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Frank had heard some noise downstairs in the 'crib' as Monica called it. The only other person here in the Nest this late at night besides him was Aja. Alex and Jake were back out on their assignments and Monica and Cody were at home in their own beds. As he walked down the stairs to see what was going on, he heard a blood curdling scream coming from the crib. Drawing his gun, he literally took the rest of the stairs two at a time and ran through the darkened building until he heard sobbing. He peeked around the corner cautiously, checking to make sure that he and Aja were truly alone.
Aja curled up on her side, her knees drawing up to her forehead as she hugged herself. What was Frank Donovan doing to her? He was bringing the nightmares back with this assignment. She shouldn't be here, she should be back in Quantico on a desk assignment, away from him… shouldn't she? She remembered the thrill of the hunt, what it was like out in the field. It was a rush, but a desk assignment was safe. She needed safe now. She wasn't the same anymore, Vadim had broken her…
Frank saw her shaking as he quietly approached her cot. It tugged at him to see her like this, but she needed to get past whatever it was that was killing her spirit. In the first few days he'd seen that spirit rise only to be yanked behind the dead and lifeless shell that Aja Cage had put up. And then there was the photograph earlier in the week. The one she vehemently denied knowing who it was, but truthfully did. If only he could get her to admit it, to open up. Carefully he kneeled down in front of her and watched. He watched her shiver so badly that the entire bed shook. Knowing he could not do what he wanted almost desperately to do, he picked up the blanket and laid it gently over her.
Aja startled, then looked up. She hadn't heard him come in. "What do you want?" she sighed. After the nightmare, Aja didn't want yet another confrontation with Frank. In the days that followed the photograph incident, Aja kept finding herself wanting to go to Frank, tell him it was all right, that she was all right. But stubborn pride and anger prevented her from doing just that.
Frank's first inclination was to stand up and walk the hell out. If she wanted to be childish and confrontational, then so be it. But he took one look at her eyes and changed his mind. She was still terrified and no matter how much he wanted to walk out, he couldn't. "How about you and I have a conversation instead of a shouting match, hmm Aja?" When she didn't come right back with a sharp cut or jibe, he pulled up a chair and sat down. "I was upstairs when I heard you. What did you dream of that made you scream so terribly?"
Aja watched him for a moment, then shook her head and sat up. He wasn't going to leave her alone. Truthfully she didn't want him to leave her alone either. Damned shame he wouldn't sit closer. Then again, it might be a blessing that he didn't. "Something that I can thank you for bringing back. Another nightmare I haven't had in years." Slowly she sat forward, her hands still shaking slightly in the dark room.
Frank's forehead creased in confusion. "Nightmare? About what?" He could see the unwillingness to talk about whatever it was in Aja's eyes. "Aja, I can understand that you're trying to fight this on your own. But there comes a time when you have to let go and trust someone else to catch you."
"There is no one else." She snorted spitefully. At his resigned sigh, she looked up. "Who? You? You who've tortured and hounded me at every turn? You're going to catch me? Thank you, no." 'God I want you to catch me. Frank, just…' she couldn't even fathom what she had thought about saying.
"Aja…" Frank shook his head. "You've got to tell someone. Look at me. Something terrible happened in your life three years ago. I've read your files and the reports from your Supervisors. Every single word supports the concept that a catastrophic event happened to you in New York while on your last assignment." When Aja looked away from him, he took her hand in his. "Open up Aja. It's like a festering wound that's slowly killing you. You've got to open it up and let the poison out before you can heal. Look at me Aja, I won't hurt you again."
She couldn't. She couldn't tell anyone about it. She'd been stupid and weak. Vadim had tortured her for information that she wouldn't give him. If only she'd given him the information, he'd have let her go and… that wasn't true and she knew it. He would have killed her if she'd told him. How strong would she have been if she'd given up? She felt the warm strength of his hand covering hers. He kept at her time and again since she came to the unit to open up and tell him. Would he catch her? "I.."
Frank's eyebrows arched slightly. Was she really going to tell him what had happened? He knew on instinct that if she got it out, let go of the pain she was holding in, then she'd heal. It took him confessing everything that he'd done and that had happened to him. Rumors had flown around regarding his self-imposed six-month beaching, but that was the real reason. He was getting his head back together and his soul back from the darkness. He idly stroked the back of her hand. "It's OK Aja. I'm listening," he said quietly.
