CHAPTER 87
Adam sat beside the crib with his hand on Cassie's shoulder. His arm was strained from the position, but she seemed to rest better when she felt the warmth of his touch. She'd grown so much in the past few months, and her delicate features had become even more beautiful than he remembered.
She looked so tiny, and yet compared to when he saw her last she had doubled in size. "Your Mommy needs you Princess. You need to get better. You need to fight this so she can take you home." He whispered as the little girl slept quietly.
A few minutes later a nurse came in, and the noise and activity roused Cassie. She began to sputter and then cry.
"She's probably hungry." The nurse commented. "The doctor wanted us to try and get her to take a bottle. The IV is keeping her nourished and hydrated, but she'll feel better if she can keep something on her stomach."
The woman walked out, but in a moment returned with a soft blanket and a warm bottle.
Adam started to move away, but she shook her head. "Let me unhook her from these, and we'll see if she'll take the bottle from you. She doesn't seem to react well to strangers so it would be futile to try."
The woman detached Cassie from everything, bundled her lightly in the blanket and then placed her in Adam's arms. The baby fretted at first, but when he sat back in the chair and began to rock her gently as he soothed her with his voice, she calmed and began to take the bottle.
"Pace her." The nurse said before leaving. "Give her 1/3 and then give it a chance to settle and make sure it's not going to come up before giving her more."
Adam tenderly cradled Cassie in his arms as he did just as the nurse instructed. At first Cassie kept her eyes closed, but when he pulled the bottle away she opened them and her deep blue eyes focused on his. She studied him for several long minutes, and when he lowered his face to plant a kiss on her forehead, she grasped his nose with her tiny fingers.
"Hard to miss isn't it Princess?" he chuckled softly. But his voice quickly sobered. This was a mistake. He had let his guard down with Cassie, and even though she wasn't aware that it was only temporary, he was more than aware. It would be just as hard to leave the baby he had taken into his heart as his daughter as it will be to leave Beth.
"It's like she can see into your soul isn't it?" Joe said as he stood at the door. He had been waiting quietly and had seen the last few minutes that transpired between father and daughter.
'What soul?" Adam replied, but not quietly enough because his curt tone irritated the baby and she spit up a little of her formula. He quickly began to soothe her even as he glared at Joe for daring to notice.
"The nurse says it's still touch and go, but that the fever had gone down a little and she didn't seem to be as uncomfortable." Joe commented, ignoring the comment as he came to sit on the other side of the crib.
"The sooner the better." Adam replied, this time keeping his voice soft.
"The sooner you can run and leave someone else to clean up the mess?"
"What mess? Beth will go home to her family where they will be safe and Cassie can grow up with her cousins and lead a normal life, and my life won't touch them or cause them to come to harm." Adam told him.
"Nice and tidy picture you paint there my friend." Joe sighed. "You've got it all figured out don't you?"
"It's how it has to be."
"I guess that's how you would see it." Joe said as a nurse came in to check on the baby's progress.
Adam didn't feel like undergoing any more of Joe's scrutiny. "I need some air. You've done this before. She's almost done." He didn't even give Joe a chance to protest before he laid the baby in his arms and handed him the bottle.
"That's right, run." Joe muttered to himself before looking down at the baby and changing his tone to something lighter. "You keep working on him little one. Your Daddy will come around. You keep doing your job and I'll do what I can to make sure things turn out right."
Adam had only just pushed his way out the front doors of the hospital and into the afternoon air when he felt the presence of another immortal. Looking to his left, he saw Richie sitting on a bench and returning his glare.
"What? Posted a guard on me have they?" Methos complained as he walked past the young immortal.
"Actually I stayed out here to wait for Joe. I didn't want to run into you any more than you wanted to run into me." Richie replied, standing to his full height.
"That's a good rule to live by. Avoid me at all costs." Methos advised.
"Doesn't look like you are that much of a threat at the moment. You're slipping." Richie retorted, noticing in his rush that the man hadn't worn his coat and was without his sword.
"I don't advise taking the opportunity to cross me. I won't make the mistake again."
"Cross you? Man I'm just sitting here waiting for Joe. He wanted to check on the baby ... we both did, and I did all I could to stay away from you. Just the sight of you makes my skin crawl, so don't get all this attitude going when all you have to do is walk the other way or go back inside where you promised Beth you would be." He quickly stopped himself from saying more.
