The Misfits vs. The Viper
Chapter 5: Misfits, meet the Viper! Best of Luck! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Who's been sending us these notes?" Lance racked his brain, but he couldn't come up with an answer.
"Someone with a death wish, that's who." Craig grumbled, throwing darts at a dartboard. Lance looked up at it.
"Hey, you took down my picture of Summers!" Lance said.
"You can put it back up when you play." Craig said, throwing a dart and getting a bulls-eye. "I don't have a grudge against him. Why do you hate that geek? What'd he do, disrespect your territory? Beat up your family?"
"Nah, I hate 'im 'cuz he's a jerk." Lance shrugged. "He thinks he's so freakin' great."
"Whatever. Just leave me out of it." Craig sighed, throwing another dart, and getting another bulls-eye. Darkstar groaned. "When Todd plays, he's got Kurt up. Well, not really now. When Pietro plays, he has Spyke's mug on this thing. Why do I bother caring?" Darkstar threw the last dart, getting one final bulls-eye. He then went upstairs. Paul and Wanda walked in. Wanda was carrying a pretty red dress and Paul carried a tuxedo.
"What's with the formal gear, Paul? I thought your brother had to go out with Wanda." Lance smirked.
"He does. I picked up this classic black penguin suit for him." Paul smiled.
"I thought tuxes were called 'monkey suits', Paul." Wanda looked at him strangely.
"I call 'em 'penguin suits'. More accurate." Starchild grinned. Wanda looked at the formal outfit.
"I guess I see your point." Wanda noted. She grabbed the formal clothes. "Where's Craig?"
"Upstairs." Lance pointed upwards. "Be careful. He's in one of his moods."
"Like always." Paul quipped. Wanda ran up the stairs.
"Anyone seen my sister?" Paul and Lance turned to see Pietro sitting on the pool table. "She got a dress and she can't wait to show it to Craig. She thinks it'll knock his socks off."
"NO WAY!!!" The three boys could hear Craig roar at the top of his lungs. Althea, Xi, and Toad arrived when they heard him. "NO WAY!!! UH-UH!!! NO WAY, NO HOW, NEVER!!!"
"I guess Craig saw the tux." Toad smirked. "Hope he don't blast it." An angry Craig stomped down the stairs, Wanda behind him.
"It's just for one night." Wanda said.
"Forget it!" Craig snapped. "I will not dress like a rich pig!"
"You don't need to be rich to wear a tux, Craig." Althea shook her head.
"Yeah." Wanda agreed. "I don't like wearing dresses, but I'm going to do it."
"I am a street kid! Not a spoiled money-obsessed brat!" Craig argued.
"For a street kid, you sure do act like a spoiled brat." Pietro quipped.
"Get off the pool table, Pietro." Xi told the speedster. Quicksilver jumped off. Craig saw the Misfits look at him, and he started growling.
"Nice job, Wanda!" Craig motioned to the other Misfits. "Now you got everyone here staring at me! You know how much I hate it when people look at me. I hate it when people stare at me!"
"Ohhh...I get it." Wanda grinned. "You don't wanna wear the tux because you think if you do wear it, people will stare at you."
"C'mon, bro. It's just for one night." Paul ran up to his twin. "Relax. Besides, I'm sure Wanda will look fantastic in her dress." Craig mulled over the statement for a few minutes. With a sigh, he took the tuxedo.
"Fine. But just for one night." Craig said in a defeated tone.
"You just want to see Wanda in her dress." Paul said to Craig telepathically.
"Talk again, and you'll die Paul." Craig warned him back, cutting off the link. Darkstar went upstairs to put the tux away.
"Phew." Lance wiped his brow. "I thought Craig would go completely ballistic."
"He does have some issues with his temper, doesn't he?" Xi pondered.
"Yeah." Paul sighed. "He once beat the snot out of a guy because he suggested Craig get his hair cut."
"No kidding." Toad changed the subject. "Anyway, we got another message from this 'Viper' dude, yo." Todd handed it to Paul. Paul looked at him, and he noticed that Toad, Wavedancer, and Xi were covered in food.
"What happened to you guys?"
"Leatherneck and Wet Suit were debating again." Althea sighed.
"They were debating who would win in a fight drunk: Shipwreck or Ripper?" Toad added. The mutants mulled over the question.
"Shipwreck/Dad." They all said together.
"Read the note, Paul!" Craig snapped. Starchild immediately did so.
"It's coordinates. Coordinates and a message that says, 'See you there at 4:00 PM'." Paul scratched his head. "Now we might get some answers."
"4:00. That only leaves Craig four hours to get ready for his date with Wanda." Lance quipped. He narrowly dodged Craig's eye laser. "Close, but no cigar, Craig." Darkstar leaned on a wall and crossed his arms, grumbling about it.
"Just one centimeter lower..."
