A/N: Heylo again! this is chapter 3 (well duh...) I think there's only
gonna be four chapters so know that we're coming sorta to the end. I
know I know, there was no plot. Have any of you read the actual books?
ok, is there a plot?! didn't think so... lol. My advice is never read
them for a book report.... I did that my teacher was like ok write a
paragraph about the plot of your story then write another paragraph
about how it was solved. I was like uhhhhhh... HELP! NO PLOT HERE!...
yeah that was a fun one to explain...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Well it's about time." Arthur remarked.
"Now if your going to make smart comments I could just fly you around
forever!"
"Oh great. Now we have a sassy ship."
The ship promptly sprayed him with lemonade.
"Do you have an obsession with spraying people with LEMONADE?!" Arthur
snapped while mopping his face.
"Oh my dear lord!" Ford shouted in exasperation. "I feel like I'm trying
to seperate children here!" Out of the corner of his mouth he
added to Arthur, "I would quit while your ahead, it's bigger than you."
Ford then smiled and sat down pulling Arthur into the chair next to him.
"We are nearing the planet. Please finish up in the loo." The ship
drawled.
"No one's in the 'loo'." Ford corrected.
"Yes they are." The ship said indignatly. "I am never wrong."
Ford and Arthur slowly turned to look at eachother. Suddenly it got
considerably darker. Ford got an annoyed look on his face. "Could you
turn the lights BACK UP PLEASE!"
"But it's for dramatic effect!" The ship whined.
"But nothing! I can't see my ankles!"
"Uhhh, Ford. Why do you need to see your ankles?" Arthur asked, puzzled.
"Shhhh!!" Ford hissed while drawing his finger quickly back and forth
across his neck.
"OH! Yeah, come to think of it I can't see mine either! Ummm we really
need the lights on." Arthur said loudly.
"Arthur."
"Yes?"
"Come here." Ford said while motioning with his finger.
Arthur walked carefully over to Ford who slapped him in the back of the
head.
"Ow! Whatdja do that for?" Arthur moped.
Ford pulled Arthur's shirt collar down so their heads were together.
"When I say something that doesn't make sense you're gonna catch it.
The ship's not. So from now on just let it go. k?"
"Right."
They both stood up.
"Right now who was in the bathroom?" Ford asked.
He then noticed that it was still dark.
"Uhhhh ship? Mind turning the lights up?"
"HMPH!" The ship huffed and squirted Ford with lemonade.
Arthur banged on the bathroom door. "Who ever's in there needs to come
out!"
A groggy voice came from with in the bathroom. "Can't a robot get a
moment's peace?!"
"Marvin!" An extremely depressed robot pulled back the door and stepped
out of the bathroom.
"Wait." Puzzled Arthur,"Why were you even in the bathroom?"
Marvin raised his arm to answer, then stopped. "Come to think of it, I
have no idea." He turned away from them and rolled towards the front of
the ship.
When Ford and Arthur had finally returned to their seats the ship was
just shuddering to a halt.
"We're here!" Ford announced cheerily.
Arthur rushed to the door and threw it back. He gasped.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on we're over that phase. We press the improbability
drive it takes us somewhere new. We open the door. OMG! gasp! So totally
over that. What could possibly--" He stopped when he finally looked out
the door.
The both stood open mouthed staring out the ship door.
They were in the yard in front of Arthur's house and could see three
bull-dozers just pulling up outside.
"Arthur? Did we go back in time?" Ford asked warily.
"Yeah." Arthur replied breathily. "This is moments before the world is
going to end.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" They both screamed.
"Would you two STOP being so loud!"
"What are you going to squirt us with lemonade?" Arthur retorted.
"No. All my lemonade is gone."
"Thankgod."
"Would you two stop bickering? Arthur lets go and walk around one more
time and then leave just before the end of the earth k?"
"Sure."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
They were both walking down the street holding ice cream cones and
looking in all the windows of the shops.
"You know, in my years of living here, I've come to some conclusions."
"Which are?"
"Mind you, they're not proven."
"Ford, just get on with it."
"Ok. I think that if we were to take all the donut shops out of the U.S.
our entire economy would collapse. I mean think about it. You've got
yum yum, dunkin' donuts, the hidden bakery, Kirspy Kreme--"
Arthur cut him off. "Yeah I get the point."
