Disclaimers: Same as before.
* * * * *
Author's Note: Thanks to all those who have reviewed! Please read, relax and review (the 3 R's).
* * * * *
The Travels of Sir Quatre and Prince Trowa
Trowa had been terribly sad about leaving his lions behind, but Quatre had persuaded him that it would interfere with their quest. Quatre rode on his horse with Trowa embracing him tightly from behind. Rasheed rode along, pointedly ignoring Trowa's rather affectionate embrace of Sir Quatre.
After traveling south and west for an entire day, the travelers' spirits seemed to be low and weary. Trowa felt it was his obligation to do something about it.
Trowa cleared his throat and broke out into a loud song:
//Bravely bold Sir Quatre rode out!//
//He was not afraid to die, no doubt!//
//He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,//
//Or be tortured by the shrubber, his Excellency Treize!//
//Brave, brave, brave Sir Quatre!//
//He was not in the least bit scared to be smashed into a pulp...//
Quatre looked nervously over his shoulder when Trowa emphasized the line by pounding furiously on Quatre's back. Trowa continued his song:
//...Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows smashed,//
//To have his kneecaps broken and his body burned away//
//And his limbs all hacked, mangled, and severely gashed!//
//Oh, brave, brave Sir Quatre!//
At this point, Trowa was kicking and punching Quatre with emphasis as he sung the song. Rashid seemed slightly alarmed, but did not intervene. He was unsure whether this was some bizarre mating ritual from Prince Trowa's country. Whatever it was, Rashid felt it would be rude, and possibly unhealthy, to interfere.
//Brave, brave Sir Quatre, fearless about//
//His head smashed in and his heart cut out//
//And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged//
//And his pen--//
"That's quite enough!" Quatre cried out, slapping Trowa's hand which had come dangerously near the cod piece of Quatre's armor. "That's enough music for now, Trowa. Hello...what's that up ahead?"
Sir Quatre, Prince Trowa, and the loyal Rashid were approaching a rather imposing, gigantic figure. If Quatre's eyes were not deceiving him, it appeared to be a three headed man wearing armor. Each of the heads looked as if it belonged to a different person.
"Halt! Who art thou?" demanded the three heads in unison.
Trowa had always heard that music soothed the savage beast. So he decided that it was best to answer the massive warrior with a song, "He is brave Sir Quatre, brave Sir Quatre, who..."
"Please, Trowa!" Quatre interrupted hurriedly. He gave the large three- headed warrior before him a guilty grin. "I'm...uhhh...nobody, really. Just passing through...."
"What do you want?" asked the three-headed giant.
"To fight!" Trowa sang out. "To fight and..."
"Trowa, please stop!" Quatre begged. He turned to smile at the giant. "I really don't want anything. Just on my way to the store to pick up some things, that's all."
"I am Dermail," the middle head announced proudly.
"I am Quinze," the head on the right added.
"Why do I always get to introduce myself last?" complained the head on the left.
"Shut up, Otto!" the heads of Dermail and Quinze snapped.
The head named Dermail turned to look evilly at Quatre and his companions.
"Tell us who you are!" he commanded.
Quatre looked up meekly at the three headed man. "Well, my name is Sir Quatre Raberba Winner...and I'm a knight of the Oval Table...and..."
"A knight of the Oval Table!" roared the head of Dermail. "This is unacceptable! I shall have to kill you!"
"We shall?" sniffed the head of Otto, still clearly hurt emotionally.
"Oh, I don't think so," disagreed the head of Quinze.
"Yes, let's be nice!" the head named Otto suggested.
"Shut up, Otto!" the heads of Dermail and Quinze yelled.
The middle head turned to the right head.
"Come on, Quinze. Quick, now! Get out the sword. I want to cut off his head!" the head of Dermail commanded.
"Oh, cut off your own head," the head of Quinze retorted.
