CHAPTER 6
Adam was certain his head had only just hit the pillow when he heard the door to the small room
he was in creak open. Recognizing the soft padding of sock feet, he rolled over and managed to
smile through his exhaustion at the site of Beth tip toeing across the floor with Cassie in one arm
and a large mug of what must be black coffee in the other. She looked amazing as her dark hair
fell over one shoulder of the soft red fleece robe. Of all the colors she wore, red was the one that
to him that set off her fair skin and dark hair to its best advantage. And ever since he admitted
that, she seemed to go out of her way to add that color to her wardrobe.
"Merry Christmas" she greeted him, wishing she could have let him sleep longer. But the kids
were already beginning to stir so she thought she should at least give him a chance to properly
wake up at his own pace before the noise did it for him.
"Merry Christmas." He replied, unable to be grumpy when she was smiling so sincerely. "Here …
let me get that." He said, sitting up to take the mug from her and setting it on the table beside
him.
Upon hearing his voice, Cassie started to fuss and fret.
"Guess who was missing her Daddy." Beth said as she handed the tiny baby to him. "It took
forever to get her to start eating … she kept getting frustrated, and you weren't there to calm her."
"Cassie doesn't like it when Mommy makes Daddy sleep in the other room." He said in a light
voice as he snuggled the little girl's face against his own.
Beth swatted him playfully. "Already making me out to be the bad guy huh?"
"Never." He replied, leaning over to kiss her as he held Cassie in the crook of his arm.
"God I missed you." She whispered as she kept her forehead pressed against his when their lips
parted.
"And you missed all the fun." He replied. "Kyle invited me to be an elf in Santa's workshop." His
tone was less than enthused.
"And you did it? No wonder you look exhausted, I didn't hear him come upstairs until after 3."
She ran her hand over the side of his face.
"He appealed to my weakness … the promise of cold beer." Adam admitted with a sigh.
"I'll have to remember that." She laughed.
"Any chance of catching a few more hours with you snuggled beside me?" he asked hopefully.
Beth tilted her head and gave him a sympathetic look. "I'm afraid not … the kids are already up
and I'm sure any minute they will be downstairs and screaming like wild indians when they see
what the jolly old elf left."
"At least it's only once a year" He replied, carefully shifting the baby so he wouldn't risk dripping
any hot coffee on her as he guzzled it down.
Beth had not exaggerated. The wrapping paper flew in all directions as soon as the children hit
the floor of the main room. He was content to stand holding Cassie in the doorway between the
kitchen and the Christmas tree, well out of the chaos.
Beth jumped right in the middle, helping sort the packages and creating piles for each family
member. Her sister Chris said she'd always been the organizer of the group, so they weren't
surprised when she took charge.
The family had opened over half the gifts when Justin looked across to where Beth had gone to
lean against Adam, watching and enjoying the site. He turned and whispered something to Kyle
and then the two of them disappeared. "I wonder what those two are up to?" she mused to
Adam, who hadn't seen the exchange.
A few minutes later the two men returned to the room and Kyle ordered everyone to be still and
quiet for a second. Even their father wondered what this was about.
"Lea … we hope you will forgive us for not having a stack of packages waiting with your name on
it, we started to do that … but to be honest …" her brother blinked a few times and stared at the
ceiling before looking back at her. "to be honest, none of us could bear the thought of what it
would be like to see the stack sit unopened."
"Kyle you know it doesn't matter … I have all the Christmas I need right here in this room." She
replied, walking to the middle of the room to hug her brother.
When she let go of his neck he let her know he had more to say. "We do have a present for you.
Something I hope you will want." He handed a small box tied in red paper with a silver bow to
her.
Beth looked up at him questioningly and then opened it. Inside was a key chain with a single key
that she recognized.
"Kyle … I don't understand." She said, looking up at him as she held the key.
"I know you thought that they sold the house to pay for what you would need to start your new
life. And they did sell it … to us." He told her, gesturing to the rest of her family.
"You bought it?" she gasped, her hand coming to cover her mouth. "But how?"
"Together it wasn't hard. We all pitched in." he replied. "And it's yours … if you want it … it's
completely paid off free and clear."
She shook her head, unable to respond. She didn't want to hurt them, but she also didn't know if
she could go back in the house she'd shared with Craig. She hadn't been inside it since the day
they left for Atlanta. She hadn't been able to bring herself to be there without him.
"Will you excuse me please?" she whispered as she put the key back in the box and walked
outside, oblivious to the fact that she was only wearing her robe and pajamas.
