Chapter Eight: Echui
~ Take me away, Take me away, I've got nothing left to sayJust take me away… ~
[The Third Age, the solar year 600 – The Golden Wood of Lothlorien]
A gentle wind swept through the ancient trees of Lothlorien as a motley group enjoyed the chuckling sounds of the Nimrodel as it tripped and gurgled over the rocks in the riverbed. The smallest figure stood smiling next to the bank his golden hair sparkling and blending with the light of Anor. In the elfling's small hands were the white handled knives that the young prince had received from the lady of Lorien. Eyes of startling blue were locked on the elf across from him and they sparked in laughter as the dark haired elf twirled his sword in his right hand. "Are you ready little prince of Greenwood?"
The elf prince laughed as the eldest Peredhil twin grinned at his current trainee. Not far from the two, Arwen sat quietly in the midst of a patch of white daisies humming as she braided the flowers delicately into a crown. Happiness and content seemed to settle on the atmosphere as the two sparring elf's began their dance of mock combat, the older relenting graciously for the younger inexperienced warrior. The sight altogether calmed the heart of the silver haired elf's heart as she leaned heavily against an old Mallorn, glacier colored eyes shifting with their every movement.
To her side, Elrohir sat solemnly not saying a word as his eyes followed his twin and the prince next to the river. Occasionally Ithil saw his eyes wander to his sister or the sky as though nothing really caught his attention. Instead he was dutifully watching over each of them including his aunt. Ithil had to admit that her body still ached at times, but as the weeks went by, even that became less noticeable. But whether that was because she was healing or because of distraction, she wasn't all that sure. For since her return to the Golden Wood, she'd had plenty of distractions.
Good or bad? The lady of the moonlight couldn't even decide that much. Thranduil had greeted her warmly enough, and provided them with all the supplies they needed along with the offer of extra guardians to travel along. She really couldn't blame him; it was his youngest son that he was committing into her care. It was his favorite son for that matter, for of the three, Legolas was the only one that resembled him the most. But the aid really wasn't needed, especially since Elrond had already added to her company of Lorien elves since all of his children were traveling with her. That had been expected though.
From there they'd traveled on to Lothlorien and the atmosphere had been filled with the happy laughter and chatter of the young noble elves. Legolas had nearly fallen off of his horse in amazement at the sight of the Golden Wood. His excitement alone had caused the daughter of Galadriel to laugh softly in mirth. Celebrian had been right; the children had done a great deal for her aching heart. But the encounter that she had been dreading the most was the one with her parents.
They had been rather quiet over the matter, though they greeted her warmly telling her how glad they were to have her back alive and well. There had even been a feast that night in celebration, but even still the shadow refused to let go of her heart completely. It would take a lot of time to escape the cold grips of Mandos and the horrible nightmares that filled her unconscious thoughts. But it was at that feast that she saw something that had shocked her in such a way, that even now she couldn't shake the confusion. Haldir had run to her. He had run to her and hugged her so tightly that she didn't know if she'd lost her breath from the impact or from the pure shock. Had she worried him that much?
Well, whatever the case, his actions surprised even himself, and she'd seen little of him since then. It didn't help matters that the Galadrim had all gaped at him and soon chased him down wanting to know what it was all about. Shaking her head slowly, she finally turned her head in order to focus on the youngest twin with a look of concern. Her problems could wait, for now she would just focus on her beloved nephew. "What is bothering you Elrohir?"
As the young blonde prince erupted in laughter, the middle child of Elrond faintly smiled before looking up at Ithil feigning a look of nonchalance. "Nothing is the matter. Elladan is busy with Prince Legolas, and I am too tired to do much else."
Arching a silvery brow slowly, the ancient elf then turned to watch as the blonde elf poked the dark haired elf that lay on the ground playing dead. "I know you better than that Elrohir. Is it about Glorfindel?"
The silver toned eyes slowly dimmed as they lowered to the ground in silent defeat. "So you heard too?"
"I fear in our family, nothing remains a secret."
"You mean like you and ada?" The pure innocence in his voice floored her and she had self-consciously placed a hand over her heart to see if it were still breathing.
"I'll tell you about that some other day. For now, tell me what is troubling you and I'll see if I can be of any help." The tone was soft and even as she quickly diverted the subject from the sudden outburst on the younger twin's behalf.
