Title: Remember me Wholly
Author: Silver-Winged-Angel
Disclaimer: I don't own YNM's characters; I'm just borrowing them for the sake of entertainment...
Rating: PG-13 and soon it will be R
Summery: You can never forget the past but don't let it control you...
Chapter 9 Bitter, sour, and unpleasant
At first, he had doubts. Doubts saying that no one would be able to love him after what happened between him and the doctor. His doubts also said that no one would want to be in the same dirt he was in, let alone share. He thought the kiss earlier was just… a comfort to take his mind away from his past. That was why he asked, asked to make sure that his doubts were lying. And Tsuzuki cleared it all, cleared his doubts and everything that seemed unsettled. He even let out those words. The words that he never seemed to be able to say to other people. Not even to his parents.
Parents. He wondered if he ever had one. They never seemed to care when they sent him to live together with Tsuzuki. Well, not that he's complaining, he loved living with Tsuzuki and Hijiri… but the way they discussed about sending him away was… disturbing.
He had awoken late in the night and sneaked downstairs to drink a cup of cold water. He saw the light in the living room still turned on so he sat on the staircase and peeked into the living room.
Sitting on a large sofa was his mother and father both of them were talking. Hisoka, who was only thirteen that time, strained his ears and listened quietly. "We have to get rid of him, Nagare, I can't stand being close to him, I felt something different from him, he's not human, he's a monster!" Hisoka was confused at first and his heart clenched tightly at the chosen words of his mother. "I know, Rui-san, but we need someone to be the next leader of this family," Another tight clench and Hisoka fisted his hands in front of his chest, the pain almost physical. All they thought of him was just another someone… they never thought of him as a son. "I can give you another baby, Nagare, but we have to get rid of that brat as soon as possible, I just don't want him to be near me anymore, he's inhuman, that boy brings bad luck!"
A tear sprang to Hisoka's eyes, followed by a stream that flowed freely down his pale cheeks. "Now, now, Rui-san, we'll think of some way easier," Rui shook his head. "NO! We must do it as soon as possible, that child will be a disaster to us, we must eliminate him right now, Nagare-san," Hisoka clamped his mouth with his hands, muffling the sounds of his sobs. 'No, mama, papa, why?' he thought as they continued the conversations. "Alright now, Rui-san, we'll send him to Asato's place, he seems quite kind to our family, maybe he'll take Hisoka in," Nagare started. "But, what should we say to him?" he asked. "I don't care, I don't care about his feelings! He doesn't have feelings anyway, just dump him there and leave! Leave him for all I care!" Rui almost yelled.
"Alright, now, I'll think of something, and tomorrow morning, we'll take Hisoka to Asato's place," he continued. "Now, Rui-san, you need to go to sleep," he said softly. Hisoka couldn't hold his sobs any longer and sneaked towards the kitchen and out of the back door. Once outside, he let his emotions take control of his body. He ran, ran as fast and as far as he could. Still sobbing, Hisoka found himself in a park with cherry blossoms blooming, and the moon was an unusual red color. Red as blood. Although unusual but he found it rather interesting. 'Beautiful,' he thought.
Suddenly, he heard a loud piercing scream. The scream lasted for a while before suddenly dying out, just like that. Hisoka turned towards the voice and his eyes widen at the sight that greeted his eyes. A man dressed all in white was smirking down to a woman, whose eyes were wide, almost coming out of her sockets. Hisoka knew she was dead; her face was so pale that it scared him. A severed hand lay on the ground, right next to the man's feet. Blood were everywhere on the ground but none on the man's white clothing. Hisoka took a step backward, terrified by the scene, and he accidentally stepped onto a twig, which made a loud breaking noise.
The man looked up and saw Hisoka. He smirked and Hisoka was about to run but he felt a large hand grabbing his arm. The man turned him around to face him and smirked again as looked the boy up and down. "NO! Let me go, please," he begged. The man grabbed both of his arms as Hisoka tried to escape. He was beyond terrified at that moment. All rational thoughts left and all he could think of was just escape and run away. "A-ah, you saw something you shouldn't, boy, witnesses should disappear," he whispered in the struggling boy's ears.
The man dragged Hisoka down and pushed him on the ground. He stripped the struggling boy of his robes and produced a rope to tie the boy's hands above his head. Tears welled up in Hisoka's eyes as the man began a silent chant. And the next thing he knew, he was arching his back in agony, something searing on his skin as the man traced his finger all over Hisoka's chest, back and arms. He begged for the man to stop but was ignored. His screams of agony only served the man pleasure of doing it. Suddenly, he felt a strange sensation on his back, just between his shoulder blades, like something would burst out of it. Hisoka bit down on his lower lip, hoping the pain would go and the strange feelings between his shoulder blades would disappear.
