a/n: i know i just can't write long enough chapters to appease you hooligans so to make up for it, you will watch this video and laugh and laugh and laugh...and do the nipple dance.

http://formenmedia.ign.com/media/news/image/hardcore/tunak_video.ram

go there and laugh your ass off. you'll thank me in the end. it's daler mehndi. hahahhahhaa. well anyways, i have no idea what to do with this story, so if you would like to give me ideas, please do. if not, it's just going to wander on from day to day, going nowhere and just dragging more people into it. ohhhhhhh kay! here goes. i will try harder to make longer chapters! i sorry!!!! ok. kisses! sarah.

Not long after this, there was a knock at the door. Phil stood up slowly, but Rita jumped up and danced away towards the door. "I'll get it!" she squealed. Phil turned around slowly and sat back down.

"No problem!" he squealed, mocking her.

She sneered back at him and then opened the door. "Gusto! Hi! How are you doing! Oh, hi Everlease!" Legolas' heart must have jumped a mile. He wheeled around and peered over the edge of the couch. Sure enough, there stood Everlease. She was dressed almost like Jane and Marie, in 'jeans,' but in a nicer shirt similar to Rita's. But as he looked, his heart beat faster. Her hair was swept up, revealing human ears. He gaped at her. You knew something was wrong in the first place you dotard! he chided himself. She even acted like being an elf was odd. I suppose Ryan is no elf either! His thoughts sped through his mind like a arrow flying through the air. He turned around and hoped that no one else could hear his heart, because he knew it was thumping in his own ears.

Meanwhile Rita was laughing and shutting the door behind them. Gusto laughed and pointed outside, and said, "Hey, you guys know Jane's out there in the car pretending to cry, right? She flicked me and Everlease off."

Everlease laughed. "What a retard. She can sit out there all night." Rita and Sandy laughed at this, and Phil snickered. Even Legolas smiled. He couldn't believe that she was here though. His smile faded as he clutched his shoulder. He knew she would recognize him. He just knew it.

Rita led them over, holding their hands. "Ohhh-kay," she said, standing them in from on the couches. "Gusto, Everlease, this is Sandy." Gusto shook her hand and Everlease gave a little "oh! hallo, it's you!" wave, which Sandy returned. "And Douglas, this is Gusto and Everlease." Gusto reached out his hand and Legolas nervously shook it, then stole a glance at Everlease. Her hand had paused in mid wave, getting about to the "oh!" part, and freezing. Her mouth was slightly open.

"I already know them," she finally said. Legolas marvelled at her as she seemed to flip a switch onto another personality. She beamed and waved the rest, "hallo, it's you!." Her acting skills indeed extended beyond acting as an Elf. Legolas decided that a mere lying Human's abilities should never exceed those of an Elf's, especially that of an Elf Prince. Legolas straightened up and smiled.

"Good evening, Everlease," he poured out, beaming.

Everlease blinked, but did not skip a beat. "I like your haircut," she commented, "Douglas," she emphasized. So it's Douglas is it? she internally smirked. Knew it. Suddenly she wondered what she meant by that. What, did you actually believe him? she chided herself. She gave her head a little shake. You're nuts, she told herself. Absolutely nuts.

"Thank you, it was done by Shawn," he informed her in a chitchat-ing tone. If she could play dumb for everyone, so could he.

Everlease shook her head and laughed. "He's so insane. Looks great," she laughed, and jerked her upturned thumb at him. Turning away, she jammed her hands in her jeans pockets and wandered into the kitchen to talk to Bear and Shawn.

Gusto stayed behind and pointed to the spot on the couch next to Legolas. "Hey, buddy! You mind if I sit there?" Legolas shook his head. He had gotten over the fact that all these Men smelt horrible and looked disgusting. In fact, he had come to be fascinated. The filth seemed to be concentrated among this group especially. At the Rennaissance Festival, he had seen quite a few Men that did not reek of filth and weed. But these seemed to attract each other. But even Phil did not seem so dirty. Shawn had an odd smell, weak but clean, and that coincided with the smell of Jane. Legolas had almost convinced himself that they were not Human, or at least a strange breed. But Bear, he smelled, even if he was friendly, he smelled. As did Gusto, who had now sat now beside him.

Gusto looked at the guy to his right. What the fuck is up with his ears? he thought. He decided that he must have gotten it surgically done, like that guy on Ripley's Believe It or Not!. He hooked his thumbs in his suspenders and propped his combat boot clad feet up on the coffee table in front of him. He wondered why Everlease had run away to go talk to Bear. If she likes him I'm gonna be a little more than pissed.

Sandy glanced over at Gusto and was quite impressed. She was surprised today to see a punk like Bear that wasn't a poser, but Gusto had Bear beat by a mile and a half. His hair, obviously cut for a high mohawk was lying to the side, undone, which to her was just as appealing as a spiked mohawk. He was in traditional Mick Jones dress, a.k.a., a disgusting white undershirt and suspenders with colourless pants that were too short and combat boots. She smiled. Gusto smiled back. Hot little brat, he thought.

Legolas sensed something between them and thought it time to walk around. He noticed Phil getting up too, and glanced at him. "Beer run," Phil said, digging a ring of keys out of his pocket. He patted Rita's head. "You wanna come with me, babe?" Rita pushed him away.

"No, dammit, I better go mess with that creep outside. I'll see what she wants," Rita replied standing up, and walking to the door, then out.

Phil looked at Gusto and Sandy who were talking away, and turned to Legolas. "Doug, you wanna come?"

Legolas shrugged. "I suppose there is nothing more useful for me to do."