Elrohir fell silent a long moment before giving a long sigh and shaking his head. "He avoids me like the plague. Aunt Ithil… I didn't announce my undying love or anything. I merely stated that I was greatly fond of him and that I could love him." Ithil nodded slowly and fell deep into thought as she was pinned by his worried yet inquisitive gaze.
"So it's just a crush you mean?"
A rush of warmth ran into his fair cheeks as he then fidgeted with his tunic. "Indeed."
"Then tell him so. It will take a lot of the stress off of him. There's a reason for every reaction that people have. I'm sure he has very good reason to react as he does. Be patient young one…" Elrohir nodded slowly to this and sighed as he turned his attention back to his siblings only to blink when he noticed the blonde elf Cúrolend taking a seat beside Arwen giggling softly. When had she gotten there? Arching a dark brow slowly at this, he then saw her cerulean eyes flicker over to Elladan as she conversed with his younger sister.
Furrowing his brow at this before turning then to look at Elladan whom regarded the blonde with a haughty grin before returning to his pupil. This caused the younger twin to roll his eyes and shake his head. Now the older would show off and eventually, as always make a fool of himself. "Is it just me or do those two have a very strange relationship?"
Ithil looked up from her reverie and blinked, as she looked first at Elladan; then she looked at Cúrolend. "You're very observant Elrohir…" The daughter of Galadriel then laughed softly as she reached out a hand and pushed his dark ebony hair behind an ear affectionately. "Cúrolend has quite a 'crush' on your twin. As for your brother, I haven't figured him out yet. The two of them are so flirtatious that I was sure they'd hate each other."
Elrohir chuckled softly at this thought before adding gently. "Both are extremely self-centered and haughty."
"Indeed they are." Ithil laughed at this but cut short as a hand gently lighted her shoulder. Startled, she turned to face the new comer only to meet with the visage of her mother. As always her expression was stoic though her deep blue eyes sparkled with the depth of her years and the knowledge she possessed. "Nana… Is something the matter?"
"I want to speak with you. May I steal you away?" Galadriel looked up slowly and smiled airily at the sight of her grandchildren and the young Greenwood prince enjoying the afternoon. The lady of the wood even thought of Cúrolend as a grandchild, for through Ithil, she'd grown close to Elen and his family taking them in to be her family as well. It was hard to believe, but the Lady Galadriel had a weakness for the idea of family and would take care of any stray elfling that she could. But it had delighted her to add Elen to her family for she had always wanted a son.
Ithil could only smile at her mother as she nodded her head. "Of course Nana."
Galadriel finally drew her gaze back to her eldest daughter before nodding slowly in return as she spoke softly. "Meet me in my garden in an hour." There was something in her tone that made Ithil blink and tilt her head in curiosity. But any questions that would have been asked were lost as the lady of the Golden Wood disappeared from her sight.
"Is something wrong Aunt Ithil?" Elrohir gave her a worried look as the silver haired elf turned slowly to gaze upon her nephew. Her silver-blue eyes focused slowly upon him before she finally seemed to draw herself into the present. "What do you think grandmother wants?"
Shaking her head slowly, Ithil rose to her feet and gave a soft sigh. "I really don't know pen-lend. I'll tell you when I find out." The daughter of Galadriel then winked before turning to follow in her mother's retreat. Tell you siblings and prince Legolas I'll be back as soon as I can." At his nod, she then disappeared into the background just as her mother had moments before. Silver hued eyes stared on after her for a long time before the young elf finally gave an exasperated sigh. It seemed now that he was the only one with no one…
~*~
The wind had picked up in the short walk to Galadriel's garden, and Ithil felt a chill run up her spine. Something felt strange upon the air, and it tickled at her senses. Not really because it spoke of danger, but because something was going to surprise her. Of the two of Galadriel's children, Ithil was the most like her in many ways. The smallest of things she could pick up by the surroundings alone for her spirit was sensitive to everything, even change.