He tried to break free of his bonds but failed miserably. He couldn't think anymore, the pain all over controlled his body. Hisoka was puzzled as the man began undressing from the waist down. His legs were pushed up to his chest and the next moment, he was screaming again as the man penetrated him. He felt something inside his soul taken away roughly. The marks on his body glowing bright red. The pain folding from each thrust and finally the man released inside him and pulled away as Hisoka's body lay limp on the ground.
The man began dressing and finally glared at Hisoka. "Don't worry, boy, it won't kill you quickly, killing you immediately would have been an insult to one as beautiful as you, this curse I imprinted on your body will only take your life away after you've suffered enough from the pain," he spoke and was gone after that. Hisoka didn't stop the tears streaming down his face, his skin still pulsing red. He summoned enough strength to get up and find his yukata that his parents always made him wear. After putting it on, he ran as fast as his broken body could carry him towards home. As soon as he arrived, Hisoka rushed up stairs and into his room where he cried buckets of tears.
The next morning, Hisoka woke up to his father knocking on his door. "Hisoka! Open up!" he tried to get up and flinched as his body disobeyed him and only sent him pain. Memories from last night slammed into his head and almost made him wanting to throw up.
The knocking came again and he forced himself to stand up and walk towards the door. Opening the door, his father spoke straight away, "Hisoka, get you things packed right now," then he remembered another last night's discussion between his parents. They are going to send him away right now, without even a second thought. He feigned innocent. "Why, papa?" he winced as he his throat felt like sandpaper, the result of screaming so much last night. His father sighed. Rui was nowhere in sight. 'That boy brings bad luck,' as Rui had said. "We are sending you to Asato's place, you'll live together with Minase-kun and of course with Asato-san, we are planning to send you to school and Asato-san's place is closest to one of the best school here in Tokyo," his father continued, "That's why we're sending you there, don't worry, we will send you money every month," his father stated.
All the while, Hisoka was staring at the ground, fighting the urge to beg his father not to send him away. A tear escaped one of the green orbs and fell to the carpeted floor. "Hai," he whispered softly. His father nodded and walked out of Hisoka's sight, glad that everything worked out well. But to Hisoka, nothing worked out fine in his life. He felt he deserved to be sent away, but he didn't know if he could settle himself in Tsuzuki's place.
Hisoka closed the door and let the tears flow freely down his face. He cried so much since last night and even spent the night crying and he surprised himself to see more tears coming. He began packing, his vision blurred by the tears, stinging his eyes. By noon, he had all his stuff in his some boxes and bags. He carried everything, one by one, towards the waiting Land Cruiser, all alone. His parents didn't help, just watched. No matter how many times his body protested, he still kept carrying, ignoring the looks from his parents. He could feel the marks on his body beginning to glow and it hurt. He was thankful to wear a long sleeved shirt.
If his parents knew, it's not like they would care anyway. But he could save himself from being called disgusting. He sat quietly in back seat of the vehicle, waiting for them to drive him away. Nagare jumped in and started the engine, his mother was nowhere in sight. Hisoka stared at his home for the last time before the vehicle moved out and drove to Tsuzuki's house. Tears silently went down his cheeks. It was a long journey and tiredness took over his body. His eyes fluttered close as he fell asleep.
His sleep was haunted by his parent's discussion and he woke up with a start. He glanced outside and a beautiful and magnificent house greeted his sight. It wasn't large at all but enough to fit a couple of person. Sakura trees were blooming in the garden, making the view even more breath taking. The car stopped outside the gate and Tsuzuki together with Hijiri were already waiting. Nagare went out and discussed something to Tsuzuki while Hisoka kept himself busy unloading his stuff from the car. Hijiri went over to help him and Hisoka gladly accepted.
A few hours later, everything was loaded up into an empty room, reserved just for Hisoka. Nagare drove away as soon as he'd finished talking to Tsuzuki, not bothering to help.
That night, Hisoka was left alone in his room, clutching his head as his mothers voice pierced through his mind. 'He's a monster, he's inhuman, he brings bad luck, and we have to get rid of him!' Hisoka's hands went to his ears, trying to block the voices. 'I just don't want him to be near me anymore,' Hisoka whimpered, tears spilling. 'That child will be a disaster to us, we must eliminate him right now,' Mama, papa, why can't you love me? he thought as another painful voice came. 'I don't care; I don't care about his feelings! He doesn't have feelings anyway, just dump him there and leave! Leave him for all I care!'
