Disclaimer: I'm here to make sure Gochan doesn't get sued! Don't sue Gochan! She owns nothing!
Notes: Never seen the animated Kyoto Arc or just wanted to sum it up for a friend? Well, while this is not entirely brief, it is the meat, bones, and that little bit of fat that doesn't come off the bone even if you boiled it. (Info is based on the anime.)
An Actually More Serious Note: Beforehand, breaks had represented change of saga or episode. Now they just stand for large scence changes or time lapses.
Warnings: Still yet more OOCness and wackiness, but once again, not as much brevity. But it is the last of two parts.
The Kyoto Arc: Part II of II
Yumi: Hello, I'll be your male fanservice. Er, I mean, your guide. You'll fight one at a time so we can fit plot points in-between action scenes easier, focus on individual backgrounds, and stretch this story out for the rest of the season.
Kenshin: So it's just like any other arc. Sano, looks like you're up first.
Sano: I hate fighting irony.
Kenshin: Hey, I'm the one who has the battle the symbolism! Don't complain!
Anji: Now that you've broken the one object representing my past, you will suffer by flashback!
Sano: Something tells me we're gonna be getting a lot of these…
Anji: So I used to be a nice monk until the orphans I was taking care of were killed by government officials. Now I'm out to destroy the Meiji because it's one bad mother…
Sano: Shut your mouth!
Anji: I was only talking about the government!
Sano: I can dig it. But I can't let you succeed because people are living nicely in this era and they're the ones that give me free food! …Oh, and those kids you looked after wouldn't be very proud of you know, would they?
Anji: No! New angst! I can't take it! Oh I give up. Shishio sent some men to kill your friends at the Aoiya so you'd better turn back.
Kenshin: Eh, they'll be fine. Next!
Saitou: I'll take the blind guy.
Kenshin: Gee, how noble of you.
Sano: Wow, I sure recovered and caught up fast!
Kenshin: We'll leave this fight to you then Saitou! Promise you won't kill him!
Saitou: …
Kenshin: I'll take that as a yes. Sano, grab Yumi and let's go. And by "grab" I mean "pick her up."
Usui: I can see your feelings, Hajime Saitou!
Saitou: No you can't, you're blind and I don't have any.
Usui: Fine, I admit that I just have super hearing after Shishio blinded me back in the Revolution. But I'll kill you, Battousai, and him!
Saitou: No you won't, he's playing you worse than Yumi.
Usui: For that you must die! …Or I'll die. Take your pick.
Saitou: Hope these leg wounds don't hurt me later.
---
Kenshin: My friends at the Aoiya are in danger. There are at least two more bad guys to beat and since they're last they're probably strongest. Not to mention Japan's entire fate hangs by a thread. …Yup, this sound like the perfect time for my rematch with Aoshi.
Aoshi: Agreed.
Kenshin: …Hey wait, you're not Aoshi! Just some madman that looks incredibly a lot like him! Sorry, can't have my rematch with you. Maybe if you went sane again…
Aoshi: Psychology doesn't work on a psycho.
Kenshin: Well it was worth a shot. Guess I'll just have to do this the old-fashioned way and beat the sense into you.
Aoshi: Beshimi, Hyottoko, Shikijou, Hannya. …Their names make up half the battle conversation.
Kenshin: You've turned your men into vengeful spirits by slaying in their name!
Aoshi: …D'oh! Okay, fine, I'll try sanity again. But we still need a rematch. You're ultimate technique verses mine!
Kenshin: Okay.
Aoshi: Great! …Wait, you're the main character, that's not fair!
Kenshin: Too late! Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu Amakakeru Ryuu no Hirameki!
Aoshi: That's gonna hurt in the morning. …No, no, it hurts now. Ouchies.
Yumi: Don't mind me, everybody. I'm just relaying all of your technique secrets to Shishio-sama via telegraph.
Sano: Not anymore!
Kenshin: Don't worry about all the near-mortal injuries you placed on me, Aoshi. I'm sure they won't hinder me at all in my next battles with the highest ranking Juuppongatana member and Shishio. Nope, no need to feel guilty!
