A/N: Another chapter. Because I can. And because they're painfully easy to write. Reviews always appreciated, of course.
Standard disclaimer: Tolkien owns the Fellowship. I'm just borrowing them. I own Lex. My boyfriend owns the car, and the grand state of Pennsylvania owns Rothrock State Forest. No money is being made from this endeavor. Sue me if you want, all you'll get is a half-full bottle of rum.
Lex was tempted to leave them all on the mountain. It would be easy. Just jump in the car, lock the doors and floor it. They'd be fine in the forest. They'd do just fine.
But what if they meet up with someone and do something rash? What if – Goddess forbid – they find civilization? Then what?
Lex chewed her lip.
She looked at her watch.
The Fellowship milled around as if they knew somehow that these woods were not their woods. The Hobbits were talking in hushed voices – something about raiding the car for more food. Legolas was pacing endlessly, staring into the shadows of the trees. Aragorn, Gimli and Gandalf were apparently having a smoke break. Boromir just stood there looking … well, Boromir-ish.
"We can't stay out here all night," Lex said to no one in particular.
"Where would you have us go?" Boromir asked.
Back where you came from, she thought. Except for the elf and the ranger. They can stay. Instead, she said, "I guess you'll have to come with me."
There were loud shouts of protest from the Hobbits. They had to get back to Middle-earth -- they were on a Quest! The rest of the Fellowship remained silent.
"If you know how to get back, go right ahead," Lex said coolly. Silence followed. "All right. I don't know how you got here. And I don't know how to get you back. I have to do some research, but there must be a way. In the meantime, I can't let you ramble all over Rothrock. You might get shot by a hunter or …" Legolas sprang forward to protest but Aragorn shushed him. "… you could wander into civilization – my civilization," she amended. "I can't allow that."
"We must discuss this I think," Aragorn said after a moment. There were murmurs of ascent as the Fellowship formed a huddle.
Lex nodded. Let them discuss as much as they bloody well want to. I won't leave them out here, she thought angrily.
It was Gandalf who finally broke away from the group. "We do not wish to go."
Lex jumped off her seat on the hood of the car and started forward, angry words rising to her lips. Gandalf held up a hand to silence her.
"However. We can see no other recourse. We all feel as though we are a long way from Middle-earth. If things here are as strange as you have lead us to believe, we would not… do well in your civilization."
Lex nodded and turned to open the car door.
"One condition," said Gandalf.
"What?" Lex asked cautiously.
"You must get us back to Middle-earth. I do not know how time is in this world, but it is possible that Sauron could take over in the time we are here. I cannot let that happen."
"Of course." Shit! Lex thought. He wants that ring. She glanced at Frodo who was gnawing a piece of lembas. Could he maybe … possibly … No, there's no way Sauron could figure out a way here.
Unconvinced but feeling the need to get home, Lex turned to tackle her next problem. How does one fit a Fellowship of nine plus a driver into a compact car?
"All right…" she sighed. The Hobbits were going to hate her. Maybe she could buy their good graces back with the Earth delicacy known as pizza.
Lex popped the trunk.
"I think I prefer horses," Gimli grumbled.
Lex didn't reply. She was concentrating on the narrow, winding gravel road in front of her. The Toyota was riding considerably lower, especially with four hobbits in the trunk. She winced as a rock protruding from the road scraped the undercarriage.
"Shit!" Lex tried to swerve, but only succeeded in hitting the pothole dead on. There was a collective (but muffled) cry of pain from the trunk and some grumbling from Legolas, Boromir and Aragorn who were crammed in the back seat. Gimli tried to maintain a look of dignity, but it was hard to do perched on Gandalf's lap. Gandalf, for his part, seemed quite taken with the speed at which the surroundings were passing.
"Tell me, Lady Lex," he began.
"Just Lex, please."
"Yes. Tell me Lex, what do you call this machine?"
"A car. Or an automobile."
Gandalf still looked puzzled. Lex thought harder.
"Horseless carriage," Lex said finally.
