CHAPTER 88
Amanda dropped an earring in the car and Duncan had stayed behind to help her find it while
Beth came inside to be with Cassie. Having slept over 6 hours, Beth was surprised that she had
drifted off almost the instant her head had touched the pillow. Now with at least a little rest
behind her and some additional perspective, she hoped she could face whatever might arise.
The two immortals could tell when they came down the hall that things had come to a head
between the husband and wife. It was apparent to anyone in the area that things were terribly
wrong.
"Please do not ask me to go into it." Adam pleaded with Beth as they stood in the corridor
outside of the baby's room. Joe had slipped past them to watch the little girl, knowing it would
take stress off of Beth if she knew someone was with Cassie.
"You can't really believe I won't ask now that I know you haven't been honest with me do you?"
Beth pushed back.
"It will be easier on everyone if you just accept things as they are ..."
"And let you go? You want me to just watch you walk out of our lives and not even ask why half of
my heart is ripped away in the process?" Beth couldn't believe he wouldn't tell her. "Do you think
that little of me that you can't at least try to make me understand what is going on? Is what we
share not worth trusting me with the truth?"
Neither noticed the stares from the nurses at the desk or a few visitors as they continued to
argue. Duncan cleared his throat loudly as Amanda came to stand beside them.
"If you need to take this somewhere ... more private ... I'll stay with Cassie." She offered.
Adam started to decline, but Beth jumped at the opportunity. "Yes, we'd appreciate it. You have
Adam's cell number in case you need us."
"Wait!" Adam said before he let himself be railroaded. "We're not doing this here."
He turned to MacLeod. "I need your keys."
Duncan didn't like it, but he knew how ugly this was going to get and he agreed. The grounds of
the hospital was no place for Beth's world to be ripped apart.
"Let me check on the baby first. Please, don't run out on me when I do." Beth warned Adam
before she saw the nod of his head. She took a few minutes to go in the room and see for herself
that Cassie was going to be all right while she was gone.
"We won't leave her." Amanda and Joe promised. "Good luck." They both knew Beth would
need it.
Duncan told Adam where the car was parked. "Try to listen to her. At least give her a chance."
He advised. "She's stronger than most women."
"I'll do what has to be done." Adam replied before Beth joined them in the hall and handed Adam
the coat he'd left in the room with his sword discreetly folded inside. He nodded his thanks and
asked her one more time if she was sure she wanted to do this. She was sure.
Duncan watched as the two walked down the corridor toward the front of the hospital. Beth had
to double Adam's pace to keep up with his long purposeful strides as he pushed through the
doors and turned toward the place the sports car Duncan had rented was parked.
He opened her door before getting in himself.
"Where are we going?" she asked as he pulled out of the drive and away from Rosa's.
"The only place I can be sure we won't be interrupted. Rosa and her family can't be a part of
this." He replied.
Beth felt her insides tighten when she recognized the turn. He was taking them up the mountain
road to the villa. She knew he was right, that they needed to be somewhere no mortal could
overhear, but wished it didn't have to be there.
When they pulled up, Adam fumbled through the keys.
"You have a key to the villa?" she asked as she got out of the car.
"Duncan found the papers to almost everything Rick Shafer owned inside a safe here yesterday.
There was quite a bit of money as well. He's having everything turned over to an alias prepared
for Richie." Adam stated in a matter of fact tone. "It will give him a stake in life and a way to drop
out of sight when he has to leave Seacouver. He can't stay there forever and he hasn't had time
like the rest of us to put anything away."
"He's going to come here?" she asked as she followed him inside.
"He can stay here or sell it or whatever he likes. It doesn't matter really. As long as he has the
funds to survive when he needs it."
"That's very nice of Duncan." Beth mused quietly as she wrapped her arms around herself. Just
being back in the main room sent a shiver down her spine, and the broken door from where
Adam and Garrett crashed through it didn't help. She could see someone had begun to tear out
the balcony for repairs, but the plastic covering the door had blown away.
