaii-genki-happy Love Hina theme music suddenly blares from her computer's speakers and Mik-chan begins to warble, more or less on key.)
Yane no ue de sora o aogu, hizashi wa uraraka.
Miageru sora, karadajuu genki ga minagitteku.
THAT'S SO WONDERFUL! Ikiterunda!
Yamerarenai, akirameru da nante.
Tohou ni kureta kinou ni sayonara
Futsufutsu to wakiagaru kono kimochi
Nando demo yomigaeru, hana o sakaseyou.
Omoi dewa itsumo amai nige basho
Dakedo tachi kire, asu o ikiru tame
Shukufuku no toki wa kuru, te o nobashite.
Fluffy: *a la XJo-Chan* -.-; Oh dear God . . . .
Mik-chan: ^.^ Te o nobashite! (Dances around the room, dragging a very unhappy Fluffy along for the ride.)
Yue: (giggles hysterically) Hey! *light bulb* Let's dress Fluffy up! And Inuyasha too!
Fluffy: -.-; Oh no . . . . . no no nonononononononoooooooo . . . .
IY: (looks up from laughing) O.o; Eep . . . .
Mik-chan: I dunno . . . . they've been so well-behaved this week. (The bishies nod enthusiastically, "Yes we've been good!")
Yue: (puts dress on Kouga) Well, okay, we'll leave them be. (Bishies go "Phew!")
Kouga: O.O AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Yue: What about Chiriko?
Mik-chan: (sits back down and turns off the music, much to Fluffy's relief) What about him? There's not much that fazes that kid.
Yue: Can we decorate the hamster ball?
Mik-chan: We could . . . trouble is, he just kinda sits there, spouting random nonsense . . . . "The stars foretell misfortune!" Little pink-haired freak of nature . . . .
Yue: I'm sure if we dress him up like a girl it will bother him. Or we could make a Pokémon costume for him.
Mik-chan: Pokémon . . . . (shudders) I dunno, Yue . . . .
Yue: Hmmm....there has to be something.
Mik-chan: I can't think of anything . . . anything I haven't already tried, that is.
Yue: Drat. He really is a freak of nature.
Mik-chan: -.-; I've been trying to tell you that all along . . . . I mean, he doesn't have any real weaknesses, you know? Not like with Ami-chan, where all you have to do is take away his flute . . . .
Amiboushi: DON'T YOU TOUCH MY FLUTE!
Mik-chan: Or just mention taking away his flute . . . .
Yue: *evil grin* Oh really? (Steals flute.)
Amiboushi: (chases Yue) MY FLUTE! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!
Yue: Where did Miroku disappear to? (Runs from Amiboushi.)
Mik-chan: To get more lace.
Amiboushi: GIMME MY FLUTE!
Yue: (tosses flute into cornfield) Go get it, you sap!
Amiboushi: NOOOOOOOO! (Tears in after flute.)
Yue: Heh heh heh . . . . (Watches as her evil psycho turkeys gang up on him.)
Amiboushi: O.o; EEP! SEIRYUU, HAVE MERCY! EVIL TURKEYS OF DEATH! AAAAAAAH! (Runs screaming from the cornfield.)
Yue: Hey! Miroku, where'd you run off to? Lace doesn't take that long to get!
Mik-chan: (is in tears laughing as she watches the turkeys chase Ami-chan) BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Yue: You wanna know what the best part is? (Holds up flute.) I never really threw it.
Mik-chan: Ooooooooh . . . . how eeeeeeeeevil . . . . I love it! ^.^
Yue: (grins nastily, causing every bishounen in a ten-mile radius to run like hell) I know. Muahahahahahaaa . . . .
Mik-chan: O.o; *under her breath* No wonder Miroku's afraid of you . . . .
Yue: -.- What was that?
Mik-chan: Nothing . . . absolutely nothing. (Her ass is saved from certain annihilation by Amiboushi running through, pursued by many evil psycho gobbling turkeys.)
Amiboushi: WAAAAAAH! WHY MEEEEEE?!
Mik-chan: Because somebody needs to be the source of our sick brand of entertainment and you were convenient.
Amiboushi: O.o; Wha . . . ?
Mik-chan: ^.^ Author logic . . . ain't it wonderful?
Amiboushi: -.- Just peachy . . . .
Yue: (throws corn for the turkeys to eat) That's enough, my sweet pets.
Turkeys: *gobble gobble . . . the corn, that is*
Mik-chan: -.-; Yue, you're the only person I know who can live next to a cornfield, totally bend the skizi houshi to your will, put Kouga in a frilly pink dress, and command an army of evil turkeys . . . and make it look GOOD.
Yue: Thanks . . . I think. (Holds up flute.) Looking for this, Ami-chan?
Amiboushi: My FLUUUUUUUUUUUTE!
Yue: Fetch. (Throws it on the roof . . . for real this time.)
Amiboushi: NOOOOOOO! (Leaps after his flute . . . only to realize, in midair, that he can't fly.)
Yue: Boy, he sure can run. (Looks and sees Miroku coming out of the house with an armful of lace.)
Mik-chan: I trained him well. (Amiboushi crashes to the ground in a heap of tangled limbs.)
Amiboushi: (curls into a fetal ball and sobs) I hate you . . . . (Looks longingly up at the roof where is flute is and bursts into tears.)
Mik-chan: (closes eyes and chants) He's a source of entertainment, you don't care about his deep-rooted emotional trauma . . . he's a source of entertainment, you don't care about his deep-rooted emotional trauma . . . . aw hell. (Retrieves flute.) If I give ya the damn flute, will you turn off the waterworks?
Amiboushi: *sniffle* Ye . . es . . . .
