Disclaimer: Same disclaimers from before apply.
Duo's Expedition
The young braided man, with a burning passion to protect the proletariat, headed south through the opens plains. After a day's travel, he encountered a tall, forbidding castle.
"Hello?!" Duo called out to the castle.
A guard peered over the top of the castle walls.
"'Allo! Who is it?" asked the guard in a strange accent.
"'Tis, I, Sir Duo. I am questing for the Holy Grail, so that it may save the working class from oppression!" Duo announced, rather proud of himself. "Who does this castle belong to?"
"This is the castle of my master, Jean Luc Escargot!" the guard replied.
"Please tell your lord that I have been charged by this sacred quest to protect the people. I beseech him to give me food and shelter for the night. Perhaps he can help with my quest."
"Well, I'll ask him. But I doubt he will be very keen to the idea. You see, he's already got one of those," the guard responded haughtily.
"Got one?" Duo asked.
"Oh yes, its quite nice!" chuckled the guard.
Another figure peered over the wall. "That's right, he's already got one. He bought it at a garage sale over a month ago."
Duo was somewhat heartened by the revelation. "May I come up and have a look?"
"Of course not!" the first guard denied him flatly. "You are an American!"
"Oh yeah...then what are you?" Duo demanded.
"I am French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent and these frilly sleeves?"
Duo realized that this was going to be difficult. The French were notorious for making people's lives miserable, especially Americans.
"If you will not show me the Holy Grail, then I shall go up there and take it myself!" Duo threatened. "I will rally the working class here and start a revolution!"
The two guards at the top of the castle wall laughed.
"You silly American! We French are already socialist! We do not fear your 'revolution'! Hahahahaha!" cried out one of the guards between laughs.
"Yes, you do not frighten us you American pig-dog!" added the other guard. "Go and boil your bottom, you silly son of a goat. I blow my nose at you and call all you Americans uncultured! Ha! Take that!"
"Now look here, my good man..." Duo began.
"We do not wish to hear from your uncultivated mouth any more, you hamburger eating pig! Your mother is politically incorrect and your father smelt of elderberries!"
Duo looked hurt at the last remark. He also was trying to remember what elderberries smelt like in the first place.
"Is there someone else I could talk to?" Duo asked.
"NO!" shouted the first guard. "Go away or we shall be forced to taunt you again! We are too busy trying to surrender our lands lying east and south of here to the other kingdoms! We do not have time for one person. Get a real army first and then we will capitulate!"
"I will not go away!" Duo yelled back angrily. "I will chain myself to the nearest...tree! I will make protest posters! And I will sing folk songs all night until you are all driven mad!"
"Oh dear," the first guard muttered to the other. "He sounds quite serious. Shall we resort to more drastic measures?"
"Oui, oui! I think we must!" agreed the other guard.
Duo was preparing to tie himself to the nearest tree when he heard a loud sound.
"Mooooooooohhhhhhhh!" came a plaintive call. A large shadowy object flew overhead from the castle. Suddenly, a large cow landed with a disgusting wet thud next to Duo. Duo was horrified. He saw the castle launch another creature, which appeared to be a pig, in his general direction.
"Run away!" cried Duo. He picked himself up and scampered off. "Run away! Run away!"
"Haha! Foolish Americans!" laughed the first guard as he saw Duo disappear back north.
After Duo's defeat by the wily Frenchmen, he trudged back north. He was feeling lonely and hungry. He also was wondering how the French had been able to convince the cow to get onto the catapult in the first place.
After another day's travel, he met up with Sir Heero and Sir Wufei.
"I'm so glad to see you!" cried out Duo, embracing Heero tightly. Heero politely disengaged himself from Duo by putting up his shield between the two of them.
"I have found a clue!" Heero told Duo. "We must travel to the southwest until we pass a bridge. There, a wise enchanter will give us the knowledge that we need."
"Well, I need a lot of things," Duo said with a leer.
Heero continued to back away from the braided youth. "We should head out now."
Thus, Heero, Duo and Wufei traveled to the southwest. Their journey took them through a darkened forest. As they approached a small stream, they noticed that there was an impressive looking bridge built over it. There was an equally impressive looking man standing guard at the bridge.
