CHAPTER 43
Beth could hardly bring herself to get out of bed. It had been over 2 weeks since Garrett had given care of Cassie over to Helen and although she'd begged and pleaded, he had refused to let her even see her child.
"Look at yourself." Garrett chided her a few days before. "You haven't dressed or bathed or even combed that wild mane of yours in days. If you are trying to play on my sympathies, you are failing miserably. This type of behavior only strengthens my belief that what I am doing is the best thing for her."
"You bastard!" she'd screamed at him, throwing her breakfast tray against the door as he'd closed it to go.
"I can't go on like this." She said to herself as she sat looking across the room, not recognizing the person she was becoming. "I'll lose her . I know I will ." she whispered at her reflection. "I've got to pull it together." She rocked back and forth as she sat on the bed with her knees pulled to her chest. "If I don't play his game I'll lose her. I can't lose her, I can't." she repeated.
It took all of the strength she could muster for Beth to draw a bath and slip into the tub. Slowly she washed her hair and scrubbed her body, even as she cried tears of heartbreak. "Adam wouldn't want Cassie to be alone like this. He'd want me to do whatever it took to make sure our family stayed together until he can find us." She reasoned, hoping that her cooperation and changed attitude would be enough to sway Garrett. They'd been friends their entire life, and somehow she would have to convince him that she was beginning to see things his way. She hated the idea of even pretending to agree with what he'd done, but something she'd heard Adam say to Claudia repeated in her head, giving her courage.
She'd heard him talking with his student about how it was all right to avoid a fight, even run if necessary. "The goal Claudia is to survive. You do whatever it takes to see another sunrise." His smooth but direct voice had advised. "Live, grow stronger, fight another day."
"That sounds strangely familiar." Duncan interrupted, but did not disagree.
"Profound words that bear repeating." Adam replied before turning back to the lesson. "Write them on your soul if you have to, but never forget. You win as long as you survive."
Beth wasn't facing an opponent with a sword, but this was a battle no less. She was fighting for their daughter, their family and the love she knew was strong enough to survive Garrett's treachery. Whatever it took she was determined to find a way to make sure they were together again. She had no doubt that one day she would be able to get a message to Adam. It would take patience and a keen eye. But when that day came, she had to make sure Cassie was with her.
When Garrett returned to her room later that night with a tray, he was surprised to find Beth not only dressed, but her hair styled and a dab of color on her face. "And what is this?" He asked skeptically.
"With the way I looked I'm surprised you brought a fork and spoon. I looked like something that should be eating with its fingers or worse." She replied, trying to let a little humor slip into her voice. Beth knew she couldn't appear to accept anything too quickly. The key would be to build slowly so he doesn't realize or suspect.
"You did have that wolf girl thing down pretty good." He replied, relaxing a little more when she let out a little chuckle in reply.
"I'll try to remember that." She promised as he set the tray down and started to go.
"Uhm Garrett?" she called to him before he made it to the door. "I'm a little stir crazy. Do you think you could at least stay while I eat? I'd feel more human I think if I could at least talk over dinner. I need a little normal ya know?"
Garrett looked at her with skepticism, but complied. "Anything in particular you want to talk about?" he asked, sitting across from her as she picked at her roll and began to eat bits of it.
"I'm afraid I don't even know what day it is." She replied. "So anything you can tell me about what's going on out there, I'm sure I'd find interesting." She motioned toward the windows.
"Today's the 24th of February Leandra." He told her.
"That long ." Beth whispered. She knew what day it was, but hearing it made the nine weeks she'd been away from Adam that much more real. She couldn't hide the way her face fell, and had to think fast before Garrett commented.
"I don't want you to be unhappy Lea. But I have to take care of you and Cassie. You know that if I could do it differently I would." He explained again.
"If you want me to be happy, then there is something you could do." Beth began.
"Don't start with me. Can't we have just one civil conversation? We started out so well tonight."
"You don't understand what I'm asking. Let me finish." She waved her hand and shook her head. "Cassie will be 3 months old next week. Couldn't we celebrate it somehow? I know she's too young to know, but I know. It's an important milestone and I'd like to make it special."
Garrett was a little taken aback. He'd expected her to demand to be released or demand to be taken to Cassie immediately. But all she'd asked of him was a little party. He remembered how the Harris family always made a big deal about birthdays and anniversaries, and it seemed like something very normal for her to want to do. Still, he didn't want to agree too quickly. She had to understand he wouldn't be walked around. "Let me think about it." He replied.
"Thank you." Beth responded before taking a deep sip of her tea.
