CHAPTER 65

"Back away from her." Duncan ordered as he glared at Methos. His strength wasn't completely recovered, but he still managed to stand and move forward.

"MacLeod what do you think you are doing?" Methos replied, unable to keep himself from turning and taking a defensive stance.

"This is going to stop now. Your games are over Methos." Duncan continued. "You wanted me and now you have your chance."

"Don't be ridiculous." Methos responded, his face showing the utter absurdity of MacLeod's reaction.

"Duncan you've got it all wrong." Ellen tried to get between them, but this time it was Methos who shoved her out of the way with his free arm.

"That's a good way to get yourself killed. Can't you see he's delusional? " He said as he continued to keep his eye on a still weak but obviously annoyed MacLeod.

"Would you two stop this?" Ellen demanded, moving once again between them and putting her hands out on both of their swords. "Duncan, it's not what you think at all. Adam helped you today. If it weren't for him things would have turned out very differently for that woman on the helicopter."

It was then Duncan remembered Rayna. "Where is she? Where is Rayna?" he looked around the room, but kept the corner of his eye on Methos with his sword still raised.

"She's probably at a hospital by now." Methos replied, his own expression showing annoyance.

"What do you mean probably? You left her there?"

"There were emergency vehicles on their way the instant that chopper exploded." Ellen explained, turning completely toward Duncan and pushing his sword down. As she did, Methos did the same behind her. "We had to get you out of there and couldn't carry the both of you. She got help right away, and she wasn't hurt that badly. Adam tended to her immediate need before carrying you out of there."

"What were you even doing there if you didn't set it up Methos?" Duncan leaned against the wall as he continued to regard his former friend skeptically.

"I was trying to find out where they'd taken Joe and Claudia. If you'd bothered to check your messages you would have known that." Methos replied.

"I didn't get any messages." Duncan responded.

"Well then maybe someone is controlling more than you think. Check the machine at the dojo or with the bartender at Joe's if you don't believe me. Or don't."

"He's telling the truth Duncan. When we were at the air field, Methos killed the man who was trying to drag me into a car, and then the two of us dropped through the sky light to get control of the remotes that were making that helicopter fly." Ellen added. "He saved that woman's life and probably kept you from having to worry about finding me in the middle of your next test."

Duncan weighed her words and then looked back over at Methos. "If that is true then I thank you."

"I believe this is yours." Methos said as he handed the sword to Ellen, the immediate threat from MacLeod appearing to be over, and if it wasn't . he always had his gun.

Duncan sat down on the sofa and tried to regain his strength. Looking up at Methos he had to ask.

"Why would you help us?"

"I've been asking myself that question ever since I saw those two guys grab Claudia. I'd stumbled across her in New York and was honestly going to take her head. But when I saw them grab her, I don't know ." Methos shook his head. "I found myself following, and then when I saw they had Joe I found myself needing to make sure he was all right." Joe wasn't a part of the game he reasoned, ignoring how he had also felt protective of Claudia.

"I thought you'd stopped caring." Duncan replied.

"I had . have ." Methos didn't understand it anymore than Duncan did and he didn't really want to discuss it.

Duncan dropped the subject and over the next few minutes Methos and Ellen briefed him on who had been behind the kidnappings and the remote controls.

"And you just let him walk out of there?" Duncan looked at Methos in amazement.

"I didn't have a choice MacLeod. I didn't know who was in that chopper, but I knew it was someone that mattered to you. If I followed him or tried to stop him from leaving then that helicopter would have exploded on the ground with her inside it." Methos replied and Ellen confirmed.

"So you didn't know it was Rayna?"

"Not until we pulled you off of her." Methos responded. "I was shocked to say the least, but I thought Shafer liked her. Weren't they dating?"

"You didn't tell him did you?" Duncan turned to Ellen and she shook her head.

"Tell me what?"

Duncan reached into his pocket and pulled out a polaroid. "Methos, we've been trying to find you to tell you this ever since the day after you disappeared."

He took a deep breath, wondering what this news would do to the man. "Beth didn't go willingly with Garrett. She was kidnapped. And now after today, I know for sure Rick Shafer helped him."