Mik-chan: All right then . . . . (Hands him the flute.) Here. Now you better run before Yue decides to have some more fun with you.
Amiboushi: *big sappy smiley face* MY FLUUUUUUUUUTE! (Huggles his beloved flute for a second, then tackles Mik-chan.) Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyoooooouuuuuuu!
Mik-chan: O.o; *eye twitch* HENTAAAAAIIIIIIIII! (Boots Amiboushi to Kingdom Been and Gone, which, for those of you who don't know, is her hometown.)
Yue: He wasn't glomping. Why'd you boot him?
Mik-chan: (gets up, smoothing her ruffled feathers . . . so to speak) That's my natural reaction to being tackled by any overenthusiastic teenage male to whom I am not attached.
Yue: -.-; Uh-huh . . . . (Hugs Miroku.) What took so long?
Miroku: I was accosted by those demon children again.
Yue: Oh, Haden and Herb, eh?
Mik-chan: ^.^ Which would account for the large watermelon stapled to your head, ne?
Yue: O.o; What did they do this time?
Miroku: (points to the watermelon) This.
Yue: (raises eyebrows) Word of advice, Miroku, sweetie. When dealing with them, your best bet is to run like hell.
Miroku: -.-; I did.
Yue: O.o; Oh . . . . Run faster.
Mik-chan: O.o; Eep . . . .
Yue: (turns to Kouga) Had enough, Wolf-boy?
Kouga: (turns a shade of pink that totally clashes with his dress) Yes . . . ma'am . . . .
Yue: And what do you have to say about yelling at me?
Kouga: (grits his teeth) G-Gomen nasai.
Yue: Okay. (Unties Kouga.) No attacking Miroku, either.
Kouga: Yes, ma'am.
Mik-chan: DUDE! You totally whipped him!
Yue: I did, didn't I? (Lets Kouga go.) Whaddya know . . . . (There is a sudden and thunderous standing ovation for Yue-chan from the GB Crew.)
GB Crew: YAY!
Yue: (smiles) Me? Thank you! Thank you everyone! (The clapping continues.)
Yue: (bows) Thank you, thank you . . . .
GB Crew: YAY FOR YUE-CHAN!
Yue: ^.^ Thank you, and thank Miroku for helping me! (And there was much rejoicing . . . yay. Kouga stands in the midst of it all, looking absolutely miserable.)
Kouga: -.- You all SUCK . . . .
Yue: (ignores him) ^.^ Yay! (Hugs the monk.)
Miroku: ^.^
Mik-chan: All right, beat it, all of you. Any more happy-fluffy-genki-ness around here and I'm liable to start doing some real Blair-Witch-viewer-with-a-weak-stomach-quality projectile vomiting. Do I make myself clear? (GB Crew goes O.o; and hightails it outta there PDQ.)
Yue: Hm. Now I need something else to do . . . who wants to go shopping at the mall?
Mik-chan: (jumps up and down) OO! ME! ME!
Yue: Hehe . . . Mik-chan, is that a yes?
Mik-chan: -.-* Whaddya think?
Yue: Okay, okay! (Pulls out her junky excuse of a station wagon from the garage.) Get in, Miroku.
Miroku: OK! (Hops in obediently.)
Kouga: Um, Yue? Can I take off the dress now? Please?
Yue: NO! Get in, Kouga.
Kouga: -.-; PLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE?
Yue: No. We have to get going now. Keep it on and GET IN THE CAR!
Kouga: -.-: I can't believe I'm doing this . . . . (Grovels at Yue-chan's feet.) Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?
Yue: Miroku, please do something about Wolf-Boy.
Miroku: Yes mistress . . . .
Kouga: -.- You touch me, monk and I'll . . . . (Miroku hits him over the head with a shovel.)
Yue: (glares at Kouga) You'll do what?
Mik-chan: He'll sit there in the driveway, looking only slightly better than a raccoon that's had a close encounter of the eighteen-wheeled kind, that's what. (Kouga obligingly does just that.)
Miroku: Good call.
Mik-chan: Oi, if you want to save on gas money, I'll drive.
Yue: Okay!
Mik-chan: Very well then . . . . (Everyone is magically transferred to Mik-chan's place.) OK, everybody into the blue Nissan Altima. And be nice to Bluebell. She's had a rough week. (They all pile in. Yue drags Kouga along, expressly for the purpose of torturing him some more during the trip.)
Miroku: Bluebell?
Mik-chan: So I named my car, big fat hairy deal. If you've got a problem, you can walk. (Backs out of the driveway.) Hang on, minna.
Yue: Oh boy . . . . (Hangs on.)
Mik-chan: Here we go . . . . (Shifts from Reverse to Neutral, hits the brake for a split second, shifts to Drive . . . and floors it. Bluebell leaps forward like a boot-smacked alley cat.)
Yue: (flies forward and then back into Miroku) Talk about whiplash. ^.^
Miroku: (huggles Yue-chan) Indeed!
Mik-chan: Hey, no funny business back there. The only one who's allowed to get any in the backseat of my car is me.
Yue: Not a problem . . . . ^.^ So what mall are we going to, Mik-chan?
Mik-chan: I was thinking King of Prussia.
Yue: Huh?
Mik-chan: Biggest mall complex on the east coast. You might wanna buckle up and hang on. It's gonna be a fast and bumpy ride. I drive like a roller coaster. ^.^
Yue: (checks in purse to make sure she's got her credit cards and money) Don't worry, I like fast rides.
Miroku: How about a fast ride from a documented psychopath?
Yue: I'm sure I'll manage.
Mik-chan: You'd better have everything, 'cause I ain't turning around.
Yue: I have everything, don't worry.