"You must be bored out of your mind. I'm sorry I didn't think about that." Garrett thought he should give her something but it had to be his own idea. "I'll make sure you get a newspaper in the mornings and maybe a few magazines to read."
"Any chance of a radio? Or CD player?" she bargained, raising one eyebrow.
"I think that can be arranged." He agreed.
"What about your music? Have you been playing at all?" she asked casually. It was something they would ordinarily discuss if things hadn't gone the way they had.
"I didn't bring my drums, but I've visited a few clubs. The Europeans are open to so many kinds of music, I wouldn't mind trying to find a place where I fit in eventually." He replied.
"You should have a kit brought in." she told him. "You were always a pain in the ass when you couldn't practice at least."
He smirked. She was right. But she was being a bit too like the old Lea and he knew something was up. He'd have to watch her.
Beth realized her last remark had played her hand a little too far. "How is Cassie?" she asked, knowing that topic would bring tension to the room.
"Cassie's fine. Helen is a wonderful nanny." He replied.
"You know not seeing her is what is really driving me nuts don't you? Before you took her she depended on me for everything. It's not right Garrett. You know it's not right." She said, moving her half eaten tray across the table and walking to the window. "I swear if I miss her first laugh I'll never forgive you. I waited all my life to be a part of all those firsts. It's all I live for now. You've taken away a precious time from my baby and me. Do you know what it's like to know that in a few days if she doesn't nurse, then we won't be able to share that special bond again? Do you even care that I wasn't ready to lose that?"
"That's really up to you Lea. If you cooperate and act more like you have tonight then we'll see about her spending time with you, but I can't let her depend on you for everything anymore. It won't be good for her if things don't work out."
"Her first word better not be nanny" Beth replied angrily, ignoring his threat. "It should be Mama." Her voice broke as she turned with tears streaming down her cheeks. "It should be Mama." Her almost quiet voice repeated.
Garrett felt a tug on his heart as he looked at her sincere anxiety that someone else would take her place in her daughter's life. Had things been different he would have comforted her, but he knew she'd never let him that close. "It's up to you Lea. I'll be back in the morning and we'll see how things look then." He said as he turned to go, picking up the tray.
Beth didn't respond, but hoped she'd made him uncomfortable enough to dissuade suspicion.
Beth could hardly bring herself to get out of bed. It had been over 2 weeks since Garrett had given care of Cassie over to Helen and although she'd begged and pleaded, he had refused to let her even see her child.
"Look at yourself." Garrett chided her a few days before. "You haven't dressed or bathed or even combed that wild mane of yours in days. If you are trying to play on my sympathies, you are failing miserably. This type of behavior only strengthens my belief that what I am doing is the best thing for her."
"You bastard!" she'd screamed at him, throwing her breakfast tray against the door as he'd closed it to go.
"I can't go on like this." She said to herself as she sat looking across the room, not recognizing the person she was becoming. "I'll lose her . I know I will ." she whispered at her reflection. "I've got to pull it together." She rocked back and forth as she sat on the bed with her knees pulled to her chest. "If I don't play his game I'll lose her. I can't lose her, I can't." she repeated.
It took all of the strength she could muster for Beth to draw a bath and slip into the tub. Slowly she washed her hair and scrubbed her body, even as she cried tears of heartbreak. "Adam wouldn't want Cassie to be alone like this. He'd want me to do whatever it took to make sure our family stayed together until he can find us." She reasoned, hoping that her cooperation and changed attitude would be enough to sway Garrett. They'd been friends their entire life, and somehow she would have to convince him that she was beginning to see things his way. She hated the idea of even pretending to agree with what he'd done, but something she'd heard Adam say to Claudia repeated in her head, giving her courage.
She'd heard him talking with his student about how it was all right to avoid a fight, even run if necessary. "The goal Claudia is to survive. You do whatever it takes to see another sunrise." His smooth but direct voice had advised. "Live, grow stronger, fight another day."
"That sounds strangely familiar." Duncan interrupted, but did not disagree.
"Profound words that bear repeating." Adam replied before turning back to the lesson. "Write them on your soul if you have to, but never forget. You win as long as you survive."
Beth wasn't facing an opponent with a sword, but this was a battle no less. She was fighting for their daughter, their family and the love she knew was strong enough to survive Garrett's treachery. Whatever it took she was determined to find a way to make sure they were together again. She had no doubt that one day she would be able to get a message to Adam. It would take patience and a keen eye. But when that day came, she had to make sure Cassie was with her.
