When Love Isn't Enough
By Risa
Disclaimer: I own the characters and the story, the Night World and all related ideas do not belong to me.
Summary: Sometimes finding your soulmate doesn't mean that there's a happily ever after…
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Liana paused as she was about to open the door, hesitating. She placed her suitcase on the floor and turned, staring at the apartment that had been her home for a month. It was dark, but she could still pick out the details of the television, the sofa, the ridiculously ugly vase that she had made…
She had made that two years ago. It was the first birthday of Cendre's that they were celebrating together and Liana wanted to make something special for him. She spent two weeks reading all the pottery books that she could get her hands on and struggling to make something that looked halfway decent. One day before Cendre's birthday and all she managed to come up with was that ugly vase. She was yelling in frustration when Cendre suddenly returned home. She reluctantly admitted what she was trying to do. He had kissed her and told her gently, "It's lovely. Thank you."
Liana sighed. She loved him so much. They were soulmates, meant to be together forever. She used to believe that once she found The One she'll be able to live happily ever after but sometimes love just wasn't enough. The cord that bound her heart to his called her incessantly to stay. But she couldn't. It was so tempting…
But she just couldn't.
They had met about two and a half years ago, in university. When Liana first met Cendre, it seemed as if she could see her own reflection in his eyes, as if they had known each other forever, instead of just a few seconds. They fell in love, deeply, rapidly. Those days had been so beautiful, so precious. But somehow she knew that there was something that he was holding back from her. But she ignored it, just immersing herself in the present.
Then, one day, he told her everything. About being a vampire, the Nightworld, his family the Redferns… everything. She had been terrified by what she heard. It all sounded so strange, so dangerous and so very different from the safe and secure life that she had led. But despite the danger she couldn't bear to tear herself away from him.
The only way for them to be together was if they ran away, stayed in hiding from the rest of the Nightworld, he had told her. She agreed, abandoning her family and everything that was familiar to her.
For the first few months they were giddy with happiness. It seemed as if nothing mattered as long as they were together. Together, they could get through everything. Then, the cracks began to show. They were forced to move from place to place, afraid that the Nightworld would find them if they stayed in one place for too long. The strains of this rootless lifestyle began to take its toll.
Liana knew that Cendre worried constantly about his family and what they might do should they find them. He also had to worry about money and how he was going to support the both of them. She knew that it had been hard for him. He had been an only child to a privileged family. His life had always been easy, sheltered.
And her life had not been that much different. They were too young, too inexperienced, Liana admitted to herself now. Liana missed her family dearly. They couldn't risk contacting them and she hated not knowing anything about how they were doing. She also felt guilty for running off without a word; she could only imagine the pain that she had caused her own parents…
But she suppressed all her worried and fears in front of Cendre. She didn't want to add to the burden that was weighing down on his shoulders. In front of him, she kept up the appearance that all was good, that she was happy. It wasn't easy, hiding something from your soulmate, but Liana managed to do that somehow. Or maybe Cendre had been too weary himself to probe further.
The soulmate bond had been so intense that it scared her sometimes. Liana had always been jealous of her privacy and had always needed to spend some time alone. But this was something she couldn't have with the soulmate bond. It drew their souls together, closer and closer. Sometimes it was too much for her. The soulmate bond overwhelmed her. She began to feel like she was losing her sense of self.
One morning, she woke up, looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize herself anymore. She felt strangled, pulled apart by all the conflicting emotions in her. And she realized that she couldn't continue with a life like this. She was no longer the person she once was, she had no idea who she was now. If this continued, she was afraid that she would snap under the pressure. She needed time alone away from Cendre, to think things through, figure out the person she had become and what she wanted in life.
Neither of them had been prepared for all this. They both needed to take a step back, to think rationally if a life together was what they wanted. And she couldn't do this with Cendre around. The pull of the soulmate bond will throw all rationality out of the window.
Which was why she was standing at the door now, leaving in the middle of the night. She had left a letter for Cendre – she knew that once she saw him, she wouldn't be able to bring herself to do this.
Dear Cendre,
This was a difficult decision for me to make. I don't want to hurt you and I love you so much. But you have to understand. I have to do this.
I'm not ready for all this. Perhaps it's selfish of me, considering all that you've given up for me. But this is too much for me, everything's just too intense and I'm not sure I can handle it.
If we were to stay together, all the strain will only make the both of us miserable. Being soulmates doesn't solve everything. It doesn't mean that our relationship would be problem-free. It doesn't spell instant and permanent happiness. It requires work and effort, like every other relationship. Maybe if were in another time, when a relationship like ours didn't face such opposition and such censure, maybe things would have turned out differently…
But right now I'm going about this relationship in all the wrong ways. I think we both need some time alone, just to sort things through. I don't know what's going to happen after this. Maybe we'll get back together, maybe we won't; only time can tell. But one thing will never change – I'll always love you.
Forever Yours,
Liana
Liana sighed and turned the door knob. She picked up her suitcase and quietly walked out. The road in front of her was long and uncertain, but maybe, just maybe it will someday lead her back to the man she loved.
*~ Finis ~*