"Oh and another thing. What is the point of reality TV shows? I mean
come on. You humans are so twisted if you like to watch people get
annoyed with eachother and get dissapointed or pissed off. All it is
is drama, drama, drama! Don't you get enough of that from real life?
Do you really have to go laugh at some other people? And why do they
call them 'reality' TV shows? I mean come on! Are you really going to
strand yourself on an island for 40 days in reality? It's so far from
real it's not even funny."
"I guess I never looked at it that way."
"Yeah. And what's up with your government? Does it even tell you anything?
Oh yeah and the other minor problem that we had to deal with the other
day was that some person sprayed perfume on an airline guard. But that's
just to distract you while we pull the bunny out of our hat and send it
off to Iraq to go eat all Sadaam's cabbage."
"Ford. What are you babbling about?" Arthur was starting to worry now.
"Because we know that Sadaam is going to attack us any minute with his
nuclear war heads 'cause we heard it through the grape-vine and even though
you're not supposed to trust the grape-vine in middle school this is
the government so of course all the rules are immediatly thrown out the
window."
"Ford!"
"Yes?"
"What did you mean by grape-vine?"
"You know rumors. This person tells that person that person goes and tells
someone else and the story gets so warped."
"Oh is that how you came up with rabbits eat Sadaam Hussein's cabbage?"
"No that was just an our burst."
"Oh ok. Go on then."
"Thankyou. Certain things I can let slide but certain other things I just
have to gripe about like that Anna Nicole show? That's one that can give
me hours of material. Oh and the whole jets circling the white house?
That's just a tiny bit weird... You know there are so many quirky things
in this country..."
"Tell me about it. But come on it's almost time to leave. The way you're
talking about this stuff you make it sound a wonder that Bush didn't
just send his cabbage eating bunnies and his Anna Nicole slut to attack
the Vogans."
"Yeah but Bush didn't know about the Vogans. And why do you keep refering
to the cabbage eating rabbits? That wasn't supposed to be taken seriously."
"Well we don't have much time to debate such trivial things. We gotta
get out of the warped world before it rapidly clashes with an even more
warped world."
"What outer space?"
"Yeah. No beings in the universe have seem to grabbed a hold of peace
and sanity."
"I don't think any ever will..."
gonna be four chapters so know that we're coming sorta to the end. I
know I know, there was no plot. Have any of you read the actual books?
ok, is there a plot?! didn't think so... lol. My advice is never read
them for a book report.... I did that my teacher was like ok write a
paragraph about the plot of your story then write another paragraph
about how it was solved. I was like uhhhhhh... HELP! NO PLOT HERE!...
yeah that was a fun one to explain...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Well it's about time." Arthur remarked.
"Now if your going to make smart comments I could just fly you around
forever!"
"Oh great. Now we have a sassy ship."
The ship promptly sprayed him with lemonade.
"Do you have an obsession with spraying people with LEMONADE?!" Arthur
snapped while mopping his face.
"Oh my dear lord!" Ford shouted in exasperation. "I feel like I'm trying
to seperate children here!" Out of the corner of his mouth he
added to Arthur, "I would quit while your ahead, it's bigger than you."
Ford then smiled and sat down pulling Arthur into the chair next to him.
"We are nearing the planet. Please finish up in the loo." The ship
drawled.
"No one's in the 'loo'." Ford corrected.
"Yes they are." The ship said indignatly. "I am never wrong."
Ford and Arthur slowly turned to look at eachother. Suddenly it got
considerably darker. Ford got an annoyed look on his face. "Could you
turn the lights BACK UP PLEASE!"
"But it's for dramatic effect!" The ship whined.
"But nothing! I can't see my ankles!"
"Uhhh, Ford. Why do you need to see your ankles?" Arthur asked, puzzled.
"Shhhh!!" Ford hissed while drawing his finger quickly back and forth
across his neck.
"OH! Yeah, come to think of it I can't see mine either! Ummm we really
need the lights on." Arthur said loudly.
"Arthur."
"Yes?"
"Come here." Ford said while motioning with his finger.
Arthur walked carefully over to Ford who slapped him in the back of the
head.
"Ow! Whatdja do that for?" Arthur moped.
Ford pulled Arthur's shirt collar down so their heads were together.
"When I say something that doesn't make sense you're gonna catch it.
The ship's not. So from now on just let it go. k?"
"Right."