Adam handed the baby to Rayna as the family was stunned into silence. He had no idea what
had just happened, but he could see that they hadn't intended to cause her pain. Grabbing his
coat and hers from the closet in the entryway, he walked out to find her.
"Beth" he called out as he looked to see which way she had gone. Turning around the side of
the house he found her standing near the pasture fence, staring out at the rolling hills and
meadows below.
Before he even tried to find out what happened, he wrapped her coat and his arms around her.
"Do you want to tell me what just happened? Or do you need some time?" he asked simply as
he rested his chin on the top of her head and stared out in the same direction. Even in the winter
it was beautiful. He could only imagine what the spring and summer would be like.
Beth didn't say anything for a few minutes, but let herself lean back into the warmth and comfort
of his body.
"See that house over there?" she nodded toward a quaint yellow wood frame house in the
distance. "That is where I used to live … with Craig."
Adam didn't know if she wanted him to respond or even how to respond since he had no idea
what was going on in her head, so he just waited for her to explain in her own time.
"I haven't been in that house since the day we left to go to Atlanta. Not even to get clothes or
anything. Chris and Rayna had to go in for me." She began. "It was too painful."
"Yet your family believed they needed to save it for you." He replied and felt her nod.
"Even though the thought of going in there hurts so much, for a few seconds when I first saw that
key, I felt truly happy that it hadn't been sold to one of our neighbors or strangers."
"Why do you think that is?" he continued to try and help her search her heart, knowing she
needed to get to the bottom of her feelings.
"Because it was a happy home." She replied, her voice barely audible. He could tell that she
was crying, but didn't move to hold her any tighter because to do so would give her a way to
escape what he knew she wanted to face. "It was happy until he took it all away."
Adam could hear her heart breaking. He remembered the times she had spoken of her husband,
and what had happened. She told him about the horror … she told him about the trial and the
threats … she told him about how hard it had been to leave her home and her family and try to
outrun Devan's grasp. But she never talked about taking time to grieve all she'd lost. It seems
she had never really been afforded the time to really examine what her life had become and
grieve what it could no longer be. There were dreams she'd created with Craig since they were
children that had been slashed to ribbons in front of her eyes. And she hadn't allowed herself to
feel the real depth of it all. That was why she couldn't go in the house. Subconsciously she was
protecting herself from facing the ghosts of what would have been. It was the same protective
instinct that kept her from watching the videotapes for so long … and never all of them.
Desperate not to feel what she was feeling, Beth tried to distract herself by turning her attention to
Adam. "I'm sorry." She said, turning in his arms and burying her face in his coat. "How could I
stand here feeling sorry for myself when I should be looking at what I have."
She looked up at him. "I have you … and Cassie, and it's not fair to you to for me to hang on to
this, to let something that is over and done affect me so. You deserve better."
"I'm not threatened by what you had with Craig." Adam replied honestly. "And I don't expect you
to exsponge his name or his memory from your life. If I'd been the least bit threatened by his
ghost … I would never have been so agreeable to come here with you. I would have done or
said anything to keep you from being here. I know the love you have for me Beth. I know how
real it is."
"Then it won't upset you if I say that I am so damn mad about what Devan did to my life? To
Craig's life? About all the plans and the dreams that I'd spent so much time creating with the
man I thought I would grow old with? That when I think about it, I want to scream how unfair it is?
That I'm afraid to really say or feel what I want because I'm afraid if I start … I won't be able to
find my way back out of the pain and the loss?" The words poured out of her in a rush and then
she waited for him to react.
"It upsets me yes, but not for the reason you think. It upsets me because of the pain it brings you.
And I'd do anything … even wish we had never met, if it meant you could have been spared all of
this and lived the dream you'd planned." The truth of his statement was as plain in his eyes as
the pain of even considering having never been a part of her life.
"I don't want to feel this anymore." She admitted, laying her cheek against his chest. "I don't
want to be afraid of facing the things I used to love."
"Do you think that is why your family did this? Why they made sure everything you worked so
hard to build wasn't taken from you unless you wanted to let it go?" he asked.
Beth knew that was why they had done it. Chris and her Mother had both encouraged her to face
the loss … to face the ghosts of her happiness with Craig by going to the house. But she didn't
have the strength at the time. "I'm sure that is why they did it." She replied.
"I don't know your family … but I know you … and they surely know you. And I think that they
acted in what they believe is your best interest."
"And I walk out on them." She said sadly.
Adam sighed, because now she was going to beat herself up about that too. "They love you and
they are happy you are here with them. They'll understand that it may take you some time."
"What would I do without you Adam?" she asked.
"Well at the moment, I would say you would be freezing your cute little bum off." He replied,
trying to lighten her mood as he coaxed her back toward the house.
