Adam vs. The Tacky Pink Shoes

            Mrs. Brisco the math teacher started her morning like any other. She took a quick shower, ate a light breakfast, and put on a gray dress complete with pink pumps. She breathed in the fresh morning air. "Today is going to be a beautiful day," she said aloud to herself. What she didn't know was that day would be the day her life was forever changed by a student named Adam Banks…

The shoes clacked down the hallway, causing Adam to wince. He could tell from the way they clattered down the hall they were a pair of hideous pink shoes that came from Payless. He grinded his molars as he tried to fight the urge to run after the teacher and tackle her. Mrs. Brisco's face appeared before him, mocking everything he stood for and against. He senses burned. He had ignored it long enough! It was time to put an end to those shoes.

Adam stood up defiantly, his Spanish teacher looking at him questioningly. "Adam, what's wrong?" He asked.

"I have to save Mrs. Brisco! And as for you, Mr. Corridori, I've had to stare at that same UGLY tie for a week. I think I might need to have a little talk with you after school." Mr. Corridor put a hand over his tie. Adam's fashion exploits were spreading around the school like wildfire. Students and teachers alike cringed in fear when they saw Adam walking down the hallway.

Adam walked down the hallway purposely. This was Mrs. Brisco lunch period, so he had exactly an hour to talk some sense into her. He made a quick detour to the Chemistry lab. The Chemistry teacher, Ms. Thorn, looked at him questioningly. Was he there to chew her out about white shoes she was wearing? She cowered in fear, the chattering of students' teeth filling the room. Was Adam going to attack them all?

Adam surveyed the room critically. He picked up the first chemical he saw that said flammable and snatched a pack of matches out of a kid's hands. He also picked up a pair of flame-retardant gloves. "Please don't burn me! I'll take it off!" Screamed a girl as she quickly pulled off an atrocious army green bucket hat.

Adam didn't address her. "I'm going to borrow this. Mr. I-wear-two-different-shades-of-black on the last table, I demand you go home. Ms. Green-streaks-are-cool on the first table, I am making you an appointment with my stylist Raul, and Ms. Thorn, why are you wearing those god-awful white shoes with that outfit? You have been warned."

The boy in the black immediately ran from the room, and the girl with the green streaks in her hair burst into tears. Ms. Thorn turned an indescribable shade of red. Adam eyed them all again. "This room is full of fashion violations. I WILL be back right after I take care of Mrs. Brisco." A frightful gasp filled the room. Oh no! He was coming back for them.

"Nooooooo!" One boy screamed, running toward a window. He tried to throw himself from the open window, but two students pulled him back before he could do the deed.

Adam exited the Chemistry room with his weapons in hand. He barged into Mrs. Brisco's room where she was eating a chicken salad. She peered at him over her glasses. "Do you need something?"

"Yes, I do. I don't know if you know me or not. I'm Adam Banks. I have friends in your math class. I have a little problem with you." Adam said through clenched teeth eyeing the shoes.

"What?" She asked incredulously.

"I'm going to tell you a story, Mrs. Brisco, and you listen carefully. Once upon a time, there was a moderately attractive woman named Sherri. She was very smart, but she had no fashion sense, which made her none too popular with the boys and girls alike. Sherri graduated from college without ever having a date. Some like to say she'd never been kiss."

"Adam –" She started, but he quickly cut her off.

Adam put his hands on his hips and rolled his neck and eyes. "No, you need to hear this, so DON'T interrupt me! Now, where was I? Oh yes, Sherri married a man named Phillip who didn't care about her fashion sense probably because he didn't care about his own fashion sense. They were a charming couple, but they didn't know how to dress, so people shied away from them."

"What does –"

"Excuse me, you're interrupting again." Adam huffed. He started pouring the chemical on her shoes. She didn't even notice; she was too flabbergasted by the student standing in front of her. "To make a long story short, Sherri and Phillip lived in their obliviousness until one day Phillip got a style consultant. Phillip started dressing better, but Sherri REFUSED to be helped. So Phillip left poor Sherri to wallow in her own bad fashion."

"Are you implying my husband left me because I don't know how to dress?" Adam had touched a sore spot with her, but he didn't care. Someone needed to save that woman. She had "Save me" written all over her forehead.

"YES! YOU WEAR PINK SHOES WITH EVERYTHING! HOW COULD YOU!" Adam's eyes started to tear up as his emotions got the best of him. He sniffled. "Excuse me. I just get emotional when I see someone in need. Now, you sit really still this isn't going to hurt ONE BIT." Adam lit a match and dropped it on her shoes.

Mrs. Brisco started to scream as the shoes burst into flames. She quickly kicked the shoes from her feet. Adam pulled on the gloves and calmly picked up the shoes. He walked across the classroom and threw them out the window. "GOODBYE PINK SHOES! YOUR REIGN OF TERROR IS OVER!"

He turned back toward Mrs. Brisco who pushed herself into a corner. "Don't worry the horror is over. Now let's see what we can do about that ugly gray dress and that 70's hairstyle." He grabbed a pair of scissors off her desk. She pushed herself further into the corner as he walked toward her.

"You're crazy! Please! PLEASE NOOOOOOOOO…!" Mrs. Brisco screamed as his shadow darkened her world.

Adam slapped his hands together happily once he finished with Mrs. Brisco. Now, it was time to go back to the Chem lab. Most of those kids were an accident waiting to happen.

            A few weeks later, a plaque was set up in the quad. It read: Here lies Mrs. Brisco pink shoes. Killed on that faithful day of October 1st by Adam Banks. God bless their soul and GOOD RIDDANCE.

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Next chapter: Adam vs. Dean's Dingy Bandanna