Sephiroth: Welcome back everyone! I'm so glad you didn't leave during the
commercial break!
Audience: BOOOOO - *sign goes up* - YAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
*Snape streaks by like a naked blur, covered in war paint and feathers*
Sephiroth: Whoa . . . We've got to stop that . . . *Calls backstage* Someone restrain him for God's sakes!!
*Wormtongue scuttles out*
Wormtongue: Sir, he's 6'2 and I'm only 5'4.
Sephiroth: You little shit! Get out there! Now!
*Snape runs into the audience. Chaos ensues*
Audience: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! *mixture of BOOs, YEAHs, and cat-calls*
Sephiroth: . . . Freaky . . . Wormtongue, sit your ass down, you'll be our next guest.
Wormtongue: Um . . . okay . . . *shuffles over and sits down with a confounded look on his face like: what am I doing here?*
Sephiroth: The first question is . . . er . . . uh . . . hmm . . . are you an urchant or possibly a barnacle?
Wormtongue: What? Am I a virgin?
Sephiroth: God, no! Um . . . are you, by the way?
*Silence. Crickets chirp. Sweet Home Alabama can be heard faintly in the background*
Sephiroth: Do you like hotdogs?
Wormtongue: Um . . . where's my whore?
Sephiroth: In my dressing room ^_^
*Sweet Home Alabama continues to play its endless tune in the background*
Wormtongue: Go get her! I'm having a horny overload!
*Snapes streaks between them complete with ass-flash*
Aflack duck in the audience: ASS-FLASH!
Sephiroth: Dear god I haven't seen so many dimples in my whole damn life . . .
Wormtongue: *Giggles* Snape's out of shape! Now get me my god damn whore!
*Dumbledore wheels out in his wheel-chair*
Whore: Hi, I'm Christine. But you can call me Whore-stine. You called?
Wormtongue: *Drools*
Sephiroth: *Drools*
Snape: *Runs by and drools*
Dumbledore: *Tips over with a thud . . . and no one notices*
Dumbledore: *Giggles retardedly*
Harry Potter: *Pencil-rolls out naked*
Sephiroth: So NOT cool! Next question ^_^: How big is your - ?
Pervert in audience: *Begins singing* I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other boys cannot deny! When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get SPRUNG!
Mr. Weasley: Percy!!!
*Sweet Home Alabama is STILL playing*
Sephiroth: WHAT the hell is PLAYING THAT GOD DAMN MUSIC?!?!?!?!?!?
Wormtongue: What? *Making out with Christine*
Sephiroth: *Stares. Has wet dream*
*Snape runs in and sits on Sephiroth's lap*
Snape: *Bats eyelashes seductively*
Sephiroth: *Faints*
*Snape streaks by once more*
Sephiroth: *Wakes up* So how long is your - ?
Song: "Sweet Home Alabama! Where the skies are so blue!"
Sephiroth: WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!? STOP THAT INFERNAL RACKET!!!!!!!!!!
Dumbledore: *Giggles once more*
Audience member: *Throws potato at him*
Dumbledore: *Eats potato*
*Snape cartwheels by naked*
Wormtongue: *Splashes holy water in his eyes*
Sephiroth: . . . That's bad naked . . .
Wormtongue: He won a contest folks *Winks*
Sephiroth: *Aims a kick at him*
Christine: If that guy's got money then . . . yeah . . . *On top of Wormtongue*
Wormtongue: No, honey!!!!!!!!!!!
*Sephiroth sign goes up*
Audience: Sephy! Sephy! Sephy! Sephy!
Lone audience member: Jerry! Jerry!
Sephiroth: Shoot that man!
Lone audience member: YAH! *Runs away*
*Security chases him*
Security Guard #1 (George W. Bush): *In heavy Texan accent* It is time to begin NUCULAR war-fare upon that unfaithful man!
Security Guard #2 (Bill Clinton): I did NOT have sexual relations with THAT woman! *Points at Kuja in the audience (for those who don't know, Kuja is a man).
Kuja: *Outraged* WHAT THE HELL?! *Tears off seat* IT'S TIME FOR SMACK- DOWN! YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT WITH YOUR LIFE! Audience: *Begins tearing things apart like fags in an apple*
Wormtongue: *In British accent* Dear God, they're like pouncing elephants! *Continues making out*
Sephiroth: . . . My poor set . . . *Sighs dramatically*
*Snapes streaks through the wreckage*
Kuja: RAMPAGE WORLD TOUR!!!
Audience: *Rampages*
*Ron Wood goes on stage and begins spinning on his head*
Sephiroth: The Rolling Stones were in the audience?! Dear God, I'm a raging fool! I could've had them as guests.
Ron Wood: Yah, yah, whatever . . . *Drunk with a British accent*
Mick Jagger: Keith, God, he's at it again! Get the cattle-prod.
Christine: Fresh meat! *Laughs insanely*
Wormtongue: *Sticks his tongue in her mouth* You ain't goin' nowhere, Sweetie!