A light of recognition lit in Gandalf's eyes. "Ah, splendid! Tell me, does it work by magic?"
"No," said Lex, fighting back a smile. "Explosions."
"My my!" Gandalf had no reply. The rest of the passengers sat in sullen silence. Even the hobbits had stopped thumping on the back seat. Probably because Boromir threatened to start reading Bombadil poetry if they didn't stop jostling him.
The two voices Lex most wanted to hear were, in fact, silent. Aragorn and Legolas sat on either side of the Boromir-sandwich, each apparently lost in his own world. Lex stared distractedly in the rearview until she heard Gandalf speak.
"Lex?"
"Mm?" Lex replied, not taking her eyes off the two men in the back seat.
"Should we not be on the road?"
"Dammit!" Lex jerked the wheel hard, barely avoiding running the car off the road and down a sheer drop off. She heard curses all around as her passengers were thrown into one another. "Sorry!" she called out. Must … keep ... mind ... on … road. "How about some tunes?" With a flick of her wrist she turned on the radio; the speakers blared to life spewing out Linkin Park.
Gimli probably would have put a fist through the console had Gandalf not restrained him quickly.
"What ill magic is this?" She could practically hear Legolas frown.
"It's a radio. And it's not magic. It's … electromagnetics. Or something. It's perfectly harmless. I told you – your type of magic doesn't exist in my world." She shot a look at Gandalf. "Don't even test it. You could rip my world to pieces."
"Gracious Lex, I never act without first thinking on the consequences. I would never attempt to perform Middle-earth magic here without a full understanding of the consequences."
"I know Gandalf. I'm sorry. I'm just a bit … tense."
"You?" growled Gimli, still glaring at the dashboard.
Lex had developed a serious case of the shakes by the time she got home. Gimli had tried to murder the radio no less than four times. Boromir had to restrain Legolas from leaning too far out the window while they were traveling the highway. The elf had become enamored of the grace and fluidity of travel by car and had wanted to "feel the wind in his hair." Lex had been the one to make the mistake of pointing out how to roll down the window. Legolas would have lost his head to a passing semi had not Boromir grabbed his belt and yanked him back inside.
Lex had threatened to throw Legolas in the trunk with the hobbits if he didn't behave. Consequently, Legolas sat quite still and only trailed his fingers out the window. The thought of Hobbits and an enclosed dark space was enough of a threat for him. And Lex? Lex had never felt more like a mother.
"All right," began Lex. She paced in front of the Fellowship members who sat assembled in her living room. "There are some rules to living here. First, do not, under any circumstances, light a campfire inside. In fact, don't light one in the back yard, either. Don't light one at all. Second, any mess you make, you will be cleaning up. I am not your personal maid service. Third," and at this she glared at the hobbits, "do not eat any food you have not bought yourself or asked permission to eat. Fourth, don't mention to anyone where you are actually from. Any questions?" No one spoke. Well, thought Lex, that went rather well. Then Merry sat on the remote control.
Lex was nearly trampled and skewered all at once by the rush of people reacting to the TV.
"No! No no NO!" she yelled, waving her arms frantically. With the help of Gandalf, she managed to get everyone back in their seats.
"It is just as Galadriel's mirror! Is this what may be for us?" Legolas asked.
"Ye Gods I hope not!" Boromir cried.
Lex spun around. Her eyes grew wide and she jabbed the power button on the TV furiously. Merry and Pippin immediately began trying to figure out how to turn it back on via the remote while Frodo tried to pry Sam's hands off his eyes.
"Let me see Sam," Frodo said in aggravation.
"Well, it's safe now Mr. Frodo," said Sam, glaring at Lex.
Lex coughed and hit the eject button on the VCR. As the tape slid into her hand, she checked the title. "Amish Girls Defrocked," it read. She kicked herself for not checking the VCR after she had gotten it back from Bryan. Well, time for that later.
In the meantime, she'd better make amends for the God-awful ride home.
"Who wants to try some pizza?"