Niki: I adore the twins! I try my best to make them absolutely adorable. As for Elrond and Ithil, I'm having a hard time keeping poor Ithil's mind on only one angsty thing at a time… o.o Poor girl, I'm practically giving her a horrible life. Granted I won't be THAT mean. Hee hee.. As for Haldir and her, I don't want it to be a physical attraction… I want it deeper than that. That's all I'll say… *smiles*
Angaloth: I aim for unpredictability! It's a goal I strive for! *strikes a pose then blinks* Eh heh… sorry bout that… But thank you, I'm glad you think so, I try hard to make it so. To be honest, I thought really hard on 'who' I'd have finally get to her… As for Glorfindel, my absolute favorite elf, I had thought about it… but I really like the Elrohir/Glorfindel pairing, but I don't even know if I'll work that out. I'm having a hard time convincing myself of slash pairings even though I do like to read them. Elrohir is my fave twin, and his crush on Ithil is mainly because she is so nice to him. It really sucks to be the middle child I hear. As for Ithil and Elrond, poor Celebrian will never know. Ignorance is bliss to some… but I have much in store for that pairing… but that will be much later. She just can't quite get over the Peredhil… *grins* I don't think I'll have any other slash pairings by the way…. Like I said, I'm having problems writing it… by guilt mostly. O.o
Tara: Writing Haldir is so much fun. *bounces* He's got such a dynamic personality! He's another favorite… in order my faves turn out to be Glorfindel, Elrohir, Haldir, and Legolas… ^_^
JadeGoddess: My beloved critic! You keep me on my toes! Thank you so much! Your questions constantly make me think out what I'm doing, it's much appreciated as well as your constant reviews. Yes, it is sad that duty seems to come first for both Ithil and Haldir… But I'm slowly working on changing that, as you'll see in this chapter. They're both getting knocked back into reality a bit harshly and I feel bad for it… O.o Forgive me? As for if it's legal to have m/m pairings, probably not. It's never said, but since Tolkien was an extreme Christian, I'm sure he would smack me for what I'm doing… *sweatdrops* But I promise I won't spend much time on them… they may not even be mentioned again. I'm feeling rather guilty. And yes! The child is Legolas…
Nimuea: Thank you soooo much for your kind words. I try hard to focus on character developing without really dragging out the story. I don't like it when something is over done, but I also don't like it under done… I'm a very strong critic of my own work… Extreme really.. O.o I'm starting to have doubts about my ability in this one…. *sighs* And as for the language… I try to use it because it brings out the etherealness of the elves, but as I said, I try not to over do it. Thanks again!
AngelQueen: Ever so true you review every chapter! You encourage me to no end! If it weren't for you I'd surely give it up. Isn't Elrohir a doll? I soooo love the boy. And don't worry… Haldir is getting nicer. *smiles* But I know what you mean… I just want to hit him for some of the things I make him do.. O.o I'm really mean for the way I treat Ithil and Elrond… *sniffles* It'll get better soon! I hope… Ithil will forgive her parents, as a matter of fact pretty soon. She loves them too much to be angry with them long. Though she's been pretty angry for six centuries ne? *laughs* Yes, Elladan in my mind is very brash… he can't help it… And worry not! I plan to have fun with Aragorn and Arwen. Because I'm making Arwen Elrond's favorite, and Ithil will be the over protective mother since Celebrian will be gone. But they will be together. *grins* And about leaving you hanging over Haldir's past… you'll learn soon enough… hee hee… Don't worry about lateness! You honor me enough with the fact that you review every chapter! I think the little love hate relationship between Ithil and Haldir is rather cute, don't you agree? And I would not kill her off, though I half think she might rather die than deal with all the horrible stuff I'm throwing at her… Thanks so much for sticking with me! You're the best!
Tears of the Moon
Chapter Seven: Gwathren Galad
~ I've seen it all and it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you… ~
[The Third Age of Middle Earth, the solar year 600 – The realm of Greenwood and palace of Thranduil]
The halls were dark and cold as the silent party of Lorien entered the palace of Greenwood. In its own right, the palace was beautifully crafted, but none of the fair elves from the Golden wood could find the appreciation that it deserved. There they all stood in a large hall waiting for acknowledgement, even a word that let them know that they were appreciated, but none came. The high kind Thranduil had not come to them, and had not heeded the request of neither Glorfindel nor Haldir.
But the two fair-haired elves took comfort in only one thing, and even that comfort was wearing thin. Upon their arrival, the child that they had allowed to ride Ithil's horse had yelled at the servants to help their lady and take her to their best healer. It was the first time any of the elves from Lorien had heard the child speak, and it amazed them that one so young spoke with such gentle but stern authority. Even in his haste, the small blonde never belittled those that heeded his words. It was obvious that he was either the child of a high elven lord, or a child of King Thranduil himself. So, in his curiosity, Glorfindel pulled a straggling servant behind and smiled at her as she tried to move away from him in discomfort. "Pray tell me gentle lady, what is the child's name?"
