When the World was Mine
Disclaimer: I am so gutted as I do not own Alias or Michael Vaughn (sob sob!) That honour lies with JJ Abrahms.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
It never rained, the sun was always shining
Every traffic light was always green
There was a time when every door was open
The universe was mine, or so it seemed
Inhaling his scent from the Kings sweatshirt she was wearing Sydney couldn't seem to make up her mind. As she lay on the couch in their apartment and surveyed the room in front of her she couldn't decide what reminded her of Michael the most. Every item had it's own personal memory. There was the Kings schedule pinned to the door of the fridge, Francie's gift of cookbooks with good luck written inside of them (much to the amusement of Michael). Even the beer stain on the carpet that refused to disappear no matter how many times she got on her knees and scrubbed it had it's own sentiment. It had happened when the couple had been watching an important Kings game where both teams had been drawing with three minutes remaining. She had never seen Michael so tense. The worry lines were out in full force and he was clenching his beer so tightly she was amazed the bottle hadn't shattered yet. Fortunately the Kings had scored in the last minute causing Michael to jump up screaming and consequently spill his drink all over her and the carpet. She had not been amused. Nothing could warrant a beer stain on her new top no matter how much Michael tried to convince her otherwise.
He had made it up to her later though…twice.
She remembered thinking that they should have a post-match celebration more often.
God she missed him. There were so many wonderful memories contained in their home, they practically lingered in the air waiting to be inhaled and replayed over and over.
She thought after this week she would be all cried out. But as her gaze landed on the mass of photos scattered on the table in front of her she couldn't stop the fresh batch of tears that cascaded down her cheeks. She had been feverishly pouring through all their photo albums trying to find a single picture that encompassed everything about the man she adored but none of them had done him justice. Looking at him smiling in a photo just didn't show the full beauty, both internal and external, of the man she couldn't live without. There was not a single image that gave her the same heart pounding, knee weakening effect that the real thing had done.
Every roll was seven or eleven
That it would ever end never crossed my mind
I was flying higher than the heavens
Back when the world was mine
Tossing the photos aside on the table Sydney burrowed her head into the neighbouring pillow as she gave in and let her emotions get the better of her. The aching inside of her grew as she remembered their last moments together that morning. Michael had had an early meeting and so had left before her. She remembered how tenderly he had kissed her before he left, how protected she had felt in his arms and how beautiful his smile had been as he told her how much he loved her. That beautiful, heart-warming smile that he saved just for her.
Sometimes we cannot see
When we have it all
Take a look at me
Oh how the mighty fall
If only she had known that would be the last time she would see him. That it would be the last time she would touch him and gaze into those amazing green eyes. She would have grabbed him and clung on to him for dear life, never letting him go. She would have told him how much he meant to her and how he would always be the man of her dreams.
God she missed him. She missed the sensations that burst inside of her just by having him near. She couldn't get used to this overwhelming sense of emptiness or the agonising feeling of loneliness that had engulfed her after returning from the hospital.
After speaking to the doctor she had collapsed in the hallway and was grateful Francie and Will had been there or she didn't know how she would have made it home. Stepping inside the apartment that first time and realising that Michael would never be coming home she had felt so lost and broken. When they arrived home the full meaning of everything that had happened started to penetrate in. He was gone.
Rubbing her bloodshot eyes Sydney glanced up at the clock in front of her and gasped, taking in the time. She couldn't believe she had been sat there for so long. She shouldn't have been surprised though; time just no longer had any importance to her anymore. A minute or a day could pass but it didn't mean a thing without Michael there to share it with.
When she was a child her nanny had read her a boating story and had explained to a confused Sydney that it was not the sails that moved the ship, it was the unseen wind. Michael was her wind, her strength, he was what moved her, drove her every day. Wiping away her tears Sydney could only wonder how was she supposed to carry on?