Hisoka cried out suddenly and the next thing he knew, he was wrapped in strong arms. Disoriented, he glanced around the room and found Hijiri on white sheet bed. 'This must be the hospital,' he thought. He looked up and saw Tsuzuki's face above him, concern written all over his featured. "Hisoka? Daijoubu ka?" he asked. Hisoka's eyes turned glassy and he buried his face in Tsuzuki's chest. "NO!! I'm not alright, Tsuzuki!" The concern in Tsuzuki's face grew serious. "'Soka-chan? What's wrong? Tell me!" Hisoka kept crying and said something, but his shirt muffled his voice.
Tsuzuki sighed and unwrap his arms, which were wound up around Hisoka's body to place on his shoulder. Hisoka starred at Tsuzuki with green glassy orbs. "I just… I had a nightmare and I don't like it at all," he buried his face in the junction on Tsuzuki's neck and shoulder. Out of comforting words to say, Tsuzuki simply stroked his back, trying to calm his terrified love.
He decided on one way that would comfort him. "/Hush now, don't you cry/" Tsuzuki began singing, his voice a little unsure at first. "/There'd be a better day, I promise you/" his voice gained confidence and Hisoka's sobbing stopped. "/We can work it out/" Hisoka listened to the words closely, loving Tsuzuki's voice all the same. "/If only you would let me know, what's on your mind/" Hisoka began recognizing the song. "/Baby, you know it'd last forever, through any kind of weather,/" Tsuzuki continued. "/But someday, you will find what you're searching for,/" Hisoka smiled a little; Tsuzuki sure knows how to soothe people. "/Try again, never stop believing,/" Hisoka felt himself lulled to sleep by Tsuzuki's voice. "/Try again, don't give up on your love,/" Hisoka's eyes fluttered close as sleep overcome him. "/Stumble and fall, is the heart of it all,/" Tsuzuki realized that Hisoka was already breathing steadily, asleep. "/When you fall down, just try again,/" he finished his song. "I love you, Hisoka," he whispered, laying a soft kiss on the top of his head.
End of chapter 9
(Author's note: Gosh!! I've fitted it all in one chapter!! Well guys I hope you like this chapter, this story has a long way to go, so please stay with me. Oh, and the song was sung by… Westlife. I'm a fan of Westlife you know. Well, enough of my ranting. Read and review please and to those who had done that, arigatou!!!!)
Author: Silver-Winged-Angel
Disclaimer: I don't own YNM's characters; I'm just borrowing them for the sake of entertainment...
Rating: PG-13 and soon it will be R
Summery: You can never forget the past but don't let it control you...
Chapter 9 Bitter, sour, and unpleasant
At first, he had doubts. Doubts saying that no one would be able to love him after what happened between him and the doctor. His doubts also said that no one would want to be in the same dirt he was in, let alone share. He thought the kiss earlier was just… a comfort to take his mind away from his past. That was why he asked, asked to make sure that his doubts were lying. And Tsuzuki cleared it all, cleared his doubts and everything that seemed unsettled. He even let out those words. The words that he never seemed to be able to say to other people. Not even to his parents.
Parents. He wondered if he ever had one. They never seemed to care when they sent him to live together with Tsuzuki. Well, not that he's complaining, he loved living with Tsuzuki and Hijiri… but the way they discussed about sending him away was… disturbing.
He had awoken late in the night and sneaked downstairs to drink a cup of cold water. He saw the light in the living room still turned on so he sat on the staircase and peeked into the living room.
Sitting on a large sofa was his mother and father both of them were talking. Hisoka, who was only thirteen that time, strained his ears and listened quietly. "We have to get rid of him, Nagare, I can't stand being close to him, I felt something different from him, he's not human, he's a monster!" Hisoka was confused at first and his heart clenched tightly at the chosen words of his mother. "I know, Rui-san, but we need someone to be the next leader of this family," Another tight clench and Hisoka fisted his hands in front of his chest, the pain almost physical. All they thought of him was just another someone… they never thought of him as a son. "I can give you another baby, Nagare, but we have to get rid of that brat as soon as possible, I just don't want him to be near me anymore, he's inhuman, that boy brings bad luck!"
A tear sprang to Hisoka's eyes, followed by a stream that flowed freely down his pale cheeks. "Now, now, Rui-san, we'll think of some way easier," Rui shook his head. "NO! We must do it as soon as possible, that child will be a disaster to us, we must eliminate him right now, Nagare-san," Hisoka clamped his mouth with his hands, muffling the sounds of his sobs. 'No, mama, papa, why?' he thought as they continued the conversations. "Alright now, Rui-san, we'll send him to Asato's place, he seems quite kind to our family, maybe he'll take Hisoka in," Nagare started. "But, what should we say to him?" he asked. "I don't care, I don't care about his feelings! He doesn't have feelings anyway, just dump him there and leave! Leave him for all I care!" Rui almost yelled.
