CHAPTER 71
Duncan and Methos walked the area around the address they'd found both vehicles had in common, but didn't feel the sensation of an immortal anywhere, or any signs of the other car.
Duncan checked in with Ellen by phone, and all was quiet back at the hotel. Rayna had taken another pain pill and was asleep and she was planning to do the same. Duncan told her to just take his bed, he and Methos didn't plan to be back anytime soon.
Hanging up the phone Duncan nodded toward an ale house just up the street. "What do ya say we stop in there?"
Methos was tired of walking around and a beer sounded good. He knew MacLeod had been keeping his thoughts and questions bottled up since they'd been so busy trying to track down Shafer, but despite knowing it would probably all come up now . he went along.
The pub wasn't too crowded, but the music was loud and they took a seat at a high back booth in the back. "Bring us a pitcher and a couple of mugs." MacLeod ordered the barmaid, and waited until after she'd set them down on the table before he said anything to Methos.
"So ." Duncan began.
Methos took a deep sip of his beer and then held the mug, rubbing it between his hands and looking into it's depths for a long silence before finally looking up impatiently. "So what MacLeod? If you have something you want to say, let's hear it."
"I want to know why you did it." Duncan stated. "I know you were hurt and I know you believed Beth betrayed you, but your friends had nothing to do with it. You didn't even stay long enough to tell us what happened."
"I didn't want to see your faces when you found out. I didn't want to hear your words of comfort. But more than that, I didn't want to see your pity." Methos spat the last word bitterly. "I only wanted to put as much distance as I could between myself and anything that reminded me of her. I had to get out of there."
"So you just decided to run out on us all and take up a one man mission to end the game?" Duncan asked him, his frustration evident.
"I did what I had to do MacLeod." Methos replied with agitation. "When I read the words she wrote on that piece of paper and saw her wedding rings . the locket . I died. Adam Pierson Died. The man you thought you knew died."
Duncan didn't say anything, but waited for him to continue.
"Don't you get it MacLeod? I warned you before I ever let myself realize my love for Beth that I didn't think I could stand another loss. I warned you."
Duncan remembered their conversation that night on the terrace outside the gala. He remembered what Methos had said, and maybe he should have kept his mouth shut and stayed out of it then rather than encourage his friend to take a chance.
"You do remember don't you?" Methos prodded and Duncan finally nodded his head. "Aye, I remember."
"And now you see the truth in it. Now you know why I should have left that night, why I should have left while I was still the man you could call friend." Methos continued.
"I am still your friend." Duncan began to reply, but Methos interrupted.
"I am not yours MacLeod." Methos stated flatly. "I am no man's friend. I am an empty soul with a heart of stone and an appetite for blood. Every goal . every dream . every plan I had for my life is finished. My only reason for existence now is the most basic. I exist to play the game and I intend to win."
Duncan's mouth opened as if to say something, but then he closed it as he studied the man across the table. He saw the emptiness in his eyes and the strain of his brow and the way his jaw was set in determination. "Then what are ya doing here Methos?" he said in a quiet, low and exasperated tone.
Methos thought long about his reply. In all honesty he didn't completely understand it himself. "I've always had a need for order MacLeod, and I've never liked leaving things unfinished. What has happened to Joe, Ritchie and the others leaves things unfinished, and without finding them and Shafer, I lose any chance of finding Beth and the baby."
"That doesn't make any sense Methos." Duncan replied. "You turn your back on your friends and tell me in not so many words you intend to take my head and the head of every other immortal that crosses your path, and yet you're going to do this while dragging Beth and Cassie all over the world, or worse . leaving them alone and unprotected every time you leave to hunt down a challenge?"
"Beth and Cassie won't be a part of any of it." Methos told him emphatically.
"You can't honestly be that naïve." Duncan stated. "If they are a part of your life and you are hell bent on this path toward the prize, then there is no way to shield them from it. They'll be in danger."
"They won't be a part of it because they won't be a part of my life." Methos raised his voice, causing the barmaid to turn from a table across the way.
Duncan was visibly confused.
"Once Beth and the baby are free and Shafer is dead, you will take them home to her family. She can build a life with her child around the people who love her and will take care of her." Methos told him. "Once I know they are safe she will never see me again."
Duncan was dumbfounded. "How can you even think about that? Doesn't Beth have a say in this?"
"It's not for her to decide."
"Not for her to decide? Are you hearing yourself?" MacLeod was livid. "My God, even knowing the truth you still hold her responsible for leaving."
"Don't be absurd." Methos shoved his mug out of the way.
"Then make me understand, because I don't."
"I can't be with her now. We had a chance before, but now that is gone. To try would be to put both she and the baby in danger, and I think we'll both agree she's had more than enough of that for one lifetime." Methos replied.
"You selfish bastard."
