Chapter Six
Around two weeks later, Frank waited until Hawkeye was on PostOp duty and BJ was asleep. Then he made his move. The ferret-like man made his way quickly across the compound, reading the sign on her door that was clearly illuminated by the tall lights placed at intervals among the tents. "Major M. Houlihan. Knock before entering." It read, painted on the wood in a neat white. Putting on his most calm face he raised a fist to knock, before turning to jelly, and tapping gently on the window.
"Maaargaret?"
He whined, and when he didn't get an answer, continued "Margaret, it's Frank. I need your help to get back at Pierce! He's a complete moral degenerate, and I just know he did something. Can I come in?" Whether this was Frank trying to get into Margaret's tent, or simply into her pants again, nobody knew. But the sharp voice from within called "Fine, come on in, Frank."
With an excited look, he pulled open the door, saying rather loudly "Why, Margaret, do you have a cold? Your voice sounds positively awful!" Suddenly, he stopped. The woman who occupied Major Houlihan's tent was sitting with her back to him, brushing her hair. Her shoulder-length, light brown hair. And it wasn't with one of Margaret's brushes either; this brush was made of grey marble with blue velvet patterns on the back.
The exact same brush Frank had gotten his wife for their anniversary.
"M-M-Margaret?" He stammered, and his heart began to pound as the woman reached up with slim white hands and wrapped the shiny brown hair into a tight bun. Then she got up and turned around, and her face nearly caused Frank to faint. There stood Louise Burns, and boy was she p*ssed.
"Francis Marion Burns! In all my life I've never such a lowlife!" Louise screeched, standing tall over the cowering man that was her husband. Well, for the moment at least. "I always new you were the cheating type, you scumbag! But it took a lowly Captain to make me realize it! When I find this... Hawkeye fellow, I'll give him a medal of commendation! I should have listened to my mother. You were trouble from the start! I only stayed with you for the sake of the kids, but I see that doesn't matter now. Well fine! You want this, this, blondehaired beauty, then you can stay right the hell in Korea and die here too! Frank, I want a divorce!" Her voice dipped to a low growl and she added "And my father's taking you out of his will."
The cowardly man suddenly began to cry spasmodically, crouching in the corner for a moment, before attempting to rush out the door. What he met, though, was the applause of the whole camp. They had been standing outside the tent the whole time, and Hawkeye especially with a look of triumph. There was a hush as Margaret waded through the crowd and stepped into her tent. Igor Straminski still held the door open for everybody to watch.
"What's this all about?" She exploded, pretending to be enraged, but rather holding back a smile. Finally, the Lipless Wonder would get what he deserved. Mrs. Burns, for the moment, turned and nodded curtly to her. "I'm sorry ma'am," she said calmly "but there was some business I had to finish with my... ex-husband." "What do you mean, ex-husband?!" Margaret asked incredulously. The entire 4077th, who had congregated outside and suddenly erupted into a fit of cheering, fell silent immediately. What kind of game was she playing? She looked at Frank, fire in her eyes.
"My God, Frank, you never told me you were married!" There was a collective gasp from the party outside, but at a look from Margaret, they were silenced. As Louise stared through prim glasses, right down her nose at him, Frank looked up with wide eyes at his former secret love, smiled, and started laughing hysterically. Margaret Houlihan, soon to be Penobscott, turned and walked out of her tent. She winked at the group of people that had gathered in the compound, and walked in the direction of the Officer's Club.
*
The next morning, Sidney Freedman arrived with a padded truck and took Frank off to the insane asylum, where he's been ever since.
Louise remarried to a modest doctor with considerably better skills than Frank, and was happy for the rest of her life. One more child was added to the household as well.
After her failed marriage with Donald, Margaret had one more unpleasant episode with a fellow named Jack Scully, after which she would let no one get close to her until the war ended. Then she and Hawkeye Pierce declared their love to eachother and were married in Crabapple Cove.