"You'll have to kill Lance later. We have to meet this clown at these coordinates." Paul gave the note to his brother, and Craig looked it over with a scowl.
"Finally, the jerk reveals himself." Darkstar grumbled.
"It could be a her!" Althea snapped.
"Can I be politically incorrect just this once?" Craig sarcastically moaned. "Anyway, this 'Viper' is finally asking for a beating."
"Let's not disappoint him." Xi smirked.
"I'll get the Joes!" Paul was about to run out of the clubhouse, but Todd grabbed him.
"They already know, yo." Todd said. "We'd better hit it."
"To the Misfitmobile!" Paul pointed at the door in a dramatic manner, and he ran out of the 'clubhouse'.
"You are not calling my jeep the Misfitmobile, Paul!" Lance ran after him. "Paul, get back here!"
"You gotta admit... that Paul's always ready for a fight." Xi walked after the two calmly. The other Misfits ran after the three mutants. Later on, the heroes were flying in a jet to the coordinates they were given.
"I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die..." Lance put his knees to his chest and rocked back and forth in his seat, shivering.
"Relax, Lance." Paul smiled. "Air is the safest way to travel."
"Don't talk, Paul. You'll disturb the air pressure." Lance looked like he would explode in panic at any second.
"Baby." Craig sighed. "Lance, nothing's gonna happen."
"YEE-HAH!!" Wild Bill's voice came over the intercom of the airplane.
"I could be wrong." Darkstar moaned.
"Hey Craig, where do you plan to take Wanda tonight?" Fred teased good- naturedly. Craig glared.
"You mention the date one more time and I will kill you, you fat jerk!" Craig snapped.
"Sorry." Blob crossed his arms. "You got a real temper problem, Craig. You've been even snappier than usual today. What's with you?"
"I am not in a good mood." Craig fumed.
"You never are, Craig." Althea sighed. "Lighten up. You're like a teenage Beach Head."
"Why should I?" Craig grumbled.
"Because life's too short, yo." Toad replied.
"Yeah, bro." Paul laughed, agreeing wholeheartedly.
"Why should I?" Craig grumbled. He looked out the window. What he saw shocked him. "LA?!?! VIPER HAS SENT US BACK HOME!?!?"
"Los Angeles?!" Paul looked out the window. He then smiled. "Ahhh...Hollywood. Home sweet home. My old stomping ground."
"How could you live in Hollywood when your father was a toymaker?" Wanda was confused.
"Easy, babe. He had two jobs. He was also a record executive." Paul grinned, winking.
"A record exec?!" Toad's jaw dropped.
"Yeah. He worked for a small label." Paul explained. Then, he did something very rare for him. He sighed sadly, and the near-perpetual smile on his face disappeared. "Before...he and my adopted mother were killed by thugs." Craig looked over at his twin.
"They were killed by members of a street gang called the Ravers. I was a member of a rival gang called the Man-Eaters at the time." Craig explained, his voice softening, another rarity. "Three years ago. Paul ended up on the streets because of that. I was cast out of the Man-Eaters when my powers manifested. Paul's manifested at the same time. It revealed that we had a mental link that allowed us to track each other down."
"We met for the first time, and it was hard to believe. We didn't exactly get along at first." Paul continued. "Our personalities were so different."
"You two are still nothing alike, personality-wise." Wanda said. She looked over at Craig, and felt some real sympathy for him. "You must've hated having Paul around at first."
"Yeah." Craig said. "The guy was so...insane. He's so cheerful. I couldn't stand the fact that we were sleeping in boxes, but he was smiling! He always had a bright outlook on life. I believed that he was either nuts, or he had drugs hidden somewhere and he was constantly high."
"I grew on him, eventually." Paul's smile returned.
"Whatever." Craig turned around. "Why am I telling you people about my past? It's done, over, finished."
"We get to know each other that way. All of us didn't have it easy..." Blob said. "Well, Paul did for a while, but he's different. Craig, I think you told us, because in your unconscious, you're starting to trust."
"Pfft." Craig scoffed. "I trust no one."
"Except Paul." Althea said matter-of-factly.
"And Wanda." Paul added, quipping. Craig turned his head, eye glowing.
"Go ahead, Pauly." Craig growled dangerously. "Say it." Paul just smiled back.
"Whatever, bro." Paul laughed.
"We have arrived, kiddos."
"The note said to be alone. Sorry Wild Bill, but we gotta be on our own for this one." Althea sighed.
"Too bad, kids. I've been wantin' some aerial action." The Texan chuckled. "Be careful. The Joes worry about you guys."
"Don't worry." Pietro waved. "As soon as Viper's taken care of, we'll call. I'll be such a big hero."
"Yeah, sure." Paul laughed.
"I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die..." Lance chanted in panic.
"Will you knock that off Lance?!?!" Wanda snapped.
