ACME-Rian--Thanks for the review, however Amanda and Steve are NOT in love.
You'll noticed they have a good friendship in all my stories but they aren't ever
In love. We'll see what I can do about the story.
Allie351--Thanks for the review, like I said every opinion counts and yours is one of my bests!
Most likely I will begin to post the new story as soon as I can after Soul Surviving Son.
Alf--Thank you very much for both inputs, and actually I had planned on posting today because I
Wouldn't be able to do it tonight since I'm trying out for a large part in a school play and going
To rehearsals for the one I'm already in. I'm blame the unsteady rate of posting to school.
Chapter Four-Accepting the Truth
Two days later it was obvious to everyone that Steve was doing everything possible to avoid his friends and survive. Amanda could tell by his bloodshot eyes he was drinking as well as not sleeping at all. Carol and Jack had both been on the receiving end of his many short temper spurts lately. Jesse was dealing with his own stress on the other hand, while dealing with Mark's loss he was also trying to deal with that fact that Jack was back and Jesse was being ignored.
Amanda sighed as she saw Carol walking through the halls of the hospital, placing the folder in her hands down on the nearby desk she looked at the older woman.
"What's up Carol?" Amanda was handling it best of the entire group, Carol had already talked to her, and cried. When Steve had told Carol she had broken down into sobs. He had easily scooped her up and held her as though she were a mere child again.
"It's Steve, I think he's drinking," she said softly.
"Drinking, as an abusing?" She asked.
"Yes, I know it sounds harsh, but I'm worried about him."
"All right, well the funeral is tomorrow, let's see how he is then." Carol sighed and slowly nodded.
Looking back Amanda knew she wouldn't remember much from the funeral. Steve and Carol showed up, Carol in black and Steve in a black suit and tie. He held his sister close to him as she tried to keep from breaking down. Jesse had also shown up in a nice suit, he looked tired and broken, his eyes swollen, revealing he wasn't handling it as well as she thought he had. She had made a mental note to talk to him as soon as they got a chance. Jack had shown up last, looking worse for the wear, but all right. Amanda vaguely remembered how straight and strong Steve seemed to be throughout the entire visitation.
She had stood back in the back of the room as Steve slowly walked to the casket, his sister only feet away. Reaching forward Steve touched his father's cold clammy face.
"You put me into this world, it's my fault you left. I'm sorry Dad, it should have been me," he whispered. Straightening he headed towards his sister and held onto her tightly as she sobbed, Amanda noticed not once did Steve shed a tear.
The service began a few minutes later, Steve, Amanda, Carol and Dora sitting up front. There were many people there, from the precinct, from the hospital, and other various old friends of Mark's.
"Thank you all for coming," Father Ferguson began.
"Your presence here this evening is a tribute to Mark Sloan and the legacy of caring he left behind him. We know that this is a difficult time for his children Carol and Steven. But we are also comforted by the knowledge that Mark is the father now, who cares and nurtures all of us, and to whom we return when we leave this mortal life behind...."
Steve heard the words the priest spoke, but was unable to really make sense of it all. Mark was no longer on this earth as the man he had known and loved. But he had returned to the center of all things, his spirit had joined that of the One Thing in the cosmos, until such time he would be born again into this mortal existence, and the cycle of his lives would continue. It made it easier, somehow, translating the concepts into language he could understand, concepts which made sense to him.
The priest was concluding his opening remarks, many of which were directed specifically at Steven and Carol. Steve didn't really hear the final words as Carol leaned deeply on his hand, trying to grasp something as well. They were both trying to find themselves at the moment. Steve in his own way by running himself raged, Carol by actually grieving. Steve's breath caught in his throat at Jack stood up in front of them and smiled gently.
