Title: Adam Banks: Fashion Police
Rating: PG-13
Author(s): Tempest and Sparkle
Email: mortal_belleza@hotmail.com (Tempest) or rnbwrvrgrl@cherriemail.com (Sparkle)
Disclaimer: We don't own them; Disney does. We're just having a little fun with them to amuse ourselves and others. We will returned them unharmed and by curfew. :)
Authors' notes: We know it doesn't make sense; that's the beauty of it. It's just suppose to be entertaining, so please don't get all roused up about it. Don't like it? Feel free to flame. S'mores are no good without the flames. Besides, we'll only make you a victim in our upcoming chapters.
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Adam vs. the Green and Blue Plaid Vest
Adam walked down the expansive hallways of Eden Hall with a contented. Everything was right with the world, or so it seemed. The Ducks had recently won yet another championship for the school, his father had finally given in to buying him a new car, and Kathy -- the tennis player -- had finally agreed to go out with him tomorrow night after all his pestering. Oh yes, life was good for Adam Banks.
School had ended for the day, and Adam was more than anxious to meet up with his friends. They were going to Wendy's to celebrate the arrival of the weekend. Adam whistled a tune to himself as he made the trek across campus to the dorm room. He thought about the yummy burger he was going to enjoy while he laughed with his friends about the events that had happened at school earlier that day.
Adam entered into his dorm room where Charlie sat in a chair reading a sports magazine. Adam sauntered over to his closet and rummaged through his wardrobe. What would be nice for a night out with your friends? Should he wear the white POLO shirt? No, white made his skin look to sallow in the winter, even though he thought the material of the shirt felt heavenly against his skin. Maybe, he should go with a nice heather gray or navy blue instead.
"What are you doing?" Charlie asked incredulously, bringing Adam out of his debating thoughts. He knew that Adam could be a real fashion freak at times, but he didn't realize how much it was starting to take hold of Adam. "I know you're not looking for something else to wear. What's wrong with what you've got on now?"
Adam looked down at his pressed, dark khaki pants and his black POLO shirt, and then looked back at Charlie horrified. "I wore this all day, during class." Adam said, his eyes widening with dismay. Did Charlie really expect him to wear the same outfit all day? "Just because you would be comfortable running around in a burlap bag, doesn't mean that we all share your sentiments, Charlie." Adam added haughtily.
Adam eyed Charlie's wardrobe with a critical eye. It seemed decent enough. Plain white t-shirt and jeans couldn't go wrong with that classic combination. Adam cringed at the shoes, which held a horrid shade of orange that matched nothing Charlie had on, but he would overlook it… this once. Not everyone could be a fashion guru like himself.
"We don't have time for you to play dress-up now, Adam. We're supposed to be meeting everyone in the quad in five minutes." Charlie added, standing up.
Adam reluctantly put the shirts back in his closet, longingly rubbing the material just one last time. "I guess what I have on will have to do then." He grumbled. His mood was quickly starting to dissipate. He knew he shouldn't have dawdled coming from his last class. Now, he didn't have time to pick out a nice color scheme for the sunny, autumn day. Adam exhaled piteously as he followed Charlie out of the room and to the quad.
Adam inspected each of his friends once they arrived at the quad. No friends of his were going to go out with him looking like something the cat drug in. He studied all his friends pointing out the weaknesses and the strengths of each of their outfits, but he hadn't seen anything that really offended him yet, but there was someone missing.
"Where's Luis?" Adam asked. He wasn't leaving that quad without making sure that all his friends were in decent clothing -- no exceptions.
"He's coming. He was held up after our last class. He needed to get some notes from Mrs. Brisco." Ken said, and Adam visibly cringed at the sound of Mrs. Brisco's name. Of all the teachers in Eden Hall, Mrs. Brisco had to be the most awful dressed he had ever encountered. She always wore hideous pink shoes that made Adam want to puke up his lunch.
"Hey guys! I'm coming!" Adam heard Luis yell behind him. Instantly, something inside of Adam perked up and screamed at him. Something wasn't right.
Adam's senses continued to tingle with an exigency, and he turned quickly to face Luis. Adam nearly screamed in abject revulsion as he watched Luis jog to the group. Did Luis realize that he was a walking tragedy? It was up to Adam to right the wrong. Adam felt he was preordained to make sure catastrophes such as this didn't happen.
"WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?" Adam screamed, running to meet the boy halfway. Adam put his hands over his face, fearing the fashion error would blind him. He knew his day was going to get worse, but this was problem he could fix.
Luis stared blankly at Adam. What the hell was Adam complaining about now? Adam was known to have an aneurysm about something at least once a day. Luis looked down at his green shirt, green and blue plaid vest, jeans, and black sneakers. He shrugged as he said, "Clothes."