"If you're gonna panic, can you do it quietly?" Toad asked.
"You are starting to scare the rest of us, Lance." Xi added.
"You've been doing that the entire flight." Wanda groaned. "I suppose it's better than hearing about Kitty again."
"I dunno. Kitty was alright." Paul shrugged. "She had a lot of trouble keeping her hands off me. What can I say? The ladies love me." The others noticed that Lance had stopped chanting "I'm gonna die" and was now chanting "Paul must die."
"My sentiments exactly." Craig smirked.
"I'm hurt, Lance." Paul shook his head. "I'm really hurt."
"There can be only one womanizer in the Misfits, Paul." Quicksilver said, pointing to himself. "And that's me!"
"Uh-huh." Paul grinned. "If you're so great Casanova, then tell me. How come all the X-Babes hate you, and they all go crazy with lust at the mere mention of my name?"
"The X-Girls have no taste!" Pietro huffed. "Besides, they seem to forget that in your mind, well...at least in fashion, the 1980s are alive and well."
"I liked the 80s." Paul grinned. "Great decade."
"Whatever." Althea sighed. The helicopter landed in some forest near the city.
"To the Misfitmobile!" Paul leapt up and pointed at Lance's jeep in a dramatic manner.
"My Jeep is not a Misfitmobile!" Lance cried. As soon as the back door of the helicopter opened, Lance ran out and jumped on the ground.
"Safe! Safe! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou..." Lance kissed the ground repeatedly. "Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou..."
"Dude, he's got problems." Paul snickered. "I've heard of loving the earth, but that's a bit much."
"And he wonders why everyone thinks he's nuts." Wanda sighed as the other Misfits climbed on the jeep.
"Lance, get yer aerophobic butt in this jeep now!" Craig snapped. Lance quickly got up, wiped the dirt off his face, and jumped behind the driver's seat.
"MISFITS AWAY!!!" Paul yelled out as Lance drove the jeep into the city. Paul reached out and fiddled with the radio, until he went to a song he liked. "Ahh...Nothin' like a little bit of Joan Jett to start a day." Paul grinned as Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" blasted out. The Misfits started singing along as they drove. The group drove to the exact coordinates, which turned out to be an abandoned junkyard. They turned off the radio and leapt out of the truck.
"We're here...now what?" Xi scratched his head.
"We should split up." Todd suggested.
"No..." Althea held her staff tightly. "I think we should stick together."
"Man, and I thought Marilyn Manson was creepy." Paul looked around, eye glowing.
"Paul, quit the jokes for once." Pietro sighed. "I guess he chickened out. I don't blame him. I'd chicken out if I knew I was getting into a fight with the fabulous Quicksilver." The silver-haired speedster grinned.
"I have a bad feeling about this." Wanda looked around. "This place is scary."
"A scary junkyard in the middle of LA. Know about this?" Lance turned to Craig and Paul.
"No." Craig looked around, clutching his nightstick. It was obvious he was extremely impatient. "I've never seen this place before."
"Neither have I." Paul confirmed.
"Maybe we should've called the Joes." Lance thought out loud.
"VIIIIIIIIIIPERRRRRR!!!!" Craig yelled out at the top of his lungs.
"OWWW!!!" The other Misfits covered their ears.
"Thanks a lot, Craig!" Althea snapped. "I may never have the hiccups again!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" A voice boomed, seeming to come from all over the junkyard.
"Who's that?" Toad clutched his bo staff nervously.
"Welcome, Misfits." The voice continued. "I hope you like this place. I fabricated it just for you. Of course you know why you must be eliminated."
"One of Cobra's new goons?" Lance asked.
"Maybe it's because he's jealous of our looks." Paul suggested.
"He's nuts?" Blob suggested.
"You mutants think you can run rampant over humanity, subjecting it to humiliation and slavery." The voice said.
"We're not here to enslave anyone." Wanda said. "You invited us here."
"I suppose you wish to know who I am?" The voice cackled.
"Yeah..." Toad started, but he heard Craig fire his laser at a shadow.
"I saw something! Over there!" Craig pointed out. The Misfits followed Darkstar. They ran to another pile of junk.
"What'd you see, Darkstar? A moving tire?" Avalanche snickered.
"Shut up, Avalanche! It looked human." Darkstar growled.
"We should be careful around this guy." Xi mulled. "He does appear to be well-versed on us."
"Indeed I do." The voice said. "How about the one called Scarlet Witch? Your real name is Wanda Maximoff, and you were locked up in an insane asylum due to powers you could not control at the time. Your father, Magneto, locked you there. You have the power to create "hex-bolts". These bolts can alter probability, and make things happen."
"How'd he know that?" Wanda wondered.