The elf lady then looked uncomfortable as she bowed to the blonde elven lord and spoke in haste. "The young elfling you came with is young Prince Legolas Thranduilion." With that she bowed in her apology and quickly took flight from his presence.
This was a revelation indeed to the former guardian of Gondolin. Brushing at his now mussed up hair, he then turned to look for his friend and comrade. When Haldir had run back to them, the silver blonde had been completely unnerved and when he tried to take Ithil from him, the second in command nearly bit his head off. From that moment until the healers pried the lady from his arms, Haldir would not separate from the daughter of Galadriel, not even when Glorfindel did a quick binding of her wounds. To the young elf's credit, Haldir was the first to leave the mass of remaining soldiers in order to track their wayward March warden.
To Glorfindel's relief and surprise, after Ithil's plight, their company had easily taken care of the horde of foul creatures. It was as though the orcs had known that she was a weakness within the hearts of the Lorien elves. And ever true to her duty and people, she would not allow them to die on her account. Ithil had always told Glorfindel that 'the good of the many outweigh the good of the one'. He gave a soft sigh when his eyes fell on Haldir. The now acting March warden stood silently in a dark corner of the room tightly hugging himself as he fell deep into his thoughts. Never in all the centuries of knowing Haldir, had the seneschal seen him in such distress, and it hurt deeply. Crossing the room with pained but elegant strides, he then silently fell in beside the younger elf and spoke softly. "The young child that Ithil had with her is the son of Thranduil."
Haldir didn't move, but Glorfindel knew that he'd heard him. "That makes sense." His dead pan tone finally provided a reply as he dropped his fair colored head against the stone wall. Dark eyes of midnight seemed clouded in confusion and worry as he looked to the ceiling before continuing. "Ithil fought off two of Ungoliant's kin… alone…"
Surprise filled the golden eldar's eyes as he looked to the shorter elf at his side. "How do you know this?" The idea of such a feat both filled him with pride at her prowess, and guilt at his not being there to aid her in such a peril.
"Their bodies were there where I found them and they were alone. I didn't get there in time…" Glorfindel could clearly make out the regret he heard in Haldir's voice but was cut off when he tried to console him. "She's so foolish! All females are foolish! Why run to your death all for someone you don't even know?"
There was an icy anger in his voice that caused the golden blonde to shiver noticeably. "Haldir…"
"What?" Turning sharp dark eyes in the taller elf's direction, he glared at him coldly. "All of them are the same! You learn to care about them and they do something utterly foolish like this! Such moronic foolishness!" Haldir's voice slowly began to drop to a whisper as he looked away and closed his eyes. "Forget it… Just forget it…"
Eyes of sapphire were now wide at this sudden outburst. It was but a taste of Haldir's true feelings and it rather surprised him. Though, as he moved to speak he was interrupted once more. Rolling his eyes, he wondered if the Valar were secretly plotting against him before looking up to see the messenger that interrupted their conversation. "Kind Thranduil will see you both now." With a bow, the messenger shifted nervously from one foot to the other waiting for their reply.
Almost simultaneously the fair-haired elves nodded their heads and instantly regained all of their composure. Following then after the dark haired elf, Glorfindel could only sigh and glance at his friend. Haldir's condition worried him almost as much as Ithil's. The only difference was that Haldir only had a few scratches and bruises complete with a troubled heart where Ithil was broken in both body and spirit. What could he do? As their friend all he could do was be there, but it felt like such a small and worthless act when they suffered so much. Finally looking ahead, he was surprised to see that he was already in the throne room and standing before Thranduil. Taking a deep breath, he gave the blonde king a weary smile before bowing reverently. "I thank you for seeing us Taur nin."
Thranduil nodded in return as Haldir also gave a silent bow in greeting, and then he looked between then with curiosity in his gaze. "A lord of Imladris traveling with a guardian of Lorien? What brings you to Greenwood so unexpectedly?"
Glorfindel groaned inwardly at the sharp tongue of the king and knew very well that they were not in the least welcome. But that had been expected. "I asked to accompany my lady on her quest. She heeded the council of Mithrandir and asked pardon of her father to aid your people in resisting the shadow that encroaches upon your realm. We meant no disrespect to you or your people."
A look of surprise lit the blonde king's eyes as his hand tightened on the staff made of oak at his side. "Your lady? Do you speak of the Lady Ithil, daughter of Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel?"
"Yes I do, hîr nin. She is the one that rescued the child Legolas from the spawn of Ungoliant within the woods." The eldar selectively left out most of the battle and her deeds, for he knew that Thranduil would pay them little heed. But he was curious to see how the king would react to the news that his son had been saved by one of Noldor decent.