Her gait slowed then as she trudged deeper into the elaborate field of Niphredils that grew beautifully thick in Caras Galadhon. Only in Caras Galadhon… Smiling lightly at this, the silver haired elf managed to shake the feeling and deeply took into her lungs, the scent of the lovely white blooms. But the reverie was short lived as her eyes caught the glint of sunlight on metal. Turning her head sharply in that direction, Ithil's eyes found themselves staring upon her sword's elegantly etched blade as it stood leaning against a tree. How had it got there? Moving to it slowly, she paused as her hand nearly took hold of the hilt. She hadn't lifted her sword in a very long time. In truth, she had never wanted to again.
"Pick it up." With a jerk, Ithil looked around to find the authoritative voice that seemed to fill her entire being with the command. Why hadn't she seen her sooner? Turning fully to her mother's figure, the younger elf suddenly gaped at what she saw. There before her stood her mother. But the lady looked nothing like the elven lady that Ithil knew. This elven lady wore only a pair of simple gray leggings, a white satin shirt and a matching gray tunic over it. The beautiful silver streaked sunlight hair was half pulled up and braided to keep her hair from her fair face, and a long elegant sword was held strongly within her right hand's gasp. "Do not stare so iell-nin, pick up your sword."
Suddenly, it all clicked that Galadriel was challenging her. There was no hint of the high elven lady in those startling sapphire eyes before her, only the glint of a warrior waiting for their challenge to be accepted. Right then, they were no longer mother and daughter. "What are you trying to accomplish Nana…?"
Cerulean eyes narrowed slightly as a graceful step was taken forward. "I've been attentive… I've seen how you have avoided your sword. I've seen how you won't even train the young Greenwood prince like you promised you would. You fear to be a warrior again. You fear your own failure. And I won't allow you to waste away in your grief and self pity." Galadriel frowned deeply as she took another step closer. "You worry everyone who loves you with the distance you've put between yourself and others… You're even too blind to see that someone is in love with you."
Ithil choked at this thought and looked to her mother with wide glacier blue eyes. "What on Arda are you talking about Nana?" Stepping back reflexively, Ithil found that she finally understood why Eärwen had named her daughter 'Nerwen'. Galadriel was intimidating, and her steps were sure and calculated unlike anything Ithil had ever seen. It was now obvious to her where she'd gotten her prowess in battle. Staring at the menacing blade in her mother's hand, the young lady of the moonlight groaned inwardly. She knew that Galadriel would not injure her seriously, but she was aware that she wouldn't be let out of this without at least small injuries.
"I'll warn you one last time. Iuithalye macil." With that said, the elegant lady of light launched forward with such grace that Ithil swore it was a swan taking to flight. Anyone else would have been dazzled, even mesmerized by the action alone, except for Ithil. The action sent her mind into autopilot and she quickly spun about lightly grabbing a hold of her sword's hilt. Never stopping, she finished the complete circle lifting the sword to elegantly meet the blow of her mother's sword. Why? Why was Galadriel forcing her into something she didn't want to do?
It was then the delicate dance began. Loud sounds of metal crashing together filled the air and caused the birds to stop in all of their songs. The noise was both deafening and filled with the pain and melancholy that filled both of their hearts. Ithil's own heart screamed in torment with each swipe she made with her elven blade. More tears ran down her cheeks with each blow she dealt and received. She was breaking… All the fear that she'd been hiding from was now pouring down upon her, and all the images of her failure, those she'd lost in battle, and the voices of the spiders all came back to her now like a tsunami of exquisite pain. "PUTTA!" Even through her shrill cries, Galadriel wouldn't stop.
Long before she'd summoned Ithil to the garden, the lady of light knew exactly what she had been planning to do. She knew how much pain was being locked inside of her daughter's heart, and with each cry and each tear, she felt her heart sink to terrible levels. But her face betrayed no emotion. Perhaps she had pushed things too far. Perhaps this hadn't been the best idea… But something had needed to be done. "Let go of it all Ithil… you stop. Stop hiding everything." The tone was cruel and unrelenting, but any could tell it was from the heart, and certainly in Ithil's best interest.
Yet, even through all the mass of jumbled emotions and excruciating pain, the flurry of movement never stopped. Neither was holding back. Galadriel was sparing nothing from this and gave her all, and Ithil held no inhibition in her actions. Ithil was fighting to save her life. It was a battle that should have been fought a long time ago. It was a battle she needed to win. And the more they fought, the more things she'd kept hidden began to surface. "AMIN TEVE LLE!" Galadriel winced slightly at the imperative tone but never faltered. "You killed me at the end of the last age!"