"You clash! I DEMAND you take that…that… vile piece of material off, right this instant." Adam demanded; he could feel his anger growing with each passing second.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Luis shrugged.
"That vest! It's green and blue plaid! And you're wearing it with a GREEN shirt!" Adam spat. He pointed at it, afraid to touch it. It might pollute him with bad style logic. He didn't have anything against plaid, per se, but that vest was atrocious. Didn't anyone teach Luis good fashion sense? Adam felt like slapping him.
"Oh this?" Luis asked, plucking at the offending garment. "I bought this at a discount store back in Miami."
"Discount store? You didn't say that despicable word." Adam squealed, covering his ears. Discount stores might as well be a pseudonym for Hell in Adam's book. He could feel his stomach rumbling at the mere mention of a 'discount store'. Luis took that opportunity to try to walk by the maniac Adam, but Adam caught his arm. "You should have left it in the discount store. Take… it… off… NOW!" Adam growled.
"Adam, it's no big deal. Let it go, man." Guy said, coming to Luis' aid.
No big deal? He wasn't about to let that go. The green Luis' shirt didn't even match the green in his vest. That made it doubly worse. Who taught Luis how to match colors? Did they find it amusing for Luis to walk around looking as if he belonged in some circus? No, it wouldn't be fair to the team if Adam allowed him to clash. "He will not destabilize my high-quality fashion progressions with this." Adam argued, waving a hand up at Luis' vest. "You will take it off now, Mendoza."
Adam stood in a predatory stance, ready to pounce if Luis ignored him. "Settle down, Adam. You're getting a little too worked up over the vest, man." Luis said, plucking at the vest once again.
As if the action signaled the beginning of a battle, Adam's hands shot out and grabbed the vest. He began to shake Luis violently as he tried to rip the material from his body. "YOU WILL NOT WEAR THIS!" Adam yelled, trying with all his strength to rip the fiendish material. Adam refused to be offended any longer by that blunder.
Luis tried to pull away from Adam, but only succeeded in falling over and allowing Adam to pin him as he continued to yank at the vest. "Ow! Watch the face! HELP!" Luis cried. He tried to wiggle from under Adam, but it was no use. Luis yelped as the material began to give way to Adam's persistent jerks.
Dean and Fulton took it upon themselves to try to save the poor boy from Adam's clutches. They pulled Adam with all their might, but Adam clung tightly to the vest. He would not be satisfied until it was obliterated. "This vest has to DIE!" Adam continued to yell as he tugged at the vest, and the two bigger boys tugged at him.
"I don't think we can hold on any longer." Fulton said through clenched teeth of concentration, as Adam continued to scream like a madman.
"HE'S PULLING SKIN! GET HIM OFF ME!" Luis shrieked in a frantic voice. Adam continued to claw at his vest, and Luis feared for Adam's sanity as well as his own life.
"VEST! DIE! NOW!" Adam snarled, reverting to cave man talk. He had lost all touch with the English language, and he wouldn't fully regain his senses until the evil vest had given up its futile struggle. Did the vest know it was no match for Adam Banks?
Finally, the vest having put up a good fight gave way, and Adam held the torn vest triumphantly in his hands. He threw it on the ground and spat on it evilly. "Never again will you be able to plague the life of my friends. I've beaten you."
Adam's victory speech was cut short as Dean began to shake him with vigor. "What the fuck's wrong with you?" Dean didn't give him a chance to answer as he shook him even harder.
"He didn't match!" Adam said between shakes. Dean stopped shaking Adam as his eyes began to water. Didn't they understand? He had only pounced on Luis to save his poor, fashionless soul.
"What kind of excuse to attack me is that?" Luis asked, holding his neck. "I think I've got whiplash. Shake him again until he loses consciousness." Luis grumbled, and Dean would have happily obliged. However, Charlie stepped in.
"C'mon, you guys. Adam say you're sorry to Luis, and let's get out of here. I'm starving. We can talk about this over a burger and fries." Charlie said, obviously annoyed.
Adam began to protest, but Charlie shot him a withering glance. "I'm sorry about your… your… ugly vest." Adam said, not really meaning it. He would never be sorry for putting that hideous vest out of its misery. Luis muttered a curt reply accepting. Adam cast one last look at the pieces of the vest and stomped on them as if they were an insect.
The group settled down and finally they were on their way. Luis made it a point to walk as far away from Adam as he could get, but Adam was content for the moment. "I bet Luis won't make that mistake again. From now on, he'll make sure he's matching." Adam heard Connie to Julie snigger behind him, and he turned to look at her.
"I wouldn't talk little Miss Ugly Black shoes. If I were you, I'd burn those things." Adam said snidely with a warning glare, and Connie blushed. She would remember that. She didn't want to be his next victim.