"And Starchild? Your real name is Paul Stanley Starr. As a baby, your true parents separated you from your twin brother and abandoned you. You were found and taken in by a record executive who happened to also own a toy store in Hollywood. After street thugs killed your parents, you scrounged on the streets, eventually reuniting with your brother. Your powers are centered in your right eye. You can create flashes of light that hypnotize or blind temporarily, and you can fire a laser beam from the same eye."
"How'd he know that?!?" Paul asked out loud.
"Xi..." The voice continued. "You are not like the other Misfits. Unlike them, you were created in a laboratory by Cobra. You were made and trained to be the perfect assassin. However, you escaped and befriended Toad. Your powers are invisibility, and the ability to "read" mutant powers."
"Indeed." Xi drawled.
"Avalanche...or should I say Lance Alvers? You spent your life in foster care, under which you were abused. Your powers are constantly growing, due to genetic damage caused by genetic experimentation. Your powers give you a deep connection to the earth itself."
"Where did he get this?" Lance wondered.
"Todd Tolensky, aka Toad. As a child, you were subject to experimentation that was partially responsible for your appearance. Your Toad-like mutation gives you the powers of enhanced jumping power, agility, reflexes, and a newer ability, acid spit. GI Joe's first Misfit, you are a practiced martial artist, and your weapon of choice is the bo staff."
"Man, this guy did his homework." Toad sighed.
"Yeah. I think we're in big trouble." Althea agreed.
"Althea Delgato, codename Wavedancer. Appropriate name, considering that your mutation made you amphibious and you can manipulate water. You are the eldest daughter of Hector Delgato, the GI Joe codenamed Shipwreck. You pride yourself on being from a long line of fighters and barroom brawlers. Your younger sisters are known as Trinity because of their being triplets, and their psychic powers. Too bad they are unable to be of any help to you."
"Man, now of all times to be at Shield Headquarters." Craig grumbled.
"Craig Allman Starr, the Misfit known as Darkstar. Being Starchild's twin brother, you have the same powers as he does, but you prefer to beat an opponent with your fists. Whereas your brother was brought up in "the good life", you had to fight and struggle in the streets of LA all your life. Your prized possession and sole weapon is a nightstick you have kept with you, obviously becoming very skilled with using it."
"Why don't I show you how skilled, Viper?" Craig growled. "Come out, now!"
"Fred J. Dukes, also known as the Blob. Your immense girth holds an interest in psychology. Your superhuman levels of strength and invulnerability make you the Misfit's powerhouse. Abandoned by your parents, you were raised by your grandmother on a farm, who was wanted by the FBI. After her arrest, you lived on a circus and a monster truck show. You were a very mean bully in Bayville High, and you possessed a crush on a student named Jean Grey at one point."
"I have no idea what was going through my mind at that time." Blob shook his head. "Scott can have her."
"I dunno if Jean will stay loyal." Paul grinned. "She was shooting lustful looks at me the whole time I met the X-Men."
"I remember." Toad grinned. "Every gal was doing that. Even Rogue, hard to believe."
"Yeah. What can I say?" Paul shrugged, grinning. "When it comes to charm, I am the king. Not to mention the little trick I know." Paul put his left hand in a holding position in front of him, and then waved his right hand over it. When he raised his hand and flicked his wrist, a red rose appeared in his hand in a puff of smoke and a couple sparks. "Chicks love a guy who can make roses out of thin air."
"Don't start that again, Paul." Pietro grumbled.
"Pietro Maximoff. The codename of Quicksilver is very appropriate for you, considering that you possess superhuman speed and silvery hair, and your whole body has evolved for that speed, including increased metabolism, and reflexes that work much faster than the average human."
"Isn't quicksilver really just liquid mercury?" Althea asked.
"Oh shut up." Pietro grumbled.
"What I'd like to know is how he knows all this stuff about us." Craig groaned. Toad noticed a fly buzzing around, and he caught it with his long tongue.
"YUCK!!" The toad-like mutant cringed as he tried to chew the insect. He spit it out and looked at it. "This thing is metal!" Xi took a closer look.
"Doesn't look like one of Cobra's." The snake-like mutant noted.
"Yeah. It doesn't have that resemblance to Cobra Commander." Craig smirked.
"My own design." Viper's voice boomed. "Much more effective and much harder to detect. I like to observe my targets before I eliminate them. Make the hunt more fun."
"Tell me, Viper." Craig growled, looking around. "Did Cobra hire you, or are you working alone."
"I do not think of myself as an assassin, but as a defender." Viper explained through the hidden speakers in the junkyard. "I am merely protecting humanity."
"From what?" Paul asked, even though the guitarist knew the answer.
"From mutants. I am not like the Friends of Humanity. They like to ambush and fight dirty. I prefer to let my targets see my face. To let them know that they stand no chance."
"Why? Not all mutants are bad guys." Fred queried. "We used to be part of Magneto's Brotherhood, but we wised up. We joined the Joes and we now use our talents to help people."