Snape: *Streaks by, shrieking*
*George W. and Clinton chase after him*
Audience: BOOOOO - *sign goes up* - YAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
*Snape streaks by like a naked blur, covered in war paint and feathers*
Sephiroth: Whoa . . . We've got to stop that . . . *Calls backstage* Someone restrain him for God's sakes!!
*Wormtongue scuttles out*
Wormtongue: Sir, he's 6'2 and I'm only 5'4.
Sephiroth: You little shit! Get out there! Now!
*Snape runs into the audience. Chaos ensues*
Audience: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! *mixture of BOOs, YEAHs, and cat-calls*
Sephiroth: . . . Freaky . . . Wormtongue, sit your ass down, you'll be our next guest.
Wormtongue: Um . . . okay . . . *shuffles over and sits down with a confounded look on his face like: what am I doing here?*
Sephiroth: The first question is . . . er . . . uh . . . hmm . . . are you an urchant or possibly a barnacle?
Wormtongue: What? Am I a virgin?
Sephiroth: God, no! Um . . . are you, by the way?
*Silence. Crickets chirp. Sweet Home Alabama can be heard faintly in the background*
Sephiroth: Do you like hotdogs?
Wormtongue: Um . . . where's my whore?
Sephiroth: In my dressing room ^_^
*Sweet Home Alabama continues to play its endless tune in the background*
Wormtongue: Go get her! I'm having a horny overload!
*Snapes streaks between them complete with ass-flash*
Aflack duck in the audience: ASS-FLASH!
Sephiroth: Dear god I haven't seen so many dimples in my whole damn life . . .
Wormtongue: *Giggles* Snape's out of shape! Now get me my god damn whore!
*Dumbledore wheels out in his wheel-chair*
Whore: Hi, I'm Christine. But you can call me Whore-stine. You called?
Wormtongue: *Drools*
Sephiroth: *Drools*
Snape: *Runs by and drools*
Dumbledore: *Tips over with a thud . . . and no one notices*
Dumbledore: *Giggles retardedly*
Harry Potter: *Pencil-rolls out naked*
Sephiroth: So NOT cool! Next question ^_^: How big is your - ?
Pervert in audience: *Begins singing* I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other boys cannot deny! When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get SPRUNG!
Mr. Weasley: Percy!!!
*Sweet Home Alabama is STILL playing*
Sephiroth: WHAT the hell is PLAYING THAT GOD DAMN MUSIC?!?!?!?!?!?
Wormtongue: What? *Making out with Christine*
Sephiroth: *Stares. Has wet dream*
*Snape runs in and sits on Sephiroth's lap*
Snape: *Bats eyelashes seductively*
Sephiroth: *Faints*
*Snape streaks by once more*
Sephiroth: *Wakes up* So how long is your - ?
Song: "Sweet Home Alabama! Where the skies are so blue!"
Sephiroth: WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!? STOP THAT INFERNAL RACKET!!!!!!!!!!
Dumbledore: *Giggles once more*
Audience member: *Throws potato at him*
Dumbledore: *Eats potato*
*Snape cartwheels by naked*
Wormtongue: *Splashes holy water in his eyes*
Sephiroth: . . . That's bad naked . . .
Wormtongue: He won a contest folks *Winks*
Sephiroth: *Aims a kick at him*
Christine: If that guy's got money then . . . yeah . . . *On top of Wormtongue*
Wormtongue: No, honey!!!!!!!!!!!
*Sephiroth sign goes up*
Audience: Sephy! Sephy! Sephy! Sephy!
Lone audience member: Jerry! Jerry!
Sephiroth: Shoot that man!
Lone audience member: YAH! *Runs away*
*Security chases him*
Security Guard #1 (George W. Bush): *In heavy Texan accent* It is time to begin NUCULAR war-fare upon that unfaithful man!
Security Guard #2 (Bill Clinton): I did NOT have sexual relations with THAT woman! *Points at Kuja in the audience (for those who don't know, Kuja is a man).
Kuja: *Outraged* WHAT THE HELL?! *Tears off seat* IT'S TIME FOR SMACK- DOWN! YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT WITH YOUR LIFE! Audience: *Begins tearing things apart like fags in an apple*
Wormtongue: *In British accent* Dear God, they're like pouncing elephants! *Continues making out*
Sephiroth: . . . My poor set . . . *Sighs dramatically*
*Snapes streaks through the wreckage*
Kuja: RAMPAGE WORLD TOUR!!!
Audience: *Rampages*
*Ron Wood goes on stage and begins spinning on his head*
Sephiroth: The Rolling Stones were in the audience?! Dear God, I'm a raging fool! I could've had them as guests.
Ron Wood: Yah, yah, whatever . . . *Drunk with a British accent*
Mick Jagger: Keith, God, he's at it again! Get the cattle-prod.
Christine: Fresh meat! *Laughs insanely*
Wormtongue: *Sticks his tongue in her mouth* You ain't goin' nowhere, Sweetie!
Snape: *Streaks by, shrieking*
*George W. and Clinton chase after him*