No reply came as the two beautiful elven ladies came together again in a violent blow. Galadriel's eyes only saddened slightly and she had to look away momentarily. It was then that she realized that they weren't alone. Sapphire met with midnight and her heart stopped. Of all the people to come see what was going on, it had to be him. "Ithil…"
But even with the warning tone, Ithil went on crying out in her pain. "You knew! You knew I loved him! But you offered him Celebrian's hand instead! SINTE LLE!" Even Ithil hadn't realized she'd harbored so much until that moment. "You picked the one person I could never deny anything from! You used MY SISTER against me! You doomed me to this grief! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO LET GO!" Launching forward in hate and fury, the tears ran in waves down her porcelain cheeks unyielding.
Galadriel jumped back in surprise and felt her back ram hard into a tree barely having time to raise her sword to hold off her daughter's attack. It was too late, Haldir had heard. Maybe it had been the lady of light's surprise, but it was more than likely the slight gasp that escaped the current March warden that caught Ithil's attention. For in that moment, she looked up and met his eyes fully surprise evident in their depths. Parting her lips, she wanted to say something, anything to soothe the torrents of undistinguishable emotions that roared in his midnight blue eyes. But nothing came out, nothing at all. Dropping her sword, it fell to the ground heavily, and Ithil could hear Galadriel taking a deep breath only to hold it.
It took a moment, but the Galadrim finally steeled his eyes and pushed out all of the previous emotion hiding it behind his hardened and arrogant façade. "I take it everything is well here?" He paused barely a second before continuing hurriedly. "Very well then. I'm not needed here." That said, he spun about and started to march away.
"Haldir!" For a moment he stopped, he even tilted his head to the side and listened, but when no words came he continued on his way. "Haldir…" Confusion swept over her to a point that she didn't even realize how much the outburst had lightened her heart. The darkness was now lightening, and suddenly things were becoming much, much clearer than they had before.
Galadriel could only sigh as she gently pushed away from the tree she'd so recently been pressed against. "Ithil…" The voice was gentle touched with a depth of concern that Ithil had never heard before in all her life. Ithil… Daughter of Celeborn and Galadriel, born in the first age. But after all those centuries… She still didn't know her mother. She still didn't know herself. Dropping her head slowly, she barely registered the moment when Galadriel pulled her into her arms. Hugging her closely, the golden haired lady of Lothlorien slowly swept an elegant hand through the silver hair. "It'll be all right… Haldir just needs you to explain things to him…" But there once again was no response. There were no more tears to cry, all Ithil could do was lean against her mother and tremble from her exertion.
"I didn't mean it Nana…"
"I know…"
"I love you…"
"I love you too, iell-nin…"
~*~
Celeborn had been watching, and he hadn't been surprised. As the whole scene unfolded, his heart ached to a point that he had to clasp a hand over his chest. The lord of the Golden Wood could feel every beat of his heart as it rang even into his ears unmercifully. This had been needed, he knew that. But why did it have to hurt so much? Galadriel told him to stay out of it, and he was doing just that. The former elf of Doriath had protested, for it had been nearly two ages since his wife had even touched her sword. Why now did she decide to take it up again? Even something this tedious, yet so important, didn't seem a good enough reason for the lady of light to lift her sword. Why couldn't he have done it?
That was an easy answer, even though he didn't want to admit it. Galadriel was the one that asked Elrond if he'd consider marrying Celebrian, and therefore, she felt responsible. Shaking his head slowly, he leaned it back against the tree he sat perched within the shading of thick foliage. He didn't even think that Galadriel knew he was there. The order had been put out to the Galadrim to stay away no matter what they heard. He'd issued that order himself. But to his utter bemusement, it seemed the one Galadrim he wanted the farthest away at this point, was the one that showed up.
Gritting his teeth together, he cursed inwardly as the swift and cold exchange took place. Indeed, that was not something anyone wanted to learn, much less the one elf that was falling for her. Quickly he observed his wife and daughter before rising nimbly to his feet. Ice blue eyes pinned on the Galadrim's back before he began his silent movement from limb to limb in pursuit of the wayward acting March warden. Galadriel could take care of their daughter, but he felt the pain on Haldir's behalf warranted his attention. If only he'd not been tangled up in the long twisted web that his wife, Ithil and himself had been weaving for centuries.