Thranduil remained silent for a long time before he finally spoke calmly. "Then the lady Ithil is in good care with my healers. I apologize for I had no idea of who she was. My gratitude goes to her for saving my son, but your presence here is not welcomed. But given the circumstances I cannot send you away." Once again silence filled the room making Glorfindel feel extremely uneasy. And why had Haldir stayed so silent? "The shadow you speak of is of no concern to us. We can protect our own lands without the help of Lothlorien. In respect to the Lady Ithil, you may stay and recover before returning home. As for the lady herself, I wish for her to rest and return to health here so that I may properly thank her. That is all…" The elven king gave the two fair-haired elves a stern look and missed the look of anger in their eyes. Both of them thought the same thing at the same time. Prideful ingrate…
Though, for the first time, Haldir spoke up in a soft and even tone. "I wish to see her…"
The wood elf king arched a brow at this proclamation before nodding his head. He certainly couldn't keep them from seeing their lady, and it rather surprised him that they hadn't seen her already. But the king knew that his people cared not for the higher Calaquendi and tried not to speak with them when they could avoid it. "My servant will take you to her. Forgive our rudeness." Waving a hand, he signified that he was finished.
Haldir had to grit his teeth in order not to retort at the elven king, knowing that his Lord and Lady would not be pleased if he further damaged the relationship between them. But he was angry that the king treated them like they were the plague. Following after the servant, the starlight blonde seethed to himself but said not a word. When they passed the hall containing the Lorien elves, Glorfindel stopped and smiled at Haldir. "I will regroup them and make sure the wounded are tended to. Please go to Ithil and make sure she is well. Do not worry over matters here."
Nodding his head slowly, a look of thankfulness touched the weary eyes of midnight. "Hannon lle Glorfindel." The haughtiness was completely gone and the arrogance disappeared with it. Haldir was too tired to put up a front, and his heart ached to see the lady of moonlight to make sure she was well. Her parents would never forgive him if she weren't.
~*~
The guards before the door could only give Haldir a strange look before the silver blonde slipped past them and into the room. The guardian certainly wouldn't allow they to object to his presence. They had no right to for it was HIS lady that was in there. By rights it should have been Lorien elves standing guard and not those of Greenwood. Upon entering the room he noted the darkness that was pierced by only one candle at the bedside. Beside that candle sat the small elfling holding Ithil's knives in his lap. For a moment, Haldir pitied the young prince as he crossed the room. Until that moment, he'd pointedly ignored Ithil who seemed so lifeless on the bed before him. His heart didn't want to deal with that just yet. "You cleaned them up nicely…"
Legolas looked up with wide dark blue eyes and wondered if he should feel honored by the compliment or wary. Tilting his head to the side, dark blonde strands fell to the side as he spoke softly. "I tried… The blood was hard to get rid of."
Haldir nodded slowly as he pulled a chair up next to the young prince and gently picked up one of the knives he held. "They're her favorite. She will be pleased that you have taken such care of them for her." Turning then to pin the child with troubled orbs of midnight, he tried to continue the conversation hoping to distract himself. "You are Legolas?" At the nod, the guardian then tried to smile as he continued. "I am Haldir, second March warden of the golden wood, Lothlorien. Can you tell me what happened?"
"Aye… but sir, can you first tell me her name? We did not get to introduce ourselves out in the woods… and she passed out before I could ask."
At the pleading eyes, he then sighed before nodding his head and speaking softly. "This is Ithil, daughter of Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn."
Eyes of blue widened as Legolas' allowed his mouth to gape. "This is the lady of the moonlight?" As the guardian nodded once more, Legolas then turned to look on Ithil with misted eyes. "I knew she was important just by the way she held herself and fought so bravely. She's so beautiful… She shouldn't be fighting. Why would the Lord and Lady send out their own daughter to fight? I do not understand…"
"Neither do I pen-neth. But I know that Ithil made the decision on her own. She is not one to be tamed and that free spirit makes her who she is." Never in all the centuries he'd known her had he spoken so lovingly and so full of adoration. He was certainly growing soft. "Now, tell me what happened?" Legolas then slowly began his story keeping his perfect composure the entire time. One had to marvel at this well-groomed prince, but also feel sorrow for the child had never been able to act his age. Haldir liked him already even though he normally didn't let his guard down for anyone. At the end of the tale, all went quiet for a long moment before Haldir spoke again. "You were very brave young prince. I thank you for saving our Lady's life…"
A blush touched Legolas' cheeks as he slowly nodded his head. "I didn't want to see her killed… I knew I had to do something."