Adam could see her discomfort and wished there had been a better option, but she'd demanded
they discuss this now and he wasn't going to do it anywhere they could be interrupted or
overheard.
"Are you cold?" he asked.
"A little." She replied. The sun was starting to go down and in the early spring, the lightweight
sweater she wore did little to warm her on a cool evening.
Adam moved to the fireplace and turned on the gas logs. When he turned to look up at her,
Beth's breath caught. How many times had she seen him in the golden flames of the fire in
Seacouver, looking up at her with his eyes full of desire? It made her heart ache to reach for him.
The last time they'd made love was on the sofa in front of the fireplace after Claudia had retired
upstairs. It seemed so long ago, and yet looking at him now ... was still so vivid in her mind.
Even though her life was in danger at the time, it was one of the sweetest moments they'd ever
shared.
He could see her almost looking through him and wondered what she was thinking. The pulse at
her neck had quickened and in the firelight she seemed to flush. Knowing he couldn't keep
looking at her like that and have any chance of making his point, he quickly stood and moved
across the room to turn on a lamp.
Beth sat down on the sofa, but Adam took his place across from her as he sat on the arm of a
chair.
"Before you say anything, I need to know something." She stated, her voice shaking a little.
Adam didn't interrupt.
"I need to know that whatever is between us, it is not about what I did ... it's not ... because I
tricked Garrett by sleeping with him." She hurried her last words, looking down at her hands as
she wrung them. Her fear evident. "You know I wouldn't have done that if I thought there was
another way ..."
It would be so easy to lie to her and distract her by claiming he couldn't forgive what she'd done,
but Adam knew he couldn't do that. As much as it tore him up inside to think about any man,
much less a pig like Garrett touching her, he couldn't fault her for trying to find a way out. It had
in fact been the key to them finding her. He held up his hand and shook his head. "I don't blame
you for doing what you did. I know I made you think that the other day because I didn't deny it,
but that was because I thought it would be the less painful way for both of us to end this. I still
think it would have been."
He could see Beth's shoulders relax a little with relief. "As awful as it was to let him touch me like
that, you don't know how much worse it was when I heard him tell you the way he did. I know it
was naïve of me, but I'd hoped you never had to know." She sniffled a little and stared at the
ceiling as she told him, but somehow managed to contain most of her emotions.
"I'm sorry this happened to you." He replied, wanting more than anything to cross the room and
pull her into his arms and wipe away any trace that Garrett may have left behind, but that wasn't
going to happen. It couldn't happen.
"It didn't just happen to me Adam, it happened to us." She replied, moving to the edge of the sofa
as she leaned toward him. "What Garrett did hurt our whole family. I still can't believe he'd use
Cassie the way he did, but what we both lost with her can't be replaced. I'm just hoping we can
find a way not to lose more. What we have is too precious to let him win. He may be dead, but if
what he did tears us apart ... he wins."
"It's not that simple." Adam replied as he began to pace the room, unable to sit and watch her
beautiful face shining with love for him and not be affected. "You only know how this affected you
and Cassie. You don't know ..." he hesitated because with every word he got closer to having to
tell her the truth.
"You were going to say I don't know how this affected you ... how much you hurt when you
thought I'd betrayed you ... how much pain you were in." Beth said softly as she stood and
walked closer to where he had turned away from her.
Adam nodded his head, not turning.
"Tell me." Beth asked, taking a deep breath as she carefully placed her hand on his back,
relieved when he did not pull away.
Staring into the shadows outside where he wished he could hide, Adam told her what it was like
when he woke up to find Rayna in their room. He told her about the panic that rushed over him,
and then the pain and rage that coursed through his veins when he'd read the note for himself
and had seen not only her wedding rings, but the locket had been left behind.
"I knew you would never take that off, not for anything." His voice was strained as he continued
to stare out the open space where the glass door once stood. "Not unless the feelings I thought
you had for me was a lie."
