DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of CCS characters. CLAMP owns them. I WISH I
could own them.at least I wont be living in this dump call a home.
Chapter 02: Another Fight
9:45 p.m.
|| Tomoyo's POV ||
He called just a while ago. It's been a whole day since we last talked because of the fight of the previous night.
I can't stand this any longer!
Whenever we have a chance to talk we always end up hurt one way or the other.
It's always been like this. Always have been and it don't seem to be changing at all. I guess it's my entire fault for it. Since it most of the time anyways.
At first Eriol was all hyped and perked. He sounded so happy.almost too happy.it seemed like that fight that we had was meaningless to him. His perkiness got on my nerve after a while because he was being too carefree.
Yeah sure, he said he missed me. But did he really. He didn't even sound serious when he said that.
I didn't tell him that his hyper-self was kinda pissing me off cuz it seemed like he was trying to hide something.
I can't seem to know what to do!
He asked me again 'why do you love me?'
I know the answer I wanna give him but my mouth never seems to open up and tell him exactly how I feel. Why isn't it letting me? Is it because if I do something bad's going to happen or something? It can't cuz it's exactly the same reason why he loves me.
He told me once.he told me a thousand times why.and all he asked in return was why I love him so much.
I know what to say.it just wont come out.and it hurts him cuz to him it seems like I cant trust him.but I do. He's the ONLY person I DO trust on the earth. Nobody else, I can never depend on them.
Right now.all I'm doing is writing down what I'm feeling and blasting my music. The music helps drown out my thoughts and let me be in peace for a little while. Eriol had told me that when you feel down, mad, or whatever that you should write it down. It works cuz I feel like the burden's been lifted and I'm not as heavy inside.
Eriol said he'll call back.I know he will call back.at least.just not tonight.he's going to call after a whole day has gone by.
It was so hard sleeping last night without him by my side.or at least had a good conversation with him.
It seems that if we get into a fight now.he lets me go.as if it's going to get resolve on its own.
I thought so too at first.but then I realize that it wouldn't.
It makes things 1000x worse.
I don't know what to do.I really don't.
At times.I really do think of hurting myself.and maybe in the brink of suicide.possibly.the chance of doing so.
But I cant do that because I must care about the people around me.especially Eriol's. I told him that I would always be there for him. I can't just leave him behind with all the pain while I'm gone and my worries astray.
But I doubt that's going to happen. My problems will always be there, since I'm always running away from them.
I know that's not a good thing to do.but at times.it seems like it's the best thing to do. To just be able to get rid of it for a couple hours and live life carefree.
But until it crawls back into my life.then all hell break loose.
What can I do.? I really want to tell Eriol how much I care for him.how much I love him.I want to tell him WHY I love him.
I love him because he's so different from the rest of the guys that I've seen and known.
I love him because he's always going to be there for me no matter what the cause may be.
I love him because he's always there to lend a helping hand.
I love him because he's understanding and patient with me.
I love him because after all this time.he's still willing to keep faith in me.
I love him because of the way he shows his devotion and caring. I love him because he's willing to put up with all the bull shit I put him through.
I love him because he's always there to support my every decision.
I love him because he doesn't force me into doing something I don't want to do.
I love him because he's true to himself and to me.
I love him because of his faithfulness and loyalty towards the one he loves.
I love him because he's him.
He's everything I been looking for in a guy.the guy of my dreams.the perfect guy.in my eyes anyways.
He's perfect in my eyes.the way he is.
I just love him so much! I don't know why I can't tell him WHY I love him.
It hurts me because something's holding me back from telling him how I feel and I don't want to see him hurt because of him thinking I don't know WHY I love him.I do.
I just.can't seem.to express it.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is kinda really emotion.in a way.I guess.if you would even call it that. It sucks I know I know.)
Chapter 02: Another Fight
9:45 p.m.
|| Tomoyo's POV ||
He called just a while ago. It's been a whole day since we last talked because of the fight of the previous night.
I can't stand this any longer!
Whenever we have a chance to talk we always end up hurt one way or the other.
It's always been like this. Always have been and it don't seem to be changing at all. I guess it's my entire fault for it. Since it most of the time anyways.
At first Eriol was all hyped and perked. He sounded so happy.almost too happy.it seemed like that fight that we had was meaningless to him. His perkiness got on my nerve after a while because he was being too carefree.
Yeah sure, he said he missed me. But did he really. He didn't even sound serious when he said that.
I didn't tell him that his hyper-self was kinda pissing me off cuz it seemed like he was trying to hide something.
I can't seem to know what to do!
He asked me again 'why do you love me?'
I know the answer I wanna give him but my mouth never seems to open up and tell him exactly how I feel. Why isn't it letting me? Is it because if I do something bad's going to happen or something? It can't cuz it's exactly the same reason why he loves me.
He told me once.he told me a thousand times why.and all he asked in return was why I love him so much.
I know what to say.it just wont come out.and it hurts him cuz to him it seems like I cant trust him.but I do. He's the ONLY person I DO trust on the earth. Nobody else, I can never depend on them.
Right now.all I'm doing is writing down what I'm feeling and blasting my music. The music helps drown out my thoughts and let me be in peace for a little while. Eriol had told me that when you feel down, mad, or whatever that you should write it down. It works cuz I feel like the burden's been lifted and I'm not as heavy inside.
Eriol said he'll call back.I know he will call back.at least.just not tonight.he's going to call after a whole day has gone by.
It was so hard sleeping last night without him by my side.or at least had a good conversation with him.
It seems that if we get into a fight now.he lets me go.as if it's going to get resolve on its own.
I thought so too at first.but then I realize that it wouldn't.
It makes things 1000x worse.
I don't know what to do.I really don't.
At times.I really do think of hurting myself.and maybe in the brink of suicide.possibly.the chance of doing so.
But I cant do that because I must care about the people around me.especially Eriol's. I told him that I would always be there for him. I can't just leave him behind with all the pain while I'm gone and my worries astray.
But I doubt that's going to happen. My problems will always be there, since I'm always running away from them.
I know that's not a good thing to do.but at times.it seems like it's the best thing to do. To just be able to get rid of it for a couple hours and live life carefree.
But until it crawls back into my life.then all hell break loose.
What can I do.? I really want to tell Eriol how much I care for him.how much I love him.I want to tell him WHY I love him.
I love him because he's so different from the rest of the guys that I've seen and known.
I love him because he's always going to be there for me no matter what the cause may be.
I love him because he's always there to lend a helping hand.
I love him because he's understanding and patient with me.
I love him because after all this time.he's still willing to keep faith in me.
I love him because of the way he shows his devotion and caring. I love him because he's willing to put up with all the bull shit I put him through.
I love him because he's always there to support my every decision.
I love him because he doesn't force me into doing something I don't want to do.
I love him because he's true to himself and to me.
I love him because of his faithfulness and loyalty towards the one he loves.
I love him because he's him.
He's everything I been looking for in a guy.the guy of my dreams.the perfect guy.in my eyes anyways.
He's perfect in my eyes.the way he is.
I just love him so much! I don't know why I can't tell him WHY I love him.
It hurts me because something's holding me back from telling him how I feel and I don't want to see him hurt because of him thinking I don't know WHY I love him.I do.
I just.can't seem.to express it.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is kinda really emotion.in a way.I guess.if you would even call it that. It sucks I know I know.)