Mik-chan: Good. (Turns on the radio.)
Yue: What station?
Mik-chan: 72.4WINK.
Yue: Never heard of it.
Mik-chan: My CD player. ^.^
Yue: Oh! Well, that makes more sense. (Leans against Miroku and watches scenery pass by.)
Miroku: (struggles with his hentai urges, talking to himself melodramatically) Must . . . repress . . . hentai . . . urges . . .must . . . not . . . glomp . . . kawaii . . . Yue-chan . . . .
Yue: -.- Don't even think about it, Miroku. Hugs I allow. Glomping...only I can do that! ^.^
Miroku: Very well . . . . (Hugs for all he's worth.) Whatever works. ("Tactics"suddenly blasts from the speakers.)
Yue: (jumps at the loud sound) Loud enough radio, Mik-chan?
Mik-chan: (shrugs) I like it loud. Mostly cause I sing along.
Yue: I noticed.
Miroku: I'm fairly certain that we're violating some community ordinances here . . . .
Mik-chan: When I give a flying rat's ass, I'll let you know.
Yue: That's our Mik-chan. (Lets Miroku hug her and smiles.)
Mik-chan: (starts singing along in a powerful alto) Gira tto shita kimi no me ni
Doki tto shita hirusagari
Shakki tto shita ore no karada marude tamesareteru you ni
Tsun tto shita kimi to kuuki ni zoku tto shita koigokoro wa
Zara tto shita suna wo kami sareru ga mama yoru ni naru.
Sorosoro jiman no kuchibiru de wain wo nomasete kurenai ka
Mangetsu no yoru ni musubareta otoko to onna wa eien sa . . . .
Yue: (looks over at Kouga, who is beginning to wake up) Well, look who's up . . . .
Kouga: Zzz . . . nyeh . . . mm . . . huh? Are we there yet?
Yue: (joins in with Mik-chan, even though she doesn't know the words) Quiet, Kouga, we're singing.
Mik-chan: Hageshiku Lady Ah Give me your love.
Ayashiku Lady I need your love.
Kimi no shigusa ni furimawasarete
Muchuu no ai wa ore no naka de odoru .
Yue: (leans over Miroku and pinches Kouga's cheek) That dress looks so cute on you! Yes, yes it does!
Mik-chan: Almost there . . . three, two, one . . . hang on tight!
Yue: Yikes . . . . (Holds on tight.)
Mik-chan: YEE-HAA! (Turns the wheel hard to the left, sending the car into a full 360 spin.)
Yue: OH GOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! (Buries her head in Miroku's shoulder. The car turns completely around and screeches to a halt . . . which leaves us parked perfectly between the lines of parking space.)
Mik-chan: (takes off her sunglasses and checks the lines) Ha! Every time! ^.^
Yue: (peeks out) Is it safe?
Mik-chan: (grins like she does this every day . . . which she generally does) We're here!
Yue: Thank God! (Opens door and falls onto the pavement.)
Mik-chan: -.- Oi, I'm a good driver, thank you very much . . . . (looks around) Bloody hell.
Yue: What is it?
Mik-chan: ^.^; Eh heh heh . . . I may be a good driver, but I'm lousy with directions. (Points to a road sign that says, "Welcome to New Jersey.")
All: O.O; GAAAAAAH! (They pile back into the car and burn rubber back to Mik-chan's place, where they will remain, recovering UNTIL NEXT TIME!)
~owari~
(One day, for reasons known only to her, Mik-chan bashes Miroku to Kingdom Come.)
(Unfortunately, her aim is a little off . . . . )
Miroku: *Doppler effect * HEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeellllllp . . . (He lands in Girard, PA.) What the . . . . MIKOMI! WHERE THE HELL AM I?!
Yue: YAY! (Runs in and hugs Miroku.)
Mik-chan: *Sadistic Grin of Death* Simple . . . .
Miroku: *gets glomped* GAH!
Mik-chan: You're exactly where I want you . . . . OHOHOHOHOHOOOOO!
Miroku: O.o; Eep . . . .
Yue: ^.^ Hiya! (Hugs Miroku.)
Miroku: Um . . . ok then . . . hugs are good . . . . *thinks* Who the hell IS this chick?!
Yue: *grins evilly*
Miroku: Um, hello, miss . . . . I didn't catch your name?
Yue: ^.^ Yue. (Miroku pours on the charm, that lout.)
Miroku: *gets down on one knee*
Yue: -.- Don't even ask it, monk.
Miroku: Yue-sama . . will you please bear my child?
Yue: *hits Miroku on the head*
Mik-chan: He HAS to, you know?
Miroku: @.@ Ite . . . .
Yue: Come on, time for you to babysit the devil children for that. *drags Miroku into the house*
Miroku: NANIIIIIIIIIII?! MIK-CHAN! TASUKETEEEEEEEEEE!
Mik-chan: Help you? (Calmly sits back with her popcorn.) Why should I help?
Yue: Haden! Herb! New play toy for you! (yooc: these kids really are devils, they brought me a deer carcass once.)
Fluffy: This is shaping up to rather entertaining, ne?
IY: O.o; A WHAT?!
Yue: A deer carcass.
IY: o.o; Eek . .
Yue: (ties Miroku up and lets the boys drench him in pink paint) Wheeeee! Fun fun!
Mik-chan: Are these kids or animals? Or can't you tell?
Yue: Kids . . . at least, I'm pretty sure they are.
Miroku: WHY MEEEEEEEE?!
Yue: Because NO ONE asks me to bear his child and gets away with it.
Mik-chan: That and we love to watch you SUFFER! *Evil Grin of Death* OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOO!