Methos glared across the table at Duncan's accusation.
"You've always got to be in control and once you start on a course, it's like pulling a stubborn mule to get you to turn." Duncan continued. "You found some kind of solace in focusing on the game and the prize, and now you refuse to be swayed . even if it costs Beth more than a lifetime of heart ache. You self centered bastard."
Methos wanted to reach across the table and grab Duncan by the throat. "I'm trying to save her from a life time of heart ache. I'm trying to protect her from the greatest danger she'll ever find herself in . and that comes from sparing her a lifetime living with the realization that the man she loved is dead. He's dead MacLeod, and nothing you say and nothing she says will make the truth any different."
"Well isn't that just great." MacLeod spat. "You've decided you are too much of a coward to try and open your heart again, and she will have to deal with the repercussions of that pact the two of you made on her own. Tell me Methos, what is she supposed to do in a dozen or so years and she can't hide the fact that she isn't aging from her friends and family?"
Methos stared down at the wood grain of the table and said nothing.
"Where is she supposed to go? What is she supposed to do for the next hundred or so years besides watch her daughter grow up and then die?" Duncan demanded an answer.
"She has you and hopefully Ritchie, Amanda and Claudia ... and Joe for a while. I have no doubt she will have the help she needs when the time comes." Methos replied.
"Oh no." Duncan disagreed. "No you don't. You are not passing this off on me or the rest of us."
Duncan scooted as far back in the booth as he could with his hands braced against the edge of the table. "Besides, according to your plan I might not be around to help her. Your plan isn't fulfilled until someone takes my head, or were you going to spare me as long as Beth was alive to make sure you didn't have to feel the guilt?"
Methos sat silently. He hadn't expected this reaction from MacLeod. He could have sworn Duncan would have been happy to hear of his plan to leave Beth out of his life. He could have sworn Duncan would believe him unworthy of her love now that he'd let his dark side prevail. It's what MacLeod should feel. It was the truth.
"We both know that what I've become is not what she wants or needs." Methos told him. "She deserves more."
"Then be more." MacLeod argued. "Don't just give up."
"It's out of my hands. You don't know how much I wish it weren't true, but it's too late. I've gone too far."
Duncan shook his head in frustration, but said no more. He poured the last of the pitcher into his mug and drank it all down. It was then he felt the presence of another immortal, and his eyes followed the same path Methos' did. His eyes locked with the eyes of an Asian man who glared back defiantly.
Duncan and Methos walked the area around the address they'd found both vehicles had in common, but didn't feel the sensation of an immortal anywhere, or any signs of the other car.
Duncan checked in with Ellen by phone, and all was quiet back at the hotel. Rayna had taken another pain pill and was asleep and she was planning to do the same. Duncan told her to just take his bed, he and Methos didn't plan to be back anytime soon.
Hanging up the phone Duncan nodded toward an ale house just up the street. "What do ya say we stop in there?"
Methos was tired of walking around and a beer sounded good. He knew MacLeod had been keeping his thoughts and questions bottled up since they'd been so busy trying to track down Shafer, but despite knowing it would probably all come up now . he went along.
The pub wasn't too crowded, but the music was loud and they took a seat at a high back booth in the back. "Bring us a pitcher and a couple of mugs." MacLeod ordered the barmaid, and waited until after she'd set them down on the table before he said anything to Methos.
"So ." Duncan began.
Methos took a deep sip of his beer and then held the mug, rubbing it between his hands and looking into it's depths for a long silence before finally looking up impatiently. "So what MacLeod? If you have something you want to say, let's hear it."
"I want to know why you did it." Duncan stated. "I know you were hurt and I know you believed Beth betrayed you, but your friends had nothing to do with it. You didn't even stay long enough to tell us what happened."
"I didn't want to see your faces when you found out. I didn't want to hear your words of comfort. But more than that, I didn't want to see your pity." Methos spat the last word bitterly. "I only wanted to put as much distance as I could between myself and anything that reminded me of her. I had to get out of there."
"So you just decided to run out on us all and take up a one man mission to end the game?" Duncan asked him, his frustration evident.
"I did what I had to do MacLeod." Methos replied with agitation. "When I read the words she wrote on that piece of paper and saw her wedding rings . the locket . I died. Adam Pierson Died. The man you thought you knew died."
Duncan didn't say anything, but waited for him to continue.
"Don't you get it MacLeod? I warned you before I ever let myself realize my love for Beth that I didn't think I could stand another loss. I warned you."
Duncan remembered their conversation that night on the terrace outside the gala. He remembered what Methos had said, and maybe he should have kept his mouth shut and stayed out of it then rather than encourage his friend to take a chance.
"You do remember don't you?" Methos prodded and Duncan finally nodded his head. "Aye, I remember."