"Mutants only want one thing: To destroy humanity. To take over and enslave humans."
"That's not true!" Althea snapped.
"I've heard enough!" Craig's eye started glowing. "Where are you?!?!"
"Craig's right!" Toad held up his staff. "It's time to fight!"
Man, Viper is one crazed snake! In the next chapter, the face of Viper revealed!
Chapter 5: Misfits, meet the Viper! Best of Luck! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Who's been sending us these notes?" Lance racked his brain, but he couldn't come up with an answer.
"Someone with a death wish, that's who." Craig grumbled, throwing darts at a dartboard. Lance looked up at it.
"Hey, you took down my picture of Summers!" Lance said.
"You can put it back up when you play." Craig said, throwing a dart and getting a bulls-eye. "I don't have a grudge against him. Why do you hate that geek? What'd he do, disrespect your territory? Beat up your family?"
"Nah, I hate 'im 'cuz he's a jerk." Lance shrugged. "He thinks he's so freakin' great."
"Whatever. Just leave me out of it." Craig sighed, throwing another dart, and getting another bulls-eye. Darkstar groaned. "When Todd plays, he's got Kurt up. Well, not really now. When Pietro plays, he has Spyke's mug on this thing. Why do I bother caring?" Darkstar threw the last dart, getting one final bulls-eye. He then went upstairs. Paul and Wanda walked in. Wanda was carrying a pretty red dress and Paul carried a tuxedo.
"What's with the formal gear, Paul? I thought your brother had to go out with Wanda." Lance smirked.
"He does. I picked up this classic black penguin suit for him." Paul smiled.
"I thought tuxes were called 'monkey suits', Paul." Wanda looked at him strangely.
"I call 'em 'penguin suits'. More accurate." Starchild grinned. Wanda looked at the formal outfit.
"I guess I see your point." Wanda noted. She grabbed the formal clothes. "Where's Craig?"
"Upstairs." Lance pointed upwards. "Be careful. He's in one of his moods."
"Like always." Paul quipped. Wanda ran up the stairs.
"Anyone seen my sister?" Paul and Lance turned to see Pietro sitting on the pool table. "She got a dress and she can't wait to show it to Craig. She thinks it'll knock his socks off."
"NO WAY!!!" The three boys could hear Craig roar at the top of his lungs. Althea, Xi, and Toad arrived when they heard him. "NO WAY!!! UH-UH!!! NO WAY, NO HOW, NEVER!!!"
"I guess Craig saw the tux." Toad smirked. "Hope he don't blast it." An angry Craig stomped down the stairs, Wanda behind him.
"It's just for one night." Wanda said.
"Forget it!" Craig snapped. "I will not dress like a rich pig!"
"You don't need to be rich to wear a tux, Craig." Althea shook her head.
"Yeah." Wanda agreed. "I don't like wearing dresses, but I'm going to do it."
"I am a street kid! Not a spoiled money-obsessed brat!" Craig argued.
"For a street kid, you sure do act like a spoiled brat." Pietro quipped.
"Get off the pool table, Pietro." Xi told the speedster. Quicksilver jumped off. Craig saw the Misfits look at him, and he started growling.
"Nice job, Wanda!" Craig motioned to the other Misfits. "Now you got everyone here staring at me! You know how much I hate it when people look at me. I hate it when people stare at me!"
"Ohhh...I get it." Wanda grinned. "You don't wanna wear the tux because you think if you do wear it, people will stare at you."
"C'mon, bro. It's just for one night." Paul ran up to his twin. "Relax. Besides, I'm sure Wanda will look fantastic in her dress." Craig mulled over the statement for a few minutes. With a sigh, he took the tuxedo.
"Fine. But just for one night." Craig said in a defeated tone.
"You just want to see Wanda in her dress." Paul said to Craig telepathically.
"Talk again, and you'll die Paul." Craig warned him back, cutting off the link. Darkstar went upstairs to put the tux away.
"Phew." Lance wiped his brow. "I thought Craig would go completely ballistic."
"He does have some issues with his temper, doesn't he?" Xi pondered.
"Yeah." Paul sighed. "He once beat the snot out of a guy because he suggested Craig get his hair cut."
"No kidding." Toad changed the subject. "Anyway, we got another message from this 'Viper' dude, yo." Todd handed it to Paul. Paul looked at him, and he noticed that Toad, Wavedancer, and Xi were covered in food.
"What happened to you guys?"
"Leatherneck and Wet Suit were debating again." Althea sighed.
"They were debating who would win in a fight drunk: Shipwreck or Ripper?" Toad added. The mutants mulled over the question.
"Shipwreck/Dad." They all said together.
"Read the note, Paul!" Craig snapped. Starchild immediately did so.