The man was wearing a heavy suit of plate armor. The armor was colored a deep black, with the exception of the helmet. The helmet was silver and fashioned to resemble some bird of prey. The fully armored warrior was standing proudly in front of the bridge with his sword drawn.
"None shall pass," the strange warrior told them in an exaggeratedly husky voice.
"What?!" Wufei snapped. "Listen here, we need to cross this bridge to recover the Holy Grail to protect the people! Let us through!"
"None shall pass," the stranger repeated in his disgustingly sultry voice.
"Who are you?" Duo queried in an amused tone.
"I am the Black Knight Zechs," the stranger stated in a throaty and sensuous voice.
"But your helmet isn't black," Duo observed.
"None shall pass," the Black Knight Zechs reiterated with a purr.
"We must cross this bridge," Heero told him in a level voice. "Get out of our way or we will force you to move."
"Then you shall die!" rasped the Black Knight Zechs.
The Black Knight began to march towards them. Duo politely stepped aside to let the other two knights handle the situation.
"Hold!" Heero called out to the advancing Black Knight. The Black Knight paused. Heero continued, "Let me and my companions..."
He looked around and noticed that Duo was hiding in the brush. "All right, let me and Sir Wufei determine who shall fight you!" he corrected.
"How shall we do this, Sir Heero?" Wufei inquired. "Shall we match swords of our own first?"
Heero shook his head. He had a much more traditional method of resolving this. Heero asserted, "Rock, paper and scissors."
Wufei's jaw dropped in horror. But Wufei realized that he could not honorably turn down any challenge.
"One...two...three!" Heero called out.
Both of them revealed their hands. Wufei picked rock. Heero had picked paper.
"I shall be your opponent," Heero told the Black Knight Zechs.
Wufei muttered something about the contest being rigged and stepped aside.
The Black Knight Zechs charged at Heero. Heero quickly slashed out at the Black Knight Zechs. The Black Knight Zechs' left arm was lopped off by Heero's nimble attack.
"Now stand aside, worthy adversary," Heero told the Black Knight.
The Black Knight Zechs glanced over his wound and shook his head. "'Tis but a scratch!"
"But you're left arm's been cut off!" Duo pointed out to the Black Knight.
"No, it's not!" the Black Knight Zechs disagreed in his husky voice.
"Well, what the hell is that?" Duo demanded, jabbing his finger in the direction of the fallen arm.
The Black Knight Zechs shrugged. "I've had worse!"
"You lie!" Duo gasped.
The Black Knight Zechs turned to face Heero. "Come on, you wimp!"
The two knights charged at each other again. This time, Heero's sword expertly dismembered the Black Knight's right arm.
"Victory is ours!" crowed Duo.
The Black Knight glared at Duo and then charged at Heero. He began kicking at the Knight in Shining Spandex.
"Come on! Let's have at it!" insisted the Black Knight.
"You are indeed...ow!...an excellent warrior, Black...ow!...Knight Zechs. Ow! But this battle is mine. Hey! Ow! Let us through," Heero spoke through gritted teeth.
"What are you talking about? You a coward?!" the Black Knight scowled.
"Look, you lost both your arms. Ow! You cannot continue the fight."
"No, I haven't," the Black Knight denied heatedly. "It is just a flesh wound."
The Black Knight continued to kick at Heero's shins.
"Now look, stop that," Heero said in a dangerous voice.
When the Black Knight continued to assault Heero's shins, the eyes of the Knight in Shining Spandex turned murderous.
"Argghhh!" cried out Heero. In one fell stroke, he cut off both of the legs of the Black Knight Zechs.
The body of the Black Knight Zechs fell to the ground.
Heero cleaned off his sword and headed towards the bridge. Duo and Wufei followed him.
"Hey, come back!" cried out the Black Knight Zechs. "I'm not through with you!"
"What are you going to do, bleed on us?" smirked Duo.
"This cannot be! I am invincible!" shouted the Black Knight Zechs.
"Come on," Heero grunted. "Let's not waste any more time."
"Oh? I see. We'll just call it a draw then......No? Hey! Come back! Come here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite off your knee caps! Hey...don't go away...!"
Heero, Duo and Wufei crossed the bridge without further incident.
* * * * * Author's Note: The next chapter will have the infamous songs. I appreciate any reviews! Special thanks to Symee-Sama for all her wonderful reviews.