"Oh don't stop on my account." Methos taunted. "If you have something to say, by all means spit it out. It could be the only chance you get to unburden yourself."
Richie knew he should walk away, but he couldn't. He'd seen first hand how Methos' attitude was breaking Beth's heart and knew the man was a fool of the worst kind. "I was going to say that promises don't seem to mean much to you these days." He began. "It seems like you make them and break them almost like breathing."
Methos sat down on the bench, acting completely entertained by the young man's tyrade. He draped his arm over the back, crossed his leg and looked up as if he were waiting with baited breath for the next word of wisdom to appear.
"You're getting some kind of sick, twisted satisfaction out of ripping her to shreds aren't you?" Richie accused. "You don't care if it breaks her, or if she's back at Rosa's crying her eyes out to the point of exhaustion because all she wants is to love you and you're shoving it in her face?"
This was no longer amusing. Methos stood like a shot and poked a long finger into Richie's chest as he backed him up toward the van. "You don't know anything about what I care or don't care for. This isn't about whether she cries or not, it's about whether she and her daughter live. You know what I did and you know why I will probably never have another moment's rest without having to look over my shoulder. Is that what you want for Beth and the baby? You care about them so much, is that what you want?"
"You don't know you've wrecked things for sure. Joe said ..."
"I don't care what you think Joe said or knows little boy." Methos shoved him again. "I care that neither of us watches some immortal on a trophy hunt use Beth or the baby as bait. I care that I don't watch someone slit their throats because they want to get to me, and if you care then you will play along like a good little immortal and make this easier for everyone."
Richie shoved himself off the door of the van, effectively pushing Methos a few feet away.
"You should at least tell her why. She thinks it's all her fault. She thinks because she did what most women wouldn't have the courage to do in order to survive, that you blame her and are sickened at the sight of her."
"Good." Methos replied. "It's better that way because then she can move on with her life more quickly. She'll come to hate me for the heartless bastard I am, and who knows Richie ... maybe you'll get lucky."
"What?"
"I saw how you were with her when you left this morning. With Claudia out of the way and me not posing any threat, you should be able to pick up quite nicely."
"Are you for real?" Richie looked at the man as if he'd grown two heads. "Beth is my friend, and I love her. But the feelings I had for her once aren't like that any more, and I don't want them to be. She chose you. I chose Claudia and even if she's gone, I still love her. I won't be moving on any time soon and when I do it won't be with your wife. So don't go trying to ease your conscience by making yourself believe I'll take your place. You are it for her man. Don't you get it? As much as I hate to admit it and believe she's an idiot for giving such a place in her heart to ass who doesn't deserve her, no man will ever be for her what you are."
Enraged at his words, Methos grabbed Richie by the shoulders and shoved him hard into the van, but the young immortal just laughed at him. "You are losing it man. You leave her and you'll be dead in a month." He predicted, using the lesson the ancient one had tried to teach him before against him. He'd told him to keep his cool while his opponent lost his, and it was working like a charm.
"AGH!" Methos gave him one last shove before turning and striding away.
"Don't go away mad man." Richie chuckled under his breath as he rearranged his shirt and jacket. He was glad he'd had the opportunity to speak his mind, and to maybe make the fool think a little more about what he was doing. It was obvious from his comment about him getting with Beth that Methos was grasping at any straw he could to make the decision easier for himself. He'd be damned if he'd help.
Since Methos was wandering the hospital grounds, Richie decided to go upstairs and take a peek in on Cassie. Joe had just laid her down and as soon as he saw the young man he gave him a look that told him not to move. He grabbed his crutch and walked Richie back out into the corridor.
"What was that?" he said.
"What?"
"Don't give me that. I could see you and Methos getting into it in the parking lot from the window."
"It wasn't anything Joe. He wanted someone to shove around and I was happy to give him a reason." Richie replied.
"Are you crazy?"
"His sword is in there." Richie nodded toward the room. "And besides, he doesn't want to kill me."
"Oh and he told you that did he?" Joe retorted.
"In so many words, yeah." Richie replied. "He's trying to ease his conscience and actually thinks I'll take care of Beth for him."
"What?"
