::Between Love and Hate::
Himura Kawaii
Chapter Thirteen
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah. RK's not mine. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!.... Don't sue me! ^_^
***Previously..
No one realized it was Kenji who spoke up.
"Where is she? Is Kaori going to be okay?"
Arashi instantly stood up and punched Kenji in the face. Kenji staggered backwards as Shino pried in between them before the nurse on standby sees them.
"You! Look at what you've done to her!" Arashi demanded, unable to keep his cool. "Why did you even come back?! Haven't you done enough damage?"
Kenji rubbed his jaw, violet eyes flashing at Arashi. He looked at Misao, then at Sou, then at Meimi, then at Shino.
Shino nodded at Kenji, prodding him to finally confess everything about Tomoe.
Everyone thought that things couldn't get any worse than they already are.
Everyone must've thought wrong.
***
The gumi, except for Arashi, turned their confused faces toward Kenji, awaiting his explanation.
"Don't tell me things could get worse..." Misao almost pleaded.
Kenji took a deep breath. "I think you should all sit down before you hear what I have to say."
Arashi frowned. "I don't want to take things sitting down anymore." He stood rooted to the spot he was placed, right across Kenji. "Kaori is in there, unconscious and it's all because we didn't take things seriously. Everything was happening behind closed doors. Tell us everything, Kenji. And you better tell it straight, whatever it is you have to say."
Misao slightly winced at the way Arashi talked. She wasn't used to hearing him speak so many words. Furthermore, she wasn't even used to hearing him say such harsh words.
He must really care for her that much.
Inwardly, Misao berated herself for feeling envious of Kaori at a time like this. But she couldn't help it. the way Arashi lost his cool when it came to Kaori was so evident that Misao didn't know what exactly Arashi was feeling for her and what Arashi was feeling for Kaori.
Meimi spoke suddenly. "Kenji.. is Tomoe... are you...?" Her voice was sharp even if she was not able to continue, it was apparent that she was as mad as Arashi.
Kenji looked up, his eyes widening at Meimi's rash approach.
For a moment, violet orbs clashed into brown ones.
And at that moment, Meimi knew she had the answer to her unspoken question.
Without the understanding of everyone else, Meimi slapped Kenji right at the face. "How dare you?! how dare you do that to Kaori?! How dare you do that to Tomoe?!"
Shino stepped in, finally understanding that Meimi had somehow figured everything out. He gently took Meimi into his arms as she shook vehemently with uncontrolled sobs.
No one had seen Meimi crumple like this before. She has always been their pillar of strength, the woman who never lets anyone see that she's weak.
Kenji remained in his position, unmoving. He was afraid that if he moved, something wrong might happen again. He didn't realize that the rest didn't know what was going on, and they still were confused,
"Ano, Kenji..." Soujirou, who hadn't spoken a word since Kenji came, broke his silence. "Please tell us what is going on."
Kenji looked down on the ground. He knew that Soujirou might get mad at him for this. He knew that Misao might never speak to him again. And in his mind, he knew that Arashi would want to kill him for this confession. But he also knew he needed them right now. He needed their support somehow.
"Tomoe is pregnant." Kenji stated simply. There were no other words to add to the gravity of the situation.
"But how? Why? I don't understand." Misao's face was starting to go through different shades, and tears were glistening at the corners of her eyes. "Did you...? When?"
Kenji told them everything he had told Shino and more. He told them how Tomoe and him had a history, and that somehow, everyone always thought they'd end up together.
"What are you planning to do about it?" Soujirou inquired, his usually smiling face dark and unforgiving,
"I'm going to do as I'm told. There's no other way. I must honor what has been agreed upon by our parents." Kenji dejectedly informed them.
Meimi broke free from Shino's grasp and silently spoke up. "Then why the hell did you even come back?"
Kenji knew very well Meimi didn't mean coming back to Tokyo or coming back to school. She was asking why he wanted to come back into Kaori's life.
"Why do you have to walk into her life again when you're going to leave her anyway? Don't you think that would hurt her even more? Don't you think that's selfish of you?!" Meimi ventured further.
Kenji held out his hands, unaware of what he was doing. "I'm empty, Meimi. I'm all out. I don't have anything more in my life. The only thing I live for is the fact that Kaori will have a better life. I just want to make sure that Kaori makes it out okay." Kenji's eyes were now filled with tears.
"Can't you see? I'd go through all this hell repetitively if it means that she won't have to go through this pain. I know I caused her suffering.. and for that, I am paying. I will be paying my whole life."
