CHAPTER 91
Methos paced outside the room the hospital had made available for Beth after
her episode. Evidently she was not the first mother to break under stress and
they had been very sympathetic. At least they hadn't insisted a psychologist try
to ask her questions or analyze her. That could have been very difficult for all of
them.
Amanda and Joe sat inside with her, waiting for the effects of the sedative to
wear off. She'd slept through one visitation with Cassie and another was
approaching.
Richie had gone outside, knowing he couldn't be anywhere near Adam without
saying something that wouldn't help Beth and would probably end up getting
himself killed in the process.
"Thought you could use this." Duncan said as he handed a tall cup of coffee to
Methos. He hadn't said anything about what Beth had asked them or asked what
happened when they'd spoken the night before. He could see his friend was
weighing everything in his mind and would be more receptive to his advice if he
waited to be asked.
Methos took the cup and leaned against the wall as he took a long sip. "I can't
remember ever feeling this unsure of anything in my life." He said as Duncan
took a drink of his own cup.
"Having second thoughts about leaving them?" he asked, trying not to lead his
questions.
"Second … third … fourth … " Methos replied before pushing away from the
wall and walking to the end of the corridor where they couldn't be overheard.
"But I keep coming back to the same thing. Even if she is willing to accept and
forgive who I let myself become, I can't risk staying with Beth when I could be
living the rest of my days looking over my shoulder. I've even wondered if it's
wise to stay here with her now because for all we know, word is already out."
Duncan nodded. He'd worried the same thing, but from what Joe had been able
to gather from his contacts in the Watchers … the rumor was still being tossed
around and hadn't been given validity. "If someone did come here for you, they'd
have to come through the rest of us to get to Beth and the baby. I don't think any
immortal would be that fool hardy."
Methos nodded. "I appreciate what you are all doing. They'll need friends …
especially when Beth can't hide the fact that she does not age."
"Yeah well, I wish you'd thought of that before you tore off and started burning
bridges you couldn't rebuild." Duncan replied pointedly. "We are all willing to
help her in any way we can, but you were the one who gave her temporary
immortality. You are the one she loves. It would have been nice if you'd made
sure you could follow through with the responsibility."
There was nothing Methos could say. The Highlander was right. He'd messed
up worse than he ever thought possible. "I know I'm doing the right thing. It's
not what I want to do, but I have to. You of all people know that."
"I don't know anything anymore Methos. It seems like there has to be a way out
of this. I just wish I knew what it was." He replied.
"I'll get them killed." Methos stated flatly.
"Maybe, maybe not." Duncan answered.
"Wait. Don't tell me you think I should stay with her and risk putting them in
danger?" Methos was astonished.
Duncan shook his head. "Any mortal who lives with us is in a degree of danger.
She knew that before she committed her life and the baby's to yours."
"I can't believe you aren't backing me up here MacLeod. Weren't you the one
who hoped I never returned for her? Weren't you the one who thought it would
be better if I never found out the truth because I didn't deserve to be forgiven,
much less loved despite what I'd become?" Methos asked.
"You heard about that huh?" Duncan asked.
"Yeah well … Richie says a lot of things when he's angry and Joe had a few
choice words himself. Both seemed to think maybe you were right."
"It seemed a lot simpler before when you were who knows where wreaking havoc
on everything in your path and we had no idea where Beth had been taken. But
now … I don't know. She loves you and I know your feelings haven't changed.
You can't hide the way you love her. You can try, but it isn't working."
"This is priceless indeed. I count on few things in life MacLeod, but your
unwavering sense of justice and right had seemed a constant. Just my luck
you'd start seeing shades of gray when I could use a good dose of black and
white." He complained as he downed the last of his coffee.
Amanda came out of the room to stretch her legs. "That must have been some
sedative." She commented. "Between Beth being exhausted and what they
gave her I'll be surprised if she wakes up before tomorrow."
"Buy you some coffee?" Duncan asked.
"Buy me breakfast … a BIG breakfast." She replied.
"Joe must be getting hungry as well." Methos commented.
"Is that your subtle way of saying you want to be alone with her?" Amanda asked
pointedly. The look on his face confirmed.
Duncan opened the door and suggested Joe join them. The man couldn't help
but smirk when Methos slipped past him and into the room.
Once the door closed behind them, Methos pulled the chair as close to the bed
as he could. Beth was sleeping so peacefully. Curled up on her side with one
hand laying outstretched, she looked like an angel to him.
