Disclaimer: I'm here to make sure Gochan doesn't get sued! Don't sue Gochan! She owns nothing!
Notes: Never seen the animated Kyoto Arc or just wanted to sum it up for a friend? Well, while this is not entirely brief, it is the meat, bones, and that little bit of fat that doesn't come off the bone even if you boiled it. (Info is based on the anime.)
An Actually More Serious Note: Beforehand, breaks had represented change of saga or episode. Now they just stand for large scence changes or time lapses.
Warnings: Even more OOCness and wackiness, but not so much brevity. It's two parts after all.
The Kyoto Arc: Part I of II
Kenshin: Lately I've been having ominous dreams that some of my darker past is going to catch up with me…
Kaoru: Psh. As if that could happen again.
Saitou: Hello, I'm some of Kenshin's darker past. May I come in?
Kaoru: He's out fighting the goon you're working undercover with in a plot and battle I don't know about. You can wait inside the dojo.
Saitou: I provide one of, if not the coolest battle scene in the entire series.
Kenshin: Battousai Time! …Oops, did I lose my cool again?
Okubo: Since the creator can't decide who should/could win this match, I'm going to make a timely interruption. Kenshin, remember Shishio, another person from your darker past that everyone thought was dead? Well he's not (surprise, surprise) and he's becoming a pill. Pop him off, will you?
Kaoru: We all greatly disapprove of your proposition. So piss off!
Okubo: Er, I'll give you a week to tell me your answer. …Nevermind, I don't live that long. *is killed by Soujiro*
Kenshin: Well that settles that! I'm fighting Shishio. Guess I could squeeze in one last romantic teaser with Kaoru before I leave.
Audience: *Swoon!*
---
Kaoru: Kenshin's gone. Time for me to fall into a deep and hopeless state of depression.
Megumi: Snap out of it and go get Kenshin back!
Kaoru: Okay.
Sano: Katsu, I'm gonna take some more of your money to go to Kyoto.
Katsu: That's okay because I'm giving you these bombs that will blow you up if you don't. Er, I mean, they might come in handy.
Saitou: I'm telling you not to go to Kyoto Rooster-Head, but since you're being stubborn about it, I'm gonna beat some sense into you. …Okay, so I wanted to just beat you up again anyway, but this gives me valid excuse.
Sano: I'm still going! I'll just become stronger so I can help Kenshin. I'll claim the title of The Strongest!
---
Aoshi: That was my line. Where's Battousai?
Saitou: In Kyoto. Go fetch.
Aoshi: No.
Soujiro: Hello, I represent the bad guys. We've currently moved our business. Try our new location in Kyoto!
Aoshi: I can't resist two for one deals. Kyoto it is then.
---
Misao: I am the epitome of genki. Adore me!
Kenshin: I can't have anyone following me on this trip, so I'm just going to say the one thing that will ensure I cannot be rid of you.
Misao: Tell me where Aoshi-sama is or I'll keep throwing myself off large cliffs!
Kenshin: …Dang. I won't tell you anything, despite that being my best chance of getting rid of you. Just pretend you don't know me okay?
Misao: You mean like this? Look Himura, a dead body and a still-living boy! Let's go down to their village that Shishio overthrew and kick their butts!
Saitou: Shishio is here in the village. Let's go pay him a visit and see if we can't finish him while we're here.
Kenshin: Sounds like a plan. …Why are you in it again?
Misao: Come on Eiji! We've got to put ourselves in needless danger! Don't worry, I'm a special member of the Oniwabanshuu. I can beat up other guards and provide comic relief at the same time!
Shishio: To commemorate our first meeting, Battousai, I'm going to let you fight someone else.
Senkaku: Hey there! I'm the oppressor of this town! I also killed Eiji's parents without mercy! Is there anything else I can say to royally piss you off?
Kenshin: Only if you say it in your dubbed voice. Let's practice pivots, shall we?
Senkaku: Owie, my leg!
Shishio: Soujiro, give the fans a teaser. I'm going to escape and support your character with dramatic narration.
Soujiro: We'll call our fight a draw Himura-san, despite your sword being broken in half and mine only being chipped. See you in Kyoto!
Misao: Himura's sword broken and Soujiro matching his speed? It doesn't get anymore shocking that that!
Saitou: I'm married.
Kenshin and Misao: *GIGA-SHOCK*
Eiji: I'm moving on with my life by staying with the psycho cop's wife. Should I feel happy or doomed?
---
Sano: I'm hopelessly lost. Wow, that monk just demolished a bunch of rocks without even touching them! I wanna do that!
Anji: What do you think of the current Meiji government?