"And you did, saving both of your lives. It was no small deed." Studying the child a long moment, he then noted the weariness in the prince's face. "You must be tired and hungry. Go now, I will stay with Lady Ithil. You may return later…"
At first Legolas was reluctant, but he soon gave in. Haldir felt guilty for the cruelty he'd shown before when they'd first met, but the young guardian had had no control whatsoever over his actions or words then. Sighing softly, he then turned to Ithil and winced at how pale she looked. Her silver armor had been taken, to where he didn't know, and all that remained was a soft white gown that he was sure the healers provided. The fine light blue satin shirt she had been wearing had been stained black and was sure it wasn't salvageable. What hurt the most was that her hair was now cut to her shoulders. The black had stained the tips along with the red of her own blood. Being so pale in color, the hair had easily stained and they had to cut it. She had loved her waist length hair… Even he'd known that. Reaching out a timid hand, he gently took hers in his and winced once again at how cold it was. "This should never have happened…"
All was silent and no response came to the acting March Warden of Lothlorien. "We shouldn't have done this… You shouldn't be here. Why?" The rhetorical question came out so softly; he was surprised he'd managed to voice it at all. Pulling her hand to his forehead, he closed his eyes and spoke once more. "I didn't get there in time… All of the arrogance and haughtiness couldn't even get my legs to move fast enough. I'm a failure…"
Biting his lower lip, he suddenly jumped as the hand in his twitched lightly. Had she heard him? All went still and he began to believe that he'd only imagined it. Sighing softly, Haldir ran his gaze over her before quickly looking away. "I hate females… You're all so soft and weak… but so are males." His posture then fell as he felt a wave of nausea hit him. Why was he telling her this? "Do you know why? Of course you don't…" Scowling lightly, he then dropped her hand and cradled his head in his hands. "Naneth was very much like you…"
"She put forth all of her strength to protect myself and my brothers. She even tried to take care of the other elves there, not to mention adar. I loved her… so dearly. The orcs came… so many of them. Rúmil and I hid with Orophin, but even though we begged her not to go, she went anyway. Stupid females always trying to save everyone… You're just like her. You ran off and left me just like I knew you would. Naneth died… she died saving those other children, but she couldn't save them all. Adar returned to find his home burning down and his wife dying. He loved her so much. My adar, so proud he was… so strong… but for a female he took his own life. Right in front of his own children even though they pleaded with him to think sanely. Orophin will never forget… it was that female's fault… But… I loved her… I… I love her."
Haldir's voice cracked as the tears began to build in his eyes. The memories and the pain blinded him as he fisted his strong hands into his starlight kissed hair. "You're just like her! You ran away from me! You inflict madness with your charms and good heart! Look what you've done to me!" Looking up sharply, the tears were revealed to be falling down his pale elven fair visage. In all the years, he hadn't even cried the day his parents died. Why now? "No amount of beauty or moment of physical weakness has broken me thus… but your heart and your love to your people. Just like her… who could not love you both?" Dropping his gaze, he fought to hold back the tears with all he was, but he failed miserably. For all his pride he couldn't stop them, and had he been paying attention he would have seen Ithil move her hand.
With all her heart she wanted to reach out to that voice she heard in her heart, but the darkness made her weak and her trembling hand fell short. Was it Haldir? It had to be… Mithrandir had been right. Why had she been so blind? Why did he have to cry? Why did she put her grief before his? Oh Haldir… don't cry… Please forgive me. His hatred was founded and yet off set all at once. So much in his life he'd lost before he could even call it his own. Happiness had been as fickle as a butterfly flitting from one flower to the next. And yet, now her grief made her heavier than before. She'd failed her men and she now knew why her father had begged her not to take the road of the warrior. I should never have agreed to be March Warden… This is all my fault… So much pain she could feel rolling off of Haldir and it made her tremble on the inside. He had every right to be angry with her. And so, she would carry that grief as well. Maybe then she could give in to her grief? Mandos was so close in the darkness that overwhelmed her; she could almost here the beloved voices of her uncles who'd died before her. All of whom she so missed, could it all end now?
No, it couldn't. If only for the elf at her side and the small child that blamed himself, or her nephews and niece… There were so many that loved her. She had to live and Mandos would have to wait. And what of Elrond and Celebrian? Her parents… Yet, suddenly all that mattered was the elf that cried so openly now. Haldir was the one elf that had both pushed her to anger and now to aching need. Ithil needed to hold him, to stop the tears, but she could not. She was trapped and he was alone. They were both so terribly alone. The lady of the moonlight would have cried if she could as she reached out to him with her heart wishing and hoping to give him some sort of solace though she knew it to be hopeless.
Haldir suddenly looked up as he felt a cool energy waft through him lightening his heart and slowly soothing him from his torrent sobs. He couldn't describe it and didn't know where it came from, but it oddly felt like the cool beams that were emitted from the moon. Shaky pools of midnight then came to rest on Ithil and he knew she was trying to give a piece of herself to him even when she was on the edge of death. Yes, they were all alike… and yet all so different. And he knew that he would be broken again just as he'd been by his mother.
~*~
Days had poured into weeks, and soon, Glorfindel had to return to Lorien with the majority of the elves that had originally come. Only a small convoy remained of Ithil's closest comrades that refused to leave their lady in Greenwood. Among them was Haldir whom had rarely strayed from Ithil's bedside. But on the one gray morning that he'd strayed from her room for the comfort of a bath, to his great dismay, was the day she finally woke up. In a tizzy the elf maid had ran to the springs her silvery hair frazzled and standing on end as she desperately called for him. "Lord Haldir! Lord Haldir!!!"
Upon hearing the frantic cry, the acting March warden jumped to his feet not paying attention to his current state of undress. "Yes? What is it?" Upon the sight of the maid's face turning completely red, he sank back into the water feeling rather embarrassed. And that was the understatement of the year.