"I met Mark when I was eighteen, he had recently lost his wife, and was busy raising his own children, Steven who was 21 and Carol who was 17. I remember Mark first telling me about his son Steve and how he missed him. Steve was in Vietnam during the time. Mark needed someone as much as I needed him. I was such a jerk, I was so sure of myself, and Mark just took me, and straightened me out. He gave me the second chance I needed to get my act together. He taught me everything he knew, he would spend afternoons he wasn't working, with me teaching me everything about medicine. His son returned a year later after being injured in duty, and I was so scared I would be pushed aside, by this time I was enrolled in Medical school, and couldn't afford to lose him. But Mark, no he didn't push me away, as far as he was concerned he had two sons now. He took me in and together Steve and I learned from him and each other. It didn't matter to Mark that I was some punk, he loved me just the same, and for that… I'm grateful. Thanks Mark," Jack finished and walked towards Steve. Steve stood up, and Jack pulled him into a hug.
"I love you buddy," Jack whispered. Steve said nothing, trying to get past the lump in his throat.
"I love you too bro," Steve said. Jack sat down and smiled as Amanda was the next person to get up.
"I also met Mark when I was about eighteen or nineteen, I was involved in a foster program at the time, and he showed up to help my mom and dad. Mark didn't really care who you were, he always found a spot in his heart for you. Even criminals. Mark was a consultant for the Police Department Steve was on. Mark used to call himself the black sheep of the family. Because so many people in his family were cops, and he was a doctor. But every time you saw Mark go to work, you knew deep down he was the best of both worlds. Mark had one of the most amazing brains anyone could ever get the chance to work with. He solved every case he ever worked on, usually driving his son nuts."
"Mark wasn't one of those guys who wrote to his children every couple months and let it go. Mark's son moved in with him shortly after his house burnt down, leaving Steve with no place to live. Of course there was no question that Mark would take him in. The relationship between Mark and his son was incredible. I can remember the many conversations I would have with him while Steve was off in the war. It always helped him to talk about it, and Mark loved to talk about Steve. He used to tell me how proud he was of his son Steve, for the way Steve held the family together when Katherine died."
"When Mark lost his wife he lost part of himself and had to learn how to deal with that, but he had his son to go to. He used to tell me that it was Steve that kept him from self-destructing. Steve and Carol. But it wasn't just his friends, Mark would tell anyone and everyone about his children, Mark was probably the proudest father around. He would tell patients about his amazing daughter who was a nurse and his handsome son who was the best cop in town. To Mark it didn't matter that both his children weren't perfect, all that mattered was that they were his."
"He gave everything he had to helping those around him, whether it was a patient, a friend, a fellow doctor, or his children. He would go to any length, and often times he did. Steve used to think that his father hated him being a cop, but the pride and faith Mark had in his son was unlike anything else."
"Mark wasn't the kind of guy to make a person walk away, a younger doctor. Jesse Travis came shortly after Jack left the hospital. He was a unsure young man, and Mark was quick to love him. If you didn't know Mark you would think Jesse was his son as well. He talked of both Steve and Jesse highly. It was no surprise to me when he was talking to a patient a year ago and slipped saying yes my sons Jesse and Steve. I smiled, he told me not to tell anyone, but in reality he also told me that he adored both his sons, surrogate and real. It was true Mark was easy to love, very easy to love," she said. Finishing she walked towards Carol and Steve, giving them both hugs she stepped behind them and sat down beside Jesse, who was crying. Reaching over she gripped his hand and kissed his cheek.
"He loved you Jesse," Steve gripped Carol's hand for a moment then stepped up to the podium and smiled gently. He wiped a tear away quickly and took a deep breath.