Aoshi: …Gee, thanks.
---
Misao: Alright! After nearly five episodes of just standing out here, it's finally time for us to defend the Aoiya!
Yahiko: After a little comic relief with Kamatari. Kaoru, I'm gonna fight on my own!
Kaoru: …Must…suppress…protective…sisterly instincts!
Misao: Look up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's…
Henya: It's my cheap way of fighting, but hey, whatcha gonna do?
Yahiko: Use my smarts and Kenshin-imitation attacks to defeat you!
Misao: Since when does Yahiko have smarts?
Kaoru: Maybe the explosions blew the dumb out. Anyway, time for our battle Misao! Just follow my lead and you'll… Get knocked out. Oops.
Misao: I'll have a flashback and vision with that unconsciousness, thanks. Aoshi-sama is coming back?! Can't let another bishounen pass me by! Good thing Kaoru knew exactly what to do! I think I should come up with the battle strategies from now on. We win this way.
Kaoru: I'm sure that all of my fans and I are wondering… Why can't I pull off cool moves like this all the time?! Oh well. Mind just giving up, Kamatarti?
Kamatari: Is suicide the same thing?
Misao: No.
Henchmen & Iwanbo: Run away!!!
Okina: Success! We have won the battle!
Fuji: *destroys Aoiya*
Okina: I hate it when I speak too soon.
Saizuchi: Fear my logic!
Kaoru: I'm a little more afraid of that huge sword your servant-warrior is carting. It makes Sano's Zanabatou look like a toothpick!
Saizuchi: That's it! Now I shall crush you! …Through Fuji.
Yahiko: Kenshin will save us! …Or Hiko. Hiko's good too.
Hiko: Okay Fuji. You and me, one on one!
Saizuchi: Ha! As if he'd ever listen to you! …Fuji, why are you listening to him?!
Hiko: Time for some good ol' Hiten Mitsurugi Therapy! Kuzu Ryuu Sen!
Okina: Okay, now we have won the battle.
---
Soujiro: Looks like the only thing standing between Himura and Shishio is me and my character analysis!
Kenshin: I don't like the way you're ominously tapping your foot. Cripes! He's like me only faster, younger, and crazier!
Soujiro: Drat! This flashback keeps getting in the way of me killing you. Now I have to talk about it. Senkaku said something about you not killing before I killed him. What was that all about?
Kenshin: You're ability to recognize morals means you're secretly a good guy! Gosh, you're the third one today.
Soujiro: No I'm not! …Or am I? Now I'm going to have to spend an entire episode tying my shoelace while I figure things out!
Sano: Good thing I had lots of extra bandages handy to patch you up, Kenshin!
Kenshin: I wonder what Soujiro is thinking about? …Uh-oh, I sense a flashback.
---
Little Soujiro: Smiling makes bad things go away! …Except abusive families and ruthless killers.
Soujiro's Family: We are rich, prideful in the worst way, and make Harry Potter's relatives look like saints! Kinda makes you wish Child Welfare existed, doesn't it?
Shishio: Thanks for the bandages and food, Kid. In return, I'm gonna tell you that the strong survive and the weak die. Ponder on that for a while.
Little Soujiro: Sure, I'm pretty insightful for an eight-year old.
Shishio: Your family sucks. Here, use my wakizashi to get rid of them.
Little Soujiro: Aw, being scarred for life isn't that bad.
Soujiro's Family: You're hiding the killer! Die!
Little Soujiro: On second thought… Slicey, slicey!
Shishio: You crying?
Little Soujiro: As if you could tell in this rain. Er, I mean, no. But seeing as to how my meal tickets are dead, mind if I join you and become strong?
Shishio: Sure. Chicks dig guys with kids.
---
Soujiro: Ah, nothing like a good flashback to get you back in that killing mood. Uh-oh, is that emotion on my face?
Kenshin: Yup, it is. Here, let me wipe it off for you with my sakabatou… By the way, ever consider that you've been living a lie?
