Title: Remember me Wholly
Author: Silver-Winged-Angel
Disclaimer: I don't own YNM's characters; I'm just borrowing them for the sake of entertainment...
Rating: PG-13 and soon it will be R
Summery: You can never forget the past but don't let it control you...
Chapter 7 Lost and Found
Hisoka kept quiet, he didn't know how to answer the question. "'Soka-chan, tell me please, don't you trust me as your friend?" Hisoka felt guilty. Guilty for not telling his best friend about it for a long time. Guilty for not trusting them. And guilty for doubting his friends.
"Hisoka?" Hisoka looked up and a few tears made its way down his cheeks. Tsuzuki's eyes softened and he leaned over to gently wipe the tears away with his thumb. A slight blush colored his face. Hisoka leaned his face towards the hand. "Tsuzuki, I don't know how to say it," a soft whisper from Hisoka. This time, it was Tsuzuki's time to feel guilty, 'Maybe I pushed him too far,' he thought. "It's alright, 'Soka-chan, you can tell me any other times,"
"NO! I really want to tell, but I just… I…" More tears fell freely. Tsuzuki stroked Hisoka's cheek with his thumb, at the same time wiping the tears away. Hisoka pulled away and buried his face in his hands, his shoulder shook with the sobs. "Don't worry, Hisoka, I won't force you into telling me anything you don't want to," Tsuzuki was saddened by Hisoka's cries.
Tsuzuki went to Hisoka's side and wrapped his arms around the violently shaking body. His hand went to stroke his soft hair while the other soothes his back. Hisoka buried his face in Tsuzuki's chest, letting all his tears fall, without even fearing that the older man would make fun of him. "Shh… It's okay, it's okay," Tsuzuki whispered.
The sobs were soon disappearing, and Hisoka remained quiet in Tsuzuki's arms, content with the warmth from the other man's body. Tsuzuki glanced down and found that Hisoka had stopped crying. He tightened his hold and a tinge of pink appeared on Hisoka's tear-streaked cheeks. Tsuzuki simply smiled. Hisoka could be so cute sometimes.
Hisoka hesitated as he pulled away. "Tsuzuki, I'm sorry," he quickly wiped the remaining tears away. "It's all right, 'soka-chan, it's okay," hearing Tsuzuki's caring voice, Hisoka broke down again. Tears silently flowing down his cheeks. He wiped it away quickly, irritation expression on his face.
Tsuzuki pulled Hisoka back into his arms. His head buried firmly in Tsuzuki's chest. 'Whatever happened to him must be horrible,' Tsuzuki thought as he held Hisoka in his arms, letting him cry his heart out. "'Soka-chan, will you tell me what happen?" Tsuzuki quietly asked. By that time, Hisoka had already stopped crying. The blonde boy thought for a while.
He was afraid. Afraid that if Tsuzuki knew, Muraki would hurt him. 'Witnesses disappears,' he could remember those words clearly, said when he was trying to escape the death grip of the murderer 3 years ago. And he was afraid Tsuzuki would hate him and began reacting differently over him. He was dirty after all. Dirty from the encounter under the sakura trees and he felt dirty after being toyed just a moment ago.
Hisoka closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Tsuzuki. "What do you think happen to me, Tsuzuki?" he was surprised that question escaped his lips. He didn't even know the point of asking. Tsuzuki glanced down at the form in his arms. "Hisoka?" he asked, confused. The blond boy shook his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Hisoka…" he started, "What happened to you, is it that horrible?" 'Horrible. It's horrible. The most horrible thing ever happened.' he thought.
"Tsuzuki, I… I was…" he tried, but he just couldn't get the word out. He couldn't get that one particular word out. "Go on," Tsuzuki assured. "I… I was… he… he took something… something important and precious from me…" he blurted it out. Tsuzuki tightened his hold. "What? What did he take?" Tears were already forming in Hisoka's eyes. A little part of him regretted telling his friend. And another big part of him wanted to tell him everything and seek comfort in his best friend. "Hisoka?"
"He… he… he robbed me of my… my virginity," Hisoka shut his eyes tight. Expecting a look of disgust from Tsuzuki. Meanwhile, Tsuzuki was lost for words for a while. He wasn't sure if he heard that right. Hisoka was… raped? By that doctor? Hisoka, who was beyond worried, mistakenly took the silence, thinking that Tsuzuki was already disgusted and didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore.