"Alright, now, I'll think of something, and tomorrow morning, we'll take Hisoka to Asato's place," he continued. "Now, Rui-san, you need to go to sleep," he said softly. Hisoka couldn't hold his sobs any longer and sneaked towards the kitchen and out of the back door. Once outside, he let his emotions take control of his body. He ran, ran as fast and as far as he could. Still sobbing, Hisoka found himself in a park with cherry blossoms blooming, and the moon was an unusual red color. Red as blood. Although unusual but he found it rather interesting. 'Beautiful,' he thought.
Suddenly, he heard a loud piercing scream. The scream lasted for a while before suddenly dying out, just like that. Hisoka turned towards the voice and his eyes widen at the sight that greeted his eyes. A man dressed all in white was smirking down to a woman, whose eyes were wide, almost coming out of her sockets. Hisoka knew she was dead; her face was so pale that it scared him. A severed hand lay on the ground, right next to the man's feet. Blood were everywhere on the ground but none on the man's white clothing. Hisoka took a step backward, terrified by the scene, and he accidentally stepped onto a twig, which made a loud breaking noise.
The man looked up and saw Hisoka. He smirked and Hisoka was about to run but he felt a large hand grabbing his arm. The man turned him around to face him and smirked again as looked the boy up and down. "NO! Let me go, please," he begged. The man grabbed both of his arms as Hisoka tried to escape. He was beyond terrified at that moment. All rational thoughts left and all he could think of was just escape and run away. "A-ah, you saw something you shouldn't, boy, witnesses should disappear," he whispered in the struggling boy's ears.
The man dragged Hisoka down and pushed him on the ground. He stripped the struggling boy of his robes and produced a rope to tie the boy's hands above his head. Tears welled up in Hisoka's eyes as the man began a silent chant. And the next thing he knew, he was arching his back in agony, something searing on his skin as the man traced his finger all over Hisoka's chest, back and arms. He begged for the man to stop but was ignored. His screams of agony only served the man pleasure of doing it. Suddenly, he felt a strange sensation on his back, just between his shoulder blades, like something would burst out of it. Hisoka bit down on his lower lip, hoping the pain would go and the strange feelings between his shoulder blades would disappear.
He tried to break free of his bonds but failed miserably. He couldn't think anymore, the pain all over controlled his body. Hisoka was puzzled as the man began undressing from the waist down. His legs were pushed up to his chest and the next moment, he was screaming again as the man penetrated him. He felt something inside his soul taken away roughly. The marks on his body glowing bright red. The pain folding from each thrust and finally the man released inside him and pulled away as Hisoka's body lay limp on the ground.
The man began dressing and finally glared at Hisoka. "Don't worry, boy, it won't kill you quickly, killing you immediately would have been an insult to one as beautiful as you, this curse I imprinted on your body will only take your life away after you've suffered enough from the pain," he spoke and was gone after that. Hisoka didn't stop the tears streaming down his face, his skin still pulsing red. He summoned enough strength to get up and find his yukata that his parents always made him wear. After putting it on, he ran as fast as his broken body could carry him towards home. As soon as he arrived, Hisoka rushed up stairs and into his room where he cried buckets of tears.
The next morning, Hisoka woke up to his father knocking on his door. "Hisoka! Open up!" he tried to get up and flinched as his body disobeyed him and only sent him pain. Memories from last night slammed into his head and almost made him wanting to throw up.
The knocking came again and he forced himself to stand up and walk towards the door. Opening the door, his father spoke straight away, "Hisoka, get you things packed right now," then he remembered another last night's discussion between his parents. They are going to send him away right now, without even a second thought. He feigned innocent. "Why, papa?" he winced as he his throat felt like sandpaper, the result of screaming so much last night. His father sighed. Rui was nowhere in sight. 'That boy brings bad luck,' as Rui had said. "We are sending you to Asato's place, you'll live together with Minase-kun and of course with Asato-san, we are planning to send you to school and Asato-san's place is closest to one of the best school here in Tokyo," his father continued, "That's why we're sending you there, don't worry, we will send you money every month," his father stated.
All the while, Hisoka was staring at the ground, fighting the urge to beg his father not to send him away. A tear escaped one of the green orbs and fell to the carpeted floor. "Hai," he whispered softly. His father nodded and walked out of Hisoka's sight, glad that everything worked out well. But to Hisoka, nothing worked out fine in his life. He felt he deserved to be sent away, but he didn't know if he could settle himself in Tsuzuki's place.