Phil grinned. "Yeah, man, that's the spirit. Bear's place sucks!"

"Oh, fuck you, go away!" Legolas heard Bear yell from in the kitchen. He then poked his head around the corner, "But could you make sure you get some more Miller Light?" Phil thrust his hand out with solely his middle finger standing and Bear laughed. "Like if you flick me off you won't." Legolas made a mental note that this was "flicking off" and it was probably a rude gesture. Phil laughed and motioned for Legolas to follow him out the door.

When they had left the apartment and were walking towards the car, Rita walked up to them with a look of sheer frustration all over her face. "OK," she said, rolling her eyes, "Jane won't talk to me because she said, 'You're a girl so you wouldn't understand.' I tried telling her that maybe I would understand because I'm a girl, but that did not seem to appease her..." Rita threw up her hands. She then grabbed the keys out of Phil's hands and motioned towards Bear's car where Jane sat curled up in the front seat. "I'll go get the beer. You go deal with her, I'm tired of her damn game."

Rita might have told Phil she was sending him to a slaughter house by the look on his face. He hung his head and drug his feet to the car. Rita laughed cheerfully and frolicked away, heedless of this great sorrow induced on her husband. "Have fun, babe!" she called affectionatly. "Come on, slowpoke!" she called over her shoulder at Legolas. "It's not everyday you get to ride in a bad ass car like this..." she paused dramatically. "Unless you're meeeee!" she squealed, widening her eyes and grinning. She opened her door, got in and unlocked his door. When he got in the car, she started it...almost. And then again...almost. On the third try, it revved and gave up, allowing itself to start. "Wooohooo!" she yelled, as she sqealed out of the parking lot in a cloud of dust. Legolas laughed aloud. She seemed to him fearless and loving, caring for every moment as if it were her last. Like a child, almost.

Nearly the moment they had taken a few turns, two cars directly in front of them collided. Rita slammed on her brakes, throwing both of them forward. "Aie!" Legolas cried. "These fell beasts will conquor us yet!" He shielded his face with his arms.

Rita had not cried a lament so sober. "Jesus save us!" she screamed. "Good Lord of mercy!" A car nearly slammed into the rear of the Camero. "Christ alive, dammit!"

For a moment, time seemed to stop. Then all around was the sound of horns and shouting. People got out of their cars and 'trucks.' Legolas brought his arms down, and Rita slumped down in her seat. "Well, damn it." She looked at Legolas hopelessly. "Douglassss!" she whined, pounding her steering wheel. "Crap," she said. Suddenly yelling, she cried, "Crap, crap, crap, CRAP!"

Legolas felt obligated to interrupt her. "I do regret that this event has come upon us, but--" he paused, "what is it that we do now?"

Rita sat with her hand on her stomach, and with her eyes closed. "I'm just going to sit here until someone makes me move." She looked over at Legolas, then closed her eyes again.

A million thoughts ran through Rita's head. Oh, God, I swear I am so sorry for anything I've done. She opened her eyes and stared at the roof of the car. What if I had lost it? She shook her head, and put the car in park, then killed it. Legolas looked at her concernedly as she covered her face with her hands.

He placed a hand on her arm and pulled a hand away from her face. "Do not be alarmed, Lady Rita. I am positive we will suffer no more danger." To his great surprise, Rita threw back her head and laughed. "From whence comes this newfound hilarity?" Legolas asked her, and to his humiliation, she laughed even harder.

"Dear God, Douglas!" she laughed. "Dear God, you are such a hoot. The next time we play Dungeons and Dragons you are there, boy, you are there." Rita shook her head and laughed again.

They sat quiet for a moment. "Rita," Legolas finally said. "Who is God?"

Rita turned to him with a strange tight smile on her face. She looked hard at him. "Excuse me?" she said.

"And Jesus, and Christ, and who is your Lord? I do not understand the speech of you people," he admitted to her. She continued to stare at him, so he continued to ask questions of her. "Could this Jesus have really saved us? And you say your Lord is merciful? And you said, 'Christ alive', does that mean he is then dead?"

"Jesus," she started, and then shook her head and looked confused. "Jesus is...Christ." She nodded, and looked back at Legolas. "It's Jesus Christ, or Christ Jesus, either one. But you should-"

"Well if they are one then how can one who is dead save us?" Legolas looked at her, as he was now confused.

"He died for mankind, he shed his blood for us, don't you-"

"So he then is a martyr for all Men? And by his remembrance you may be saved from harm?"

Rita stared at him in awe and wonder. "Are you messing with me?" she asked.

"Pardon?" he asked.

"Douglas, you have got to be kidding around. What religion are you anyways? Are you some sort of atheist?"

Legolas shook his head. "I know not what an atheist is. And what is religion?" Rita shook her head.

"Look, ask me later, that's just too weird." She patted her hair, and rearranged it a little, then told him, "Hey, tomorrow's Sunday, go to church with somebody."

"Church?" Legolas asked.

"Yes, please tell me you at least know what church is." Legolas' face was blank. "OK. Well then we'll talk about it later, but not now. I'm way too stressed."

Legolas did not understand why they couldn't talk about Jesus now, but thought maybe it was better if he just followed her recommendation.

a/n: i know this is a little shorter than the other chapters but you are just going to have to deal with it. i just started dating this guy named eric (he has his own prose thing i wrote about him posted up here if you want to seeeeee it! ^o^ !) and also i had to sit at my grandma's all day and watch her slowly die. i'll be going back tomorrow and watching her die some more. so if this gets a little morbid or even a little too cheery then just know that i'm going through a really weird time. so here you go, punkers! kisses, sarah.