Adam was certain his head had only just hit the pillow when he heard the door to the small room
he was in creak open. Recognizing the soft padding of sock feet, he rolled over and managed to
smile through his exhaustion at the site of Beth tip toeing across the floor with Cassie in one arm
and a large mug of what must be black coffee in the other. She looked amazing as her dark hair
fell over one shoulder of the soft red fleece robe. Of all the colors she wore, red was the one that
to him that set off her fair skin and dark hair to its best advantage. And ever since he admitted
that, she seemed to go out of her way to add that color to her wardrobe.
"Merry Christmas" she greeted him, wishing she could have let him sleep longer. But the kids
were already beginning to stir so she thought she should at least give him a chance to properly
wake up at his own pace before the noise did it for him.
"Merry Christmas." He replied, unable to be grumpy when she was smiling so sincerely. "Here …
let me get that." He said, sitting up to take the mug from her and setting it on the table beside
him.
Upon hearing his voice, Cassie started to fuss and fret.
"Guess who was missing her Daddy." Beth said as she handed the tiny baby to him. "It took
forever to get her to start eating … she kept getting frustrated, and you weren't there to calm her."
"Cassie doesn't like it when Mommy makes Daddy sleep in the other room." He said in a light
voice as he snuggled the little girl's face against his own.
Beth swatted him playfully. "Already making me out to be the bad guy huh?"
"Never." He replied, leaning over to kiss her as he held Cassie in the crook of his arm.
"God I missed you." She whispered as she kept her forehead pressed against his when their lips
parted.
"And you missed all the fun." He replied. "Kyle invited me to be an elf in Santa's workshop." His
tone was less than enthused.
"And you did it? No wonder you look exhausted, I didn't hear him come upstairs until after 3."
She ran her hand over the side of his face.
"He appealed to my weakness … the promise of cold beer." Adam admitted with a sigh.
"I'll have to remember that." She laughed.
"Any chance of catching a few more hours with you snuggled beside me?" he asked hopefully.
Beth tilted her head and gave him a sympathetic look. "I'm afraid not … the kids are already up
and I'm sure any minute they will be downstairs and screaming like wild indians when they see
what the jolly old elf left."
"At least it's only once a year" He replied, carefully shifting the baby so he wouldn't risk dripping
any hot coffee on her as he guzzled it down.
Beth had not exaggerated. The wrapping paper flew in all directions as soon as the children hit
the floor of the main room. He was content to stand holding Cassie in the doorway between the
kitchen and the Christmas tree, well out of the chaos.
Beth jumped right in the middle, helping sort the packages and creating piles for each family
member. Her sister Chris said she'd always been the organizer of the group, so they weren't
surprised when she took charge.
The family had opened over half the gifts when Justin looked across to where Beth had gone to
lean against Adam, watching and enjoying the site. He turned and whispered something to Kyle
and then the two of them disappeared. "I wonder what those two are up to?" she mused to
Adam, who hadn't seen the exchange.
A few minutes later the two men returned to the room and Kyle ordered everyone to be still and
quiet for a second. Even their father wondered what this was about.
"Lea … we hope you will forgive us for not having a stack of packages waiting with your name on
it, we started to do that … but to be honest …" her brother blinked a few times and stared at the
ceiling before looking back at her. "to be honest, none of us could bear the thought of what it
would be like to see the stack sit unopened."
"Kyle you know it doesn't matter … I have all the Christmas I need right here in this room." She
replied, walking to the middle of the room to hug her brother.
When she let go of his neck he let her know he had more to say. "We do have a present for you.
Something I hope you will want." He handed a small box tied in red paper with a silver bow to
her.
Beth looked up at him questioningly and then opened it. Inside was a key chain with a single key
that she recognized.
"Kyle … I don't understand." She said, looking up at him as she held the key.
"I know you thought that they sold the house to pay for what you would need to start your new
life. And they did sell it … to us." He told her, gesturing to the rest of her family.
"You bought it?" she gasped, her hand coming to cover her mouth. "But how?"
"Together it wasn't hard. We all pitched in." he replied. "And it's yours … if you want it … it's
completely paid off free and clear."
She shook her head, unable to respond. She didn't want to hurt them, but she also didn't know if
she could go back in the house she'd shared with Craig. She hadn't been inside it since the day
they left for Atlanta. She hadn't been able to bring herself to be there without him.
"Will you excuse me please?" she whispered as she put the key back in the box and walked
outside, oblivious to the fact that she was only wearing her robe and pajamas.
Adam handed the baby to Rayna as the family was stunned into silence. He had no idea what
had just happened, but he could see that they hadn't intended to cause her pain. Grabbing his
coat and hers from the closet in the entryway, he walked out to find her.