Quatre, Trowa and Rashid exchanged confused glances. It was clear that the three headed man had certain unresolved issues. Quatre slowly began to back his horse away, and Rashid began to follow the lead of his master.
"How rude!" fumed the head of Dermail. "You should accord me the dignity I deserve!"
"Dignity?" the head of Quinze cried out. "You snore!"
"And you've got bad breath," the head of Otto added.
"Shut up, Otto!" the heads named Dermail and Quinze shouted angrily.
Otto's head turned his head away sadly. "Black Knight Zechs was never so cruel or rude to me! I miss him. I hope he's well!"
"Stop bitching and let's have some tea," the head of Quinze suggested.
"Oh, all right! We'll kill that blond boy first and then have tea and biscuits."
"Ohh, biscuits sound nice," Otto's head enthused.
"Not biscuits again," Quinze's head grumbled.
"Fine," snapped Dermail's head. "We'll just kill him and have something else besides biscuits."
"Fine," the heads of Quinze and Otto agreed in unison.
The three heads of the giant returned to gaze before them. Their eyes scanned the area and they realized that they were alone.
"It seems that the blond boy and his friends have buggered off," the middle head named Dermail noted in disappointment.
Several hundred yards away, Quatre and Rashid were riding furiously away from the giant. Trowa was clinging onto Quatre. Eventually, the horses were slowed into a regular trot once they had reached a safe distance.
Trowa decided to break out in song, once more, "Brave Sir Quatre ran away...."
"I thought I acted rather bravely," Quatre defended himself petulantly.
Trowa quickly amended his song, "Brave Sir Quatre bravely ran away!"
"I didn't!" protested Quatre. "I just didn't want to fight unnecessarily."
Trowa continued his verses:
//When danger reared its ugly head,//
//he bravely turned his tail and fled!//
"No, that's not quite right!" Quatre asserted in a plaintive voice.
//Yes, brave Sir Quatre turned about,//
//And gallantly, he chickened out!//
Quatre's eyes began to get watery with tears. He sniffed to hold them back. "But...I just wanted to..."
Trowa, apparently did not take notice, and sang out:
//Bravely taking to his feet,//
//He beat a very brave retreat!//
"All lies!" Quatre bawled.
Trowa concluded his song:
//Bravest of the brave, Sir Quatre!//
Quatre wailed miserably and continued to cry for the next hour or so of their journey.
After another day's journey, they traveled across a bridge, careful not to step on the dismembered body of a cursing black armored knight. Eventually, they came upon Heero, Wufei, and Duo, who appeared to be waiting impatiently for something.
"You're here!" Duo exclaimed in surprise. "How did you know where to find us?"
Quatre looked at them. "I'm actually not terribly sure. We took a path that avoided some rather unfortunate obstacles...and we somehow managed to end up here."
"Brave Sir Quatre quickly ran away!" Trowa boomed out in song. "We have been running one whole day!"
Quatre looked somewhat ashamed and turned to introduce Trowa to the others.
"This is Prince Trowa. He doesn't speak much...but he does sing once in a while," Quatre said. "So what are you guys doing here?"
"Waiting," Heero stated simply.
"For what?" pressed Quatre.
Duo grinned. "Heero told us that we will meet a powerful enchanter here. Heero learned of this from a wise, old insane man. So we have to wait until the enchanter comes!"
It was at that moment, they heard the sounds of hoof beats. After a few moments, Relena Peacecraft and her loyal servant appeared. She was still clapping a pair of coconut husks together emulate the sounds of hoof beats.
"Queen Relena has arrived," Pagan informed everyone in a somber voice.
The knights bowed deeply and stared at her.
"How did you come this way?" Heero asked.
"I've been stalking you, silly," Relena answered simply. "No matter where in the world you go, Sir Heero, I will be able to find you."
"Sounds like a standard Relena-based plot hole cover up to me," Wufei mumbled.
"What are we doing here?" Relena queried.
"Waiting," Heero said.