Releasing a deep sigh she decided to make a concerted effort and stood up and wandered over to the window, leaning her head against the glass. The rain was still pouring down heavily and it somewhat comforted her knowing that it fit her mood. The darkness felt justified to her as it didn't feel right having the sun shining without her Michael in the world.
Once I ruled the earth
Once upon a time
When I had your love
That's when the world was mine
She remembered the night the two of them had watched a thunderstorm together curled up on the window seat. She had never particularly enjoyed thunderstorms but the way Michael had held her and kissed her as he whispered that she was the most wonderful thing in the world and how very much he loved her made her forget everything that was happening around her. When he held her she didn't care if the world were to end right then, just as long as he was holding her as he did.
Oh the changes I'd make if I had the power
How could I have so much and be so blind
But at least for a bright and shining moment
I had you and the world was mine
Francie had come round yesterday after the funeral to see how she was coping but there were just no words. How could she describe the pain that just kept growing in her heart? He was an angel, her angel. Without him by her side she felt so unbelievably lost, she just wanted to curl up and die. Was it so wrong of her to want to be with him?
She knew her friends were worried about her. She wasn't eating or taking care of herself. She didn't see the point anymore. Her reason for living had been taken away from her and all she wanted now was to be with him. There was only one place he could be now; in heaven with the other angels. She loved her friends so much but she loved him more. Was it wrong of her to want to be there with him?
She had been considering it for a few days. When she had pulled Michael's sweatshirt from the drawer her hand had connected with the cool metal of his gun and now she wandered back into their bedroom and held it again. Just one click and she would be with him, nothing could separate them again. Her friends and family would understand wouldn't they? Surely they knew how much she loved him? That when he had left he had taken her heart with him.
There was no reason for living anymore, the accident had taken it away from her. Her friends had told her that time would help. Eric had even cracked that time was a great healer but a lousy beautician. But they were all wrong. Time couldn't heal this wound, it went too deep.
Raising the gun to her temple she focused on the antique picture frame on the dresser. She knew she couldn't survive in this world without her beloved Michael. How could she? What they had was so precious, so unique. It was a love with no boundaries, no rules, no exceptions just…love.
Whispering a tearful goodbye to her loved ones she took a deep breath, concentrated on Michael, and then pulled the trigger.
****
Shooting up from the bed, Sydney gasped as she took in her surroundings. She was drenched in sweat and could feel her heart pounding in her chest. But then as she glanced down she saw him and she almost broke down at the sight. He was there, alive and the relief that poured through her made her body shake uncontrollably. She closed her eyes reliving the awful memory of being without him. It was a dream. A bad dream. One of those horrible, sick to your stomach dreams. Just a dream.
Lowering herself down Sydney snuggled as close as she could to Michael, placing her hand on his heart to reassure herself before squeezing him so hard that she woke him.
"You alright Syd?" He asked concerned taking her hand in his.
Hearing his soothing voice almost set her off and she could only manage a whispered fine as she burrowed her head into his neck, breathing in his wonderful scent.
"Bad dream?" he softly whispered, kissing her temple.
"Yeah." She murmured stroking his cheek gently to reaffirm his presence.
"You want to talk about it?"
Absolutely no way. She couldn't. If she spoke about it she would be forced to relive it and having a front row seat to a life without Michael was something she couldn't face again.
Taking in her silence Michael pulled her closer and wrapped both his arms around her, kissing her softly on her forehead.
"Better?"
"Much." She smiled, eternally grateful for the chance to tell him. "I love you so much Michael."
"I love you too."
As she closed her eyes Sydney said a quiet prayer of thanks for the wonderful man by her side. Knowing he was there and having his love made her feel like the luckiest woman alive. She had the greatest of all gifts and having witnessed how easily it could be taken away from her Sydney vowed not to take a moment for granted. She had Michael Vaughn's love. She had the world.
Once I ruled the earth
Once upon a time
When I had your love
That's when the world was mine