When Garrett returned to her room later that night with a tray, he was surprised to find Beth not only dressed, but her hair styled and a dab of color on her face. "And what is this?" He asked skeptically.
"With the way I looked I'm surprised you brought a fork and spoon. I looked like something that should be eating with its fingers or worse." She replied, trying to let a little humor slip into her voice. Beth knew she couldn't appear to accept anything too quickly. The key would be to build slowly so he doesn't realize or suspect.
"You did have that wolf girl thing down pretty good." He replied, relaxing a little more when she let out a little chuckle in reply.
"I'll try to remember that." She promised as he set the tray down and started to go.
"Uhm Garrett?" she called to him before he made it to the door. "I'm a little stir crazy. Do you think you could at least stay while I eat? I'd feel more human I think if I could at least talk over dinner. I need a little normal ya know?"
Garrett looked at her with skepticism, but complied. "Anything in particular you want to talk about?" he asked, sitting across from her as she picked at her roll and began to eat bits of it.
"I'm afraid I don't even know what day it is." She replied. "So anything you can tell me about what's going on out there, I'm sure I'd find interesting." She motioned toward the windows.
"Today's the 24th of February Leandra." He told her.
"That long ." Beth whispered. She knew what day it was, but hearing it made the nine weeks she'd been away from Adam that much more real. She couldn't hide the way her face fell, and had to think fast before Garrett commented.
"I don't want you to be unhappy Lea. But I have to take care of you and Cassie. You know that if I could do it differently I would." He explained again.
"If you want me to be happy, then there is something you could do." Beth began.
"Don't start with me. Can't we have just one civil conversation? We started out so well tonight."
"You don't understand what I'm asking. Let me finish." She waved her hand and shook her head. "Cassie will be 3 months old next week. Couldn't we celebrate it somehow? I know she's too young to know, but I know. It's an important milestone and I'd like to make it special."
Garrett was a little taken aback. He'd expected her to demand to be released or demand to be taken to Cassie immediately. But all she'd asked of him was a little party. He remembered how the Harris family always made a big deal about birthdays and anniversaries, and it seemed like something very normal for her to want to do. Still, he didn't want to agree too quickly. She had to understand he wouldn't be walked around. "Let me think about it." He replied.
"Thank you." Beth responded before taking a deep sip of her tea.
"You must be bored out of your mind. I'm sorry I didn't think about that." Garrett thought he should give her something but it had to be his own idea. "I'll make sure you get a newspaper in the mornings and maybe a few magazines to read."
"Any chance of a radio? Or CD player?" she bargained, raising one eyebrow.
"I think that can be arranged." He agreed.
"What about your music? Have you been playing at all?" she asked casually. It was something they would ordinarily discuss if things hadn't gone the way they had.
"I didn't bring my drums, but I've visited a few clubs. The Europeans are open to so many kinds of music, I wouldn't mind trying to find a place where I fit in eventually." He replied.
"You should have a kit brought in." she told him. "You were always a pain in the ass when you couldn't practice at least."
He smirked. She was right. But she was being a bit too like the old Lea and he knew something was up. He'd have to watch her.
Beth realized her last remark had played her hand a little too far. "How is Cassie?" she asked, knowing that topic would bring tension to the room.
"Cassie's fine. Helen is a wonderful nanny." He replied.
"You know not seeing her is what is really driving me nuts don't you? Before you took her she depended on me for everything. It's not right Garrett. You know it's not right." She said, moving her half eaten tray across the table and walking to the window. "I swear if I miss her first laugh I'll never forgive you. I waited all my life to be a part of all those firsts. It's all I live for now. You've taken away a precious time from my baby and me. Do you know what it's like to know that in a few days if she doesn't nurse, then we won't be able to share that special bond again? Do you even care that I wasn't ready to lose that?"
"That's really up to you Lea. If you cooperate and act more like you have tonight then we'll see about her spending time with you, but I can't let her depend on you for everything anymore. It won't be good for her if things don't work out."
"Her first word better not be nanny" Beth replied angrily, ignoring his threat. "It should be Mama." Her voice broke as she turned with tears streaming down her cheeks. "It should be Mama." Her almost quiet voice repeated.
Garrett felt a tug on his heart as he looked at her sincere anxiety that someone else would take her place in her daughter's life. Had things been different he would have comforted her, but he knew she'd never let him that close. "It's up to you Lea. I'll be back in the morning and we'll see how things look then." He said as he turned to go, picking up the tray.
Beth didn't respond, but hoped she'd made him uncomfortable enough to dissuade suspicion.