"It's coordinates. Coordinates and a message that says, 'See you there at 4:00 PM'." Paul scratched his head. "Now we might get some answers."
"4:00. That only leaves Craig four hours to get ready for his date with Wanda." Lance quipped. He narrowly dodged Craig's eye laser. "Close, but no cigar, Craig." Darkstar leaned on a wall and crossed his arms, grumbling about it.
"Just one centimeter lower..."
"You'll have to kill Lance later. We have to meet this clown at these coordinates." Paul gave the note to his brother, and Craig looked it over with a scowl.
"Finally, the jerk reveals himself." Darkstar grumbled.
"It could be a her!" Althea snapped.
"Can I be politically incorrect just this once?" Craig sarcastically moaned. "Anyway, this 'Viper' is finally asking for a beating."
"Let's not disappoint him." Xi smirked.
"I'll get the Joes!" Paul was about to run out of the clubhouse, but Todd grabbed him.
"They already know, yo." Todd said. "We'd better hit it."
"To the Misfitmobile!" Paul pointed at the door in a dramatic manner, and he ran out of the 'clubhouse'.
"You are not calling my jeep the Misfitmobile, Paul!" Lance ran after him. "Paul, get back here!"
"You gotta admit... that Paul's always ready for a fight." Xi walked after the two calmly. The other Misfits ran after the three mutants. Later on, the heroes were flying in a jet to the coordinates they were given.
"I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die..." Lance put his knees to his chest and rocked back and forth in his seat, shivering.
"Relax, Lance." Paul smiled. "Air is the safest way to travel."
"Don't talk, Paul. You'll disturb the air pressure." Lance looked like he would explode in panic at any second.
"Baby." Craig sighed. "Lance, nothing's gonna happen."
"YEE-HAH!!" Wild Bill's voice came over the intercom of the airplane.
"I could be wrong." Darkstar moaned.
"Hey Craig, where do you plan to take Wanda tonight?" Fred teased good- naturedly. Craig glared.
"You mention the date one more time and I will kill you, you fat jerk!" Craig snapped.
"Sorry." Blob crossed his arms. "You got a real temper problem, Craig. You've been even snappier than usual today. What's with you?"
"I am not in a good mood." Craig fumed.
"You never are, Craig." Althea sighed. "Lighten up. You're like a teenage Beach Head."
"Why should I?" Craig grumbled.
"Because life's too short, yo." Toad replied.
"Yeah, bro." Paul laughed, agreeing wholeheartedly.
"Why should I?" Craig grumbled. He looked out the window. What he saw shocked him. "LA?!?! VIPER HAS SENT US BACK HOME!?!?"
"Los Angeles?!" Paul looked out the window. He then smiled. "Ahhh...Hollywood. Home sweet home. My old stomping ground."
"How could you live in Hollywood when your father was a toymaker?" Wanda was confused.
"Easy, babe. He had two jobs. He was also a record executive." Paul grinned, winking.
"A record exec?!" Toad's jaw dropped.
"Yeah. He worked for a small label." Paul explained. Then, he did something very rare for him. He sighed sadly, and the near-perpetual smile on his face disappeared. "Before...he and my adopted mother were killed by thugs." Craig looked over at his twin.
"They were killed by members of a street gang called the Ravers. I was a member of a rival gang called the Man-Eaters at the time." Craig explained, his voice softening, another rarity. "Three years ago. Paul ended up on the streets because of that. I was cast out of the Man-Eaters when my powers manifested. Paul's manifested at the same time. It revealed that we had a mental link that allowed us to track each other down."
"We met for the first time, and it was hard to believe. We didn't exactly get along at first." Paul continued. "Our personalities were so different."
"You two are still nothing alike, personality-wise." Wanda said. She looked over at Craig, and felt some real sympathy for him. "You must've hated having Paul around at first."
"Yeah." Craig said. "The guy was so...insane. He's so cheerful. I couldn't stand the fact that we were sleeping in boxes, but he was smiling! He always had a bright outlook on life. I believed that he was either nuts, or he had drugs hidden somewhere and he was constantly high."
"I grew on him, eventually." Paul's smile returned.
"Whatever." Craig turned around. "Why am I telling you people about my past? It's done, over, finished."
"We get to know each other that way. All of us didn't have it easy..." Blob said. "Well, Paul did for a while, but he's different. Craig, I think you told us, because in your unconscious, you're starting to trust."
"Pfft." Craig scoffed. "I trust no one."
"Except Paul." Althea said matter-of-factly.
"And Wanda." Paul added, quipping. Craig turned his head, eye glowing.
"Go ahead, Pauly." Craig growled dangerously. "Say it." Paul just smiled back.
"Whatever, bro." Paul laughed.
"We have arrived, kiddos."
"The note said to be alone. Sorry Wild Bill, but we gotta be on our own for this one." Althea sighed.