"Life with Tomoe wouldn't be so bad. She's a good person. But each day, I have to live thinking life with Kaori would have been so much better. I loved Tomoe with all my heart. But it is Kaori I love now. She is my life. But it all doesn't matter now, does it? I've ruined everything, and I will be paying. If it seems so selfish to want to spend the rest of my free days with Kaori, then selfish I will be."
"Well, you should have died." Meimi spat.
Kenji winced as if he had been slapped. And he had been.
"Please don't hate me. I need you guys to understand." Kenji silently pleaded.
"I need you all now. I need all of you more than anything."
Kenji's plea was met wit an eerie silence. It was as if the gumi didn't know whether they should come to him or if they should stand their ground.
Kenji continued. "I'm not aiming to come back into Kaori's life. That's too much to ask for. All I want is to make sure that she doesn't go through the hell I am in now. I just don't want to wreck her life."
For the first time since Kenji had explained everything, Arashi's stone- like figure stirred.
Everyone sensed this and looked his way.
Arashi smirked.
He looked at Kenji with his piercing, icy blue stare. Slowly, the words rolled out of his mouth like poison.
"You destroyed Kaori the moment you screwed Tomoe."
He glared at Kenji for what seemed like an eternity and then swiftly strode out of the waiting room.
Everyone kept still. It was as if an icy wind came through that room and left them all frozen stiff.
Kenji fell to his knees, his hands clutching his flame-red hair, tears streaming down his cheeks.
As much as the gumi wanted to comfort him, they were still mad at him for putting him, and all of them, in such a predicament.
Plus what Arashi said was so true. It was plain and simple.
How could one night of idiocy ruin everyone's life? Ruin everyone's relationships?
Now Kaori was in the hospital.
Arashi's anger was too great.
Meimi's usual composed self was slowly deteriorating.
Even Soujirou seems unforgiving.
Misao didn't think Kenji should be forgiven, too. But if they want Kaori to get better, they must work together. And they all know that Kenji was the only solution to Kaori's illness.
Healing should start with forgiveness.
And Misao was willing to do just that- for Kaori's sake.
She slowly kneeled in front of Kenji's crumpled figure.
"I know you love her. And I know you'll do everything to make her feel better. And that's enough for me."
Kenji hugged Misao back as a show of deep gratitude.
Soujirou and Shino exchanged glances and both looked at Meimi.
Feeling their stares on her back, Meimi spoke again.
"You can all forgive him if you want, but listen here, Kenji." She stared at Kenji with cold eyes. "I can only forgive you if you can make Kaori better. So don't hang around here asking for our forgiveness when you should be asking for hers."
As Kenji was about to leave the room, Meimi's clear, confident voice piped up.
"Make things better, Ken-san. Don't make things worse."
The moment Kenji slipped out, Soujirou quietly spoke up while stroking Misao's hair.
"I hope Kenji will make things better for Kaori."
He bit his lip.
"Because I'm afraid... I'm afraid he might only make things a lot worse than they already are."
***
Kenji walked over to Kaori's door. Arashi was sitting on the floor in front of it, his arms on his knees and his hair shielding his face from view.
"Arashi-" Kenji began but Arashi cut him off.
"Before you came, the nurse told us we could see Kaori." Arashi stared ahead without looking at Kenji. It was as if he was talking to himself. "You should go in and see her."
Without a word, Arashi walked off again. He couldn't stand being within three feet of Kenji. His anger was just too much right now.
Arashi couldn't understand why Kaori had to be hurt by the person she loved most.
If it were me she loved, she wouldn't shed a single tear.
At this exact moment, there was no other person in Arashi's mind but Kaori.
He realized that somehow, his feelings for her hadn't been forgotten.
They had just been buried somewhere.
And now they were resurfacing, even stronger than before.
"Kaori.." Arashi muttered under his breath. "If only circumstances were different... life would have been better. Better for you. Better for me. Better for us."
If I was the one who was loving you...
The only tears you'll cry
Will be tears of joy
And if I was by your side
You'll never know one lonely night
If I was the one
In your life...
***
Kenji slowly turned the knob and gently tiptoed into the center of the room where Kaori was located.
What have I done to you Kaori?
He sat on the chair beside her bed and held her fragile hand in both of his.
Kaori slowly stirred from her slumber and opened her eyes.
She stared at Kenji's face and then slowly tried to lift her hands to his face.
"Ken-ji?"
"Ssshhh.." Kenji put a finger on her mouth. "Everything's alright now. I'm here."