Quickly gathering herself, the brown eyed elf maid had problems keeping her eyes on his face as she hurriedly spoke. "She's gone hîr nin! Prince Legolas tried to stop her! But he said she was walking as though she were completely out of mind. The only thing she said was your name hîr nin!"
Before he could think anything else, he was out of the spring and sprinting to grab his clothes. Haldir paid no more attention to her even though he knew very well she was staring. Stupid females… Why are you staring??? Cursing under his breath, he didn't even stop to think that just maybe he was rather attractive. Running through the halls of Greenwood's palace, Haldir swore he'd covered the entire place by the time he finally came to a stop. Intent on giving up, he suddenly noticed that thunder was rumbling through the halls. Were there windows in this cave of a palace? Turning to look about him, his eyes came to rest on heavy door that stood slightly ajar. Pushing it the rest of the way open, he felt a strong gust of wind sweep past him much to his dismay. His hair was already a mess and he really didn't want to fight a whole mass of tangles. Giving a plaintiff sigh, he then looked up to the edge of the large stone balcony cursing as the first heavy drops of rain began to fall. Could it get any worse?
It was then that Haldir realized he never should have asked that question. More often than not it always without fail… got worse. For at the moment that question echoed in his ears, his eyes had fallen on the slight willowy form perched on the stone rail that encased the balcony. Haldir's heart stopped for the longest time as she teetered like a leaf in the rather strong wind. Ithil's white dress was slowly becoming stained with the cold water, and the now just below shoulder length hair was flailing out around her in tune with the gusts of wind. Shorter pieces of silver white clung to her pale countenance and blocked her eyes from what he could see, and the sight literally rendered him breathless. What was she doing? "Ithil?"
Turning slowly to look at him, she fixed his midnight eyes with a completely blank gray stare. There was no hint of the beautiful silver blue he knew so well. As she stared at him quietly, she tilted her head to the side and swayed as she nearly lost her footing. Though it didn't seem to bother her that she was stories above ground in a slowly worsening storm, teetering on a thin rail. It was as though she had no clue at all where she was. "Haldir?"
The lady's tone alone caused his heart to shatter as he quickly crossed the space between then and plucked her from the ledge. In truth he did it rather harshly and only stopped his brisk movements when the normally vibrant lady yelped like a small child. Some dark stains could still be seen in her remaining silken strands as he looked down upon her for she was intently staring at their feet. He hadn't meant to hurt her. "Lady Ithil… Why are you out here? You need to be back in bed."
The starlight blonde put as much remorse into his voice that he could fathom as he continued to stare down at her unmoving form. They didn't budge for a long time as the rain began to fall harder literally soaking the both of them entirely. Though, as a crack of thunder and a flash of lightening tickled their senses, Ithil looked up at him as her eyes reflected perfectly the raging sky above. It was hard to tell, but there were tears streaming down her face. With utmost gentleness, he pressed his fingertips to her cheeks and wilted at the feeling of warm tears mingling with drops of cold rain. "I'm sorry…"
With the fluidity of liquid, Ithil then fell against him and wrapped her arms securely about his chest. Burying her pained visage in his now wet and disheveled tunic, she sobbed only to be drowned out by the storm around them. He was paralyzed at this and didn't know what to do. Haldir knew they should go inside, but the very thought of her being this close and holding onto him with such intensity made his head and vision swim. What was she doing to him? Finally grasping a thin shred of control, the war-hardened elf picked his lady up and carried her trembling form back into the palace.
It was there he saw the golden prince running frantically down the hall only to stop and gape at Haldir. "Is she ok?" Quickly going to Haldir's side, Legolas looked up with wide plaintive eyes of sapphire. It was so easy to read every emotion in that trusting face.
"She'll be all right. Get a maid to get her some dry clothes? Since she's awake I think that maybe she could have a bath. It might help…" As the prince nodded eagerly, Haldir felt a smile paint itself over his features. It really amazed him how good he was with kids, but then again, he had raised both of his brothers when his parents could not. But the other guardians would have laughed at the thought of Haldir being patient with anyone other than his lord and lady and his fellow warriors. He'd really created quite the image of himself to everyone else.
It wasn't till Ithil nuzzled closer to him that he remembered she was still in his grasp. She weighed hardly anything and it scared him. She'd been weeks without food, and the healers had barely forced water and herbs into her. Making his way back to her room, he was pleased to see that Legolas had done as he asked. Healers and maids were patiently waiting for him and soon tried to relieve him of his burden. But as they tried to pull Ithil away from him, the daughter of Galadriel whimpered and clung harder to the silver blonde Galadrim. "No…"
"Please hiril nin…" The exasperated healer begged with the his unresponsive patient that only settled in further to Haldir. "Hîr nin…" Turning the look then to the guardian, he only frowned to see a very small smile of amusement there on his face. With a bit of reluctance, Haldir then gently began to pry Ithil away from him.
Soothingly he whispered into her ear as he set her feet on the ground moving his free hand to gently caress the short silver hair. "It'll be all right."