Miroku: Mik-chan . . . kirei . . . darling . . . get me outta here . . . onegai?
Mik-chan: (matches Aoshi record for stoicism) Nope.
Miroku: (gets a blob of paint in the eye) I HATE YOOOOOUUUU!
Yue: (turns chair to tv and puts in a tape of Barney) Here Miroku, watch this. (Miroku starts writhing and screaming and foaming at the mouth.)
Miroku: NOOOOO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! WAAAAAAAAAAAH! I WANNA GO HOOOOOOOME!
Yue: (watches the boys getting out cooking utensils and feels a bit of pity) No, you two cannot cook the monk.
Miroku: O.o; COOK THE MONK . . . . . ?!
Yue: Don't worry, I won't let them. They made too much of a mess the last time. *evil grin*
Miroku: O.o; LAST time?! *hollers desperately to the southeast* MIK-CHAN, PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLP!
Mik-chan: *grins just as evilly* No, I don't think I will . . . . (Luckily, the boy's parents choose this moment to arrive home.)
Yue: Oh look, saved by the parents. Come on Miroku, I have other plans for you. You still have to meet my sisters. I have seven of them, and one is bound to say yes to your question. *evil grin*
Miroku: *tears tears tears* I wanna go HOME . . . . . (Gets dragged outta the room.)
Yue: *big cheesy grin* Why's that, Miroku?
Miroku: *sobbing* Because, you're worse than Mikomi!
Mik-chan: -.-* Say WHAT now?
Miroku: Well, she is!
Mik-chan: Oh, I don't think so . . . I think the threat of castration by vegetable peeler is about as evil as you can get . . . especially since all my veggie peelers are dull and rusty at the moment . . . MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!
Yue: O.o; Yikes, that IS evil!
Mik-chan: ^.^ Hai!
Yue: (feels sympathy for Miroku) Don't worry, I won't hurt you . . . much.
Miroku: -.-; I'm so sure . . . .
Yue: Honest I won't! Can't say anything for the twinling though... or my cats.
Mik-chan: This is a good time for a happy song! *starts singing the theme from 'Love Hina'*
Yue: Speaking of happy, I don't suppose you've got Tasuki over there at the moment?
Mik-chan: Nope . . . Saja's got him for the weekend. However . . . (drags Kouji out from behind the Magical Couch of Hidden Stuff) . . . I have one of my own. ^.^
Yue: ^.^ KOUJI!
Kouji: Aw, HELL no! You're gonna drag ME into this now, too?
Mik-chan: Why not?
Yue: Hey, where's Kouga? (Pouts.) I want my youkai!
Mik-chan: Kouga? Oh, he's . . . (feels a familiar glomp on her backside) . . . -.-* Right . . . behind me . . . . *vein pop poppity pop pop pop* HENTAAAAAAIIIIIIIIII! (Bashes Kouga to Kingdom Come . . . also known as Girard, PA.)
Yue: ^.^ YAY! (Ties Miroku up and glomps Kouga.) Now I have two people to play with!
Kouga: O.O; WHAT THE F- . . . .
Yue: Hiya sweet thing! (Smiles charmingly.)
Mik-chan: *swat* Watch your language, damnit, there's children present . . . somewhere or other . . . I think.
Kouga: O.o; What the hell is goin' on here?!
Yue: (pouts) You don't wanna play with me? (Starts to cry.)
Kouga: -.- Stop that . . . .
Mik-chan: *SWAT SWAT SWAT* BAD! BAD DOGGIE!
Yue: (cries even louder) Kouga doesn't like me! WAAAAAAH! (Kouji seizes the opportunity to sneak away.)
Kouga: Ow . . . OW! *bellows* OKAAAAAAAAAAY! (Hugs Yue-chan.) There, ya happy?
Yue: (stops crying) YAY! ^.^ (Glomps Kouga.)
Kouga: *scowls at Mik-chan* I HATE you . . . .
Mikomi: HURRAY! HE HATES ME! No more Wolf Boy glompage! WAI WAI WAI WAI WAI! (Promptly launches into her Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy Song and Dance.) Happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy joy! ^.^
Yue: (points to Miroku and Kouga) Both of you, on your feet. We're going shopping. NOW! (The boys leap to their feet at once.)
Mik-chan: ^.^ Are they well-trained, or WHAT?
Yue: Yes, they are Mik-chan! (Ties a leash to both of them.) don't think about escaping either
Miroku: -.-;
Kouga: -.-;
Mik-chan: ^.^ Hehe . . . . (Smiles proudly.)
Yue: (stops and thinks) Well, maybe we'll go shopping later. Right now you two can clean out my swimming pool, it's been all winter since its been done. *evil grin* (The D-town bishies go -.-; Yue tosses Miroku and Kouga into swimming pool.)
Miroku and Kouga: *glub glub glub*
Yue: Hey, Mik-chan, is Chiriko still in the hamster ball?
Mik-chan: Yep! He's gonna be there for the duration of the series, I think.
Yue: ^.^ Sweet! (Turns to Miroku and Kouga.) Had enough yet, you two?
Both: YEEEEEEEEEEESSS!
Yue: Well, I'm not done yet . . . and least, I'm not done with Kouga.
Both: WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
Miroku: Oh, wait a minute . . . YAY!
Kouga: -.- K'so . . . .
Yue: ^.^ Miroku gets to meet my sisters . . . .
Miroku: O.o; Eep!
Yue: Don't worry, they're nicer, 'cept for the twinling. Kouga... you get to stay with me.
Both: o.o;
Kouga: -.- Imagine my joy . . .
Mik-chan: *swat* Bad . . .
Kouga: (growls) ONE OF THESE DAYS, MIKOMI, I SWEAR I'M GONNA . . . .