Celeborn sighed soundlessly and finally managed to catch up with the starlight blonde. How did it all come to this? Pushing on a bit harder, he then dropped gracefully to the forest floor right in front of Haldir. Without looking he could tell the Galadrim was completely shocked. Standing tall, the elven lord moved to straighten his tunic before looking up at Haldir without a single emotion present in his features. It was something both he and Galadriel had mastered over time, and it was more often than not needed. "Why are you in such a hurry Haldir?"
Two very different shades of blue met and stared intently until Haldir finally looked away snorting derisively. "And why are you lurking in the trees hîr nin?" It was then that Celeborn could see just how upset he was. Never in all his years of knowing the younger elf, had Haldir ever spoke to him in such a way. Though they'd been as family, Haldir had always been formal with his lord, and he'd assumed that would never change. That is, until now.
"I was pursuing you actually." The unchanging tone was flat and smooth but not cold as the lord of the wood watched Haldir move uneasily.
"Then you must have seen the little scene with your daughter and the Lady."
"Indeed… And I know of the exchange they had." A light of concern lit the light blue orbs as Celeborn cautiously put a hand upon Haldir's shoulder. It was then he realized that the other elf was shaking. Blinking in slight surprise, he studied the expression on the Galadrim's face and frowned as he saw the tense poise of the jaw. He was clenching his teeth about as hard as he was his fist. "Haldir… you need to know the whole story before you jump to any conclusions…"
Turning sharply to glare at his lord, Haldir could no longer think straight nor with hold his tongue. "What is there to think straight about Lord Celeborn? You and Lady Galadriel betrayed your own daughter… and nearly killed her with grief. I never realized until now why she was always so sad, but now I know." Stepping closer, the silver blonde began to tremble visibly. "Now I know why she almost died… why she buried herself in duty. But most of all, now I know why I should never have given her a second thought. Her heart belongs to someone else…"
Celeborn was shocked. And for the first time, it shone clearly in his features and his bright blue eyes. "Haldir…" The other looked shameful for a brief moment before frowning again. Pushing the lord aside, the Galadrim stomped on with no intent of looking back. "Haldir! You need to understand! It couldn't be any other way…" The silver blonde paused in his retreat but made no other move. "Time had already been written… But you under estimate the capacity of my daughter's heart… she could…"
"You under estimate it as well. And for that you should be ashamed." Looking slowly over his shoulder, the look in Haldir's eyes finally shattered Celeborn's heart. It told him everything he'd failed to see in the past years of his daughter's life. All the failures and high expectations that he'd placed upon her without a second thought. All that had been far too great on her grief-laden heart. It was true; he'd nearly killed his own beloved daughter. "Forgive me hîr nin." With a slight nod of his head in trained etiquette, Haldir then left without another word leaving a distraught Celeborn to stare off after him.
"What have I done…?" Dropping his eyes to the forest floor, he soon closed them and forced his breathing to even out. It was time that the three of them all sat down. Sat down and figured this out. Figured out what each of them wanted, then tried to fix the gaping holes that had formed in this age. He only hoped it wasn't too late.
~*~
A false peace settled over the Golden Wood as the royal family slowly attempted to heal the wounds of days long past. In time though, they found that some of the injuries were too deep and therefore could not be healed. A trust that had once been so strong was lost to the young elven princess. But there was a promise that all could come together again, if only time was taken. But to Galadriel and Celeborn, they knew the time needed would feel like an eternity to them. Though, since it was of their fault, they could ask for no more and no less that what Ithil was willing to give.
Yet, of all the things that had ailed the lady of the moonlight in previous, didn't seem to compare to the agony she now suffered. After that confrontation in the garden, Ithil had returned to service among the Galadrim, even took the time to train the young elven prince of Greenwood. All as she had promised was now being done. But all could tell there was a great reluctance in her heart, especially when she was anywhere near Haldir. Not even the company of her beloved niece and nephews could alleviate the pain, which she felt with one glance at the starlight blonde. And had she been silent before, many wondered now if she even remembered how to speak.