Her hair was tousled, and a large wave had fallen across her cheek. Methos
softly brushed it back and then continued to sift gently through the soft strands as
he studied her face.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I wish I could change things. You and Cassie are
the best thing I've ever known. I can't begin to comprehend why you would love
a pathetic fool like me, with all my demons ... God knows I didn't deserve a
moment with you ... much less a lifetime ..."
A nurse opened the door. She had come to check on Beth.
"How long do you think she will sleep?" he asked in Italian.
"The doctor ordered a second injection about an hour ago. She was so
distraught and appeared to need rest." She replied. "She will probably sleep
another four or five hours."
Methos nodded his thanks as the woman left the room.
He tenderly took her hand in his and held it for a long time, letting his thumb and
forefinger stroke gentle circles along the soft pads of her fingers, palm and wrist.
"I love you so much." He whispered. "I wish I could tell you, but I know if I do it
will torture us both even more when I have to leave … and God help me I do
have to leave."
Beth moved a little in her sleep, curling tighter and then stretching her legs out a
little. Methos' mind drifted back to another time and another hospital. Things
had been so wonderful then as they first began to realize and explore their love
for one another. He remembered her questions and the way she'd looked up at
him with wonder. His insides ached at the thought.
Not able to control his actions, Methos quietly stood and moved to the other side
of the bed. Carefully he slid onto the mattress of the narrow hospital bed and
pulled Beth into his arms. In her sleep she nuzzled her face into the crook of his
neck, her breath warm and steady against his skin. He buried his face in her hair
and stroked her back and arms as he let himself experience being close to her
one last time.
After a long while, Beth shifted again. Her head rolled back on his arm and her
face tilted up. Methos stared at her, almost afraid to breathe. He drank in every
feature, memorizing it so he could never forget. When her lips parted slightly, he
groaned inwardly and slanted his own across them. He kissed her tenderly for
several long moments and then knowing he couldn't continue like this and find a
way to do what he must, he carefully slipped her out of his arms, brushed the
moisture from his eyes and whispered good bye.
As soon as the door closed, Beth's eyes fluttered open and a single tear rolled
down her cheek.
Methos paced outside the room the hospital had made available for Beth after
her episode. Evidently she was not the first mother to break under stress and
they had been very sympathetic. At least they hadn't insisted a psychologist try
to ask her questions or analyze her. That could have been very difficult for all of
them.
Amanda and Joe sat inside with her, waiting for the effects of the sedative to
wear off. She'd slept through one visitation with Cassie and another was
approaching.
Richie had gone outside, knowing he couldn't be anywhere near Adam without
saying something that wouldn't help Beth and would probably end up getting
himself killed in the process.
"Thought you could use this." Duncan said as he handed a tall cup of coffee to
Methos. He hadn't said anything about what Beth had asked them or asked what
happened when they'd spoken the night before. He could see his friend was
weighing everything in his mind and would be more receptive to his advice if he
waited to be asked.
Methos took the cup and leaned against the wall as he took a long sip. "I can't
remember ever feeling this unsure of anything in my life." He said as Duncan
took a drink of his own cup.
"Having second thoughts about leaving them?" he asked, trying not to lead his
questions.
"Second … third … fourth … " Methos replied before pushing away from the
wall and walking to the end of the corridor where they couldn't be overheard.
"But I keep coming back to the same thing. Even if she is willing to accept and
forgive who I let myself become, I can't risk staying with Beth when I could be
living the rest of my days looking over my shoulder. I've even wondered if it's
wise to stay here with her now because for all we know, word is already out."
Duncan nodded. He'd worried the same thing, but from what Joe had been able
to gather from his contacts in the Watchers … the rumor was still being tossed
around and hadn't been given validity. "If someone did come here for you, they'd
have to come through the rest of us to get to Beth and the baby. I don't think any
immortal would be that fool hardy."
Methos nodded. "I appreciate what you are all doing. They'll need friends …
especially when Beth can't hide the fact that she does not age."
"Yeah well, I wish you'd thought of that before you tore off and started burning
bridges you couldn't rebuild." Duncan replied pointedly. "We are all willing to
help her in any way we can, but you were the one who gave her temporary
immortality. You are the one she loves. It would have been nice if you'd made
sure you could follow through with the responsibility."