"You don't know what you are talking about." Methos stood up from the box he was sitting on and strode across the room, turning with his hands planted on his hips as he continued to once again face MacLeod. "I saw the note. It was her handwriting and I saw her rings . and the locket. She played me for the fool that I was." No way he was going to let himself believe any differently even for a second. To do so would be his destruction.

"No she didn't." Duncan said firmly, standing and coming to stand across from him. "Rayna was drugged by Garrett or Shafer and they took the baby before you two even arrived at the Inn. He used Cassie as leverage. Beth had no choice but to go with him, not knowing what they would do with the baby."

Methos face showed his shock and his disbelief, but still he wasn't convinced. "This can't be right. You must have been fed some phony information from Shafer as a part of his vendetta against you. Beth gave me the poisoned beer. She wrote the note. She left me for Garrett and that is all there is to it."

"Would you listen to me?" Duncan demanded. "I don't know exactly how, but they must have known about the beer. Rick probably found out about it from Rayna."

Duncan took a deep breath when he saw Methos wasn't going to interrupt. " Beth left you a second message but you didn't see it. We all missed it until a day later." Duncan said as he extended his hand, offering the polaroid to Methos.

Methos took it and turned it over, and what he saw cut through his heart like a knife. "No." he whispered, closing his eyes and then opening them to be sure of what he was seeing.

She wrote the message on the back of her wedding dress and hung it facing the door in the bathroom so Garrett wouldn't see. We didn't know about it until the Innkeeper's wife started to clean the room. By that time . you were gone. Joe tried to tell you when he found you in Mexico, but .

"I didn't let him . I was too crazed with my own anger to listen." Methos' voice was hollow and his eyes devoid of all emotion and life. After a long silence, he turned away. "What have I done?"

Duncan couldn't answer that question although he knew very well. Methos had been crushed. He had believed the worst, and then had sunk himself into the blackest part of himself to hide from the pain.

And then the complete reality of the situation hit full force. Beth and Cassie were prisoners. He couldn't even imagine what might be happening to them. "My God . I've got to find her . I've got to find both of them." Methos started across the room toward the door without hesitating to even look back.

"Wait! Rick Shafer is our best tie to where Garrett is holding her." Duncan called out, stopping him. "We need to work together to find him . and see where he has taken the others. He will give us what we need to find Beth and Cassie."

Methos was torn. The last thing he wanted was to stand there and face MacLeod or anyone who knew what he had done, what he'd let himself become. And the idea of waiting to begin his search ripped at his heart.

Duncan understood. As much as he didn't understand anything else Methos had done in the past months, he understood his need to find his wife and child. "Methos. We will find them. Your friends never gave up the search, and once we find Shafer we will make him tell us where she is. You have my word we won't give up until we find her."

Methos nodded his head, but needed some time. "I'll be back. I need . some time." He replied before walking outside. They were close to the river, and as he wandered it's edge the sun began to set.

"Oh GOD!" He called out, falling to his knees and pounding the ground with his fists. "What have I done! How could I fail her so miserably?" As much as his heart broke the day he thought she'd left him, the pain he felt knowing that he had not only wasted so much time, but had honestly tried to hate the woman he loved more than he loved drawing breath, was more excruciating. "How could I let myself feel that way toward you? How could I have doubted what I knew so well? How could I doubt the strength of your love" he asked himself over and over again. "MY GOD, you walked through fire for me." He tore at his shirt, ripping it to shreds as he remembered how she had bravely come to him in the Quickening. Her bravery and love for him had ensured them an entire century of love without her falling victim to age or disease. "I am PATHETIC!" he wailed as the extent of what he'd thrown away set in.

And then he remembered the times he'd felt her presence and his insides turned over, emptying their contents on the bank of the river as he crouched on his hands and knees, unable to stand.

"You were trying to tell me even then." He whispered. "But wretched fool that I am, I wouldn't let myself feel or hear. I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve any of it."

For almost an hour he stayed in that position, berating himself for the many ways he'd failed her and the baby she'd entrusted to him. By the time he was able to finally collect himself, Methos had come to a painful decision. He would find her, and he would make sure she was returned safely to her family . both she and the baby, but he would not let himself be loved by her. She deserved more. She deserved a man who would not mistrust her love. It would kill him to leave her, but he resolved that once she was back at home with her family he would slip away and out of her life. She would be free to find the love that would not fail.