*
(Author's Note: So everybody lived happily ever after! Except Frank, of course, but he's an @$$hole. I hope you liked my short little fic, and I can assure you that the others will be a bit longer. By the way, this is MY take on how Frank went insane. :P )
Around two weeks later, Frank waited until Hawkeye was on PostOp duty and BJ was asleep. Then he made his move. The ferret-like man made his way quickly across the compound, reading the sign on her door that was clearly illuminated by the tall lights placed at intervals among the tents. "Major M. Houlihan. Knock before entering." It read, painted on the wood in a neat white. Putting on his most calm face he raised a fist to knock, before turning to jelly, and tapping gently on the window.
"Maaargaret?"
He whined, and when he didn't get an answer, continued "Margaret, it's Frank. I need your help to get back at Pierce! He's a complete moral degenerate, and I just know he did something. Can I come in?" Whether this was Frank trying to get into Margaret's tent, or simply into her pants again, nobody knew. But the sharp voice from within called "Fine, come on in, Frank."
With an excited look, he pulled open the door, saying rather loudly "Why, Margaret, do you have a cold? Your voice sounds positively awful!" Suddenly, he stopped. The woman who occupied Major Houlihan's tent was sitting with her back to him, brushing her hair. Her shoulder-length, light brown hair. And it wasn't with one of Margaret's brushes either; this brush was made of grey marble with blue velvet patterns on the back.
The exact same brush Frank had gotten his wife for their anniversary.
"M-M-Margaret?" He stammered, and his heart began to pound as the woman reached up with slim white hands and wrapped the shiny brown hair into a tight bun. Then she got up and turned around, and her face nearly caused Frank to faint. There stood Louise Burns, and boy was she p*ssed.
"Francis Marion Burns! In all my life I've never such a lowlife!" Louise screeched, standing tall over the cowering man that was her husband. Well, for the moment at least. "I always new you were the cheating type, you scumbag! But it took a lowly Captain to make me realize it! When I find this... Hawkeye fellow, I'll give him a medal of commendation! I should have listened to my mother. You were trouble from the start! I only stayed with you for the sake of the kids, but I see that doesn't matter now. Well fine! You want this, this, blondehaired beauty, then you can stay right the hell in Korea and die here too! Frank, I want a divorce!" Her voice dipped to a low growl and she added "And my father's taking you out of his will."
The cowardly man suddenly began to cry spasmodically, crouching in the corner for a moment, before attempting to rush out the door. What he met, though, was the applause of the whole camp. They had been standing outside the tent the whole time, and Hawkeye especially with a look of triumph. There was a hush as Margaret waded through the crowd and stepped into her tent. Igor Straminski still held the door open for everybody to watch.
"What's this all about?" She exploded, pretending to be enraged, but rather holding back a smile. Finally, the Lipless Wonder would get what he deserved. Mrs. Burns, for the moment, turned and nodded curtly to her. "I'm sorry ma'am," she said calmly "but there was some business I had to finish with my... ex-husband." "What do you mean, ex-husband?!" Margaret asked incredulously. The entire 4077th, who had congregated outside and suddenly erupted into a fit of cheering, fell silent immediately. What kind of game was she playing? She looked at Frank, fire in her eyes.
"My God, Frank, you never told me you were married!" There was a collective gasp from the party outside, but at a look from Margaret, they were silenced. As Louise stared through prim glasses, right down her nose at him, Frank looked up with wide eyes at his former secret love, smiled, and started laughing hysterically. Margaret Houlihan, soon to be Penobscott, turned and walked out of her tent. She winked at the group of people that had gathered in the compound, and walked in the direction of the Officer's Club.
*
The next morning, Sidney Freedman arrived with a padded truck and took Frank off to the insane asylum, where he's been ever since.
Louise remarried to a modest doctor with considerably better skills than Frank, and was happy for the rest of her life. One more child was added to the household as well.
After her failed marriage with Donald, Margaret had one more unpleasant episode with a fellow named Jack Scully, after which she would let no one get close to her until the war ended. Then she and Hawkeye Pierce declared their love to eachother and were married in Crabapple Cove.
*
(Author's Note: So everybody lived happily ever after! Except Frank, of course, but he's an @$$hole. I hope you liked my short little fic, and I can assure you that the others will be a bit longer. By the way, this is MY take on how Frank went insane. :P )