After another hour of standing around and listening to the occasional song, a heavily robed figure appeared out of the forest. He had a large bald spot on his head and scraggly grey hair sprouting from the side of his head. The man also had a full moustache and a pointy looking goatee. Duo could swear that he saw a bright, multi-colored shirt beneath all those robes.
"I am Howard the Enchanter!" the man introduced himself politely. "Greetings, Queen Relena!"
"You know my name?" Relena asked in astonishment.
"I do," Howard replied profoundly. He made a gesture and nearby rock seemed to explode on command. "I know you have all been waiting for me. You seek the Holy Grail!"
"That is our quest! You know much that is hidden, O' Howard!" Relena squealed happily.
"Quite," Howard agreed. He turned to a cluster of nearby rocks and entertained himself by causing them to spontaneously combust.
"Umm...yes," Relena said after a while. It was becoming apparent that Howard was getting carried away blowing things up. "Our quest is to find the Holy Grail, and we've been looking for quite some time. Ages, actually..."
"Yes, we've been searching for a few days already!" Duo added helpfully, earning himself a glare from Relena.
Howard continued to busy himself by making things explode. After he ran out of rocks, he turned to causing various bits of shrubbery to explode.
"Uhhh...look...can you tell us where..." Wufei began, but was interrupted by a violent explosion.
Howard had quickly run out of shrubbery and began to make use of nearby trees. The explosions were raining wood and dangerous splinters all about.
"Look...you're a busy man...uhh..." Relena began nervously.
"Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail," Howard said in a casual voice. "To the south, there lies a cave... the cave of Libra, wherein, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Doctors G, O, S, H and J...which make plain the resting place of the Holy Grail."
"Where could we find this cave, O' Howard?" Relena inquired.
"Follow me," Howard told them. "But follow only if ye be men or women of valor! For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with this beast and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about the entrance of the cave. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth."
"What an eccentric man," Relena muttered underneath her breath, as they followed Howard the Enchanter down a narrow, litter-strewn path.
* * * * *
Author's Note: Thanks to all those who have reviewed! Please read, relax and review (the 3 R's).
* * * * *
The Travels of Sir Quatre and Prince Trowa
Trowa had been terribly sad about leaving his lions behind, but Quatre had persuaded him that it would interfere with their quest. Quatre rode on his horse with Trowa embracing him tightly from behind. Rasheed rode along, pointedly ignoring Trowa's rather affectionate embrace of Sir Quatre.
After traveling south and west for an entire day, the travelers' spirits seemed to be low and weary. Trowa felt it was his obligation to do something about it.
Trowa cleared his throat and broke out into a loud song:
//Bravely bold Sir Quatre rode out!//
//He was not afraid to die, no doubt!//
//He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,//
//Or be tortured by the shrubber, his Excellency Treize!//
//Brave, brave, brave Sir Quatre!//
//He was not in the least bit scared to be smashed into a pulp...//
Quatre looked nervously over his shoulder when Trowa emphasized the line by pounding furiously on Quatre's back. Trowa continued his song:
//...Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows smashed,//
//To have his kneecaps broken and his body burned away//
//And his limbs all hacked, mangled, and severely gashed!//
//Oh, brave, brave Sir Quatre!//
At this point, Trowa was kicking and punching Quatre with emphasis as he sung the song. Rashid seemed slightly alarmed, but did not intervene. He was unsure whether this was some bizarre mating ritual from Prince Trowa's country. Whatever it was, Rashid felt it would be rude, and possibly unhealthy, to interfere.
//Brave, brave Sir Quatre, fearless about//
//His head smashed in and his heart cut out//
//And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged//
//And his pen--//
"That's quite enough!" Quatre cried out, slapping Trowa's hand which had come dangerously near the cod piece of Quatre's armor. "That's enough music for now, Trowa. Hello...what's that up ahead?"