Sano: Hate it.
Anji: Cool. You're in. Here's the secret to my technique, the Futai no Kiwami. You have to hit a rock twice really fast.
Sano: That's it? I'll have it mastered in a week!
Anji: If you don't I'll kill you. …You know. Just because.
Sano: Man, this isn't going to be as easy as I thought. Oh well. That's what last-minute miracles are for. Booya! Got it!
Anji: Great. Now hurry and get off to Kyoto before Soujiro comes in with the plot twist.
---
Kenshin: Ah, Kyoto. The city of darker days and bloodshed. I'm feeling so nostalgic! Hope nobody else is.
Okina: Welcome home, Misao! Hello Hitokiri Battousai!
Kenshin: D'oh! Stupid bandage! What good you do me?!
Okina: Don't worry, I'm on your side!
Kenshin: In that case, look up a few people for me. Because, you know, the Yellow Pages haven't been invented yet.
Okina: Hmm, well the swordsmith guy is dead, but I hear his son is just as good. Let's go check it out!
Iori: I am unbelievably cute and innocent! Love me!
Seiku: Sorry I don't make swords like my father whom I misunderstand completely. Just ginzu knives.
Misao: Fool! The world cannot be saved by ginzu knives alone!
Kenshin: That's okay. I'll just find someone else to make my rare, and impossibly hard new reverse-blade! Thanks anyway!
Chou: Too bad I'm not as generous. Now tell me where your father's last sword is or I chop up the baby!
Azusa: At the shrine. Hey wait, you're not giving back our baby! Why didn't I see that predictable twist coming?
Seiku: I still don't know why I didn't slap you.
Misao: What I don't understand is how Himura got to the shrine before me and even before Chou! I knew about it first and was closer!
Chou: I'm one of Shishio's men who likes to collect swords. You must be the Battousai. That bandage doesn't do much for you, ya know.
Kenshin: Just for that, I'm going to break all of your swords. …Except for that long, twisty one. It's like lethal licorice whip!
Seiku: I am slowly coming to terms with my past and coming to understand that Himura is a good guy. Here, use my father's last sword to defeat him!
Okina: It's no use! Himura can't draw it and break his non-killing vow! …Unless of course he snaps under the pressure of a life and death situation.
Kenshin: Battousai Time again! *Smack down!*
Misao: Hey look! Shakku's last sword was the principle forge reverse-blade! This means Himura didn't kill and he has a new sword! Talk about dumb luck!
Okina: Or convenient plot fillers.
Kenshin: Well, I'm off to see the next person on my list!
Misao: Ow! While running after Himura I bumped into his old girlfriend from Tokyo and the kid! Might as well show them where he was going to see if we can't get any dramatic character interaction going here. We'll go see Seijuro Hiko, Kenshin's master!
Yahiko: Wow, the fan anticipation just went through the roof!
Hiko: I am God. Worship me, females.
Kenshin: Please teach me the final secrets of Hiten Mitsurugi!
Hiko: No.
Kaoru: But he's a good guy!
Hiko: Okay. I'm gonna royally beat the crap out of you first though. Let's go.
Kaoru: Well, guess we'd better head back while Kenshin struggles to merely survive his training. Oh yeah, by the way, Aoshi's in town looking to destroy Kenshin after all of his men were mercilessly and brutally murdered.
Misao: My character development senses are tingling!
---
Aoshi: I'm not joining your group Shishio, but you're going to tell me all the information you have on the Battousai.
Shishio: Fair enough. While we don't have anything useful to you now, we're going to attack your comrades of past. If nothing else, this should provide some nice angst for your collection.
Houji: Our henchmen were defeated?! What an unpredictable twist! Looks like you'll have to fight Okina, your former ally, yourself Shinomori! Happy Angst-ing!
Misao: I have to reach Aoshi-sama and Jiya before one of them gets seriously hurt! …Not a clue as to what I'll do, but I'm good at making up things as I go!
Okina: Time to die, Aoshi!
Aoshi: Well if you insist. Kaiten Kenbu Rokuren!
Misao: Oh good, I made it in time!
Okina: *collapses in bloodied heap*
Misao: D'oh! Now character development is unavoidable! At least Jiya is only Mostly Dead and not All Dead. In the mean time, I'll become the Oniwabanshuu's leader! …Looks like inner turmoil comes with the job description.
---
Sano: Jailbreak! …Literally.
Saitou: If you're done destroying police property and fighting with our witness, I'd like to interrogate him.
Chou: Blah-blah-blah Usui and Soujiro strong blah-blah Kyoto Grand Fire blah-blah.
