Disclaimer: I don't own Excel Saga. I merely decided to collect the series. I like Roppenmatsu and Roppenmatzu equally. Yeah, they're basically non-identical mirror images of Excel and Hyatt, but that's why I like them. Sumiyoshi…is funny sometimes…odd how a mute holds so much humor, huh? Nabeshin's probably going to lose this fight…or will he? Who is going to finally extract Ecir? Why such a long disclaimer, when it's not even part of the story? Eh…On wit the fic.
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Scroll is laid out:
KR Disclaimer: I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby pledge, in the event that "Excel Saga" is made into a fanfic, that I… -Koshi Rikdo has a heart attack, then recovers.- Pu-chuu…Pu-chuu.
Koshi Rikdo
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Scene changes to that of the opening.
Sore wa ai ja nai
Ai wa sore ja nai
Ashite iru kedo aisarete wa inai
Kesshite ai ja nai
Ketsu wa ai ja nai
Aisaretai keredo motometari wa shinai
Kono mi sasagete inochi antedate
Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni
Damashite sukashite yokohairi
Tanin o fumitaoshi keri o kamasite
Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!
Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!
Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!
Tonzura koite!
Banana no kawa de korondemo
Sore wa subete ano kata no tame
Stiite iu nara sore wa kitto
Ai to iu na no chuuseishin.
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-Back at the library, Watanabe at the keyboard once again.-
Watanabe: Hmm…Look here! It seems that the man has been pushed farther into the website. Now there's an even bigger risk of him getting morally injured.
Excel: Don't you mean 'mortally?'
Watanabe: No, I mean morally. He's going to be ashamed of even getting out of this section…
Hyatt: What section of the site could he possibly be in?
Watanabe: …Out of the code of the 'Man of Hellish Undesired University' Rule number 212; I can't tell even you, Miss Ayasugi.
Excel: Wow! You went to college?!
Watanabe: …No. Couldn't get around to it after my sister broke my spinal cord's best friend: My thinking chair.
Hyatt: Oh, how awful!
Excel: Alright, Watanabe! Let's dig this guy out for good!!
-Monitor flashes Greenish-Orange this time, and the same guy pops out of the screen.-
Ecir: Man…Never in my life have I ever been so humiliated…
Excel: Sir! Have you seen a mirror lately?
Ecir: Hm? Why would there be a mirror in the internet?
Watanabe: What this idiot, 'Jo' is trying to ask is, would you happen to be Ecir Sirhc, age 20, single, and stuck in a specific website?
Ecir: Not anymore. Now, I'm Ecir Sirhc, age 21, single, and am released from the dreaded website.
Hyatt: So, you aged while you were in the internet?
Ecir: Unfortunately, yeah. I was hoping to be released before then, but…not all things happen according to plan.
Excel: Shut up, already! You are hereby granted a pretzel!
Ecir: Pretzel? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo -deep breath- ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
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Screen flashes to Commercial Break Screen.
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-Nabeshin and Sephiroth are now in round 3. Nabeshin has pulled out a dragon sword, as Sephiroth has a War Hammer.-
Nabe: Wait! I'm supposed to have a machine gun, rocket launcher, grenade launcher and a magnum!
Seph: Get used to it. However, my image is being ruined with this War hammer. -The war hammer is erased, and a Masamune Blade replaces it.-
Nabe: No fair! That makes me ANGRY!!!!
Announcer: Round three goes to Nabeshin!
Seph: Why?
Announcer: Well…due to research, there's always a character in EVERY anime that you never want to see angry. For this anime, Nabeshin is that person. Didn't you see the third episode of the series?
Seph: …Fine. I'll tell you everything.
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-Menchi is enjoying yet another break-
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Roppenmatzu and Roppenmatsu are walking along the park.
Roppenmatzu: Big sister! Big sister!
Roppenmatsu: Yes, Roppenmatzu?
Roppenmatzu: Do you know what time it is?
Roppenmatsu: It is a quarter after 9 a.m.
Roppenmatzu: NO! Let's sing an Intro song!
=============================== Roppenmatsu/Roppenmatzu Intro Song =============================
So we aren't quite live
But death simply isn't ours
We do not enjoy dying every episode
That we are in, but still it pays the bills
Either that or go back to, The comics for us
Shouldn't we go out to eat? Maybe it is fun
But we still don't eat! But we still don't eat!
But we still don't eat! But we still don't eat!
But we still don't eat!
Bananas, oreos, chocolate cake, rice paper too
It's all in favor of getting full anyway!
So let's fill up these guts of ours, because we…
Don't need toooooooooooooooooo!
====================================== End Intro ===================================
Excel Girls: That's probably the worst song we've ever heard in our lives! How dare you mock us!
(Message from the author: if you didn't like the song, don't throw rocks. Spur of the moment can be deadly on one's behalf, and I didn't like it either, but…they're in more than 2 episodes, so they kinda deserve something to say that they're in the show, right?)
Roppenmatzu: Darnit!…Looks like we'll have to try harder, Big Sister.
Roppenmatsu: It appears so. Perhaps we should continue on with our journey.
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-Back at the library-
Excel: Erm…This guy sure does like to remain silent, doesn't he?
-Ecir is cowering in the corner, shuddering violently, yet remaining extremely quiet. Not even 'Pretzel's gonna kill me' can be heard.-
Watanabe: Maybe we should just take him back to Sir Jake's headquarters…it'll probably save time.
Hyatt: That is a wonderful idea, Mr. Watanabe.
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-Ilpalazzo's Chambers-
L.I.: I see you've finally completed your mission. Now I have a final request.
Ecir: Erm…are you speaking to me, sir?
L.I.: Yes, I am. My request is for you to end this episode before Excel goes haywire and Hyatt dies again. Oh, yes. As for Watanabe, you will remain in ACROSS for another episode. Do you understand?
Watanabe&Ecir: Yes.
Ecir: So, Should I just turn off the word processor like -- -- --
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Fade to black screen:
Today's mission, …
Mission…….Completed?! Rediculous…
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Screen moves right slightly as Menchi enter a spotlight. She howls to some music while a translator appears in the lower right hand corner.
Kizuiteta ano hi kara
Anata ga chikazuite kita wake
Hagotae no yawarakai
Kono mi ga anata no okonomi to
Ue ni taeteru hitomi ni
Kono mi wa dou utsuru
Shokusu nara hitoomoi ni
Oniku ga kataku naranu you ni.
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Menchi is grabbed out of the spotlight by Excel's arm.