Mik-chan: (leans over slightly so that her plunging neckline is clearly displayed) You'll what, Kouga?
Kouga: O.O I'll . . . I'll . . . eep! *nose bleeds like a fire hose*
Mik-chan: That's what I thought.
Yue: *light bulb* HEY! I know, let's all play dress up! {yes, I'm **, but hey, why not torture them?}
Mik-chan: Hmmm . . . . sounds evil and nasty . . . .
Yue: You like the idea?
Mik-chan: (whips out her nail polish and makeup and several horribly frilly pink dresses) I am SO in! *evil grin*
Yue: Yoush-a!
Mik-chan: *dangerously evil grin* Come on, boys . . . let's play . . . .
Miroku and Kouga: O.O;
Yue: (pulls out her own dresses and makeup) I'll do Miroku!
Miroku: *hentai grin of extraordinary caliber You will?
Mik-chan: *SMACK SWAT TRAMPLE KICK BITE GOUGE* BAD MONK! BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!
Miroku: @.@ ite . . . . .
Yue: (shouts for the cats) Here kitty kitty kitty! (Several cats come out and tear Miroku up.)
Kouga: *hackles raise* YIKES!
Yue: *to Kouga* Sit!
Kouga: (kisses floor) WAAAAAAH . . . . . why me!
Yue: ^.^ Good wolf-boy! (Pets Kouga's head like a dog.)
Kouga: I HATE you . . . . ALL of you!
Yue: (pouts) You...hate..me...? *giant tears forming*
IY: BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA(rolls around, pounding the floor with one hand, laughing so hard that he cries)
Yue: (starts howling like a fire engine) WAAAAHHHHH! AND I LIKED YOU!!!!
Kouga: I HATE EVERYBODY! WHY SHOULD YOU BE ANY DIFFERENT?!
Mik-chan: *holding her ears* BECAUSE, YOU NIMROD, IF YOU'RE NOT NICE TO YUE-CHAN, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!
Kouga: *also holding his ears* WHAT?
Yue: WAHHHHHHHHH! (Pounds Kouga's head.)
Mik-chan: (pulls out the veggie peeler and gestures to Kouga, then to the peeler, then to the relevant portion of his anatomy)
Kouga: O.O; EEP! (Hugs Yue-chan like his life depends on it . . . which it kinda does.)
Yue: (turns to Miroku) *snif* you don't hate me, do you? (Smacks Kouga.) Sit down, wolf-boy!
Kouga: *THUD*
Miroku: -.-; Is there any answer I can give that would not bring more blunt force trauma down upon my cranium?
Yue: Yes, there is, Miroku, sweetie.
Miroku: *tears* WHAT IS IT, THEN?!
Yue: (smiles) Say you like me but DON'T ask me to bear your child.
Miroku: WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST KEEP THOSE FRILLY PINK DRESSES AWAY FROM ME!
Yue: Say you like me first.... and help me dress Kouga up.
Miroku: (bows reverently) I humble myself before you, O Goddess . . . the most beautiful creature to ever grace this unworthy planet . . . . and I think Kouga-kun would look simply DARLING with purple toenails!
Mik-chan: O.o; OK, Miroku . . . you've succeeded in scaring the hell outta me . . . .
Yue: Hmmm... I was thinking neon pink. What do you think Mik-chan?
Mik-chan: I dunno . . . purple would be good too . . . WHY NOT BOTH! ^.^
Yue: (gets out nail polish) Better idea! Purple nails, pink lacy dress.
(Miroku discreetly slips away to the hallway where he giggles himself to tears at the thought of Kouga in a dress.)
Yue: (turns to Miroku) Miroku, sweetie, mind getting me a lemonade?
Miroku: Yes, madam, I hear and obey. (Runs off to get the lemonade. Pops his head back in a second later.) Sugar? Ice? Small paper umbrella?
Yue: Yes, please! Anything for you, Mik-chan?
Mik-chan: -.-* Oi, he never does this for me . . . .
Yue: Poor Mik-chan . . . .
Mik-chan: I think I'll settle for a vodka martini . . . except that I can't drink . . . -.-* chikushou . . . . .
Yue: Yikes. Coffee, tea, anything? I have a large selection.
Mik-chan: (looks hopeful) Peppermint tea?
Yue: Yes I have that! Miroku, get a peppermint tea as well.
Miroku: Yes, mistress. *scampers off*
Mik-chan: Girl, you're scaring me . . .
Yue: I have talent, what can I say?
IY: Whoo . . hehehe . . . . (Looks up from the floor very briefly, sees the dress intended for Kouga and promptly falls over laughing again.)
Yue: Well, its not finished, but lets see if it fits, ne? (Holds up pink dress with yards of lace on it.) Yes, I think this turned out very nicely.
Kouga: GAH! (Struggles violently against the chains which have appeared out of nowhere.)
Yue: Oi! Miroku, hurry it up!
Miroku: (hurries back into the room with a tray) Gomen nasai . . . had to wait for the tea.
Kouga: O.O;;;;;;;;;;;; Mgjdmgndmgmm mghfmrfmrmfdnhmsnde!
Mik-chan: What's that Kouga?
Kouga: (yanks the duct tape off his mouth) I said, "I F**KING HATE YOU!"
Yue: (hits Kouga) No foul language, Wolf-boy
Kouga: @.@ Ow . . . .
Yue: (holds dress up for Miroku to see) What do you think? I think its missing something, but I can't say what...
Miroku: Needs bows, I think . . . yes, lots of little pink bows.
Yue: AH! Yes, pink bows! Miroku, please make some bows for the dress.
Miroku: Yes, my lady. (Sets to work, tying and sewing.)
