Disclaimer: I don't own Excel Saga. I merely decided to collect the series. Everyone in this fic is an Excel Saga Character. None are original. Sad, isn't it? Oh, well…Oh yeah. I like Excel and Hyatt equally. I don't own Harvest Moon either, just a single copy of BTN.
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Scroll is laid out:
KR Disclaimer: I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby pledge, in the event that "Excel Saga" is made into a fanfic, that I have given the author full authority over it's contents, etc., and that I will not complain, protest, condemn, or file charges.
Koshi Rikdo
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Scene changes to that of the opening.
Sore wa ai ja nai
Ai wa sore ja nai
Ashite iru kedo aisarete wa inai
Kesshite ai ja nai
Ketsu wa ai ja nai
Aisaretai keredo motometari wa shinai
Kono mi sasagete inochi antedate
Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni
Damashite sukashite yokohairi
Tanin o fumitaoshi keri o kamasite
Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!
Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!
Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!
Tonzura koite!
Banana no kawa de korondemo
Sore wa subete ano kata no tame
Stiite iu nara sore wa kitto
Ai to iu na no chuuseishin.
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The camera starts off in space. Or at least it seems so. The Great Will of Macrocosm backs away slightly and speaks.
GWoM: Hello. I the Great Will of Macrocosm will reset the story so you can get a grasp on why we started with me.
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After a bright flashing light, we are brought to Lord Ilpalazzo's lair. He is wielding a pitchfork and a taxi sign.
Excel's hyper and Hyatt is dead on floor. Both are in front of him.
Excel&Hyatt: Hail Lord Ilpalazzo!
LI: This world is corrupt!
GWoM: Too far back, Lord Ilpalazzo.
LI: Hm…Alright. (Clears throat) For today's assignment, I will dispatch you both on a wild cruise that may result in your death, Excel, and Hyatt's permanent revival.
Excel: WHAAT?!
Hyatt: Oh, thank you sir. But I'm not worthy.
LI: Indeed…So I guess a change of plans. You two will instead go investigate the disappearance of this man. (Clicks button, Holoprojector comes on with a 20 year old man)
Excel: Who's that?
LI: That is a man called Ecir Sirhc. He is 20 years old, single. He was on a trip to the nearest computer when all of a sudden he vanished into thin air.
Hyatt: I wonder what could have happened to him?
Excel: Who cares? As long as Lord Ilpalazo tells us to do something, Excel's willing.
LI: If you finish the investigation, I order you to give him a pretzel. It is known to be his least liked
food.
Hyatt: Why would we give him something he doesn't like?
LI: It is to torture him into speaking why he disappeared.
Excel: But if Hyatt and Excel find him, wouldn't we already know why he disappeared?
LI: That is not the point.
There's a knock on the door, Wanatabe enters.
Wanatabe: Hello, people. I came to join your ranks.
LI: Very well…You will be promoted to my second in command. If for any reason I am to fall…
Excel: Lord Ilpalazzo! Do not speak of Excel and Hyatt's Lord in such a manner!
LI: Indeed…Either way, I want you to fix this video game (1) that somehow malfunctioned on me.
Wanatabe: No problem.
Wanatabe takes the game and heads to a back room.
LI: Now, back to the issue at hand. You are dismissed.
Excel&Hyatt: Hail Lord Ilpalazzo!
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Screen flashes to Nabeshin. He pulls a credit card out of his afro and orders a pizza.
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Screen flashes to Excel's apartment. Excel's playing Harvest Moon, while Hyatt's dead on the couch. Menchi is hiding inside a vase, after hearing another 'Gonna cook you' dialogue stretch.
Excel: Excel wonders if Excel has forgotten something?
Hyatt: Weren't we supposed to find someone?
Excel: Oh, yeah. Wasn't his name Rob Schnider?
Hyatt: No, I'm pretty sure it was Ecir Sirhc.
Excel: Yeah, that's his name. Were should we look first?
Harvest Moon's screen suddenly flashes an image of a library, or, Excel just had Jack enter accidentally, she wasn't sure.
Excel: Perhaps we should check the internet? Excel hears that it can suck a person into the screen and never let them out. But if this is true, then Excel is worried that she might get sucked in as well, causing Lord Ilpalazzo to suffer a major loss to ACROSS, and Lord Ilpalazzo will be devastated and not have enough employees to conquer the City of F. But then, Good Excel did say that there's a lot of people who could replace Excel, so Excel doesn't want to risk it.
Hyatt nods in confusion.
Excel: Alright then. Tomorrow, we will check on the internet for a trace of Rob Schnider.
Hyatt: Ecir Sirhc.
Excel: Excel said that.
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Fade to black screen:
Today's mission, …
Mission…….Failed!
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Screen moves right slightly as Menchi enter a spotlight. She howls to some music while a translator appears in the lower right hand corner.
Kizuiteta ano hi kara
Anata ga chikazuite kita wake
Hagotae no yawarakai
Kono mi ga anata no okonomi to
Ue ni taeteru hitomi ni
Kono mi wa dou utsuru
Shokusu nara hitoomoi ni
Oniku ga kataku naranu you ni.
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Menchi is grabbed out of the spotlight by Excel's arm.
Author's Notes:
(1) The game seen in lovey dovey puny love, love puny, episode 4. (the game's bgm kinda familiar…)
(2) Both songs are the Japanese lyrics. Majority vote says wether they appear again or not.