"I wouldn't have, except Garrett already had Cassie on a plane going out of the country. He said
if I didn't do what he asked, exactly as he asked ... we'd never see her again." She filled in the
blanks. "I couldn't risk it."
Adam nodded. "But then there was the poison in the beer you gave me and the way you'd
slipped away from me that night and when I added it all up ... "
Beth moved forward and rested her cheek against his back as she let her hands slide around to
his chest while they relived the terrible way this had all started.
"I'm so sorry. I wish you'd found the message I left on my dress. I'd have put it in plainer sight if I
could, but I was afraid ..." she admitted. "I should have found a better way to let you know ..."
He could hear her blaming herself, and couldn't stand it. It wasn't her fault. Turning, he wrapped
his arms around her. "You did everything you could. Through all of this, you did everything
anyone could do to survive. I'm the one who failed you so miserably."
Beth could hear the emotion in his voice and held him as tightly as she could. "You didn't fail me.
You found us. You saved us from Garrett." She insisted.
"I should have found you sooner. If I hadn't been so willing to believe the worst ..."
"Don't do that." She argued as she relished the feel of really holding and connecting with him.
"Don't start second guessing. I don't know what I would have done if I'd seen the same thing you
had in the same way. I don't blame you for feeling hurt. Please don't blame yourself. I don't
want Garrett to take any more time away from us. Let's just get past it and start our lives."
Adam let out a long breath, her last words forcing him to face reality. Placing a soft kiss against
her hair, he reluctantly loosened his hold on her, knowing she'd never want to hold him again
once this was done. "We can't start anything."
Beth let out a little cry of protest when he moved away from her. "I don't understand."
"It's not easy to tell you." He began as he took a seat on one end of the sofa and motioned for
her to take the other. "What I did was unforgivable."
"Baby, whatever it is, I'll understand. You were in pain." She tried to move closer, but the look on
his face let her know she needed to listen. Something in her heart tried to prepare her for what
was to come next. Picking up one of the throw pillows, she clutched it against her as she waited
for him to begin.
"When I thought you had left me, I lost control." He began. "The pain was compounded by the
feeling of betrayal, and I struggled to try and find a way to survive it."
Beth wiped her eyes, seeing the pain he was in now as he relived the agony.
"I guess you know I got out of town before anyone could try and stop me." He said, and she
nodded. "Well, that was only the beginning of where everything went wrong."
Not able to sit and face her as he spoke, Adam stood and began to walk around the room. "At
first I let myself feel the pain. I drove as far and as fast as I could, but I couldn't outrun it and I
was afraid the grief was going to destroy me."
"But it didn't." Beth interrupted. "You're here and we're together. You survived, like you always
do."
Adam smiled sadly. "I wish that were true, but the man you see now is not the man you pledged
your life to."
"We've both changed Adam. No way anyone could go through what we have and still be the
same, but that doesn't mean we don't belong together."
"We can't be together Beth. You need to try and understand that. I can't be a husband to you or
a father to Cassie because I'm not who you fell in love with anymore." He didn't pause long
enough for her to interrupt, but walked to stand over her. "When I couldn't handle the pain of
losing you, I turned to the one thing I knew would never fail me ... my rage."
His eyes were cold and his voice angry as he almost seemed to transform in front of her.
"Adam, you're scaring me." She drew her feet up beneath her as she looked up at him, her
hands still clutching the pillow.
"I sold my soul to survive Beth. I became someone I hadn't been for ages ... 2,000 ages." He
said pointedly so she couldn't misunderstand. His voice reflected the anger he had to use if he
stood any chance of telling her the truth.
"I left death in my wake. I became the one thing you never wanted to know about."
She shook her head, not wanting to believe what he was saying.
He knelt in front of Beth and grasped her shoulders, nodding his head yes as she insisted
otherwise. "I became what I hated most about myself and what I thought I'd left behind me
forever. With or without the horse, it's all the same. I lived only for one purpose ... to play the
game I was born for, and to win. I tracked every immortal I could find, and then I became their
death."