Kouga: MIROKU YOU TRAITOROUS SONUVABITCH!
Mik-chan: (bashes Kouga with a mallet) BAD!
Yue: Hey, he made the right choice, you made me cry
Kouga: *grumble grumble* I hugged ya, didn't I?!
Yue: So, what good is a hug if you shout at me and say you hate me?
Kouga: -.-; . . . . . . . . .
Yue: (hugs Miroku) The monk on the other hand, he flattered me and called me a goddess and such, so of course he deserves to be forgiven.
Miroku: *sticks his tongue out at Kouga from behind Yue-chan's back* Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh . . .
Yue: Are the bows finished yet?
Kouga: -.-**** Teme . . . . .
Miroku: Yes indeed, my goddess! (Bows deeply and present Yue-chan with a basket of pink bows.) Is 9000 enough, my queen?
Yue: Yes, that's enough, sweetie. Thank you! (Hugs Miroku and pins bows to the dress.) Now what do you think Mik-chan.
Fluffy: Mik-chan cannot answer at the moment, as she is currently rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically.
Yue: Thank you Fluffy. Pray tell, does anyone else from the Ghetto Bus want to join us? (Entire GB cast goes into hiding faster than you can blink.)
Mik-chan: (regains her feet) Hmm, let's see . . . (Rubs hands together gleefully.) . . . who else can we torture?
Yue: *to Miroku* hope you know how to make dresses!
Miroku: *who has never lifted a needle in his life* O.o; I'll . . . do my best . . . .
Yue: (huggles da monk) That's all I ask for.
Miroku: *starry happy eyes* Awww . . . *blush*
Mik-chan: -.-; That's new expression on the monk . . . and quite frankly, it scares me . . . .
Yue: (ignores Mik-chan's ramblings) Hmm... Maybe I am getting to him? *to Miroku* We'll need more lace, too. Get it from the closet please.
Miroku: Yes, my love . . . . (Trips off to the closet for more lace.)
{We need to use this for a story or something . . . think of all the people it would scare!}
[WAY ahead of ya, sister . . . . ]
Yue: (looks at Kouga and holds up dress) I wonder if we have any jewelry to go with it . . . .
Mik-chan: *suddenly trippy* La . . . I think I shall sing my happy song! (Unbearably kawaii-genki-happy Love Hina theme music suddenly blares from her computer's speakers and Mik-chan begins to warble, more or less on key.)
Yane no ue de sora o aogu, hizashi wa uraraka.
Miageru sora, karadajuu genki ga minagitteku.
THAT'S SO WONDERFUL! Ikiterunda!
Yamerarenai, akirameru da nante.
Tohou ni kureta kinou ni sayonara
Futsufutsu to wakiagaru kono kimochi
Nando demo yomigaeru, hana o sakaseyou.
Omoi dewa itsumo amai nige basho
Dakedo tachi kire, asu o ikiru tame
Shukufuku no toki wa kuru, te o nobashite.
Fluffy: *a la XJo-Chan* -.-; Oh dear God . . . .
Mik-chan: ^.^ Te o nobashite! (Dances around the room, dragging a very unhappy Fluffy along for the ride.)
Yue: (giggles hysterically) Hey! *light bulb* Let's dress Fluffy up! And Inuyasha too!
Fluffy: -.-; Oh no . . . . . no no nonononononononoooooooo . . . .
IY: (looks up from laughing) O.o; Eep . . . .
Mik-chan: I dunno . . . . they've been so well-behaved this week. (The bishies nod enthusiastically, "Yes we've been good!")
Yue: (puts dress on Kouga) Well, okay, we'll leave them be. (Bishies go "Phew!")
Kouga: O.O AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Yue: What about Chiriko?
Mik-chan: (sits back down and turns off the music, much to Fluffy's relief) What about him? There's not much that fazes that kid.
Yue: Can we decorate the hamster ball?
Mik-chan: We could . . . trouble is, he just kinda sits there, spouting random nonsense . . . . "The stars foretell misfortune!" Little pink-haired freak of nature . . . .
Yue: I'm sure if we dress him up like a girl it will bother him. Or we could make a Pokémon costume for him.
Mik-chan: Pokémon . . . . (shudders) I dunno, Yue . . . .
Yue: Hmmm....there has to be something.
Mik-chan: I can't think of anything . . . anything I haven't already tried, that is.
Yue: Drat. He really is a freak of nature.
Mik-chan: -.-; I've been trying to tell you that all along . . . . I mean, he doesn't have any real weaknesses, you know? Not like with Ami-chan, where all you have to do is take away his flute . . . .
Amiboushi: DON'T YOU TOUCH MY FLUTE!
Mik-chan: Or just mention taking away his flute . . . .
Yue: *evil grin* Oh really? (Steals flute.)
Amiboushi: (chases Yue) MY FLUTE! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!
Yue: Where did Miroku disappear to? (Runs from Amiboushi.)
Mik-chan: To get more lace.
Amiboushi: GIMME MY FLUTE!
Yue: (tosses flute into cornfield) Go get it, you sap!
Amiboushi: NOOOOOOOO! (Tears in after flute.)
Yue: Heh heh heh . . . . (Watches as her evil psycho turkeys gang up on him.)
Amiboushi: O.o; EEP! SEIRYUU, HAVE MERCY! EVIL TURKEYS OF DEATH! AAAAAAAH! (Runs screaming from the cornfield.)
Yue: Hey! Miroku, where'd you run off to? Lace doesn't take that long to get!
Mik-chan: (is in tears laughing as she watches the turkeys chase Ami-chan) BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Yue: You wanna know what the best part is? (Holds up flute.) I never really threw it.