Many just shook their heads and sighed whenever the two crossed paths, for the only exchange they had were twin looks of pure melancholy. Then they would move on with never a word spoken between them. Any ground that had been gained previous, was now lost. The two were now back at the beginning, and neither wished to move forward. Whether this was out of fear, sadness, or pain, no one was really sure. But there was no trying to talk sense into either of them.
Ithil had become unresponsive and robot like in all of her actions. The only time she even spoke or smiled was in the presence of her family and the young prince. Yet even they knew that Ithil was broken. Torn apart not knowing what to do or say any longer. That was why the whole court became a murmur of rumors and sound when the daughter of Galadriel requested an audience with her parents. Equally so, the lord and lady were confused at such a formal request and sat upon their elegant thrones hand in hand in whispered discussion. "Melda… do you know what this is about?"
Galadriel turned to her husband and sent him a look of concern before finally shaking her head. "Nay I do not. She brought this up rather suddenly." The lady of light then sighed as she looked out over the court and listened carefully to all of the whispered theories that seemed to run rampantly through the small gathering. None seemed plausible, but she did not argue. It had occurred to her long ago that Elves loved gossip, and there was no point in trying to stop it.
Celeborn sighed then as he sat back in his chair following his wife's cerulean gaze. He had meant to ask another question, but the doors to the great hall opened then in one swift motion revealing his daughter dressed in the attire of the Galadrim. In smooth graceful motions, she entered the room sending a deep hush over the crowd. Not a sound was made as she stood before her parents with a stoic look on her ivory visage. "My Lord and Lady…" Bowing in reverence, one couldn't even tell that they were of kin were it not for the striking resemblance between Celeborn and his daughter.
Both great elven figures straightened at her address, and Galadriel took on the look of the stoic lady perfectly aloof to the love she held for her daughter. Or, at least she appeared so, but none could really delve into the lady's mind as she could into theirs. "What brings you before us Lady Ithil?"
"Not often do you come before us in such a manner. It must be of great importance." Her father looked at her completely detached from the situation. Was this what she had hoped for? This total denouncement of family for a solitary moment? To request a formal audience was to ask for such, and now that Ithil stood before them, she wasn't sure any longer.
Taking a deep steadying breath, Ithil finally looked at them with coldness in her icy blue eyes. "I have called for this audience with purpose…" The statement was cut off at the sound of the door opening once again. Turning her head slightly out of habit, her heart stopped when she saw Haldir step in silently and stare at her with something akin to curiosity. Swallowing hard, she then felt her heart tremble in her chest. She'd purposely avoided telling him about this, for she hadn't wanted him there. But now, it was unavoidable. Facing her parents once more, her tone took on an icy edge as she continued. "I come to put in my resignation as March warden of Lothlorien. I no longer wish to lead the people of Lorien in such a manner. The current second in command of the Galadrim is far more capable than I to take care of their lives and this sacred realm."
An audible gasp ran through the present company, and the eyes of the lord and lady widened noticeably. This had been totally unexpected. "I did not realize this was your intent…" Celeborn's voice was a bit shaken though sturdy even in his surprise. All this time he'd wanted her to leave the Galadrim, but now that the opportunity presented itself to him, he no longer desired it.
"Is this truly what you wish?" Galadriel asked softly as her eyes drifted to the utterly shocked Haldir in the back of the court. The young Galadrim's midnight eyes were widened and his mouth gaped only slightly.
"It is. I also request…" Ithil paused as she replayed her decision through her head. "That I have official permission to leave Lorien." If they'd been shocked before, they quite nearly broke out in murmuring at this request.
"Ithil…" The lord of the Golden Wood stared at her with wide eyes as he studied the resolve in her face. "Where would you go?"
"I want to see other realms. Perhaps stay in Greenwood a while. Travel as far as Ered Luin… Where I go, should not matter. Either grant me permission or I'll go without it." Defiance slowly grew within her tone as she stared down Celeborn with all the strength that was left within her. She needed to leave. She needed to redefine who she was without her parents doting on her like a little child. Ithil had seen THREE ages for Illuvatar's sake.
"I do not wish us to part on ill terms… you have my reluctant permission." Celeborn's expression fell into one of sadness, but nothing compared to the pain that resounded in Galadriel's eyes. Both knew that they'd pushed her to this, and it was something they would have to learn to deal with.
