Adam vs. Julie's Closet

            Julie woke up Monday morning feeling refreshed. She had gone to bed early the night before; she hadn't been getting much sleep while the playoffs were going on, but now that they were over, she felt more relaxed. She rose from her bed and did the usual routine of showering and dressing for the day's activities. She took no mind to the clothes she wore as she threw on a pair of purple jogging pants and a plain black shirt.

            Morning classes went by swiftly for Julie, they always did. She enjoyed school and classes just as much as she enjoyed hockey. She wasn't afraid to admit that she was very smart; she liked people to know that she was athletic and intelligent. She even took pride in flexing her mental muscle, but there was one person she wasn't ready for, Adam Banks.

            It was nearing lunchtime before Adam saw her atrocious fault in fashion. "So, we went…" Adam stopped short as he saw Julie walking down the hallway. He had been recounting his fabulous date to Dwayne, Ken, and Russ when he noticed those ugly pants. He couldn't believe that one of his friends could wear something so awful. "Excuse me, guys; I need to talk to Julie." He didn't even offer them a goodbye as he sped down the hallway after her.

            Adam cornered Julie as she was going to the cafeteria for lunch. She looked taken aback as he grabbed her arm sternly and pulled her into a corner of the hallway. He glared at her viciously, eyeing her from head to toe. An occasional tsk escaped his lips, and Julie wondered what she had done to irritate Adam. "Julie, really… I have nothing against the tomboy look, but this is ridiculous, and those pants are awful. Purple sweatpants, ugh. I think you should go back to your room and put on something more appropriate." Adam said in a patronizing tone.

            Julie laughed at Adam until she realized that he was dead serious. "Adam, I can't just go back to my room and change. I'll miss lunch. I'm comfortable in this. I'm not trying to impress anyone." She said, and Adam's frown deepened.

            "You always dress to impress, and Julie, purple sweatpants? They look horrible on you." Adam stated, and he was telling the truth. Who in their right mind walked around school in purple sweatpants? Comfortable or not, she was committing a horrible sin. "They're not even long enough. You're flooding horribly."

He noted that she was also wearing white socks when she should be wearing black to match her shirt. Didn't these people know anything about color coordination? He hated sweatpants, and he had given up on them two years before. They were never long enough, no matter how big you bought them. Who in their right mind would want to walk out of their house with those dreadful things on? They were a big fashion don't in his book.

He wanted to cry. How could a moderately attractive girl like Julie just let herself go like that? Why hadn't someone pointed out the errors of her ways? She was his friend, and he wouldn't have her walking around this school looking like a ruffian. He could deal with her walking around looking plain as long as she did so in a reasonably fashionable manner. He was taking it upon himself to show her the light.

"Adam, what are you going to do? Rip my pants off like you did Luis' vest?" Julie asked sarcastically, referring to the all too recent vest incident in which Adam destroyed Luis' green and blue, plaid vest.

Adam cringed at the mention of the foul garment; he still had nightmares about that vest thanks to Luis. "No, you know I couldn't do that. I don't think that would be too proper." He answered sadly, feeling as if he were losing the battle with Julie's horrible tastes in attire. "But Julie, look at yourself. You've got your hair severely pulled back, and don't even get me started on how horrible your make up looks. Then to top it all off, you wear those hideous sweatpants. Have you no shame, woman?"

"I'll keep your fashion advice in mind next time I feel like impressing other people. Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm missing lunch." Julie said brightly before Adam could protest. She thought she had outwitted the fashion Nazi. "By the way, you've got a hair out of place."

Adam instantly began to smooth his hair. "This isn't over Gaffney, not by a long shot." He called after her, but she responded with a denigrating chuckle. Adam gritted his teeth as he turned and walked away; a plan was formulating in his mind. "She doesn't want to make herself look presentable, so I guess I'll have to do it for her."

Later that day, he went to the girls' room in search of Julie. He would try one more time to try to talk some sense into her. The first thing he noticed when he walked into their room was that she still has those pants on. He couldn't help but stare at them hatefully. How dare they taunt him with their atrociousness.

"What are you staring at?" Julie asked, mildly amused. She had no doubt that he was there to argue with her about the evilness of sweatpants -- purple sweatpants in particular.

"Your God awful pants," he said honestly and looked Julie in her eyes. He could see the laughter threatening to escape from her lips, but by God, this was no laughing matter. People were killed for lesser offenses, and if it were up to him, the creator of purple sweatpants would die a horrible, bloody death.

"Adam, once again, I'm comfortable in them. Shouldn't that be my main concern?" Julie asked.

"But Juuuuullliiiieeee," Adam whined. "They're purple sweatpants. Even a homeless person wouldn't wear those." Adam put his hands dramatically over his heart, his eyes began water at his apparent grief of the situation.

"Adam --" Julie started but was cut off.

"They're just so ugly. How can you live with yourself knowing that you wear purple sweatpants?" The tears threatened to spill from his watery eyes. Couldn't she see he was doing this for her own sake? He continued to whine, but she wouldn't listen to reason.

"Goodbye, Adam." She said, shooing him towards the door.

Adam spent the rest of his evening planning how he was going to tame "The Cat". He quietly gathered his materials that night while Charlie slept and slipped them meticulously into his backpack.  She wouldn't get away with her injustice. She would see that he was only trying to do what was best for her.

The next day, Julie wore a pair of green sweatpants. This time she wore a white shirt and purple socks. Adam felt like strangling her, but instead, he smiled at her dazzlingly. She was trying to vex him of course. She was doing a good job of it, but he would have the last laugh.

During lunch, he slipped across the quad and into the girls' dorms. He picked the lock of Julie and Connie's room, a trick he had learned from Dean. He walked into their room. This time taking note of the horrible decorating they had done. There were gaudy, flowered curtains over their window. "I'll deal with those later." He said, frowning.

He went to Julie's closet and opened the door. From his book bag, he pulled a pair of scissors and went to work. He pulled a yellow shirt from the closet. "Yuck! Too bright. Who does she think she is? Big Bird?" He went through every piece of garment, making comments.

By the time he was done, a pile of cut up clothes lay on the floor about him, and he had a satisfied grin on his face. He hadn't cut them all up. He had left her some decent clothing to make some nice outfits out of. His work was done. He started to put up his trusty scissors when he noticed those unsightly curtains. He continuously opened and closed the scissors as he grinned maliciously and walked towards those appalling curtains…

~*~

"Oh my God, what happened to all my clothes?" Julie asked as she picked up the shredded garments. She went to her closet and found a few items left unharmed.

"What the hell happened to my curtains?" Connie asked, picking up the remains of her curtains off the floor.

"ADAM!" Both girls screamed looking at each other.

In his own room, Adam snickered delightfully, knowing the girls had found their wonderful surprise. He wanted to tell someone how he had single-handedly saved Julie from being a walking disaster, but the others might not find it too funny. "Oh well, one day I'll tell my grandkids about this. The day that I  Adam the fashion victim slayer, defeated Julie's closet."