Kaori stared at him, open-mouthed, not daring to believe.
"I'm afraid." Kaori whispered..
"...I'm afraid, that if I close my eyes, you might slip away.."
Tears slowly rolled out of her eyelids.
"..Please don't go anymore Kenji.."
Kaori bit her lip and clutched her chest.
"...It hurts to much with you gone."
Kenji wanted to hold her and not leave her side more than anything. He wanted to tell her everything that he felt for her.
He wanted to show her the depth of his emotions.
Instead, all he could do was smile at her. "I won't leave your side, so rest."
Kaori smiled faintly.
"You came back."
Kaori slowly closed her eyes and returned to sleep.
"Thank you.. for coming back to me."
Kenji wept. For the first time in his life, he wept like he had never wept before.
***
Darn, after such a loooooooooong time, I finally came back! I know you guys want to strangle me for such a long absence. but really, I want to whack myself more for leaving you guys hanging!!! :)
I hope this one's okay. More chappies are coming soon. I already have the next one written but still not encoded. *sweatdrops* But at least you can expect more because I can feel my creative juices slowly flowing back *yehey!* Dislclaimers, not my song!! I forgot the artist.. But it's the OST for Centerstage, I think! :D
Expect Tomoe's POV in the next chappies, although I can't assure you that I will be good at writing what's in her mind [y'all know I'm not too fond of her]
So, all those who live in the Philippines, are you guys going to the Anime Quest 2003 [AQ2K3] at Megamall this April 25-27? If you are, then I hope I can see some of you there. :) I'll probably be going at the 27th since that's the cosplay day. Keep in touch okay? You guys know my number.
Shameless plugging: visit my journal: not much is happening there this April, but you're free to browse through it [I started in November] and feel free to leave me messages. Tell me what you think about what I think!
Another shameless plugging, joing Anime-Club messageboard: www.anime- club.com/messageboard it's really cool. :) Try to join. ^_^ My username there is Kawaii and Krissy [I'm using krissy now.]
As usual, I live for your comments and suggestions!! I love your reviews! Keep them coming!! You guys totally rock! And thank you to those who keep on reviewing even if I'm not updating!! LOLz!!
E-mail me/YM me: himura_kawaii_07@yahoo.com
"til next chappies!!! You guys rock!!
Himura Kawaii
Chapter Thirteen
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah. RK's not mine. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama. I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!.... Don't sue me! ^_^
***Previously..
No one realized it was Kenji who spoke up.
"Where is she? Is Kaori going to be okay?"
Arashi instantly stood up and punched Kenji in the face. Kenji staggered backwards as Shino pried in between them before the nurse on standby sees them.
"You! Look at what you've done to her!" Arashi demanded, unable to keep his cool. "Why did you even come back?! Haven't you done enough damage?"
Kenji rubbed his jaw, violet eyes flashing at Arashi. He looked at Misao, then at Sou, then at Meimi, then at Shino.
Shino nodded at Kenji, prodding him to finally confess everything about Tomoe.
Everyone thought that things couldn't get any worse than they already are.
Everyone must've thought wrong.
***
The gumi, except for Arashi, turned their confused faces toward Kenji, awaiting his explanation.
"Don't tell me things could get worse..." Misao almost pleaded.
Kenji took a deep breath. "I think you should all sit down before you hear what I have to say."
Arashi frowned. "I don't want to take things sitting down anymore." He stood rooted to the spot he was placed, right across Kenji. "Kaori is in there, unconscious and it's all because we didn't take things seriously. Everything was happening behind closed doors. Tell us everything, Kenji. And you better tell it straight, whatever it is you have to say."
Misao slightly winced at the way Arashi talked. She wasn't used to hearing him speak so many words. Furthermore, she wasn't even used to hearing him say such harsh words.
He must really care for her that much.
Inwardly, Misao berated herself for feeling envious of Kaori at a time like this. But she couldn't help it. the way Arashi lost his cool when it came to Kaori was so evident that Misao didn't know what exactly Arashi was feeling for her and what Arashi was feeling for Kaori.
Meimi spoke suddenly. "Kenji.. is Tomoe... are you...?" Her voice was sharp even if she was not able to continue, it was apparent that she was as mad as Arashi.
Kenji looked up, his eyes widening at Meimi's rash approach.
For a moment, violet orbs clashed into brown ones.
And at that moment, Meimi knew she had the answer to her unspoken question.
Without the understanding of everyone else, Meimi slapped Kenji right at the face. "How dare you?! how dare you do that to Kaori?! How dare you do that to Tomoe?!"