Nodding curtly to this, Ithil then gave a slight bow. "Then I leave with Prince Legolas on his return to Greenwood come next sunrise. Thank you." Turning in one fluid motion, the young daughter of the lord and lady swept out of the court only stopping to gaze at the shock filled gaze of pain on Haldir's face. That she hadn't expected. After that, she couldn't get out of the room fast enough.
~*~
With the morning, came the dread and sadness that had settled upon the realm of Lothlorien. There was no consoling the loss they now all faced. The twins and Arwen, along with the party of Imladris elves were traveling along as far as Greenwood, and would rest there before heading on to Imladris. Ithil could see them below as they saddled the horses and packed their belongings like a bunch of scurrying ants. They sight both comforted her and caused her heart to tighten all at once. Shifting on the balcony she stood upon, she then pressed her weight against the railing in exhaustion.
The lord and lady had promised to see her off, and she knew she'd caused them great pain. Galadriel hadn't even been able to speak to her for hours after hearing the request. And speechlessness was not a common attribute of the lady of light. But Ithil had made up her mind and there was no turning back. She needed this more than anything. She was sure of that. After all, this wasn't goodbye forever. "Ithil…"
A soft inquisitive voice broke into her thoughts and for a moment she was completely spell bound. It had been so long since she'd heard that voice. Months even, maybe even more than that had passed. Moving to face the figure in the doorway, she felt her heart sink at the broken elf standing before her. There wasn't a trace of the haughty elf she'd once known. Not even a glimpse of his arrogant repose was in the endless depths of midnight blue. "Aye, Haldir?"
"Why?"
"Because I need to… I need to rebuild my life all over again."
Defiance washed over his face as the once saddened expression turned to anger. "Why can't you do that here?"
"There are too many memories here."
"You're just running away!"
Narrowing her eyes for a moment, she wanted to snap back and hurt him. Hurt him the way she was hurting then, but something stopped her as she finally shook her head. "Yes… I am." Moving forward slowly, she stopped just before him and noticed that his hands were shaking from the over load of emotions she knew he was battling. "Please forgive me Haldir… you are the one person I don't want to hurt." It was true. Ithil felt no guilt over hurting her parents, but there was abundant guilt where Haldir was concerned.
"Then why are you leaving?" The once proud elf dropped his head and stared hard at the ground. She could tell he was losing his footing in the argument and that seemed to cut her deeply.
"I'm not leaving to hurt you. That's not my intent. Please try to understand. There are things I need to overcome…"
"So you're running off? Probably even to Imladris where he is?"
Oh, she'd forgotten he'd found out about that. Taking a deep shaking breath she finally smiled at him lightly. "He was the last thing on my mind at the moment. And no, I plan not to set a foot in Imladris…"
A look of confusion washed over the younger elf as he studied her silently. He didn't know what to think. He didn't even know if he should believe her. Though, he knew he could. Haldir knew that he could trust her completely with all that he was. "Will you come back?"
Her breath caught in her chest as she studied his softening features. There was something there she'd never seen before and it almost made her want to stay right there in that spot forever. "I will…" Leaning forward, she paused barely a breath away from him. When he didn't move away, she smiled lightly and closed the gap pressing a chaste but loving kiss upon his cheek. "I promise."
A rush of warmth ran into Haldir's cheeks at the innocent contact, and a sudden impulse rushed through him he'd never felt before. In what seemed like one fluid motion, the new March warden slipped a hand over his cheek only to brace the back of her neck allowing the silky hair to slip like water through his fingers. From there he gently pulled her toward him and met her lips halfway with his own. Neither knew how long they stayed like that kissing in what seemed to be in awe and reverence of the other stealing the very breath from their chests. Finally pulling away, wide eyes of midnight met the slightly dazed counterpart of ice blue. "I… I'm sorry!" With that he pulled away and took a quick step back. "Please hurry back." That said, the starlight blonde ran from the balcony into the shadowed halls leaving Ithil to stand there totally at a loss, his name on her lips.
~*~
Chapter Eight:
Echui – Awakening (Sindarin)
Iuithalye macil – Use your sword (Quenya)
Putta – Stop (Quenya)
Amin teve lle – I hate you (Quenya)
Sinte lle – You knew (Quenya)
Melda – beloved (Quenya)