Soujiro: Well now that you mention it… PSYCHOTIC FREAK-OUT TIME!!!
Others: …whoa.
Soujiro: Alright Himura! Your psychology verses mine!
Kenshin: Okay.
Soujiro: Good! …Wait, you're the main character, that's not fair!
Kenshin: Too late, again! Amakakeru Ryuu no Hirameki!
Soujiro: That's a big boo-boo. Well before I leave the Juuppongatana due to character development, I'll leave Shishio his old wakizashi and the secret to the Hiten Mitsurugi's final attack.
Yumi: Beats a fruit basket.
---
Kenshin: Sano, this is my fight with Shishio. Don't interfere.
Sano: …Suuuuuuuuuuuuure, Kenshin. I *cough*promise*cough*
Kenshin: No foreshadowing there. Alright Shishio! Time for us to--EW! Shishio and Yumi kissed! My eyes must be burned!
Shishio: I can help with that using my technique that slices and burns!
Kenshin: …Ever realize that the after-burn seals wounds back up, thus minimizing bleeding and lasting pain?
Shishio: Shut up! By the way, you taste like chicken!
Sano: Glad that we've started this final battle on such a crowd-pleasing note. Now if you'll excuse me, the audience and I need to wretch.
Kenshin: Good thing I'm perfectly fine the next episode. …Or not. Curse those exploding gauntlets of doom! …I still don't know why his hand isn't hurt too. Oh well, I'm just going to "die." Wink, wink.
Saitou: Looks like I made it in time for the climax! D'oh! Metal headband! Curse modern fashion, leg wounds, and exploding gauntlets! *gets knocked out*
Sano: Time to break my promise to Kenshin just like the good friend that I am! Owie, my hand! *also gets knocked out*
Aoshi: You know it can't be good when you walk in and all of your allies are lying on the ground, out cold and bleeding.
Shishio: Man, you've really dropped down in the deck, you loser.
Aoshi: No, you're the loser!
Kenshin: Freaky-Cool Revival Time!!!
Houji: I think I wet myself.
Sano: Man, who can fight with all of this metaphor flying through the air?
Yumi: Stop! The fighting has gone on long enough!
Sano: Do you mean we should stop the madness and live in peace and harmony?
Yumi: No! I mean less fighting more dying! …On your part. Lord Shishio gets a nasty case of spontaneous combustion after 15 minutes.
Houji: So you're saying that it's possible we could soon be at a strong disadvantage?! Goodness! I'd better throw away my gun!
Shishio: How about I give you another Boom-Boom Glove, Battousai?
Kenshin: I'd rather you eat Videogame-Combo!
Shishio: I can also do a Revival!
Kenshin: But it's not cool, just freaky.
Shishio: Okay Battousai, your symbolism verses mine!
Kenshin: Okay.
Shishio: Great! …Wait…
Kenshin: It's great when you guys figure these things out too late. Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu Amakakeru Ryuu no Hirameki! …Twice!
Shishio: Must…scratch…itch!! Also experiencing…unpleasant…tingling!
Yumi: No! Don't use this perfect opportunity to strike the final blow!
Kenshin: Okay.
Shishio: Sucker!
Yumi: I'm dying! I'm so happy!
Kenshin: Hey, I am too but you don't see me smiling about it!
Saitou: The next attack will decide the winner of this battle!
Aoshi: I always thought that making one's blood boil was just a figure of speech.
Saitou: Not that you would know any figure of speech, Shinomori.
Sano: Look out Kenshin! Shishio is gradually getting up to strike you!
Kenshin: I knew that promise with Kaoru would come in handy! I rise and meet your attack, Shishio! …Or I rise and watch you burst into flame. Whichever.
Shishio: I can feel the burn!!! …And not in that good way. Hey, that's funny! I made a joke! Hahahahahahaha-erk! *dies*
Houji: Losing one's sanity seems to be a popular thing in this series. I think I'll try it. Maybe people will like me more!
Others: Yeah right!
Houji: Fine then, I'll just make this place blow up!