Amanda dropped an earring in the car and Duncan had stayed behind to help her find it while
Beth came inside to be with Cassie. Having slept over 6 hours, Beth was surprised that she had
drifted off almost the instant her head had touched the pillow. Now with at least a little rest
behind her and some additional perspective, she hoped she could face whatever might arise.
The two immortals could tell when they came down the hall that things had come to a head
between the husband and wife. It was apparent to anyone in the area that things were terribly
wrong.
"Please do not ask me to go into it." Adam pleaded with Beth as they stood in the corridor
outside of the baby's room. Joe had slipped past them to watch the little girl, knowing it would
take stress off of Beth if she knew someone was with Cassie.
"You can't really believe I won't ask now that I know you haven't been honest with me do you?"
Beth pushed back.
"It will be easier on everyone if you just accept things as they are ..."
"And let you go? You want me to just watch you walk out of our lives and not even ask why half of
my heart is ripped away in the process?" Beth couldn't believe he wouldn't tell her. "Do you think
that little of me that you can't at least try to make me understand what is going on? Is what we
share not worth trusting me with the truth?"
Neither noticed the stares from the nurses at the desk or a few visitors as they continued to
argue. Duncan cleared his throat loudly as Amanda came to stand beside them.
"If you need to take this somewhere ... more private ... I'll stay with Cassie." She offered.
Adam started to decline, but Beth jumped at the opportunity. "Yes, we'd appreciate it. You have
Adam's cell number in case you need us."
"Wait!" Adam said before he let himself be railroaded. "We're not doing this here."
He turned to MacLeod. "I need your keys."
Duncan didn't like it, but he knew how ugly this was going to get and he agreed. The grounds of
the hospital was no place for Beth's world to be ripped apart.
"Let me check on the baby first. Please, don't run out on me when I do." Beth warned Adam
before she saw the nod of his head. She took a few minutes to go in the room and see for herself
that Cassie was going to be all right while she was gone.
"We won't leave her." Amanda and Joe promised. "Good luck." They both knew Beth would
need it.
Duncan told Adam where the car was parked. "Try to listen to her. At least give her a chance."
He advised. "She's stronger than most women."
"I'll do what has to be done." Adam replied before Beth joined them in the hall and handed Adam
the coat he'd left in the room with his sword discreetly folded inside. He nodded his thanks and
asked her one more time if she was sure she wanted to do this. She was sure.
Duncan watched as the two walked down the corridor toward the front of the hospital. Beth had
to double Adam's pace to keep up with his long purposeful strides as he pushed through the
doors and turned toward the place the sports car Duncan had rented was parked.
He opened her door before getting in himself.
"Where are we going?" she asked as he pulled out of the drive and away from Rosa's.
"The only place I can be sure we won't be interrupted. Rosa and her family can't be a part of
this." He replied.
Beth felt her insides tighten when she recognized the turn. He was taking them up the mountain
road to the villa. She knew he was right, that they needed to be somewhere no mortal could
overhear, but wished it didn't have to be there.
When they pulled up, Adam fumbled through the keys.
"You have a key to the villa?" she asked as she got out of the car.
"Duncan found the papers to almost everything Rick Shafer owned inside a safe here yesterday.
There was quite a bit of money as well. He's having everything turned over to an alias prepared
for Richie." Adam stated in a matter of fact tone. "It will give him a stake in life and a way to drop
out of sight when he has to leave Seacouver. He can't stay there forever and he hasn't had time
like the rest of us to put anything away."
"He's going to come here?" she asked as she followed him inside.
"He can stay here or sell it or whatever he likes. It doesn't matter really. As long as he has the
funds to survive when he needs it."
"That's very nice of Duncan." Beth mused quietly as she wrapped her arms around herself. Just
being back in the main room sent a shiver down her spine, and the broken door from where
Adam and Garrett crashed through it didn't help. She could see someone had begun to tear out
the balcony for repairs, but the plastic covering the door had blown away.