"Yeah I know. He's losing it. I set him straight, but if he's that desperate to set everything in order in his mind so he can leave her with as little strain on his heart as he can, then she's got a good chance of blowing his plan out of the water." Richie reasoned.
"Just stay out of his way Richie." Joe advised.
"I will, I will ... starting now. He's coming, so I'm going out the back." Richie felt his presence and decided to slip down the back corridor so he wouldn't run into Methos as he came back to stay with the baby.
"Tell me you sent your little friend home." Methos grumbled as he saw Joe standing outside the room.
"Don't try anything with him Methos." Joe warned. "Because if you do, MacLeod won't be your only problem. I'll forget we're friends and make sure the Watcher's know what it looks like they are beginning to doubt."
"Your loyalty is touching." Methos replied, pausing at the door because he didn't want to go in and upset the baby with the way his mood had turned.
"Look Joe. I'm trying to do the right thing here. There's a baby in there that needs support to fight off a disease. That is why I am still here. It's the only reason. You know what life could be like for her and for Beth if I don't make a clean break when this is over. I'd appreciate not having to fight with you too."
Methos took several deep breaths as he braced his hands on the doorframe and tried to focus.
"I hear what you are saying, but I'm not sure that it's true. It's too soon to know how this whole identity thing is going to go, and Duncan and I are racking our brains trying to think of all the ways we can do damage control and keep the truth from coming out." Joe told him, putting his hand on his shoulder. "I care about you and Beth, and I've never seen two people more in love in my life. I can't just stand back and watch it thrown away if there is a chance."
Methos turned, his face wrought with pain. "Even if you are able to keep the truth from coming out and make the Watcher's believe I am not who they suspect, can you believe for an instant Beth will forgive what I've become? I'd rather have her hate me for what she thinks I am doing than for her to know the truth. I couldn't bear it."
"And you think I can bear not knowing any more?" Beth interrupted softly. Neither man noticed her walking down the corridor to the room or pausing when she could hear them talking. "I'd rather know the truth about why you believe we can't be together than to wonder what you think you could have done that would ever make me stop loving you. A century is a long time to regret not knowing."
At that moment as he stared back at Beth, Methos wished he could disappear into the walls and die.
Adam sat beside the crib with his hand on Cassie's shoulder. His arm was strained from the position, but she seemed to rest better when she felt the warmth of his touch. She'd grown so much in the past few months, and her delicate features had become even more beautiful than he remembered.
She looked so tiny, and yet compared to when he saw her last she had doubled in size. "Your Mommy needs you Princess. You need to get better. You need to fight this so she can take you home." He whispered as the little girl slept quietly.
A few minutes later a nurse came in, and the noise and activity roused Cassie. She began to sputter and then cry.
"She's probably hungry." The nurse commented. "The doctor wanted us to try and get her to take a bottle. The IV is keeping her nourished and hydrated, but she'll feel better if she can keep something on her stomach."
The woman walked out, but in a moment returned with a soft blanket and a warm bottle.
Adam started to move away, but she shook her head. "Let me unhook her from these, and we'll see if she'll take the bottle from you. She doesn't seem to react well to strangers so it would be futile to try."
The woman detached Cassie from everything, bundled her lightly in the blanket and then placed her in Adam's arms. The baby fretted at first, but when he sat back in the chair and began to rock her gently as he soothed her with his voice, she calmed and began to take the bottle.
"Pace her." The nurse said before leaving. "Give her 1/3 and then give it a chance to settle and make sure it's not going to come up before giving her more."
Adam tenderly cradled Cassie in his arms as he did just as the nurse instructed. At first Cassie kept her eyes closed, but when he pulled the bottle away she opened them and her deep blue eyes focused on his. She studied him for several long minutes, and when he lowered his face to plant a kiss on her forehead, she grasped his nose with her tiny fingers.
"Hard to miss isn't it Princess?" he chuckled softly. But his voice quickly sobered. This was a mistake. He had let his guard down with Cassie, and even though she wasn't aware that it was only temporary, he was more than aware. It would be just as hard to leave the baby he had taken into his heart as his daughter as it will be to leave Beth.
"It's like she can see into your soul isn't it?" Joe said as he stood at the door. He had been waiting quietly and had seen the last few minutes that transpired between father and daughter.