Saitou: Well that was easy. …But a little too easy.
Sano: And that was cliché. A little too cliché…
Saitou: Shut up, ahou.
---
Hiko: Now that I've completely humiliated you with embarrassing stories of your childhood and well-worded misleading phrases, time to learn the real final attack!
Kenshin: Can we slip in scenes on how we came to meet while we're at it?
Hiko: Since it looks like flashbacks are essential to your understanding of the final attack, I suppose we have to. In fact, that's what we're gonna spend the night doing while you try to find something I say you're missing.
Kenshin: Why is it that all final techniques are discovered by accident and at the last possible second?!
Hiko: All part of the drama. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to die. …Syke! Looks like you can't die by sakabatou no matter how hard that blunt object comes flying at you!
Kenshin: Thanks for the mastery! Hey, if you're not doing anything--which I doubt you are since you're a hermit--mind making sure my friends don't get killed?
Hiko: I'll think about it without making it look like I'm thinking about it. Now get lost and go lay some ougi on Shishio.
---
Shishio: Juuppongatana Sound-Off!
Henya: I am the dynamite freak.
Saizuchi: I am the wise, old freak. …And my giant, pet freak is outside.
Kamatari: I am the drag queen.
Anji: I am the ironic twist.
Usui: I am blind, psycho, and Shishio's rival/lackey/enemy.
Soujiro: I'm the best fanservice this group has to offer.
Houji: I love Lord Shishio!
Kamatari: I love Lord Shihio!
Yumi: No, I love Lord Shishio you queers!
Kamatari: Slut!
Shishio: And Chou's in jail. Good, all accounted for! Oh and Shinomori's just waiting for the Battousai here.
Aoshi: The list of reasons for me not to join you just keeps getting longer and longer.
---
Saitou: Hello again Battousai. While I don't appreciate your ambiguous answers to my inquiry as to whether you'll kill again or not, that's just dramatic build-up and I can understand that. As long as you're here, you can help solve this mystery on Shishio's big plans.
Kenshin: Mystery? Jinkies, Saitou. I seem to figure it out just fine. Shishio's planning to bombard Tokyo by boat! Lets get going before Sano comes in and socks me. Dang, too late.
Sano: I like riding on top of carriages.
Saitou: And I like trying to play Skewer-the-Rooster.
Kenshin: Good thing we're conveniently close to the right ship! Hope the Oniwabanshuu is taking care of the Kyoto fire plan.
---
Misao: *scaring off arsonists with Kyoto citizens* When you mess with one of us you mess with all of us! …So how come none of my comrades come to save me when I nearly get impaled?
Anji: Already I'm proving that I'm not such a bad guy.
---
Shishio: Behold my Love Boat of Doom! With it, I shall start a new Revolution! My plan is foolproof!
Sano: Yeah, but your boat isn't bombproof.
Shishio: I knew I shouldn't have set up my ammunition and engines to be put so closely together for one convenient fell swoop. Looks like we'll have to settle this man-to-man at my secret hideout in Mount Hiei! Be there or be square Battousai!
Kenshin: Time for a fond reunion at the Aoiya! And look, Okina's awake!
Okina: Hey Himura, be a pal and kill Aoshi for me okay?
Kenshin: Man, what's with the assassination requests? I'm retired people! How about I bring him back to you alive and sane instead?
Misao: Joy!
Okina: Can you do that?
Kenshin: Of course, I'm the main character. Miraculous accomplishments and brooding are what I'm best at! Speaking of which, time to do some deep, inner thought on the roof. Hey, a waff scene with Kaoru!
Kaoru: Must everyone ruin this moment?!
Sano: Yup. Party on the roof!
Saitou: Ready to go, Battousai? Rooster coming along too?
Kaoru: Hey Kenshin, this is the part where we say we'll go back to Tokyo together.
Kenshin: Oh, you mean the promise we make that will pull us through life and death situations and appease fans of our romantic interest everywhere? Sure thing! See you at the anti-climax!
---
End of Kyoto Arc: Part I of II
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHORESS:
What better way to stay up all night on New Year's Eve than to do a Rurouni Kenshin marathon? And then what better way to spend New Year's Day than summing it all up?
I appreciate everyone who is letting me have this bit of fun with the series when I know most of you would rather have me work on my other fics. But I've really needed a break from some of the stress and this is turning out to be wonderful therapy. I'm really enjoying this.
So thanks for your patience. Hope you've all had a good set of holidays! Please review if you can. Those also make Gochan happy. ^_^
Coming up soon! The Kyoto Arc: Part II of II! The battles with the Juuppongatana and Shishio!