Sir Quatre, Prince Trowa, and the loyal Rashid were approaching a rather imposing, gigantic figure. If Quatre's eyes were not deceiving him, it appeared to be a three headed man wearing armor. Each of the heads looked as if it belonged to a different person.
"Halt! Who art thou?" demanded the three heads in unison.
Trowa had always heard that music soothed the savage beast. So he decided that it was best to answer the massive warrior with a song, "He is brave Sir Quatre, brave Sir Quatre, who..."
"Please, Trowa!" Quatre interrupted hurriedly. He gave the large three- headed warrior before him a guilty grin. "I'm...uhhh...nobody, really. Just passing through...."
"What do you want?" asked the three-headed giant.
"To fight!" Trowa sang out. "To fight and..."
"Trowa, please stop!" Quatre begged. He turned to smile at the giant. "I really don't want anything. Just on my way to the store to pick up some things, that's all."
"I am Dermail," the middle head announced proudly.
"I am Quinze," the head on the right added.
"Why do I always get to introduce myself last?" complained the head on the left.
"Shut up, Otto!" the heads of Dermail and Quinze snapped.
The head named Dermail turned to look evilly at Quatre and his companions.
"Tell us who you are!" he commanded.
Quatre looked up meekly at the three headed man. "Well, my name is Sir Quatre Raberba Winner...and I'm a knight of the Oval Table...and..."
"A knight of the Oval Table!" roared the head of Dermail. "This is unacceptable! I shall have to kill you!"
"We shall?" sniffed the head of Otto, still clearly hurt emotionally.
"Oh, I don't think so," disagreed the head of Quinze.
"Yes, let's be nice!" the head named Otto suggested.
"Shut up, Otto!" the heads of Dermail and Quinze yelled.
The middle head turned to the right head.
"Come on, Quinze. Quick, now! Get out the sword. I want to cut off his head!" the head of Dermail commanded.
"Oh, cut off your own head," the head of Quinze retorted.
Quatre, Trowa and Rashid exchanged confused glances. It was clear that the three headed man had certain unresolved issues. Quatre slowly began to back his horse away, and Rashid began to follow the lead of his master.
"How rude!" fumed the head of Dermail. "You should accord me the dignity I deserve!"
"Dignity?" the head of Quinze cried out. "You snore!"
"And you've got bad breath," the head of Otto added.
"Shut up, Otto!" the heads named Dermail and Quinze shouted angrily.
Otto's head turned his head away sadly. "Black Knight Zechs was never so cruel or rude to me! I miss him. I hope he's well!"
"Stop bitching and let's have some tea," the head of Quinze suggested.
"Oh, all right! We'll kill that blond boy first and then have tea and biscuits."
"Ohh, biscuits sound nice," Otto's head enthused.
"Not biscuits again," Quinze's head grumbled.
"Fine," snapped Dermail's head. "We'll just kill him and have something else besides biscuits."
"Fine," the heads of Quinze and Otto agreed in unison.
The three heads of the giant returned to gaze before them. Their eyes scanned the area and they realized that they were alone.
"It seems that the blond boy and his friends have buggered off," the middle head named Dermail noted in disappointment.
Several hundred yards away, Quatre and Rashid were riding furiously away from the giant. Trowa was clinging onto Quatre. Eventually, the horses were slowed into a regular trot once they had reached a safe distance.
Trowa decided to break out in song, once more, "Brave Sir Quatre ran away...."
"I thought I acted rather bravely," Quatre defended himself petulantly.
Trowa quickly amended his song, "Brave Sir Quatre bravely ran away!"
"I didn't!" protested Quatre. "I just didn't want to fight unnecessarily."
Trowa continued his verses:
//When danger reared its ugly head,//
//he bravely turned his tail and fled!//
"No, that's not quite right!" Quatre asserted in a plaintive voice.
//Yes, brave Sir Quatre turned about,//
//And gallantly, he chickened out!//
Quatre's eyes began to get watery with tears. He sniffed to hold them back. "But...I just wanted to..."