Trembling, the childish voice met his ears causing his heart to break further. "Don't leave me…"
"I'll be in here waiting for you… go with them, it'll be all right." Had any of them known Haldir as the Galadrim did, then they would have gaped at the gentleness he displayed right then. Slowly unraveling her arms from around his neck, he then turned her over to the care of the healers. As he watched them walk away, his heart gave a dull pang in his chest. Why did it hurt so much to do that? A couple of weeks ago he probably would have dropped her on the ground without a second thought. But there had been something in the way she looked at him no matter how distant she was. She'd been on the doorstep to Mandos' halls and he really didn't know if she was fully away from it just yet.
~*~
[The Third Age, the solar year 600 – Imladris better known in the common tongue as Rivendell]
A month. It had been an entire month since Ithil had gone face to face with the spawn of Ungoliant and had lost more than just her health. The poison in her blood had dealt a grievous blow to her immortal body and soul. Whenever she closed her eyes, she could see the looming halls of waiting and more often than not she would start to scream in terror. The nightmares were no better as she recalled the searing pain of each blow and the way the black blood had more venom that even the pincers that had tried to bit her. The hideous eyes loomed before her in her dreams and taunted her as the shrill intoned curse wafted through her mind echoing in her loneliness. When a week had passed and she became aware, Haldir and her small party had drug her to Imladris hoping that just maybe the Lord Peredhil might be able to speed her healing. Their three-week stay in Greenwood had been so long and trying on her men, and that didn't help the load on her heart. Guilt was eating away at her along with her grief.
Before she had left the forest, she had somehow managed to go to the burial places of the fallen. Good and true Dûring and a few others of her close friends had fallen all because she had wished to journey to Greenwood. One might have blamed Gandalf for her fool-heartiness, but it had been her that defied her father. Ithil wasn't one to pass the blame, and seeing those graves had sent her spiraling quickly into the darkness that would have taken her quickly to Mandos. But ever-present as Haldir had been, he was there to bring her back. Why had he followed her? Wasn't he tired of her weakness just yet? She hated herself for hurting him the way she had. He was right; she was just another weak female.
Pulling her knees tightly to her chest, she fought back the urge to cry as she remembered ordering him to go back to her parents. The only way she agreed to go to Imladris was if he went personally to tell Galadriel and Celeborn that she had survived and was being taken to the best healer in Arda. It had been her ploy to get as far away from him and the guilt as possible. Vacant eyes of suddenly darker hued glacier blue, stared at the waterfall before her and basked in its roar. So much had happened… Elrond had informed her that while she was in Greenwood, Mithrandir had followed and found a sorcerer in the southern reaches. Supposedly this was the return of Sauron, but she didn't care. She was tired of fighting and tired of leading people to die. The only good they came out of the entire mess was her saving Prince Legolas from certain death. A sudden smile tickled the edges of her mouth as she remembered the wide blue eyes that couldn't comprehend why the Lady Ithil would want HIM to have her precious knives. Yes, he'd been so enthralled by her combat with them that all he could do was talk about them and their wielder.
The golden prince had cried… He cried because she was leaving. Why would he cry for her? Ithil's heart melted at the sight and had suddenly without thinking, handed her precious knives to him. The blades had been forged by Celebrimbor himself with great skill that only a descendent of Fëanor would have. Strong and true they were, for they had served her for many centuries both in the second and third age. Maybe someday she would tell Legolas about their heritage, and maybe her own. It had been a long time since she talked about her kin, especially her beloved uncles. Mainly Finrod Felagund to be sure. A smile touched her lips at the thought of her blonde Noldor uncle who had once been the high king of the Noldor in Arda. He had always been her favorite. But he had died when she was barely a century or two old.
Legolas had so wanted to come along, but she knew it wasn't a good idea. Thranduil told her that she was welcome anytime she wished to visit, and that when she was better, if she didn't mind, Legolas could go to Lorien to visit. Agreeing with this soundly, she then made a promise that if he still wished by then, that she would teach him how to use those precious blades. The child lit up brighter than Anor. How fair he was and how stunning she knew he was going to be. Laughing softly at this thought, she didn't even hear the sound of footsteps approaching her lonely rock where she sat forlornly. "It is well and good to finally hear your laughter Arithil, even though it is weak. Maybe even for a moment I can see the lady I once knew."
Looking up at Elrond's gentle words, she smiled at him softly before looking back to the waterfall. "There are still brief moments that bring me happiness…"
"But it grieves me to know that I will never see the lady I once knew that laughed as she danced in the moonlight in Caras Galadon…" The son of Ëarendil sighed softly as he sat down beside her and followed her gaze. "Tell me what you are thinking about…" Worried eyes of mithril hue met her profile as he silently continued to question her further.
"About the first and second age… The young Prince Legolas…" A smile was on her face for a while until her next abstracted thoughts were voiced and she frowned deeply. "Those I lost in Greenwood… and my utter failure as the March warden…"
The Peredhil frowned deeply with her as he looked at her steadily. "You need to talk about this Arithil…"
"No…"
"Please? You're holding it all inside… I don't want to lose you to grief!" Looking up at the raven-haired lord in surprise, Ithil almost feel from her perch. His eyes were wide with both compassion and worry and it made her heart jump. "Would it make you feel better Ithil if I told you that you weren't alone?"