Hisoka, with tears streaming down his pale cheeks, pulled away quickly and stood up. "I'm sorry, Tsuzuki, I… I know you're going to… hate me now, but please don't tell Hijiri about this, please," he pleaded. He turned to walk away but suddenly felt a tug on his arm and he turned to look. "Hisoka, I haven't said a word yet," Tsuzuki said and suddenly Hisoka found himself pulled back towards Tsuzuki for a warm embrace on the bench, by Hijiri's bed. He struggled slightly for a moment before surrendering in Tsuzuki's arms. The only place he would find warmth and comfort.
"Tsuzuki, you… you won't hate me?" Tsuzuki smiled. "Nope, I won't hate you, I can't hate you, even if I tried,"
"Demo…" Hisoka was silent as he felt a finger pressed on his lips. A faint color of red decorated his cheeks. Tsuzuki was surprised. He had never seen Hisoka so innocent and vulnerable before. Tsuzuki knew that this wasn't the time to do this but he just couldn't help himself. He removed his finger and replaced it softly with his lips. The kiss wasn't heavy or deep, just a light one.
Hisoka's eyes fluttered closed. He was suddenly beginning to enjoy it but suddenly everything was gone. He gave out a whimper and opened his eyes. Tsuzuki had pulled away, he felt like he was taking advantage of the boy's emotional state. "Tsuzuki? Why did you…" he trailed off, afraid of Tsuzuki's answer. "Hisoka, I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry," Hisoka's eyes turned watery again. "No! No… don't say that, it meant something to me, Tsuzuki," Hisoka kept his face down, he knew he was blushing and he was scared, scared of the answer that Hisoka might not want to know.
Suddenly, he felt fingers tilting his chin up, and he met the most beautiful violet eyes ever. The lips landed on his again and this time, Tsuzuki was deepening the kiss. Still sat in Tsuzuki's embrace, Hisoka wrapped his arms around his neck. The newfound couple continued to kiss, unaware of the hurtful expression in the eyes of the form lying on the bed.
End of Chapter 7
(a/n: Sorry it took so long for this one. I literally squeezed my brain on this chapter. I knew it was kind of unexpected but I would really welcome comments, questions, or anything!! Negative comments, positive comments, send them in as long as it's true.. In short, R&R please!! Bye!!)
Author: Silver-Winged-Angel
Disclaimer: I don't own YNM's characters; I'm just borrowing them for the sake of entertainment...
Rating: PG-13 and soon it will be R
Summery: You can never forget the past but don't let it control you...
Chapter 7 Lost and Found
Hisoka kept quiet, he didn't know how to answer the question. "'Soka-chan, tell me please, don't you trust me as your friend?" Hisoka felt guilty. Guilty for not telling his best friend about it for a long time. Guilty for not trusting them. And guilty for doubting his friends.
"Hisoka?" Hisoka looked up and a few tears made its way down his cheeks. Tsuzuki's eyes softened and he leaned over to gently wipe the tears away with his thumb. A slight blush colored his face. Hisoka leaned his face towards the hand. "Tsuzuki, I don't know how to say it," a soft whisper from Hisoka. This time, it was Tsuzuki's time to feel guilty, 'Maybe I pushed him too far,' he thought. "It's alright, 'Soka-chan, you can tell me any other times,"
"NO! I really want to tell, but I just… I…" More tears fell freely. Tsuzuki stroked Hisoka's cheek with his thumb, at the same time wiping the tears away. Hisoka pulled away and buried his face in his hands, his shoulder shook with the sobs. "Don't worry, Hisoka, I won't force you into telling me anything you don't want to," Tsuzuki was saddened by Hisoka's cries.
Tsuzuki went to Hisoka's side and wrapped his arms around the violently shaking body. His hand went to stroke his soft hair while the other soothes his back. Hisoka buried his face in Tsuzuki's chest, letting all his tears fall, without even fearing that the older man would make fun of him. "Shh… It's okay, it's okay," Tsuzuki whispered.
The sobs were soon disappearing, and Hisoka remained quiet in Tsuzuki's arms, content with the warmth from the other man's body. Tsuzuki glanced down and found that Hisoka had stopped crying. He tightened his hold and a tinge of pink appeared on Hisoka's tear-streaked cheeks. Tsuzuki simply smiled. Hisoka could be so cute sometimes.
Hisoka hesitated as he pulled away. "Tsuzuki, I'm sorry," he quickly wiped the remaining tears away. "It's all right, 'soka-chan, it's okay," hearing Tsuzuki's caring voice, Hisoka broke down again. Tears silently flowing down his cheeks. He wiped it away quickly, irritation expression on his face.