Trowa, apparently did not take notice, and sang out:
//Bravely taking to his feet,//
//He beat a very brave retreat!//
"All lies!" Quatre bawled.
Trowa concluded his song:
//Bravest of the brave, Sir Quatre!//
Quatre wailed miserably and continued to cry for the next hour or so of their journey.
After another day's journey, they traveled across a bridge, careful not to step on the dismembered body of a cursing black armored knight. Eventually, they came upon Heero, Wufei, and Duo, who appeared to be waiting impatiently for something.
"You're here!" Duo exclaimed in surprise. "How did you know where to find us?"
Quatre looked at them. "I'm actually not terribly sure. We took a path that avoided some rather unfortunate obstacles...and we somehow managed to end up here."
"Brave Sir Quatre quickly ran away!" Trowa boomed out in song. "We have been running one whole day!"
Quatre looked somewhat ashamed and turned to introduce Trowa to the others.
"This is Prince Trowa. He doesn't speak much...but he does sing once in a while," Quatre said. "So what are you guys doing here?"
"Waiting," Heero stated simply.
"For what?" pressed Quatre.
Duo grinned. "Heero told us that we will meet a powerful enchanter here. Heero learned of this from a wise, old insane man. So we have to wait until the enchanter comes!"
It was at that moment, they heard the sounds of hoof beats. After a few moments, Relena Peacecraft and her loyal servant appeared. She was still clapping a pair of coconut husks together emulate the sounds of hoof beats.
"Queen Relena has arrived," Pagan informed everyone in a somber voice.
The knights bowed deeply and stared at her.
"How did you come this way?" Heero asked.
"I've been stalking you, silly," Relena answered simply. "No matter where in the world you go, Sir Heero, I will be able to find you."
"Sounds like a standard Relena-based plot hole cover up to me," Wufei mumbled.
"What are we doing here?" Relena queried.
"Waiting," Heero said.
After another hour of standing around and listening to the occasional song, a heavily robed figure appeared out of the forest. He had a large bald spot on his head and scraggly grey hair sprouting from the side of his head. The man also had a full moustache and a pointy looking goatee. Duo could swear that he saw a bright, multi-colored shirt beneath all those robes.
"I am Howard the Enchanter!" the man introduced himself politely. "Greetings, Queen Relena!"
"You know my name?" Relena asked in astonishment.
"I do," Howard replied profoundly. He made a gesture and nearby rock seemed to explode on command. "I know you have all been waiting for me. You seek the Holy Grail!"
"That is our quest! You know much that is hidden, O' Howard!" Relena squealed happily.
"Quite," Howard agreed. He turned to a cluster of nearby rocks and entertained himself by causing them to spontaneously combust.
"Umm...yes," Relena said after a while. It was becoming apparent that Howard was getting carried away blowing things up. "Our quest is to find the Holy Grail, and we've been looking for quite some time. Ages, actually..."
"Yes, we've been searching for a few days already!" Duo added helpfully, earning himself a glare from Relena.
Howard continued to busy himself by making things explode. After he ran out of rocks, he turned to causing various bits of shrubbery to explode.
"Uhhh...look...can you tell us where..." Wufei began, but was interrupted by a violent explosion.
Howard had quickly run out of shrubbery and began to make use of nearby trees. The explosions were raining wood and dangerous splinters all about.
"Look...you're a busy man...uhh..." Relena began nervously.
"Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail," Howard said in a casual voice. "To the south, there lies a cave... the cave of Libra, wherein, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Doctors G, O, S, H and J...which make plain the resting place of the Holy Grail."
"Where could we find this cave, O' Howard?" Relena inquired.
"Follow me," Howard told them. "But follow only if ye be men or women of valor! For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with this beast and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about the entrance of the cave. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth."
"What an eccentric man," Relena muttered underneath her breath, as they followed Howard the Enchanter down a narrow, litter-strewn path.