'What soul?" Adam replied, but not quietly enough because his curt tone irritated the baby and she spit up a little of her formula. He quickly began to soothe her even as he glared at Joe for daring to notice.
"The nurse says it's still touch and go, but that the fever had gone down a little and she didn't seem to be as uncomfortable." Joe commented, ignoring the comment as he came to sit on the other side of the crib.
"The sooner the better." Adam replied, this time keeping his voice soft.
"The sooner you can run and leave someone else to clean up the mess?"
"What mess? Beth will go home to her family where they will be safe and Cassie can grow up with her cousins and lead a normal life, and my life won't touch them or cause them to come to harm." Adam told him.
"Nice and tidy picture you paint there my friend." Joe sighed. "You've got it all figured out don't you?"
"It's how it has to be."
"I guess that's how you would see it." Joe said as a nurse came in to check on the baby's progress.
Adam didn't feel like undergoing any more of Joe's scrutiny. "I need some air. You've done this before. She's almost done." He didn't even give Joe a chance to protest before he laid the baby in his arms and handed him the bottle.
"That's right, run." Joe muttered to himself before looking down at the baby and changing his tone to something lighter. "You keep working on him little one. Your Daddy will come around. You keep doing your job and I'll do what I can to make sure things turn out right."
Adam had only just pushed his way out the front doors of the hospital and into the afternoon air when he felt the presence of another immortal. Looking to his left, he saw Richie sitting on a bench and returning his glare.
"What? Posted a guard on me have they?" Methos complained as he walked past the young immortal.
"Actually I stayed out here to wait for Joe. I didn't want to run into you any more than you wanted to run into me." Richie replied, standing to his full height.
"That's a good rule to live by. Avoid me at all costs." Methos advised.
"Doesn't look like you are that much of a threat at the moment. You're slipping." Richie retorted, noticing in his rush that the man hadn't worn his coat and was without his sword.
"I don't advise taking the opportunity to cross me. I won't make the mistake again."
"Cross you? Man I'm just sitting here waiting for Joe. He wanted to check on the baby ... we both did, and I did all I could to stay away from you. Just the sight of you makes my skin crawl, so don't get all this attitude going when all you have to do is walk the other way or go back inside where you promised Beth you would be." He quickly stopped himself from saying more.
"Oh don't stop on my account." Methos taunted. "If you have something to say, by all means spit it out. It could be the only chance you get to unburden yourself."
Richie knew he should walk away, but he couldn't. He'd seen first hand how Methos' attitude was breaking Beth's heart and knew the man was a fool of the worst kind. "I was going to say that promises don't seem to mean much to you these days." He began. "It seems like you make them and break them almost like breathing."
Methos sat down on the bench, acting completely entertained by the young man's tyrade. He draped his arm over the back, crossed his leg and looked up as if he were waiting with baited breath for the next word of wisdom to appear.
"You're getting some kind of sick, twisted satisfaction out of ripping her to shreds aren't you?" Richie accused. "You don't care if it breaks her, or if she's back at Rosa's crying her eyes out to the point of exhaustion because all she wants is to love you and you're shoving it in her face?"
This was no longer amusing. Methos stood like a shot and poked a long finger into Richie's chest as he backed him up toward the van. "You don't know anything about what I care or don't care for. This isn't about whether she cries or not, it's about whether she and her daughter live. You know what I did and you know why I will probably never have another moment's rest without having to look over my shoulder. Is that what you want for Beth and the baby? You care about them so much, is that what you want?"
"You don't know you've wrecked things for sure. Joe said ..."
"I don't care what you think Joe said or knows little boy." Methos shoved him again. "I care that neither of us watches some immortal on a trophy hunt use Beth or the baby as bait. I care that I don't watch someone slit their throats because they want to get to me, and if you care then you will play along like a good little immortal and make this easier for everyone."
Richie shoved himself off the door of the van, effectively pushing Methos a few feet away.
"You should at least tell her why. She thinks it's all her fault. She thinks because she did what most women wouldn't have the courage to do in order to survive, that you blame her and are sickened at the sight of her."
"Good." Methos replied. "It's better that way because then she can move on with her life more quickly. She'll come to hate me for the heartless bastard I am, and who knows Richie ... maybe you'll get lucky."
"What?"
"I saw how you were with her when you left this morning. With Claudia out of the way and me not posing any threat, you should be able to pick up quite nicely."
