Disclaimer: I don't own Excel Saga. I merely decided to collect the series. Everything else on this disclaimer has been spoken many many times…I don't own Mortal Kombat, nor do I own Final Fantasy VII. *well, maybe just a copy of each.*
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Scroll is laid out:
KR Disclaimer: I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby pledge, in the event that "Excel Saga" is made into a fan fic, that I have given the author full authority over it's contents, etc., and that I will not complain, protest, condemn, or file charges. And if I do, I hereby allow the fan fic author to not try a counter-suit against me.
Koshi Rikdo
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Scene changes to that of the opening.
Sore wa ai ja nai
Ai wa sore ja nai
Ashite iru kedo aisarete wa inai
Kesshite ai ja nai
Ketsu wa ai ja nai
Aisaretai keredo motometari wa shinai
Kono mi sasagete inochi antedate
Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni
Damashite sukashite yokohairi
Tanin o fumitaoshi keri o kamasite
Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!
Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!
Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!
Tonzura koite!
Banana no kawa de korondemo
Sore wa subete ano kata no tame
Stiite iu nara sore wa kitto
Ai to iu na no chuuseishin.
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The blackness fades to whiteness, and 3 puchuus are walking down a street.
Leader: Pu Chuu! (Let's dance)
Minion1: Pu Chuu! (Yes, Let's!)
Leader: Pu Chuu! (Dance Now!)
Minion2: Pu Chuu! (Will Do!)
Leader: Panning! (Peter!)
Smee: Lightning has just struck my brain!
*All three Puchuus stare at Smee.*
Leader: Pu Chuu Chuu! (after him!)
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Excel awakens from a Pu Chuu Dream, where Peter Pan's nemesis' servant was being chased.
Excel: Hat-Chan! Where was it that I left the instructions on how to rescue a person who has been sucked into the internet again?
Hyatt: I believe you gave it to Watanabe yesterday when he took us to lunch.
Excel: Oh, Yeah! Perhaps Excel will go over next door and ask him for it!
*Excel walks outside and marches next door. She even brings a band, two elephants, a float and a frizz bee. She knocks on the door as loudly as possible.*
Watanabe: What the hell's going on out here!?
Excel: Oh, hi, Watanabe! Excel was wondering if you had Excel's instructions on how to bring a person out of the internet?
Watanabe: Who is Excel?
Excel: Excel is Jo's alter ego, who is truly the best member of ACROSS, and Senior. She humbly serves Lord Illpalazzo in his arrogant, yet grand conquest over the city of F!
Watanabe: …(sweat drop) Yeah, I have the instructions that you gave me, Jo.
*Watanabe hands over a piece of paper*
Watanabe: Now, would you do me a small favor?
Excel: What could that be?
Watanabe: Well…Get The Hell Out Of Here!!!
*Somehow, the force of Watanabe's voice forces Excel off of the rail and she is crushed by one of the elephants that she brought. She instantly is revived.*
Excel: Right On! Go, GWoM!!
*Hyatt steps outside of the apartment, and Watanabe falls to the floor in a supreme 'I'm not worthy' pose.*
Watanabe: *stammering* H-Hello, Miss Ayasuki.
Hyatt: Hello, Watanabe. How is your job going?
Watanabe: Well…
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*Up, in the sky, for the past 15 hours, Nabeshin is talking to Sephiroth.*
Sephiroth: Why do you insist that I tell you?
Nabeshin: Because! I'm the director!
Seph.: Just because you're the director, doesn't mean you're the author.
Nabe.: SHUT UP AND TELL ME!
Seph.: (Sinister Chuckle) I'll give you one chance at me. If you defeat me in battle, I'll tell you everything.
Nabe.: Why must I fight all who I wish to speak?!
Seph.: It's in the script.
*Nabeshin and Sephiroth are transported to an arena, surrounded by familiar faces…most of which have been fighting 7 games in a row.*
Mysterious Shaolin Monk: Who are you?
Nabe/Seph.: Stay out of this!
Shaolin Monk: (Sweat drop) All right!
Seph.: Prepare to meet your demise!
Nabe.: You too!
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*Screen flashes to Commercial Break Screen.*
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*Menchi is locked in the house, yet again celebrating*
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*Pedro is sweating more than he did when he died in the fire, yet still tries to elude GWoM.*
GWoM: Mr.Pe! Wait!
Pedro: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!
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*Somehow, between the time that they faded from screen until now, Hyatt has died, and Watanabe took her inside his apartment*
Watanabe: (Finally I got her in here…I just wish these two idiots weren't here.)
*Sumiyoshi and Iwatta are staring, eyes glazed.*
Watanabe: Hey, Iwatta! Why aren't you helping Jo, Jerk?!
Iwatta: Now, now, Watanabe. You know that I'm bad at staying by people's side.
Watanabe: You're doing an excellent job at pestering me 24/7! Why can't you bother her for a while?!
Iwatta: All right…Come on, Sumiyoshi.
Sumiyoshi: (Kanji Symbols appear) [In good time…You'll be sorry…]
Watanabe: Shut up!
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*Flash to Lord Illpalazzo's Lair*
LI: I'm getting impatient. Why haven't Excel or Hyatt reported on their progress? Are they really that incompetent? Well, I know Excel is, but why is Hyatt taking her time? Perhaps…Maybe Watanabe will lead them the way. That is why I recruited him, isn't it? (He looks at his script.) Hm…It appears to me, that even I was convinced of misleading information. Oh, well. (He continues to play the video game.)
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Fade to black screen:
Today's mission..…
Today's Mission..…
Mission…….Failed!
Mission Failed!
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Screen moves right slightly as Menchi enter a spotlight. She howls to some music while a translator appears in the lower right hand corner.
Kizuiteta ano hi kara
Anata ga chikazuite kita wake
Hagotae no yawarakai
Kono mi ga anata no okonomi to
Ue ni taeteru hitomi ni
Kono mi wa dou utsuru
Shokusu nara hitoomoi ni
Oniku ga kataku naranu you ni.
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Menchi is grabbed out of the spotlight by Excel's arm.