"Too bad, kids. I've been wantin' some aerial action." The Texan chuckled. "Be careful. The Joes worry about you guys."
"Don't worry." Pietro waved. "As soon as Viper's taken care of, we'll call. I'll be such a big hero."
"Yeah, sure." Paul laughed.
"I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die..." Lance chanted in panic.
"Will you knock that off Lance?!?!" Wanda snapped.
"If you're gonna panic, can you do it quietly?" Toad asked.
"You are starting to scare the rest of us, Lance." Xi added.
"You've been doing that the entire flight." Wanda groaned. "I suppose it's better than hearing about Kitty again."
"I dunno. Kitty was alright." Paul shrugged. "She had a lot of trouble keeping her hands off me. What can I say? The ladies love me." The others noticed that Lance had stopped chanting "I'm gonna die" and was now chanting "Paul must die."
"My sentiments exactly." Craig smirked.
"I'm hurt, Lance." Paul shook his head. "I'm really hurt."
"There can be only one womanizer in the Misfits, Paul." Quicksilver said, pointing to himself. "And that's me!"
"Uh-huh." Paul grinned. "If you're so great Casanova, then tell me. How come all the X-Babes hate you, and they all go crazy with lust at the mere mention of my name?"
"The X-Girls have no taste!" Pietro huffed. "Besides, they seem to forget that in your mind, well...at least in fashion, the 1980s are alive and well."
"I liked the 80s." Paul grinned. "Great decade."
"Whatever." Althea sighed. The helicopter landed in some forest near the city.
"To the Misfitmobile!" Paul leapt up and pointed at Lance's jeep in a dramatic manner.
"My Jeep is not a Misfitmobile!" Lance cried. As soon as the back door of the helicopter opened, Lance ran out and jumped on the ground.
"Safe! Safe! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou..." Lance kissed the ground repeatedly. "Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou..."
"Dude, he's got problems." Paul snickered. "I've heard of loving the earth, but that's a bit much."
"And he wonders why everyone thinks he's nuts." Wanda sighed as the other Misfits climbed on the jeep.
"Lance, get yer aerophobic butt in this jeep now!" Craig snapped. Lance quickly got up, wiped the dirt off his face, and jumped behind the driver's seat.
"MISFITS AWAY!!!" Paul yelled out as Lance drove the jeep into the city. Paul reached out and fiddled with the radio, until he went to a song he liked. "Ahh...Nothin' like a little bit of Joan Jett to start a day." Paul grinned as Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" blasted out. The Misfits started singing along as they drove. The group drove to the exact coordinates, which turned out to be an abandoned junkyard. They turned off the radio and leapt out of the truck.
"We're here...now what?" Xi scratched his head.
"We should split up." Todd suggested.
"No..." Althea held her staff tightly. "I think we should stick together."
"Man, and I thought Marilyn Manson was creepy." Paul looked around, eye glowing.
"Paul, quit the jokes for once." Pietro sighed. "I guess he chickened out. I don't blame him. I'd chicken out if I knew I was getting into a fight with the fabulous Quicksilver." The silver-haired speedster grinned.
"I have a bad feeling about this." Wanda looked around. "This place is scary."
"A scary junkyard in the middle of LA. Know about this?" Lance turned to Craig and Paul.
"No." Craig looked around, clutching his nightstick. It was obvious he was extremely impatient. "I've never seen this place before."
"Neither have I." Paul confirmed.
"Maybe we should've called the Joes." Lance thought out loud.
"VIIIIIIIIIIPERRRRRR!!!!" Craig yelled out at the top of his lungs.
"OWWW!!!" The other Misfits covered their ears.
"Thanks a lot, Craig!" Althea snapped. "I may never have the hiccups again!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" A voice boomed, seeming to come from all over the junkyard.
"Who's that?" Toad clutched his bo staff nervously.
"Welcome, Misfits." The voice continued. "I hope you like this place. I fabricated it just for you. Of course you know why you must be eliminated."
"One of Cobra's new goons?" Lance asked.
"Maybe it's because he's jealous of our looks." Paul suggested.
"He's nuts?" Blob suggested.
"You mutants think you can run rampant over humanity, subjecting it to humiliation and slavery." The voice said.
"We're not here to enslave anyone." Wanda said. "You invited us here."
"I suppose you wish to know who I am?" The voice cackled.
"Yeah..." Toad started, but he heard Craig fire his laser at a shadow.
"I saw something! Over there!" Craig pointed out. The Misfits followed Darkstar. They ran to another pile of junk.
"What'd you see, Darkstar? A moving tire?" Avalanche snickered.
"Shut up, Avalanche! It looked human." Darkstar growled.
"We should be careful around this guy." Xi mulled. "He does appear to be well-versed on us."