Silver blue eyes widened as she voiced her next question softly. "Alone in what hîr nin?"
Dropping his eyes to the stone beneath them, she saw the color of his eyes change slightly to match the gray hue of the rock's surface. "You told me the night after my… wedding… that I stole something from you. Lest it was a dream… tell me now, was I dreaming?"
Ithil quickly looked away and shook her head. "It was no dream." Why did he have to bring this up now?
"Then your grief is my fault. If I told you that I returned your affection, would it not just hurt you further? Please explain things to me… I can heal the body, but not the heart if the heart is not willing to be healed. Do you just want to die?" At the drop of her head, he nearly choked. "You do…"
"In a way… I do. I'm sorry. And whether or not you return my affection does not matter." Tears filled her eyes but did not fall as she spoke softly. The hair she considered rather mangled fell into her eyes hiding her face from his view. "I know you love Celebrian. And so do I. I want nothing more than both of you to be happy. Maybe someday I can say my feelings will fade away."
Elrond gave her a disbelieving look. He knew very well it was nearly impossible to just forget. It had been far past six centuries and he still harbored rather strong feelings for her. But unlike her, he had someone else that he loved and that supported him. Ithil on the other hand did everything to support the world, but never let anyone support her. "Sweet Arithil… will you ever let someone help you?"
Would she? She about killed the poor Haldir with her clinginess during her recovery. He hadn't complained, but she knew how much it hurt him to see her like that. She didn't want to see that sort of pain in anyone ever again. Not on her account at the very least… "Probably not hîr nin… I won't lie to you." Slowly rising to her feet, she then dipped down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead after seeing the look of desperation in his eyes. "Worry not about me… Just love my sister and I will be happy." With that said, she then slipped away from his sight leaving both to think in solitude.
~*~
"What is it Ithil?" Celebrian gave her a worried look from her spot on her bed with Arwen sitting primly on the floor before her. Gentle hands weaved the dark hair magnificently even as the mother and daughter duo stared up at Ithil with wide identical pools of sapphire blue.
"I just wanted to see you before I left…" Ithil spoke softly as she drifted into the room in her loose riding clothes that she'd acquired in Greenwood to aid in some sort of comfort when moving. Elrond had done all he could, and she needn't stay any longer. Once again her entourage, though thoroughly spoiled in Imladris, were growing restless. They all yearned for Lorien, even Ithil. She especially wanted to see the parents she'd almost lost when she'd dallied near Mandos. But the main reason resided some where between wanting to escape Elrond and wanting to be sure that Haldir was well.
Arwen looked up at her aunt forlornly and Ithil knew that the young elf wanted to hug her. But with Celebrian working on her hair, she knew that was impossible. "You've only been here a week Aunt Ithil… won't you stay a bit longer?"
"Nay pen-neth… I miss adar and nana… but I would like it if you and your brothers came back with me." Ithil smiled at the thought and could already see the excitement in the young maiden's eyes.
"Really? You mean it? Can we nana?" Looking up at her mother as Celebrian finished her work, the lady of the dawn could not help but smile at the beautiful pleading eyes. "I've always wanted to travel with Aunt Ithil!"
Celebrian thought for a moment before smiling and giving a slight nod. It might be nice to have some time alone with Elrond. "Only if your ada says it's all right. Why don't you go ask him while I talk with my sister?"
The youngest Peredhil quickly jumped to her feet beaming as she hurried from the room. It was true that Arwen was definitely one of the fairest elves in all of Arda well deserving her nickname the Evenstar. Arwen Undómiel, youngest child of Elrond and Celebrian, and just as fair, if not more than her older brothers. The entire family was absolutely stunning. "They grown up so beautifully…"
"And they adore you." Rising to her feet, Celebrian looked as though she was floating instead of walking across the room. Looking up at her sister a long moment, she then brushed back the shorter pieces of silvery white hair with a look of sadness in her deep cerulean eyes.
"Leave it muinthel nin…" Sighing softly, Ithil backed away from the gentle touch as guilt troubled her. How could Celebrian be so kind to her and loving when she harbored such feelings for her husband? Turning to face the large mirror set upon her sister's vanity, her eyes became heavy at what she saw. There was no doubt that she was still beautiful, but she looked so frail and broken at that moment. The glow that normally poured off of her was completely gone and the light in her eyes was almost completely dead. Her once gorgeous waist length hair was in her mind butchered now. Yes, hair would grow back… but the emotional value it held still hurt.
A gentle hand lighted her shoulder then before slender arms pulled her into a warm hug. "I love you Ithil… You're my big sister. You were there for me even when ada and nana could not be. The only true constant I've had in my life was you… please… I know this has been hard, but don't give up hope. What would I do without you?" The question echoed in Ithil's head before she finally pulled away before turning to face Celebrian.