"Beth" he called out as he looked to see which way she had gone. Turning around the side of
the house he found her standing near the pasture fence, staring out at the rolling hills and
meadows below.
Before he even tried to find out what happened, he wrapped her coat and his arms around her.
"Do you want to tell me what just happened? Or do you need some time?" he asked simply as
he rested his chin on the top of her head and stared out in the same direction. Even in the winter
it was beautiful. He could only imagine what the spring and summer would be like.
Beth didn't say anything for a few minutes, but let herself lean back into the warmth and comfort
of his body.
"See that house over there?" she nodded toward a quaint yellow wood frame house in the
distance. "That is where I used to live … with Craig."
Adam didn't know if she wanted him to respond or even how to respond since he had no idea
what was going on in her head, so he just waited for her to explain in her own time.
"I haven't been in that house since the day we left to go to Atlanta. Not even to get clothes or
anything. Chris and Rayna had to go in for me." She began. "It was too painful."
"Yet your family believed they needed to save it for you." He replied and felt her nod.
"Even though the thought of going in there hurts so much, for a few seconds when I first saw that
key, I felt truly happy that it hadn't been sold to one of our neighbors or strangers."
"Why do you think that is?" he continued to try and help her search her heart, knowing she
needed to get to the bottom of her feelings.
"Because it was a happy home." She replied, her voice barely audible. He could tell that she
was crying, but didn't move to hold her any tighter because to do so would give her a way to
escape what he knew she wanted to face. "It was happy until he took it all away."
Adam could hear her heart breaking. He remembered the times she had spoken of her husband,
and what had happened. She told him about the horror … she told him about the trial and the
threats … she told him about how hard it had been to leave her home and her family and try to
outrun Devan's grasp. But she never talked about taking time to grieve all she'd lost. It seems
she had never really been afforded the time to really examine what her life had become and
grieve what it could no longer be. There were dreams she'd created with Craig since they were
children that had been slashed to ribbons in front of her eyes. And she hadn't allowed herself to
feel the real depth of it all. That was why she couldn't go in the house. Subconsciously she was
protecting herself from facing the ghosts of what would have been. It was the same protective
instinct that kept her from watching the videotapes for so long … and never all of them.
Desperate not to feel what she was feeling, Beth tried to distract herself by turning her attention to
Adam. "I'm sorry." She said, turning in his arms and burying her face in his coat. "How could I
stand here feeling sorry for myself when I should be looking at what I have."
She looked up at him. "I have you … and Cassie, and it's not fair to you to for me to hang on to
this, to let something that is over and done affect me so. You deserve better."
"I'm not threatened by what you had with Craig." Adam replied honestly. "And I don't expect you
to exsponge his name or his memory from your life. If I'd been the least bit threatened by his
ghost … I would never have been so agreeable to come here with you. I would have done or
said anything to keep you from being here. I know the love you have for me Beth. I know how
real it is."
"Then it won't upset you if I say that I am so damn mad about what Devan did to my life? To
Craig's life? About all the plans and the dreams that I'd spent so much time creating with the
man I thought I would grow old with? That when I think about it, I want to scream how unfair it is?
That I'm afraid to really say or feel what I want because I'm afraid if I start … I won't be able to
find my way back out of the pain and the loss?" The words poured out of her in a rush and then
she waited for him to react.
"It upsets me yes, but not for the reason you think. It upsets me because of the pain it brings you.
And I'd do anything … even wish we had never met, if it meant you could have been spared all of
this and lived the dream you'd planned." The truth of his statement was as plain in his eyes as
the pain of even considering having never been a part of her life.
"I don't want to feel this anymore." She admitted, laying her cheek against his chest. "I don't
want to be afraid of facing the things I used to love."
"Do you think that is why your family did this? Why they made sure everything you worked so
hard to build wasn't taken from you unless you wanted to let it go?" he asked.
Beth knew that was why they had done it. Chris and her Mother had both encouraged her to face
the loss … to face the ghosts of her happiness with Craig by going to the house. But she didn't
have the strength at the time. "I'm sure that is why they did it." She replied.
"I don't know your family … but I know you … and they surely know you. And I think that they
acted in what they believe is your best interest."
"And I walk out on them." She said sadly.
Adam sighed, because now she was going to beat herself up about that too. "They love you and
they are happy you are here with them. They'll understand that it may take you some time."
"What would I do without you Adam?" she asked.
"Well at the moment, I would say you would be freezing your cute little bum off." He replied,
trying to lighten her mood as he coaxed her back toward the house.