Duo's Expedition
The young braided man, with a burning passion to protect the proletariat, headed south through the opens plains. After a day's travel, he encountered a tall, forbidding castle.
"Hello?!" Duo called out to the castle.
A guard peered over the top of the castle walls.
"'Allo! Who is it?" asked the guard in a strange accent.
"'Tis, I, Sir Duo. I am questing for the Holy Grail, so that it may save the working class from oppression!" Duo announced, rather proud of himself. "Who does this castle belong to?"
"This is the castle of my master, Jean Luc Escargot!" the guard replied.
"Please tell your lord that I have been charged by this sacred quest to protect the people. I beseech him to give me food and shelter for the night. Perhaps he can help with my quest."
"Well, I'll ask him. But I doubt he will be very keen to the idea. You see, he's already got one of those," the guard responded haughtily.
"Got one?" Duo asked.
"Oh yes, its quite nice!" chuckled the guard.
Another figure peered over the wall. "That's right, he's already got one. He bought it at a garage sale over a month ago."
Duo was somewhat heartened by the revelation. "May I come up and have a look?"
"Of course not!" the first guard denied him flatly. "You are an American!"
"Oh yeah...then what are you?" Duo demanded.
"I am French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent and these frilly sleeves?"
Duo realized that this was going to be difficult. The French were notorious for making people's lives miserable, especially Americans.
"If you will not show me the Holy Grail, then I shall go up there and take it myself!" Duo threatened. "I will rally the working class here and start a revolution!"
The two guards at the top of the castle wall laughed.
"You silly American! We French are already socialist! We do not fear your 'revolution'! Hahahahaha!" cried out one of the guards between laughs.
"Yes, you do not frighten us you American pig-dog!" added the other guard. "Go and boil your bottom, you silly son of a goat. I blow my nose at you and call all you Americans uncultured! Ha! Take that!"
"Now look here, my good man..." Duo began.
"We do not wish to hear from your uncultivated mouth any more, you hamburger eating pig! Your mother is politically incorrect and your father smelt of elderberries!"
Duo looked hurt at the last remark. He also was trying to remember what elderberries smelt like in the first place.
"Is there someone else I could talk to?" Duo asked.
"NO!" shouted the first guard. "Go away or we shall be forced to taunt you again! We are too busy trying to surrender our lands lying east and south of here to the other kingdoms! We do not have time for one person. Get a real army first and then we will capitulate!"
"I will not go away!" Duo yelled back angrily. "I will chain myself to the nearest...tree! I will make protest posters! And I will sing folk songs all night until you are all driven mad!"
"Oh dear," the first guard muttered to the other. "He sounds quite serious. Shall we resort to more drastic measures?"
"Oui, oui! I think we must!" agreed the other guard.
Duo was preparing to tie himself to the nearest tree when he heard a loud sound.
"Mooooooooohhhhhhhh!" came a plaintive call. A large shadowy object flew overhead from the castle. Suddenly, a large cow landed with a disgusting wet thud next to Duo. Duo was horrified. He saw the castle launch another creature, which appeared to be a pig, in his general direction.
"Run away!" cried Duo. He picked himself up and scampered off. "Run away! Run away!"
"Haha! Foolish Americans!" laughed the first guard as he saw Duo disappear back north.
After Duo's defeat by the wily Frenchmen, he trudged back north. He was feeling lonely and hungry. He also was wondering how the French had been able to convince the cow to get onto the catapult in the first place.
After another day's travel, he met up with Sir Heero and Sir Wufei.
"I'm so glad to see you!" cried out Duo, embracing Heero tightly. Heero politely disengaged himself from Duo by putting up his shield between the two of them.
"I have found a clue!" Heero told Duo. "We must travel to the southwest until we pass a bridge. There, a wise enchanter will give us the knowledge that we need."
"Well, I need a lot of things," Duo said with a leer.
Heero continued to back away from the braided youth. "We should head out now."
Thus, Heero, Duo and Wufei traveled to the southwest. Their journey took them through a darkened forest. As they approached a small stream, they noticed that there was an impressive looking bridge built over it. There was an equally impressive looking man standing guard at the bridge.
