Adam vs. the Tommy Hilfiger T-shirt

            Adam stood at his locker surrounded by his friends. He was nervous and flustered; he was having a geometry test first thing in the morning. He didn't know if he would be able to concentrate if he had to look at Mrs. Brisco's awful pink shoes during his test. Maybe, if he just pointed out that pink didn't go with everything, she would give up those damn shoes.

"Alicia Bennington is so hot." Luis said, looking in the direction of the girl. The other guys mumbled in agreement, appreciating her womanly features.

Adam didn't look up from his book as he continued to try to memorize geometry formulas. He didn't have time to look at 'hot' girls. He had a test to prepare for. Adam for one knew that Alicia Bennington was a wealthy, panache-less girl. It was a shame her daddy couldn't afford to buy her some sense of fashion.

            "Forget it. She'll never date someone like you. She's got too much style and class." Guy said, and the others laughed.

            Style? Where they talking about the same Alicia Bennington that wore cowboy boots over her jeans? Even Dwayne had more fashion sense than that. Adam took this opportunity to look up from his book and peered in the direction the guys were looking.

            "I just don't understand." Adam mused eyeing the ghastly Tommy Hilfiger T-shirt Alicia was wearing. That wasn't his only qualm with her outfit… or her. Those baggy jeans were a sore vision, she was wearing socks with those formal shoes, and who in the hell was that girl's hairdresser? Her hair was huge.

            "I don't understand how she got that fine either, Adam." Luis said. He was still weary of Adam, but after the fiasco with Julie's closet, Luis had to admit that maybe Adam did have a point. Julie had been dressing a lot better these days, and as much as they hated to admit it, they had Adam to thank for that small miracle.

            "Fine?" Adam scoffed. There was nothing fine about that girl, not as long as she looked like some fashion reject. "You'd think with all the bragging she does about her parent's wealth, she would get a decent fashion advisor. I will not stand for this."

            Adam dropped his books on the floor, much to the chagrin of his friends. He couldn't let a girl of her caliber walk around looking like she belonged in a public school. A look of sheer determination masked Adam's face as he marched over to where Alicia and her friends stood laughing over something one of them just said. "Girl, that is a Diva don't." Adam said, snapping his fingers for emphasis.

            "What?" Alicia said taken aback by Adam's sudden outburst.

            "You are a walking debacle, and I won't allow this to go on. I'll admit. That shirt first caught my eye. It's horrible. Why do you wear that?" Adam asked, frowning at the shirt.

            "Are you insane? This is Tommy Hilfiger." Alicia said haughtily. Her friend snickered, and she wondered if Adam knew who Tommy Hilfiger even was. She supposed he did. He was well dressed. Her eyes quietly counted the expensiveness of his outfit. He was the 'rich boy' of the rag-tag hockey team that had entered Eden Hall 2 years before.

            "Why do you want to wear a poorly made t-shirt with a designer's name on it?" Adam asked. Alicia opened her mouth to respond, but Adam quickly continued. "Either you are completely clueless, or you can't afford the real thing. You're a walking billboard. You know that, right? You should just write LOSER across your forehead."

            Alicia's friend gasped at his frankness. No one had ever told Alicia that she was a fashion disaster. She was the one of the richest girls in school. Alicia opened and closed her mouth like a fish, not knowing how to respond. Finally she spoke, "Why should I care what you think?" She asked half-heartedly. By now, people had started gathering to see what was going on.

            "Be honest with yourself Alicia. They're all laughing at you, and your horrible style. You need someone to be honest with you, and I'm not afraid to tell you exactly what's wrong. You friends should be more honest with you." Adam eyed her friends. "But then again, they don't have much fashion know-how either."

            Her friends all looked away embarrassed that one boy was making a spectacle out of them, and Adam decided they should be embarrassed for daring to walk out their houses like that. "And those baggy jeans, puh-leeze, did your tailor take a vacation? Baggy is out girl. You attend Eden Hall, not Thug Academy." Adam complained, shaking his head unhappily.

            Adam's heated discussion rang through the hallways, and his friends groaned. Well, there goes their chance to get in good with Alicia. Charlie walked up to his friends. "Adam's at it again, isn't he?" He asked when he saw Adam shaking his finger at Alicia.  Alicia's face was rapidly falling, and soon the tears would come.

            "Yep." Dwayne said.

            "Poor girl, she should have just not come to school today." Charlie commented.

            Alicia finally burst out into tears, but tears didn't affect Adam when he was convinced there was a fashion calamity was taking place. He had no mercy on the ill advised. They should have better sense than to just think they could pick up anything old thing off the rack and make it fashionable. He would have to hurt people's feelings to make them see the light.

            "Those shoes do not go with socks. You do not wear socks with dressy shoes or sandals. And what's with that tall hair? I know you're a religious person, and you want to be closer to God, but that high hair is not the way to go. I don't even think God can forgive that, and I can't let you walk around like this. I'll have to insist that you go home and put something suitable on." Adam continued.

            Various thoughts began to run through Alicia's mind. Was she really setting a bad fashion example? How could she have been so dumb? She was no better than a commoner was if she didn't have any style sense. Fresh tears built up and she sobbed harder. "I-I don't know what would be suitable." Alicia said between sobs, and Adam patted her gently on the shoulder.

            "There, there, now. Don't cry. You're a real mess, but I can help you." Adam said reassuringly. "Come on let's get you out of here, and first's things first. We will burn that horrible shirt. Then we'll make you an emergency appointment with my stylist Raul. You'll look as good as your money in no time. Who cares about a geometry test? This is serious business."

            Adam's friends looked amazed as he walked by with the sobbing girl clinging to him for support. "Maybe, I should become a fashion mogul if it's going to land me babes like that." Guy said.

            "You've got to get a sense of style first." Charlie said critically and then sighed. He had been spending too much time with Adam. All Adam's constant babbling about color schemes and fabric was starting to rub off on him.

*

Authors' notes: Just for the record. We're not saying that wearing any of the things mentioned in this fic is wrong or tasteless. We promote individuality, but for humor purposes, we're poking fun at this stuff.  Some of this stuff we read about in fashion articles, and some of it just comes from our imagination. Please, don't get offended.