Mik-chan: Ooooooooh . . . . how eeeeeeeeevil . . . . I love it! ^.^
Yue: (grins nastily, causing every bishounen in a ten-mile radius to run like hell) I know. Muahahahahahaaa . . . .
Mik-chan: O.o; *under her breath* No wonder Miroku's afraid of you . . . .
Yue: -.- What was that?
Mik-chan: Nothing . . . absolutely nothing. (Her ass is saved from certain annihilation by Amiboushi running through, pursued by many evil psycho gobbling turkeys.)
Amiboushi: WAAAAAAH! WHY MEEEEEE?!
Mik-chan: Because somebody needs to be the source of our sick brand of entertainment and you were convenient.
Amiboushi: O.o; Wha . . . ?
Mik-chan: ^.^ Author logic . . . ain't it wonderful?
Amiboushi: -.- Just peachy . . . .
Yue: (throws corn for the turkeys to eat) That's enough, my sweet pets.
Turkeys: *gobble gobble . . . the corn, that is*
Mik-chan: -.-; Yue, you're the only person I know who can live next to a cornfield, totally bend the skizi houshi to your will, put Kouga in a frilly pink dress, and command an army of evil turkeys . . . and make it look GOOD.
Yue: Thanks . . . I think. (Holds up flute.) Looking for this, Ami-chan?
Amiboushi: My FLUUUUUUUUUUUTE!
Yue: Fetch. (Throws it on the roof . . . for real this time.)
Amiboushi: NOOOOOOO! (Leaps after his flute . . . only to realize, in midair, that he can't fly.)
Yue: Boy, he sure can run. (Looks and sees Miroku coming out of the house with an armful of lace.)
Mik-chan: I trained him well. (Amiboushi crashes to the ground in a heap of tangled limbs.)
Amiboushi: (curls into a fetal ball and sobs) I hate you . . . . (Looks longingly up at the roof where is flute is and bursts into tears.)
Mik-chan: (closes eyes and chants) He's a source of entertainment, you don't care about his deep-rooted emotional trauma . . . he's a source of entertainment, you don't care about his deep-rooted emotional trauma . . . . aw hell. (Retrieves flute.) If I give ya the damn flute, will you turn off the waterworks?
Amiboushi: *sniffle* Ye . . es . . . .
Mik-chan: All right then . . . . (Hands him the flute.) Here. Now you better run before Yue decides to have some more fun with you.
Amiboushi: *big sappy smiley face* MY FLUUUUUUUUUTE! (Huggles his beloved flute for a second, then tackles Mik-chan.) Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyoooooouuuuuuu!
Mik-chan: O.o; *eye twitch* HENTAAAAAIIIIIIIII! (Boots Amiboushi to Kingdom Been and Gone, which, for those of you who don't know, is her hometown.)
Yue: He wasn't glomping. Why'd you boot him?
Mik-chan: (gets up, smoothing her ruffled feathers . . . so to speak) That's my natural reaction to being tackled by any overenthusiastic teenage male to whom I am not attached.
Yue: -.-; Uh-huh . . . . (Hugs Miroku.) What took so long?
Miroku: I was accosted by those demon children again.
Yue: Oh, Haden and Herb, eh?
Mik-chan: ^.^ Which would account for the large watermelon stapled to your head, ne?
Yue: O.o; What did they do this time?
Miroku: (points to the watermelon) This.
Yue: (raises eyebrows) Word of advice, Miroku, sweetie. When dealing with them, your best bet is to run like hell.
Miroku: -.-; I did.
Yue: O.o; Oh . . . . Run faster.
Mik-chan: O.o; Eep . . . .
Yue: (turns to Kouga) Had enough, Wolf-boy?
Kouga: (turns a shade of pink that totally clashes with his dress) Yes . . . ma'am . . . .
Yue: And what do you have to say about yelling at me?
Kouga: (grits his teeth) G-Gomen nasai.
Yue: Okay. (Unties Kouga.) No attacking Miroku, either.
Kouga: Yes, ma'am.
Mik-chan: DUDE! You totally whipped him!
Yue: I did, didn't I? (Lets Kouga go.) Whaddya know . . . . (There is a sudden and thunderous standing ovation for Yue-chan from the GB Crew.)
GB Crew: YAY!
Yue: (smiles) Me? Thank you! Thank you everyone! (The clapping continues.)
Yue: (bows) Thank you, thank you . . . .
GB Crew: YAY FOR YUE-CHAN!
Yue: ^.^ Thank you, and thank Miroku for helping me! (And there was much rejoicing . . . yay. Kouga stands in the midst of it all, looking absolutely miserable.)
Kouga: -.- You all SUCK . . . .
Yue: (ignores him) ^.^ Yay! (Hugs the monk.)
Miroku: ^.^
Mik-chan: All right, beat it, all of you. Any more happy-fluffy-genki-ness around here and I'm liable to start doing some real Blair-Witch-viewer-with-a-weak-stomach-quality projectile vomiting. Do I make myself clear? (GB Crew goes O.o; and hightails it outta there PDQ.)
Yue: Hm. Now I need something else to do . . . who wants to go shopping at the mall?
Mik-chan: (jumps up and down) OO! ME! ME!
Yue: Hehe . . . Mik-chan, is that a yes?
Mik-chan: -.-* Whaddya think?
Yue: Okay, okay! (Pulls out her junky excuse of a station wagon from the garage.) Get in, Miroku.
Miroku: OK! (Hops in obediently.)
Kouga: Um, Yue? Can I take off the dress now? Please?
Yue: NO! Get in, Kouga.
Kouga: -.-; PLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE?
Yue: No. We have to get going now. Keep it on and GET IN THE CAR!