Shino stepped in, finally understanding that Meimi had somehow figured everything out. He gently took Meimi into his arms as she shook vehemently with uncontrolled sobs.
No one had seen Meimi crumple like this before. She has always been their pillar of strength, the woman who never lets anyone see that she's weak.
Kenji remained in his position, unmoving. He was afraid that if he moved, something wrong might happen again. He didn't realize that the rest didn't know what was going on, and they still were confused,
"Ano, Kenji..." Soujirou, who hadn't spoken a word since Kenji came, broke his silence. "Please tell us what is going on."
Kenji looked down on the ground. He knew that Soujirou might get mad at him for this. He knew that Misao might never speak to him again. And in his mind, he knew that Arashi would want to kill him for this confession. But he also knew he needed them right now. He needed their support somehow.
"Tomoe is pregnant." Kenji stated simply. There were no other words to add to the gravity of the situation.
"But how? Why? I don't understand." Misao's face was starting to go through different shades, and tears were glistening at the corners of her eyes. "Did you...? When?"
Kenji told them everything he had told Shino and more. He told them how Tomoe and him had a history, and that somehow, everyone always thought they'd end up together.
"What are you planning to do about it?" Soujirou inquired, his usually smiling face dark and unforgiving,
"I'm going to do as I'm told. There's no other way. I must honor what has been agreed upon by our parents." Kenji dejectedly informed them.
Meimi broke free from Shino's grasp and silently spoke up. "Then why the hell did you even come back?"
Kenji knew very well Meimi didn't mean coming back to Tokyo or coming back to school. She was asking why he wanted to come back into Kaori's life.
"Why do you have to walk into her life again when you're going to leave her anyway? Don't you think that would hurt her even more? Don't you think that's selfish of you?!" Meimi ventured further.
Kenji held out his hands, unaware of what he was doing. "I'm empty, Meimi. I'm all out. I don't have anything more in my life. The only thing I live for is the fact that Kaori will have a better life. I just want to make sure that Kaori makes it out okay." Kenji's eyes were now filled with tears.
"Can't you see? I'd go through all this hell repetitively if it means that she won't have to go through this pain. I know I caused her suffering.. and for that, I am paying. I will be paying my whole life."
"Life with Tomoe wouldn't be so bad. She's a good person. But each day, I have to live thinking life with Kaori would have been so much better. I loved Tomoe with all my heart. But it is Kaori I love now. She is my life. But it all doesn't matter now, does it? I've ruined everything, and I will be paying. If it seems so selfish to want to spend the rest of my free days with Kaori, then selfish I will be."
"Well, you should have died." Meimi spat.
Kenji winced as if he had been slapped. And he had been.
"Please don't hate me. I need you guys to understand." Kenji silently pleaded.
"I need you all now. I need all of you more than anything."
Kenji's plea was met wit an eerie silence. It was as if the gumi didn't know whether they should come to him or if they should stand their ground.
Kenji continued. "I'm not aiming to come back into Kaori's life. That's too much to ask for. All I want is to make sure that she doesn't go through the hell I am in now. I just don't want to wreck her life."
For the first time since Kenji had explained everything, Arashi's stone- like figure stirred.
Everyone sensed this and looked his way.
Arashi smirked.
He looked at Kenji with his piercing, icy blue stare. Slowly, the words rolled out of his mouth like poison.
"You destroyed Kaori the moment you screwed Tomoe."
He glared at Kenji for what seemed like an eternity and then swiftly strode out of the waiting room.
Everyone kept still. It was as if an icy wind came through that room and left them all frozen stiff.
Kenji fell to his knees, his hands clutching his flame-red hair, tears streaming down his cheeks.
As much as the gumi wanted to comfort him, they were still mad at him for putting him, and all of them, in such a predicament.
Plus what Arashi said was so true. It was plain and simple.
How could one night of idiocy ruin everyone's life? Ruin everyone's relationships?
Now Kaori was in the hospital.
Arashi's anger was too great.
Meimi's usual composed self was slowly deteriorating.
Even Soujirou seems unforgiving.
Misao didn't think Kenji should be forgiven, too. But if they want Kaori to get better, they must work together. And they all know that Kenji was the only solution to Kaori's illness.
Healing should start with forgiveness.
And Misao was willing to do just that- for Kaori's sake.
She slowly kneeled in front of Kenji's crumpled figure.
"I know you love her. And I know you'll do everything to make her feel better. And that's enough for me."