Hisoka closed the door and let the tears flow freely down his face. He cried so much since last night and even spent the night crying and he surprised himself to see more tears coming. He began packing, his vision blurred by the tears, stinging his eyes. By noon, he had all his stuff in his some boxes and bags. He carried everything, one by one, towards the waiting Land Cruiser, all alone. His parents didn't help, just watched. No matter how many times his body protested, he still kept carrying, ignoring the looks from his parents. He could feel the marks on his body beginning to glow and it hurt. He was thankful to wear a long sleeved shirt.
If his parents knew, it's not like they would care anyway. But he could save himself from being called disgusting. He sat quietly in back seat of the vehicle, waiting for them to drive him away. Nagare jumped in and started the engine, his mother was nowhere in sight. Hisoka stared at his home for the last time before the vehicle moved out and drove to Tsuzuki's house. Tears silently went down his cheeks. It was a long journey and tiredness took over his body. His eyes fluttered close as he fell asleep.
His sleep was haunted by his parent's discussion and he woke up with a start. He glanced outside and a beautiful and magnificent house greeted his sight. It wasn't large at all but enough to fit a couple of person. Sakura trees were blooming in the garden, making the view even more breath taking. The car stopped outside the gate and Tsuzuki together with Hijiri were already waiting. Nagare went out and discussed something to Tsuzuki while Hisoka kept himself busy unloading his stuff from the car. Hijiri went over to help him and Hisoka gladly accepted.
A few hours later, everything was loaded up into an empty room, reserved just for Hisoka. Nagare drove away as soon as he'd finished talking to Tsuzuki, not bothering to help.
That night, Hisoka was left alone in his room, clutching his head as his mothers voice pierced through his mind. 'He's a monster, he's inhuman, he brings bad luck, and we have to get rid of him!' Hisoka's hands went to his ears, trying to block the voices. 'I just don't want him to be near me anymore,' Hisoka whimpered, tears spilling. 'That child will be a disaster to us, we must eliminate him right now,' Mama, papa, why can't you love me? he thought as another painful voice came. 'I don't care; I don't care about his feelings! He doesn't have feelings anyway, just dump him there and leave! Leave him for all I care!'
Hisoka cried out suddenly and the next thing he knew, he was wrapped in strong arms. Disoriented, he glanced around the room and found Hijiri on white sheet bed. 'This must be the hospital,' he thought. He looked up and saw Tsuzuki's face above him, concern written all over his featured. "Hisoka? Daijoubu ka?" he asked. Hisoka's eyes turned glassy and he buried his face in Tsuzuki's chest. "NO!! I'm not alright, Tsuzuki!" The concern in Tsuzuki's face grew serious. "'Soka-chan? What's wrong? Tell me!" Hisoka kept crying and said something, but his shirt muffled his voice.
Tsuzuki sighed and unwrap his arms, which were wound up around Hisoka's body to place on his shoulder. Hisoka starred at Tsuzuki with green glassy orbs. "I just… I had a nightmare and I don't like it at all," he buried his face in the junction on Tsuzuki's neck and shoulder. Out of comforting words to say, Tsuzuki simply stroked his back, trying to calm his terrified love.
He decided on one way that would comfort him. "/Hush now, don't you cry/" Tsuzuki began singing, his voice a little unsure at first. "/There'd be a better day, I promise you/" his voice gained confidence and Hisoka's sobbing stopped. "/We can work it out/" Hisoka listened to the words closely, loving Tsuzuki's voice all the same. "/If only you would let me know, what's on your mind/" Hisoka began recognizing the song. "/Baby, you know it'd last forever, through any kind of weather,/" Tsuzuki continued. "/But someday, you will find what you're searching for,/" Hisoka smiled a little; Tsuzuki sure knows how to soothe people. "/Try again, never stop believing,/" Hisoka felt himself lulled to sleep by Tsuzuki's voice. "/Try again, don't give up on your love,/" Hisoka's eyes fluttered close as sleep overcome him. "/Stumble and fall, is the heart of it all,/" Tsuzuki realized that Hisoka was already breathing steadily, asleep. "/When you fall down, just try again,/" he finished his song. "I love you, Hisoka," he whispered, laying a soft kiss on the top of his head.
End of chapter 9
(Author's note: Gosh!! I've fitted it all in one chapter!! Well guys I hope you like this chapter, this story has a long way to go, so please stay with me. Oh, and the song was sung by… Westlife. I'm a fan of Westlife you know. Well, enough of my ranting. Read and review please and to those who had done that, arigatou!!!!)