Kouga: -.-: I can't believe I'm doing this . . . . (Grovels at Yue-chan's feet.) Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?
Yue: Miroku, please do something about Wolf-Boy.
Miroku: Yes mistress . . . .
Kouga: -.- You touch me, monk and I'll . . . . (Miroku hits him over the head with a shovel.)
Yue: (glares at Kouga) You'll do what?
Mik-chan: He'll sit there in the driveway, looking only slightly better than a raccoon that's had a close encounter of the eighteen-wheeled kind, that's what. (Kouga obligingly does just that.)
Miroku: Good call.
Mik-chan: Oi, if you want to save on gas money, I'll drive.
Yue: Okay!
Mik-chan: Very well then . . . . (Everyone is magically transferred to Mik-chan's place.) OK, everybody into the blue Nissan Altima. And be nice to Bluebell. She's had a rough week. (They all pile in. Yue drags Kouga along, expressly for the purpose of torturing him some more during the trip.)
Miroku: Bluebell?
Mik-chan: So I named my car, big fat hairy deal. If you've got a problem, you can walk. (Backs out of the driveway.) Hang on, minna.
Yue: Oh boy . . . . (Hangs on.)
Mik-chan: Here we go . . . . (Shifts from Reverse to Neutral, hits the brake for a split second, shifts to Drive . . . and floors it. Bluebell leaps forward like a boot-smacked alley cat.)
Yue: (flies forward and then back into Miroku) Talk about whiplash. ^.^
Miroku: (huggles Yue-chan) Indeed!
Mik-chan: Hey, no funny business back there. The only one who's allowed to get any in the backseat of my car is me.
Yue: Not a problem . . . . ^.^ So what mall are we going to, Mik-chan?
Mik-chan: I was thinking King of Prussia.
Yue: Huh?
Mik-chan: Biggest mall complex on the east coast. You might wanna buckle up and hang on. It's gonna be a fast and bumpy ride. I drive like a roller coaster. ^.^
Yue: (checks in purse to make sure she's got her credit cards and money) Don't worry, I like fast rides.
Miroku: How about a fast ride from a documented psychopath?
Yue: I'm sure I'll manage.
Mik-chan: You'd better have everything, 'cause I ain't turning around.
Yue: I have everything, don't worry.
Mik-chan: Good. (Turns on the radio.)
Yue: What station?
Mik-chan: 72.4WINK.
Yue: Never heard of it.
Mik-chan: My CD player. ^.^
Yue: Oh! Well, that makes more sense. (Leans against Miroku and watches scenery pass by.)
Miroku: (struggles with his hentai urges, talking to himself melodramatically) Must . . . repress . . . hentai . . . urges . . .must . . . not . . . glomp . . . kawaii . . . Yue-chan . . . .
Yue: -.- Don't even think about it, Miroku. Hugs I allow. Glomping...only I can do that! ^.^
Miroku: Very well . . . . (Hugs for all he's worth.) Whatever works. ("Tactics"suddenly blasts from the speakers.)
Yue: (jumps at the loud sound) Loud enough radio, Mik-chan?
Mik-chan: (shrugs) I like it loud. Mostly cause I sing along.
Yue: I noticed.
Miroku: I'm fairly certain that we're violating some community ordinances here . . . .
Mik-chan: When I give a flying rat's ass, I'll let you know.
Yue: That's our Mik-chan. (Lets Miroku hug her and smiles.)
Mik-chan: (starts singing along in a powerful alto) Gira tto shita kimi no me ni
Doki tto shita hirusagari
Shakki tto shita ore no karada marude tamesareteru you ni
Tsun tto shita kimi to kuuki ni zoku tto shita koigokoro wa
Zara tto shita suna wo kami sareru ga mama yoru ni naru.
Sorosoro jiman no kuchibiru de wain wo nomasete kurenai ka
Mangetsu no yoru ni musubareta otoko to onna wa eien sa . . . .
Yue: (looks over at Kouga, who is beginning to wake up) Well, look who's up . . . .
Kouga: Zzz . . . nyeh . . . mm . . . huh? Are we there yet?
Yue: (joins in with Mik-chan, even though she doesn't know the words) Quiet, Kouga, we're singing.
Mik-chan: Hageshiku Lady Ah Give me your love.
Ayashiku Lady I need your love.
Kimi no shigusa ni furimawasarete
Muchuu no ai wa ore no naka de odoru .
Yue: (leans over Miroku and pinches Kouga's cheek) That dress looks so cute on you! Yes, yes it does!
Mik-chan: Almost there . . . three, two, one . . . hang on tight!
Yue: Yikes . . . . (Holds on tight.)
Mik-chan: YEE-HAA! (Turns the wheel hard to the left, sending the car into a full 360 spin.)
Yue: OH GOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! (Buries her head in Miroku's shoulder. The car turns completely around and screeches to a halt . . . which leaves us parked perfectly between the lines of parking space.)
Mik-chan: (takes off her sunglasses and checks the lines) Ha! Every time! ^.^
Yue: (peeks out) Is it safe?
Mik-chan: (grins like she does this every day . . . which she generally does) We're here!
Yue: Thank God! (Opens door and falls onto the pavement.)
Mik-chan: -.- Oi, I'm a good driver, thank you very much . . . . (looks around) Bloody hell.
Yue: What is it?
Mik-chan: ^.^; Eh heh heh . . . I may be a good driver, but I'm lousy with directions. (Points to a road sign that says, "Welcome to New Jersey.")
All: O.O; GAAAAAAH! (They pile back into the car and burn rubber back to Mik-chan's place, where they will remain, recovering UNTIL NEXT TIME!)
~owari~