Aja looked up at him. She could feel the hot tears stinging her eyes. Finally unable to control herself anymore, she shook her head and started to cry. "I'm so sorry… He.. he just… I didn't know he was onto me. After that cop died on my watch and I couldn't stop it, I pressed hard, trying to get more. Unfortunately, the Narcotics division had a sting that night, unrelated of course. We were in the back in a private room. I got up to see what was going on when the shooting started. Everything is a blur after that. I remember seeing a Narco come through the door and without thinking-"
"You reached for your badge." It was a rookie mistake, but one that even the most seasoned law enforcement personnel makes. Sometimes it happens. He nodded for her to continue.
"Right in front of Herrera and his men I reached down and pulled the badge out of my boot top and flashed it as I ran out of the door and after one of the suspects in the cop's murder. I didn't realize until later that it was a set up, the whole thing. There was no actual deal going down. Oh, the Narcs were real, but they were given false information. I chased that boy down for what seemed like days. It was quiet, I remember it was very quiet. All I heard was my footsteps and someone else's behind me… someone was following me. I shouldn't have gone alone, I know that, knew it then… but something made me go after him. He was the one who'd pulled the trigger, I had to get him, bring him in."
"If the local police had arrested him," Frank started.
Aja nodded. "He might have mysteriously died while in custody. But that wasn't why. It was his widow and daughter. I wanted them to know the man who'd killed Russell was in custody and would be punished."
"Russell?"
"The cop. Russell Merriweather. He wasn't a rookie, but he wasn't married more than a few years with a three year old little girl. I chased the suspect down into an alley." Her voice cracked again and she pulled her hands from his comforting grip. She appeared to look at them as she demonstrated what talking about. "I shouldn't have gone into the alley, I know that. There was a fence… probably 10 foot high. I… lost him, he just disappeared."
"And that's when you realized?"
"Not at first. He was there, came out of the shadows… men with him too."
"He? As in Vadim?"
Aja just nodded silently. She started shaking again, unable to look up. "He knew. Somehow he knew. He wasn't there at the club, so he didn't see me flash my badge, but he knew. He took my gun from me, and it dawned on me that I'd been set up somehow. He… hit…" Aja's head jerked away, as if reliving the incident.
Frank reached over and pulled her hair back carefully. Her eyes were squeezed shut and a tear trickled down her cheek… a cheek that bore a very faint and thin white line that ran the length of the cheekbone. Vadim had left her with a reminder every time she looked into the mirror. Absently his thumb brushed the tear from her cheek. "What else happened?"
"Under my chin. He put the gun under my chin and asked me what he should do with me." She whispered softly. She felt Frank take hold of her hand again and give it a gentle squeeze. "They beat me," she finally said. Aja took a deep breath and sat up straighter.
Frank blinked and sat back. It appeared that she was braver about this part than how she'd made a mistake. He tilted his head to the side, unconsciously tracing soothing circles on the back of her hand that was clasped between his.
"I thought that was it. But one of them picked me up. He said, ' You will be lucky if you die before he is done with you.' I passed out after that." She went on to tell him of what had happened when she came to, what she remembered, the electrocution torture and being thrown out of a moving van into an alley. "Some homeless man found me, covered me up and flagged down a police officer. I remember seeing Doc leaning over me as the ambulance took me to the hospital."
Frank shook his head. He'd kept silent the whole time, but he felt the tears in his eyes as she related the torture she'd been through. Little wonder she was retreating into a shell and lashing out at everyone. "Everyone around you tried to play down what had happened, make it seem like everything was all right then… or they were sympathetic. But it wasn't sympathy to you, it was pity and condescension, wasn't it?"
Aja nodded quietly, not saying a word. The trickle of tears slid down her cheeks silently. She felt better already having told Donovan everything that had happened. For whatever reason, he seemed to understand her and her nightmares.
Frank squeezed her hand. It wasn't what he wanted to do however. He wanted to take her into his arms and hold her, stroke her hair and her back soothingly until she felt better, to help her understand that he'd be there for her. But he couldn't. He couldn't let himself fall for her. Putting himself back into perspective, Frank let go of her hand and stood up. "You have to let it go and move on. You know that, don't you?" He waited for her to acknowledge that. He smiled softly. "Try to go back to sleep. I can't promise you that it will be better in the morning, but I have a feeling that things will be different for you in the morning."
Aja looked up at him for a moment. She couldn't figure him out. One moment he was stroking the back of her hand, the next moment he was cold and distant again. "Yeah… " she sighed. "Things are always different." She lay back in the bed and turned over, giving him her back. "Everything changes, only to stay the same. Good Night Donovan."
i kind of like the misery you put me through
darling you can trust me completely
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Excerpt from the lyrics to "The Game" by Disturbed. CD titled "The Sickness" all rights reserved.
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