Saitou: Closed door? No problem. Gatotsu!
Sano: Do you do that with all locked doors?
Saitou: Only when I lose the house key. Don't mind my ambiguous death scene.
Aoshi, Sano and Kenshin: Flee!
Anji: I saved Houji. …I can't tell if my credibility got higher or dropped beyond redemption.
Soujiro: I'm going to do what two other amazingly skilled and mentally unstable swordsmen did: Run lose across the country!
Anji: I smell spin-off… In any case, I'm turning myself in to the police to repent. I won't stop you from killing yourself anymore Houji.
Houji: No, I won't kill myself! Instead, I'll go with you to testify of the Glory of Shishio!
Anji: …You sure you don't want to commit suicide?
Houji: Eh, maybe later.
---
Misao: Happy Ending Time! Aoshi-sama is back!
All: Yay!
Kaoru: Kenshin's back!
All: Yay!!!
Yahiko: Saitou isn't with them!
All: HUZZAH!!!
Sano: Hey, what about me?!
All: Huh? Oh yeah…
---
Kaoru: With some helpful narration and humorous yet informative opening scene, we find that Megumi comes to Kyoto, Kenshin recovers after a month, Aoshi's turned into a Zen freak, and we've all been staying at the Shirobeko until the Aoiya is reconstructed.
Chou: And this is where I come in to tell you that the Juupongatana members are all fine with their deals with the government that are highly illegal, but only if they get caught, so no biggie. All are well. …Except Houji, he's dead. Well, enjoy the happy ending!
---
Shishio: Speaking of happy endings, the one we have in Hell has to be the most twisted and deranged happy ending in all of history.
Houji: So much for divine punishment.
---
Kaoru: Well, we'll be going back to Tokyo now. …After each of us have our individual pep talks that is.
Megumi: I'll admit that Kenshin loves you, Kaoru, not me. …So bust the move already!
Kaoru: Something tells me Kenshin's the one who's having a problem with this, not me.
---
Misao: WAFF with Aoshi-sama! Whoo hoo, I'll take whatever I can get!
---
Kenshin: Time for me to visit the grave that later holds absolutely no meaning or purpose in the anime.
Hiko: I'm here mostly to get in my last significant cameo for this arc. Worship me, fans!
---
Sano: Okay Yahiko, we're walking, we're walking, we're stoping. Looking before you, you can see the place where Shishio and Kenshin fought. Also where Saitou *cough*died*cough* and now I must get stronger than him just because. Okay, we're walking, we're walking…
Yahiko: And getting lost in Kyoto… Oh good, a convenient reunion!
Kaoru: Kenshin, did you just say "horo?" …Oops, was that my dubbed voice?
Audience: *massive twitching*
---
Aoshi: I like tea, okay? Anyone gotta problem with that?
Saitou: Oh look, I'm alive. What a surprise. Don't tell anyone. It'd ruin the mystery.
Kaoru: It's so nice that we spent that money on a boat ticket for nothing when Okina ended up buying us train tickets.
Yahiko: Yay, back in Tokyo! …When do we eat?
Kaoru: Look Kenshin, it's the spot where you broke my heart! Not make you feel guilty or anything. Welcome home!
Kenshin: Tadaima. …You know, the dubbed translation is kind of lacking in the full meaning of this…
Audience: Silence! You're ruining the moment! *Swoon! …Again.*
---
End of Kyoto Arc: Part II of II
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHORESS:
Whoo, this took me re-watching some of the final battles again, but I think I basically covered it. Sorry to disappoint Anji fans by leaving his flashback out unlike Soujiro's. But Anji's wasn't an entire episode like Soujiro's, so I decided to compromise with our Tenken. Besides, this isn't as Extra-Condensed as I'd fully like it to be. But what can I say, I got carried away with some gags. Gomen still!
I do plan to continue on with the other arcs in the anime; "Tales of the Meiji" as it were. Then after all that is said and done, I'll look into doing Jinchuu. We'll see how things go from there. I'm thinking OAVs...
Stay tuned for "Tales of the Meiji!"