They both stood up.
"Right now who was in the bathroom?" Ford asked.
He then noticed that it was still dark.
"Uhhhh ship? Mind turning the lights up?"
"HMPH!" The ship huffed and squirted Ford with lemonade.
Arthur banged on the bathroom door. "Who ever's in there needs to come
out!"
A groggy voice came from with in the bathroom. "Can't a robot get a
moment's peace?!"
"Marvin!" An extremely depressed robot pulled back the door and stepped
out of the bathroom.
"Wait." Puzzled Arthur,"Why were you even in the bathroom?"
Marvin raised his arm to answer, then stopped. "Come to think of it, I
have no idea." He turned away from them and rolled towards the front of
the ship.
When Ford and Arthur had finally returned to their seats the ship was
just shuddering to a halt.
"We're here!" Ford announced cheerily.
Arthur rushed to the door and threw it back. He gasped.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on we're over that phase. We press the improbability
drive it takes us somewhere new. We open the door. OMG! gasp! So totally
over that. What could possibly--" He stopped when he finally looked out
the door.
The both stood open mouthed staring out the ship door.
They were in the yard in front of Arthur's house and could see three
bull-dozers just pulling up outside.
"Arthur? Did we go back in time?" Ford asked warily.
"Yeah." Arthur replied breathily. "This is moments before the world is
going to end.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" They both screamed.
"Would you two STOP being so loud!"
"What are you going to squirt us with lemonade?" Arthur retorted.
"No. All my lemonade is gone."
"Thankgod."
"Would you two stop bickering? Arthur lets go and walk around one more
time and then leave just before the end of the earth k?"
"Sure."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
They were both walking down the street holding ice cream cones and
looking in all the windows of the shops.
"You know, in my years of living here, I've come to some conclusions."
"Which are?"
"Mind you, they're not proven."
"Ford, just get on with it."
"Ok. I think that if we were to take all the donut shops out of the U.S.
our entire economy would collapse. I mean think about it. You've got
yum yum, dunkin' donuts, the hidden bakery, Kirspy Kreme--"
Arthur cut him off. "Yeah I get the point."
"Oh and another thing. What is the point of reality TV shows? I mean
come on. You humans are so twisted if you like to watch people get
annoyed with eachother and get dissapointed or pissed off. All it is
is drama, drama, drama! Don't you get enough of that from real life?
Do you really have to go laugh at some other people? And why do they
call them 'reality' TV shows? I mean come on! Are you really going to
strand yourself on an island for 40 days in reality? It's so far from
real it's not even funny."
"I guess I never looked at it that way."
"Yeah. And what's up with your government? Does it even tell you anything?
Oh yeah and the other minor problem that we had to deal with the other
day was that some person sprayed perfume on an airline guard. But that's
just to distract you while we pull the bunny out of our hat and send it
off to Iraq to go eat all Sadaam's cabbage."
"Ford. What are you babbling about?" Arthur was starting to worry now.
"Because we know that Sadaam is going to attack us any minute with his
nuclear war heads 'cause we heard it through the grape-vine and even though
you're not supposed to trust the grape-vine in middle school this is
the government so of course all the rules are immediatly thrown out the
window."
"Ford!"
"Yes?"
"What did you mean by grape-vine?"
"You know rumors. This person tells that person that person goes and tells
someone else and the story gets so warped."
"Oh is that how you came up with rabbits eat Sadaam Hussein's cabbage?"
"No that was just an our burst."
"Oh ok. Go on then."
"Thankyou. Certain things I can let slide but certain other things I just
have to gripe about like that Anna Nicole show? That's one that can give
me hours of material. Oh and the whole jets circling the white house?
That's just a tiny bit weird... You know there are so many quirky things
in this country..."
"Tell me about it. But come on it's almost time to leave. The way you're
talking about this stuff you make it sound a wonder that Bush didn't
just send his cabbage eating bunnies and his Anna Nicole slut to attack
the Vogans."
"Yeah but Bush didn't know about the Vogans. And why do you keep refering
to the cabbage eating rabbits? That wasn't supposed to be taken seriously."
"Well we don't have much time to debate such trivial things. We gotta
get out of the warped world before it rapidly clashes with an even more
warped world."
"What outer space?"
"Yeah. No beings in the universe have seem to grabbed a hold of peace
and sanity."
"I don't think any ever will..."