"I will survive, but I am too tired." Too tired for what? She couldn't go to Valinor because Galadriel and Celeborn wanted her there. They needed her in Lorien. Though, the thing was, she didn't want to be in Lorien. She wanted to see them, that was true, but she didn't want to stay. The people loved her too much. They loved her so much that many left this world all for her. They never should have gone to Greenwood…
But, it was then that Celebrian seemed to read her mind and merely shook her head. "Do not let their deaths be in vain. Think not on their deaths, but on the life you saved. The child Legolas adores you now… Speaking of him…" The blonde elf smiled as she crossed to the vanity and picked up a letter holding it up to Ithil. "While you were gone, the servants couldn't find you, so they left it with me. It seems the little prince is already missing you."
Ithil actually blushed as she gingerly took the letter into her shaking hand. As Celebrian had said, it had the crest of the Greenwood royal family upon it, and she was pretty sure it was from the young prince. Breaking the seal, she unrolled it only to find two letters, one in the script she knew to be Thranduil's and one that she was pretty sure belonged to Legolas. Giving a soft chuckle, she then moved to sink into one of the chairs in the room pulling her feet up into the chair with her. "One from father and son it seems…"
"My you are popular." Celebrian giggled as she then sat on the floor before her sister's chair looking up at her expectantly. "Will you read them to me?"
At the childish light of fascination in Celebrian's eyes, Ithil couldn't help but grin. It felt like they were both young again and she was reading a story to her beloved sibling. "All right, just this once. Thranduil or Legolas first?"
The golden blonde laughed as she leaned her head back against Ithil's leg that lay crossed in the chair. "Thranduil, lets save the best for last shall we?"
Ithil giggled for the first time in centuries before looking down at the letter in her hands. "Lady Ithil o Lothlorien, March warden of the Golden Wood. Since your departure I've heard nothing from my son except your name, often accompanied by that other elf Haldir's name. It's growing rather annoying as the days wear on. I do hope that you will take him off my hands soon, for it will mean a great deal to him and relieve me of my headache." Almost simultaneously the sisters laughed at the blunt and straight to the point way that Thranduil used in this matter. "On other matters, I wish to thank you again for saving his life. I have sent a formal word of gratitude to your parents as well. Perhaps in time our relations will grow stronger in the future. Should you need anything hesitate not to ask. Sincerely, Thranduil king of Greenwood the Great." The silver blonde paused for a moment before grinning. "P.S. Will it be all right with you if I sent Legolas to Lorien as soon as you head home from Imladris?"
Celebrian giggled inanely at the thought of the great elven king begging anyone for anything. "That was interesting. Very much out of character I would say."
"Indeed. Now for young Legolas?" The blonde nodded eagerly as Ithil shuffled the parchments and stared at the forced elegant hand of the young prince. It was lovely penmanship, but much to old for one his age. Though, she herself had suffered his fate and knew how he felt all too well. "Lady Ithil, I hope that you are doing well now that Lord Elrond is tending to you. I hear he is the best healer in Arda. Is that true? A lot of the court here says he's rather scary…" Once again the sisters giggled at the thought of Elrond as some scary tyrant. "But since he's your brother by marriage, I guess it will be ok. I've practiced really hard as you asked me to! But I'm still not nearly as good as you." Ithil smiled and she knew that Celebrian was smiling as well. The letter proved to be rather long and not nearly as to the point as Thranduil's had been. The two sisters heard about everything from his first archery lesson to how his brother's and sisters constantly tormented him. It was rather sweet, and the two sisters could definitely relate. Maybe not with the brothers part, but certainly all of his other problems. After a long time, Ithil finally reached the last sentence and nearly giggled through it. "I've been bugging adar constantly to let me go see you. Do you think he'll give in? Love, Legolas Thranduilion."
"I think he gave in." Celebrian snickered before shifting to turn around and look up at her now smiling sister. "I know that would cheer you up. Why don't you take the twins and Arwen to Lorien and pick the young prince up? It's a bit out of the way, but I know that you want to. It will do you some good to be surrounded by four very adoring elves that would kiss the ground you walked on if you asked." Ithil turned bright read as her younger sister grinned. Finally standing to her feet, she then crossed the room to the door smiling softly. "Why don't you write them back while I go and tell Elrond? Certainly if I get the twins in on the begging as well, he could hardly say no." The lady of the dawn then giggled as she left the room in search of her children and husband leaving Ithil all alone.
Staring at the letter in her hand, she couldn't help but grin. Celebrian was right. Though that came as no surprise to her. Getting to her feet, she then crossed the room to Elrond's desk and pulled out paper and quill. Staring at the blank sheet of paper, she sighed and shook her head. She felt like a child all over again. Suddenly the urge to return home hit her full force. It would be wonderful to spend some time with her niece and nephews along with the young prince… But the thought of seeing Haldir again was another thing she looked forward to. It was high time she at least tried to put her life back together.
~*~
Chapter Seven:
Gwathren Galad – Shadowy Reflection (or dim reflection)
Taur nin – my king
Naneth - mother