Tsuzuki pulled Hisoka back into his arms. His head buried firmly in Tsuzuki's chest. 'Whatever happened to him must be horrible,' Tsuzuki thought as he held Hisoka in his arms, letting him cry his heart out. "'Soka-chan, will you tell me what happen?" Tsuzuki quietly asked. By that time, Hisoka had already stopped crying. The blonde boy thought for a while.
He was afraid. Afraid that if Tsuzuki knew, Muraki would hurt him. 'Witnesses disappears,' he could remember those words clearly, said when he was trying to escape the death grip of the murderer 3 years ago. And he was afraid Tsuzuki would hate him and began reacting differently over him. He was dirty after all. Dirty from the encounter under the sakura trees and he felt dirty after being toyed just a moment ago.
Hisoka closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Tsuzuki. "What do you think happen to me, Tsuzuki?" he was surprised that question escaped his lips. He didn't even know the point of asking. Tsuzuki glanced down at the form in his arms. "Hisoka?" he asked, confused. The blond boy shook his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Hisoka…" he started, "What happened to you, is it that horrible?" 'Horrible. It's horrible. The most horrible thing ever happened.' he thought.
"Tsuzuki, I… I was…" he tried, but he just couldn't get the word out. He couldn't get that one particular word out. "Go on," Tsuzuki assured. "I… I was… he… he took something… something important and precious from me…" he blurted it out. Tsuzuki tightened his hold. "What? What did he take?" Tears were already forming in Hisoka's eyes. A little part of him regretted telling his friend. And another big part of him wanted to tell him everything and seek comfort in his best friend. "Hisoka?"
"He… he… he robbed me of my… my virginity," Hisoka shut his eyes tight. Expecting a look of disgust from Tsuzuki. Meanwhile, Tsuzuki was lost for words for a while. He wasn't sure if he heard that right. Hisoka was… raped? By that doctor? Hisoka, who was beyond worried, mistakenly took the silence, thinking that Tsuzuki was already disgusted and didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore.
Hisoka, with tears streaming down his pale cheeks, pulled away quickly and stood up. "I'm sorry, Tsuzuki, I… I know you're going to… hate me now, but please don't tell Hijiri about this, please," he pleaded. He turned to walk away but suddenly felt a tug on his arm and he turned to look. "Hisoka, I haven't said a word yet," Tsuzuki said and suddenly Hisoka found himself pulled back towards Tsuzuki for a warm embrace on the bench, by Hijiri's bed. He struggled slightly for a moment before surrendering in Tsuzuki's arms. The only place he would find warmth and comfort.
"Tsuzuki, you… you won't hate me?" Tsuzuki smiled. "Nope, I won't hate you, I can't hate you, even if I tried,"
"Demo…" Hisoka was silent as he felt a finger pressed on his lips. A faint color of red decorated his cheeks. Tsuzuki was surprised. He had never seen Hisoka so innocent and vulnerable before. Tsuzuki knew that this wasn't the time to do this but he just couldn't help himself. He removed his finger and replaced it softly with his lips. The kiss wasn't heavy or deep, just a light one.
Hisoka's eyes fluttered closed. He was suddenly beginning to enjoy it but suddenly everything was gone. He gave out a whimper and opened his eyes. Tsuzuki had pulled away, he felt like he was taking advantage of the boy's emotional state. "Tsuzuki? Why did you…" he trailed off, afraid of Tsuzuki's answer. "Hisoka, I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry," Hisoka's eyes turned watery again. "No! No… don't say that, it meant something to me, Tsuzuki," Hisoka kept his face down, he knew he was blushing and he was scared, scared of the answer that Hisoka might not want to know.
Suddenly, he felt fingers tilting his chin up, and he met the most beautiful violet eyes ever. The lips landed on his again and this time, Tsuzuki was deepening the kiss. Still sat in Tsuzuki's embrace, Hisoka wrapped his arms around his neck. The newfound couple continued to kiss, unaware of the hurtful expression in the eyes of the form lying on the bed.
End of Chapter 7
(a/n: Sorry it took so long for this one. I literally squeezed my brain on this chapter. I knew it was kind of unexpected but I would really welcome comments, questions, or anything!! Negative comments, positive comments, send them in as long as it's true.. In short, R&R please!! Bye!!)