"My father…he was a kid at heart, I will always remember the moments he used to run around the house with Carol and I playing cowboy and Indians late into the night. One of my earliest memories with my father was a few weeks before my sister Carol was born. I was three years old, and scared that when my sister or brother was born that he and mom would forget about me. My father… lifted me into his arms and held me closely all that night, singing to me, whispering. He never left my side for a minute. When my sister was born two weeks later he spent the entire time sitting with me in his lap, telling me how much he loved me. It was what my dad called our time. He loved our time, when he had a day off he would take me up to a cabin in the hills and spend time fishing with me, or just talking. My dad was a good listener, he listened to everyone. I think it came from being stuck around me, I wasn't a good talker until I got to eighteen, my father could con anything out of me. If I was feeling sad he would sit by me on this log just outside our beach house and talk to me. My mother was never surprised to find us sitting there. When I told my father I was going to Vietnam, he didn't yell, or scream, or even cry. What he did that day is something I'll never forget in all my life. He stood in front of me and with a strained voice he told me that he loved me and wanted me back in once piece," Steve stopped looking back over at the casket.
"Dad always had little projects, that's what I called his friends that soon turned into another part of his seemingly large extended family. So it was no surprise that when Jesse Travis joined the staff at CGH, not only was his first day spent solving a mystery but it was spent getting to know me. My dad used to joke about me being the stereotypical cop, but he was never angry that I wanted to be a cop. When I was eight I asked him what should I be when I grow up, he looked at me with his crystal eyes and smiled. 'Whatever you want Stevie, because you are your own man.' He told me. It took time for me to realize what he meant, but I thank God for a father like him," Steve sighed, closing his eyes he felt the tears begin to fall. Walking towards Amanda and Carol he was met by hugs.
The rest of the funeral went on, and to Steve it was a mere blank. Not knowing what was going on, but that at some point he remembered dropping a flower on his father's casket and walking away with in Amanda's hand in his. He didn't know what happened to his sister, but he wasn't really ready to accept what had happened just yet. He walked towards the car with Amanda and sighed as he felt a tug at his sleeve, looking down he said Dion crying slightly. He reached down and lifted the boy into his arms.
"You were my father's biggest project, I know it sounds mean, but he adored you and CJ, he wanted you both to know that. You were the grandkids we hadn't given him, thank you," Steve whispered as Dion hugged him tightly.
"I love you Uncle Steve," he whispered.
"I love you too kiddo," Steve said and put him back down, he looked at CJ and smiled.
"I love you both," he whispered. CJ gave Steve a large hug and then allowed the man to stand up.
"We're all going back to your house, for the wake, how are you?" She asked.
"I'm all right, my sister is waiting, I'll see you back at the house," he said gently. She nodded and got into her car as he walked back to his car. He looked up at he felt rain drops fall on his head.
By the time they arrived back at the house it was pouring, fitting most of the moods. Steve tried his best to be social able, but it was getting harder and harder with each passing moment. Finally as people were leaving Steve made an excuse and slipped downstairs. Amanda, Jesse, Jack and Carol were all staying the night so he didn't really worry about them. He sat down on his couch and slowly downed a bottle of brandy before heading off to bed.
For hours Steve just laid there, thinking why he was still wide awake, finally getting up Steve slowly headed upstairs, unable to think of anything, he wasn't thirsty, but he wasn't tired. He headed out onto the deck and sat down softly. He had been there for about twenty minutes when he heard movements, he didn't have to turn to know it was his sister.
"Hey honey," he whispered. She sighed and looked at him.
"I couldn't sleep, it's hard to, when you keep thinking about the minutes you spent with him," Steve sighed.
"I know," he whispered. She watched as he outstretched his arms. She quickly walked towards him and lowered herself into his lap like she had as a small child.
"It was so hard seeing that, I just wanted to cry, it's not fair," she whispered. He nodded and pulled her closer.
"I can't help but think of the things I should have told him in the end."
"He knew Steve. He knew we both loved him," she said. He nodded and held her.
"I miss him," and soon the sobbing began. He simply held her as she continued to sob with all her heart. He couldn't let his own tears come though, as he felt his shoulder being soaked.
"We'll get through this Carol," he whispered.
"I love you big brother," she whispered. He nodded, and together they sat there, she continued to whimper as he thought, eventually both falling fast asleep in each other's arms.