Kenji hugged Misao back as a show of deep gratitude.
Soujirou and Shino exchanged glances and both looked at Meimi.
Feeling their stares on her back, Meimi spoke again.
"You can all forgive him if you want, but listen here, Kenji." She stared at Kenji with cold eyes. "I can only forgive you if you can make Kaori better. So don't hang around here asking for our forgiveness when you should be asking for hers."
As Kenji was about to leave the room, Meimi's clear, confident voice piped up.
"Make things better, Ken-san. Don't make things worse."
The moment Kenji slipped out, Soujirou quietly spoke up while stroking Misao's hair.
"I hope Kenji will make things better for Kaori."
He bit his lip.
"Because I'm afraid... I'm afraid he might only make things a lot worse than they already are."
***
Kenji walked over to Kaori's door. Arashi was sitting on the floor in front of it, his arms on his knees and his hair shielding his face from view.
"Arashi-" Kenji began but Arashi cut him off.
"Before you came, the nurse told us we could see Kaori." Arashi stared ahead without looking at Kenji. It was as if he was talking to himself. "You should go in and see her."
Without a word, Arashi walked off again. He couldn't stand being within three feet of Kenji. His anger was just too much right now.
Arashi couldn't understand why Kaori had to be hurt by the person she loved most.
If it were me she loved, she wouldn't shed a single tear.
At this exact moment, there was no other person in Arashi's mind but Kaori.
He realized that somehow, his feelings for her hadn't been forgotten.
They had just been buried somewhere.
And now they were resurfacing, even stronger than before.
"Kaori.." Arashi muttered under his breath. "If only circumstances were different... life would have been better. Better for you. Better for me. Better for us."
If I was the one who was loving you...
The only tears you'll cry
Will be tears of joy
And if I was by your side
You'll never know one lonely night
If I was the one
In your life...
***
Kenji slowly turned the knob and gently tiptoed into the center of the room where Kaori was located.
What have I done to you Kaori?
He sat on the chair beside her bed and held her fragile hand in both of his.
Kaori slowly stirred from her slumber and opened her eyes.
She stared at Kenji's face and then slowly tried to lift her hands to his face.
"Ken-ji?"
"Ssshhh.." Kenji put a finger on her mouth. "Everything's alright now. I'm here."
Kaori stared at him, open-mouthed, not daring to believe.
"I'm afraid." Kaori whispered..
"...I'm afraid, that if I close my eyes, you might slip away.."
Tears slowly rolled out of her eyelids.
"..Please don't go anymore Kenji.."
Kaori bit her lip and clutched her chest.
"...It hurts to much with you gone."
Kenji wanted to hold her and not leave her side more than anything. He wanted to tell her everything that he felt for her.
He wanted to show her the depth of his emotions.
Instead, all he could do was smile at her. "I won't leave your side, so rest."
Kaori smiled faintly.
"You came back."
Kaori slowly closed her eyes and returned to sleep.
"Thank you.. for coming back to me."
Kenji wept. For the first time in his life, he wept like he had never wept before.
***
Darn, after such a loooooooooong time, I finally came back! I know you guys want to strangle me for such a long absence. but really, I want to whack myself more for leaving you guys hanging!!! :)
I hope this one's okay. More chappies are coming soon. I already have the next one written but still not encoded. *sweatdrops* But at least you can expect more because I can feel my creative juices slowly flowing back *yehey!* Dislclaimers, not my song!! I forgot the artist.. But it's the OST for Centerstage, I think! :D
Expect Tomoe's POV in the next chappies, although I can't assure you that I will be good at writing what's in her mind [y'all know I'm not too fond of her]
So, all those who live in the Philippines, are you guys going to the Anime Quest 2003 [AQ2K3] at Megamall this April 25-27? If you are, then I hope I can see some of you there. :) I'll probably be going at the 27th since that's the cosplay day. Keep in touch okay? You guys know my number.
Shameless plugging: visit my journal: not much is happening there this April, but you're free to browse through it [I started in November] and feel free to leave me messages. Tell me what you think about what I think!
Another shameless plugging, joing Anime-Club messageboard: www.anime- club.com/messageboard it's really cool. :) Try to join. ^_^ My username there is Kawaii and Krissy [I'm using krissy now.]
As usual, I live for your comments and suggestions!! I love your reviews! Keep them coming!! You guys totally rock! And thank you to those who keep on reviewing even if I'm not updating!! LOLz!!
E-mail me/YM me: himura_kawaii_07@yahoo.com
"til next chappies!!! You guys rock!!