Adam could see her discomfort and wished there had been a better option, but she'd demanded
they discuss this now and he wasn't going to do it anywhere they could be interrupted or
overheard.
"Are you cold?" he asked.
"A little." She replied. The sun was starting to go down and in the early spring, the lightweight
sweater she wore did little to warm her on a cool evening.
Adam moved to the fireplace and turned on the gas logs. When he turned to look up at her,
Beth's breath caught. How many times had she seen him in the golden flames of the fire in
Seacouver, looking up at her with his eyes full of desire? It made her heart ache to reach for him.
The last time they'd made love was on the sofa in front of the fireplace after Claudia had retired
upstairs. It seemed so long ago, and yet looking at him now ... was still so vivid in her mind.
Even though her life was in danger at the time, it was one of the sweetest moments they'd ever
shared.
He could see her almost looking through him and wondered what she was thinking. The pulse at
her neck had quickened and in the firelight she seemed to flush. Knowing he couldn't keep
looking at her like that and have any chance of making his point, he quickly stood and moved
across the room to turn on a lamp.
Beth sat down on the sofa, but Adam took his place across from her as he sat on the arm of a
chair.
"Before you say anything, I need to know something." She stated, her voice shaking a little.
Adam didn't interrupt.
"I need to know that whatever is between us, it is not about what I did ... it's not ... because I
tricked Garrett by sleeping with him." She hurried her last words, looking down at her hands as
she wrung them. Her fear evident. "You know I wouldn't have done that if I thought there was
another way ..."
It would be so easy to lie to her and distract her by claiming he couldn't forgive what she'd done,
but Adam knew he couldn't do that. As much as it tore him up inside to think about any man,
much less a pig like Garrett touching her, he couldn't fault her for trying to find a way out. It had
in fact been the key to them finding her. He held up his hand and shook his head. "I don't blame
you for doing what you did. I know I made you think that the other day because I didn't deny it,
but that was because I thought it would be the less painful way for both of us to end this. I still
think it would have been."
He could see Beth's shoulders relax a little with relief. "As awful as it was to let him touch me like
that, you don't know how much worse it was when I heard him tell you the way he did. I know it
was naïve of me, but I'd hoped you never had to know." She sniffled a little and stared at the
ceiling as she told him, but somehow managed to contain most of her emotions.
"I'm sorry this happened to you." He replied, wanting more than anything to cross the room and
pull her into his arms and wipe away any trace that Garrett may have left behind, but that wasn't
going to happen. It couldn't happen.
"It didn't just happen to me Adam, it happened to us." She replied, moving to the edge of the sofa
as she leaned toward him. "What Garrett did hurt our whole family. I still can't believe he'd use
Cassie the way he did, but what we both lost with her can't be replaced. I'm just hoping we can
find a way not to lose more. What we have is too precious to let him win. He may be dead, but if
what he did tears us apart ... he wins."
"It's not that simple." Adam replied as he began to pace the room, unable to sit and watch her
beautiful face shining with love for him and not be affected. "You only know how this affected you
and Cassie. You don't know ..." he hesitated because with every word he got closer to having to
tell her the truth.
"You were going to say I don't know how this affected you ... how much you hurt when you
thought I'd betrayed you ... how much pain you were in." Beth said softly as she stood and
walked closer to where he had turned away from her.
Adam nodded his head, not turning.
"Tell me." Beth asked, taking a deep breath as she carefully placed her hand on his back,
relieved when he did not pull away.
Staring into the shadows outside where he wished he could hide, Adam told her what it was like
when he woke up to find Rayna in their room. He told her about the panic that rushed over him,
and then the pain and rage that coursed through his veins when he'd read the note for himself
and had seen not only her wedding rings, but the locket had been left behind.
"I knew you would never take that off, not for anything." His voice was strained as he continued
to stare out the open space where the glass door once stood. "Not unless the feelings I thought
you had for me was a lie."