"Are you for real?" Richie looked at the man as if he'd grown two heads. "Beth is my friend, and I love her. But the feelings I had for her once aren't like that any more, and I don't want them to be. She chose you. I chose Claudia and even if she's gone, I still love her. I won't be moving on any time soon and when I do it won't be with your wife. So don't go trying to ease your conscience by making yourself believe I'll take your place. You are it for her man. Don't you get it? As much as I hate to admit it and believe she's an idiot for giving such a place in her heart to ass who doesn't deserve her, no man will ever be for her what you are."
Enraged at his words, Methos grabbed Richie by the shoulders and shoved him hard into the van, but the young immortal just laughed at him. "You are losing it man. You leave her and you'll be dead in a month." He predicted, using the lesson the ancient one had tried to teach him before against him. He'd told him to keep his cool while his opponent lost his, and it was working like a charm.
"AGH!" Methos gave him one last shove before turning and striding away.
"Don't go away mad man." Richie chuckled under his breath as he rearranged his shirt and jacket. He was glad he'd had the opportunity to speak his mind, and to maybe make the fool think a little more about what he was doing. It was obvious from his comment about him getting with Beth that Methos was grasping at any straw he could to make the decision easier for himself. He'd be damned if he'd help.
Since Methos was wandering the hospital grounds, Richie decided to go upstairs and take a peek in on Cassie. Joe had just laid her down and as soon as he saw the young man he gave him a look that told him not to move. He grabbed his crutch and walked Richie back out into the corridor.
"What was that?" he said.
"What?"
"Don't give me that. I could see you and Methos getting into it in the parking lot from the window."
"It wasn't anything Joe. He wanted someone to shove around and I was happy to give him a reason." Richie replied.
"Are you crazy?"
"His sword is in there." Richie nodded toward the room. "And besides, he doesn't want to kill me."
"Oh and he told you that did he?" Joe retorted.
"In so many words, yeah." Richie replied. "He's trying to ease his conscience and actually thinks I'll take care of Beth for him."
"What?"
"Yeah I know. He's losing it. I set him straight, but if he's that desperate to set everything in order in his mind so he can leave her with as little strain on his heart as he can, then she's got a good chance of blowing his plan out of the water." Richie reasoned.
"Just stay out of his way Richie." Joe advised.
"I will, I will ... starting now. He's coming, so I'm going out the back." Richie felt his presence and decided to slip down the back corridor so he wouldn't run into Methos as he came back to stay with the baby.
"Tell me you sent your little friend home." Methos grumbled as he saw Joe standing outside the room.
"Don't try anything with him Methos." Joe warned. "Because if you do, MacLeod won't be your only problem. I'll forget we're friends and make sure the Watcher's know what it looks like they are beginning to doubt."
"Your loyalty is touching." Methos replied, pausing at the door because he didn't want to go in and upset the baby with the way his mood had turned.
"Look Joe. I'm trying to do the right thing here. There's a baby in there that needs support to fight off a disease. That is why I am still here. It's the only reason. You know what life could be like for her and for Beth if I don't make a clean break when this is over. I'd appreciate not having to fight with you too."
Methos took several deep breaths as he braced his hands on the doorframe and tried to focus.
"I hear what you are saying, but I'm not sure that it's true. It's too soon to know how this whole identity thing is going to go, and Duncan and I are racking our brains trying to think of all the ways we can do damage control and keep the truth from coming out." Joe told him, putting his hand on his shoulder. "I care about you and Beth, and I've never seen two people more in love in my life. I can't just stand back and watch it thrown away if there is a chance."
Methos turned, his face wrought with pain. "Even if you are able to keep the truth from coming out and make the Watcher's believe I am not who they suspect, can you believe for an instant Beth will forgive what I've become? I'd rather have her hate me for what she thinks I am doing than for her to know the truth. I couldn't bear it."
"And you think I can bear not knowing any more?" Beth interrupted softly. Neither man noticed her walking down the corridor to the room or pausing when she could hear them talking. "I'd rather know the truth about why you believe we can't be together than to wonder what you think you could have done that would ever make me stop loving you. A century is a long time to regret not knowing."
At that moment as he stared back at Beth, Methos wished he could disappear into the walls and die.