The man was wearing a heavy suit of plate armor. The armor was colored a deep black, with the exception of the helmet. The helmet was silver and fashioned to resemble some bird of prey. The fully armored warrior was standing proudly in front of the bridge with his sword drawn.
"None shall pass," the strange warrior told them in an exaggeratedly husky voice.
"What?!" Wufei snapped. "Listen here, we need to cross this bridge to recover the Holy Grail to protect the people! Let us through!"
"None shall pass," the stranger repeated in his disgustingly sultry voice.
"Who are you?" Duo queried in an amused tone.
"I am the Black Knight Zechs," the stranger stated in a throaty and sensuous voice.
"But your helmet isn't black," Duo observed.
"None shall pass," the Black Knight Zechs reiterated with a purr.
"We must cross this bridge," Heero told him in a level voice. "Get out of our way or we will force you to move."
"Then you shall die!" rasped the Black Knight Zechs.
The Black Knight began to march towards them. Duo politely stepped aside to let the other two knights handle the situation.
"Hold!" Heero called out to the advancing Black Knight. The Black Knight paused. Heero continued, "Let me and my companions..."
He looked around and noticed that Duo was hiding in the brush. "All right, let me and Sir Wufei determine who shall fight you!" he corrected.
"How shall we do this, Sir Heero?" Wufei inquired. "Shall we match swords of our own first?"
Heero shook his head. He had a much more traditional method of resolving this. Heero asserted, "Rock, paper and scissors."
Wufei's jaw dropped in horror. But Wufei realized that he could not honorably turn down any challenge.
"One...two...three!" Heero called out.
Both of them revealed their hands. Wufei picked rock. Heero had picked paper.
"I shall be your opponent," Heero told the Black Knight Zechs.
Wufei muttered something about the contest being rigged and stepped aside.
The Black Knight Zechs charged at Heero. Heero quickly slashed out at the Black Knight Zechs. The Black Knight Zechs' left arm was lopped off by Heero's nimble attack.
"Now stand aside, worthy adversary," Heero told the Black Knight.
The Black Knight Zechs glanced over his wound and shook his head. "'Tis but a scratch!"
"But you're left arm's been cut off!" Duo pointed out to the Black Knight.
"No, it's not!" the Black Knight Zechs disagreed in his husky voice.
"Well, what the hell is that?" Duo demanded, jabbing his finger in the direction of the fallen arm.
The Black Knight Zechs shrugged. "I've had worse!"
"You lie!" Duo gasped.
The Black Knight Zechs turned to face Heero. "Come on, you wimp!"
The two knights charged at each other again. This time, Heero's sword expertly dismembered the Black Knight's right arm.
"Victory is ours!" crowed Duo.
The Black Knight glared at Duo and then charged at Heero. He began kicking at the Knight in Shining Spandex.
"Come on! Let's have at it!" insisted the Black Knight.
"You are indeed...ow!...an excellent warrior, Black...ow!...Knight Zechs. Ow! But this battle is mine. Hey! Ow! Let us through," Heero spoke through gritted teeth.
"What are you talking about? You a coward?!" the Black Knight scowled.
"Look, you lost both your arms. Ow! You cannot continue the fight."
"No, I haven't," the Black Knight denied heatedly. "It is just a flesh wound."
The Black Knight continued to kick at Heero's shins.
"Now look, stop that," Heero said in a dangerous voice.
When the Black Knight continued to assault Heero's shins, the eyes of the Knight in Shining Spandex turned murderous.
"Argghhh!" cried out Heero. In one fell stroke, he cut off both of the legs of the Black Knight Zechs.
The body of the Black Knight Zechs fell to the ground.
Heero cleaned off his sword and headed towards the bridge. Duo and Wufei followed him.
"Hey, come back!" cried out the Black Knight Zechs. "I'm not through with you!"
"What are you going to do, bleed on us?" smirked Duo.
"This cannot be! I am invincible!" shouted the Black Knight Zechs.
"Come on," Heero grunted. "Let's not waste any more time."
"Oh? I see. We'll just call it a draw then......No? Hey! Come back! Come here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite off your knee caps! Hey...don't go away...!"
Heero, Duo and Wufei crossed the bridge without further incident.
* * * * * Author's Note: The next chapter will have the infamous songs. I appreciate any reviews! Special thanks to Symee-Sama for all her wonderful reviews.