"I wouldn't have, except Garrett already had Cassie on a plane going out of the country. He said
if I didn't do what he asked, exactly as he asked ... we'd never see her again." She filled in the
blanks. "I couldn't risk it."
Adam nodded. "But then there was the poison in the beer you gave me and the way you'd
slipped away from me that night and when I added it all up ... "
Beth moved forward and rested her cheek against his back as she let her hands slide around to
his chest while they relived the terrible way this had all started.
"I'm so sorry. I wish you'd found the message I left on my dress. I'd have put it in plainer sight if I
could, but I was afraid ..." she admitted. "I should have found a better way to let you know ..."
He could hear her blaming herself, and couldn't stand it. It wasn't her fault. Turning, he wrapped
his arms around her. "You did everything you could. Through all of this, you did everything
anyone could do to survive. I'm the one who failed you so miserably."
Beth could hear the emotion in his voice and held him as tightly as she could. "You didn't fail me.
You found us. You saved us from Garrett." She insisted.
"I should have found you sooner. If I hadn't been so willing to believe the worst ..."
"Don't do that." She argued as she relished the feel of really holding and connecting with him.
"Don't start second guessing. I don't know what I would have done if I'd seen the same thing you
had in the same way. I don't blame you for feeling hurt. Please don't blame yourself. I don't
want Garrett to take any more time away from us. Let's just get past it and start our lives."
Adam let out a long breath, her last words forcing him to face reality. Placing a soft kiss against
her hair, he reluctantly loosened his hold on her, knowing she'd never want to hold him again
once this was done. "We can't start anything."
Beth let out a little cry of protest when he moved away from her. "I don't understand."
"It's not easy to tell you." He began as he took a seat on one end of the sofa and motioned for
her to take the other. "What I did was unforgivable."
"Baby, whatever it is, I'll understand. You were in pain." She tried to move closer, but the look on
his face let her know she needed to listen. Something in her heart tried to prepare her for what
was to come next. Picking up one of the throw pillows, she clutched it against her as she waited
for him to begin.
"When I thought you had left me, I lost control." He began. "The pain was compounded by the
feeling of betrayal, and I struggled to try and find a way to survive it."
Beth wiped her eyes, seeing the pain he was in now as he relived the agony.
"I guess you know I got out of town before anyone could try and stop me." He said, and she
nodded. "Well, that was only the beginning of where everything went wrong."
Not able to sit and face her as he spoke, Adam stood and began to walk around the room. "At
first I let myself feel the pain. I drove as far and as fast as I could, but I couldn't outrun it and I
was afraid the grief was going to destroy me."
"But it didn't." Beth interrupted. "You're here and we're together. You survived, like you always
do."
Adam smiled sadly. "I wish that were true, but the man you see now is not the man you pledged
your life to."
"We've both changed Adam. No way anyone could go through what we have and still be the
same, but that doesn't mean we don't belong together."
"We can't be together Beth. You need to try and understand that. I can't be a husband to you or
a father to Cassie because I'm not who you fell in love with anymore." He didn't pause long
enough for her to interrupt, but walked to stand over her. "When I couldn't handle the pain of
losing you, I turned to the one thing I knew would never fail me ... my rage."
His eyes were cold and his voice angry as he almost seemed to transform in front of her.
"Adam, you're scaring me." She drew her feet up beneath her as she looked up at him, her
hands still clutching the pillow.
"I sold my soul to survive Beth. I became someone I hadn't been for ages ... 2,000 ages." He
said pointedly so she couldn't misunderstand. His voice reflected the anger he had to use if he
stood any chance of telling her the truth.
"I left death in my wake. I became the one thing you never wanted to know about."
She shook her head, not wanting to believe what he was saying.
He knelt in front of Beth and grasped her shoulders, nodding his head yes as she insisted
otherwise. "I became what I hated most about myself and what I thought I'd left behind me
forever. With or without the horse, it's all the same. I lived only for one purpose ... to play the
game I was born for, and to win. I tracked every immortal I could find, and then I became their
death."