There was nothing Methos could say. The Highlander was right. He'd messed
up worse than he ever thought possible. "I know I'm doing the right thing. It's
not what I want to do, but I have to. You of all people know that."
"I don't know anything anymore Methos. It seems like there has to be a way out
of this. I just wish I knew what it was." He replied.
"I'll get them killed." Methos stated flatly.
"Maybe, maybe not." Duncan answered.
"Wait. Don't tell me you think I should stay with her and risk putting them in
danger?" Methos was astonished.
Duncan shook his head. "Any mortal who lives with us is in a degree of danger.
She knew that before she committed her life and the baby's to yours."
"I can't believe you aren't backing me up here MacLeod. Weren't you the one
who hoped I never returned for her? Weren't you the one who thought it would
be better if I never found out the truth because I didn't deserve to be forgiven,
much less loved despite what I'd become?" Methos asked.
"You heard about that huh?" Duncan asked.
"Yeah well … Richie says a lot of things when he's angry and Joe had a few
choice words himself. Both seemed to think maybe you were right."
"It seemed a lot simpler before when you were who knows where wreaking havoc
on everything in your path and we had no idea where Beth had been taken. But
now … I don't know. She loves you and I know your feelings haven't changed.
You can't hide the way you love her. You can try, but it isn't working."
"This is priceless indeed. I count on few things in life MacLeod, but your
unwavering sense of justice and right had seemed a constant. Just my luck
you'd start seeing shades of gray when I could use a good dose of black and
white." He complained as he downed the last of his coffee.
Amanda came out of the room to stretch her legs. "That must have been some
sedative." She commented. "Between Beth being exhausted and what they
gave her I'll be surprised if she wakes up before tomorrow."
"Buy you some coffee?" Duncan asked.
"Buy me breakfast … a BIG breakfast." She replied.
"Joe must be getting hungry as well." Methos commented.
"Is that your subtle way of saying you want to be alone with her?" Amanda asked
pointedly. The look on his face confirmed.
Duncan opened the door and suggested Joe join them. The man couldn't help
but smirk when Methos slipped past him and into the room.
Once the door closed behind them, Methos pulled the chair as close to the bed
as he could. Beth was sleeping so peacefully. Curled up on her side with one
hand laying outstretched, she looked like an angel to him.
Her hair was tousled, and a large wave had fallen across her cheek. Methos
softly brushed it back and then continued to sift gently through the soft strands as
he studied her face.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I wish I could change things. You and Cassie are
the best thing I've ever known. I can't begin to comprehend why you would love
a pathetic fool like me, with all my demons ... God knows I didn't deserve a
moment with you ... much less a lifetime ..."
A nurse opened the door. She had come to check on Beth.
"How long do you think she will sleep?" he asked in Italian.
"The doctor ordered a second injection about an hour ago. She was so
distraught and appeared to need rest." She replied. "She will probably sleep
another four or five hours."
Methos nodded his thanks as the woman left the room.
He tenderly took her hand in his and held it for a long time, letting his thumb and
forefinger stroke gentle circles along the soft pads of her fingers, palm and wrist.
"I love you so much." He whispered. "I wish I could tell you, but I know if I do it
will torture us both even more when I have to leave … and God help me I do
have to leave."
Beth moved a little in her sleep, curling tighter and then stretching her legs out a
little. Methos' mind drifted back to another time and another hospital. Things
had been so wonderful then as they first began to realize and explore their love
for one another. He remembered her questions and the way she'd looked up at
him with wonder. His insides ached at the thought.
Not able to control his actions, Methos quietly stood and moved to the other side
of the bed. Carefully he slid onto the mattress of the narrow hospital bed and
pulled Beth into his arms. In her sleep she nuzzled her face into the crook of his
neck, her breath warm and steady against his skin. He buried his face in her hair
and stroked her back and arms as he let himself experience being close to her
one last time.
After a long while, Beth shifted again. Her head rolled back on his arm and her
face tilted up. Methos stared at her, almost afraid to breathe. He drank in every
feature, memorizing it so he could never forget. When her lips parted slightly, he
groaned inwardly and slanted his own across them. He kissed her tenderly for
several long moments and then knowing he couldn't continue like this and find a
way to do what he must, he carefully slipped her out of his arms, brushed the
moisture from his eyes and whispered good bye.
As soon as the door closed, Beth's eyes fluttered open and a single tear rolled
down her cheek.