"And now you see the truth in it. Now you know why I should have left that night, why I should have left while I was still the man you could call friend." Methos continued.
"I am still your friend." Duncan began to reply, but Methos interrupted.
"I am not yours MacLeod." Methos stated flatly. "I am no man's friend. I am an empty soul with a heart of stone and an appetite for blood. Every goal . every dream . every plan I had for my life is finished. My only reason for existence now is the most basic. I exist to play the game and I intend to win."
Duncan's mouth opened as if to say something, but then he closed it as he studied the man across the table. He saw the emptiness in his eyes and the strain of his brow and the way his jaw was set in determination. "Then what are ya doing here Methos?" he said in a quiet, low and exasperated tone.
Methos thought long about his reply. In all honesty he didn't completely understand it himself. "I've always had a need for order MacLeod, and I've never liked leaving things unfinished. What has happened to Joe, Ritchie and the others leaves things unfinished, and without finding them and Shafer, I lose any chance of finding Beth and the baby."
"That doesn't make any sense Methos." Duncan replied. "You turn your back on your friends and tell me in not so many words you intend to take my head and the head of every other immortal that crosses your path, and yet you're going to do this while dragging Beth and Cassie all over the world, or worse . leaving them alone and unprotected every time you leave to hunt down a challenge?"
"Beth and Cassie won't be a part of any of it." Methos told him emphatically.
"You can't honestly be that naïve." Duncan stated. "If they are a part of your life and you are hell bent on this path toward the prize, then there is no way to shield them from it. They'll be in danger."
"They won't be a part of it because they won't be a part of my life." Methos raised his voice, causing the barmaid to turn from a table across the way.
Duncan was visibly confused.
"Once Beth and the baby are free and Shafer is dead, you will take them home to her family. She can build a life with her child around the people who love her and will take care of her." Methos told him. "Once I know they are safe she will never see me again."
Duncan was dumbfounded. "How can you even think about that? Doesn't Beth have a say in this?"
"It's not for her to decide."
"Not for her to decide? Are you hearing yourself?" MacLeod was livid. "My God, even knowing the truth you still hold her responsible for leaving."
"Don't be absurd." Methos shoved his mug out of the way.
"Then make me understand, because I don't."
"I can't be with her now. We had a chance before, but now that is gone. To try would be to put both she and the baby in danger, and I think we'll both agree she's had more than enough of that for one lifetime." Methos replied.
"You selfish bastard."
Methos glared across the table at Duncan's accusation.
"You've always got to be in control and once you start on a course, it's like pulling a stubborn mule to get you to turn." Duncan continued. "You found some kind of solace in focusing on the game and the prize, and now you refuse to be swayed . even if it costs Beth more than a lifetime of heart ache. You self centered bastard."
Methos wanted to reach across the table and grab Duncan by the throat. "I'm trying to save her from a life time of heart ache. I'm trying to protect her from the greatest danger she'll ever find herself in . and that comes from sparing her a lifetime living with the realization that the man she loved is dead. He's dead MacLeod, and nothing you say and nothing she says will make the truth any different."
"Well isn't that just great." MacLeod spat. "You've decided you are too much of a coward to try and open your heart again, and she will have to deal with the repercussions of that pact the two of you made on her own. Tell me Methos, what is she supposed to do in a dozen or so years and she can't hide the fact that she isn't aging from her friends and family?"
Methos stared down at the wood grain of the table and said nothing.
"Where is she supposed to go? What is she supposed to do for the next hundred or so years besides watch her daughter grow up and then die?" Duncan demanded an answer.
"She has you and hopefully Ritchie, Amanda and Claudia ... and Joe for a while. I have no doubt she will have the help she needs when the time comes." Methos replied.
"Oh no." Duncan disagreed. "No you don't. You are not passing this off on me or the rest of us."
Duncan scooted as far back in the booth as he could with his hands braced against the edge of the table. "Besides, according to your plan I might not be around to help her. Your plan isn't fulfilled until someone takes my head, or were you going to spare me as long as Beth was alive to make sure you didn't have to feel the guilt?"
Methos sat silently. He hadn't expected this reaction from MacLeod. He could have sworn Duncan would have been happy to hear of his plan to leave Beth out of his life. He could have sworn Duncan would believe him unworthy of her love now that he'd let his dark side prevail. It's what MacLeod should feel. It was the truth.
"We both know that what I've become is not what she wants or needs." Methos told him. "She deserves more."
"Then be more." MacLeod argued. "Don't just give up."
"It's out of my hands. You don't know how much I wish it weren't true, but it's too late. I've gone too far."
Duncan shook his head in frustration, but said no more. He poured the last of the pitcher into his mug and drank it all down. It was then he felt the presence of another immortal, and his eyes followed the same path Methos' did. His eyes locked with the eyes of an Asian man who glared back defiantly.