"Indeed I do." The voice said. "How about the one called Scarlet Witch? Your real name is Wanda Maximoff, and you were locked up in an insane asylum due to powers you could not control at the time. Your father, Magneto, locked you there. You have the power to create "hex-bolts". These bolts can alter probability, and make things happen."
"How'd he know that?" Wanda wondered.
"And Starchild? Your real name is Paul Stanley Starr. As a baby, your true parents separated you from your twin brother and abandoned you. You were found and taken in by a record executive who happened to also own a toy store in Hollywood. After street thugs killed your parents, you scrounged on the streets, eventually reuniting with your brother. Your powers are centered in your right eye. You can create flashes of light that hypnotize or blind temporarily, and you can fire a laser beam from the same eye."
"How'd he know that?!?" Paul asked out loud.
"Xi..." The voice continued. "You are not like the other Misfits. Unlike them, you were created in a laboratory by Cobra. You were made and trained to be the perfect assassin. However, you escaped and befriended Toad. Your powers are invisibility, and the ability to "read" mutant powers."
"Indeed." Xi drawled.
"Avalanche...or should I say Lance Alvers? You spent your life in foster care, under which you were abused. Your powers are constantly growing, due to genetic damage caused by genetic experimentation. Your powers give you a deep connection to the earth itself."
"Where did he get this?" Lance wondered.
"Todd Tolensky, aka Toad. As a child, you were subject to experimentation that was partially responsible for your appearance. Your Toad-like mutation gives you the powers of enhanced jumping power, agility, reflexes, and a newer ability, acid spit. GI Joe's first Misfit, you are a practiced martial artist, and your weapon of choice is the bo staff."
"Man, this guy did his homework." Toad sighed.
"Yeah. I think we're in big trouble." Althea agreed.
"Althea Delgato, codename Wavedancer. Appropriate name, considering that your mutation made you amphibious and you can manipulate water. You are the eldest daughter of Hector Delgato, the GI Joe codenamed Shipwreck. You pride yourself on being from a long line of fighters and barroom brawlers. Your younger sisters are known as Trinity because of their being triplets, and their psychic powers. Too bad they are unable to be of any help to you."
"Man, now of all times to be at Shield Headquarters." Craig grumbled.
"Craig Allman Starr, the Misfit known as Darkstar. Being Starchild's twin brother, you have the same powers as he does, but you prefer to beat an opponent with your fists. Whereas your brother was brought up in "the good life", you had to fight and struggle in the streets of LA all your life. Your prized possession and sole weapon is a nightstick you have kept with you, obviously becoming very skilled with using it."
"Why don't I show you how skilled, Viper?" Craig growled. "Come out, now!"
"Fred J. Dukes, also known as the Blob. Your immense girth holds an interest in psychology. Your superhuman levels of strength and invulnerability make you the Misfit's powerhouse. Abandoned by your parents, you were raised by your grandmother on a farm, who was wanted by the FBI. After her arrest, you lived on a circus and a monster truck show. You were a very mean bully in Bayville High, and you possessed a crush on a student named Jean Grey at one point."
"I have no idea what was going through my mind at that time." Blob shook his head. "Scott can have her."
"I dunno if Jean will stay loyal." Paul grinned. "She was shooting lustful looks at me the whole time I met the X-Men."
"I remember." Toad grinned. "Every gal was doing that. Even Rogue, hard to believe."
"Yeah. What can I say?" Paul shrugged, grinning. "When it comes to charm, I am the king. Not to mention the little trick I know." Paul put his left hand in a holding position in front of him, and then waved his right hand over it. When he raised his hand and flicked his wrist, a red rose appeared in his hand in a puff of smoke and a couple sparks. "Chicks love a guy who can make roses out of thin air."
"Don't start that again, Paul." Pietro grumbled.
"Pietro Maximoff. The codename of Quicksilver is very appropriate for you, considering that you possess superhuman speed and silvery hair, and your whole body has evolved for that speed, including increased metabolism, and reflexes that work much faster than the average human."
"Isn't quicksilver really just liquid mercury?" Althea asked.
"Oh shut up." Pietro grumbled.
"What I'd like to know is how he knows all this stuff about us." Craig groaned. Toad noticed a fly buzzing around, and he caught it with his long tongue.
"YUCK!!" The toad-like mutant cringed as he tried to chew the insect. He spit it out and looked at it. "This thing is metal!" Xi took a closer look.
"Doesn't look like one of Cobra's." The snake-like mutant noted.
"Yeah. It doesn't have that resemblance to Cobra Commander." Craig smirked.
"My own design." Viper's voice boomed. "Much more effective and much harder to detect. I like to observe my targets before I eliminate them. Make the hunt more fun."
"Tell me, Viper." Craig growled, looking around. "Did Cobra hire you, or are you working alone."
"I do not think of myself as an assassin, but as a defender." Viper explained through the hidden speakers in the junkyard. "I am merely protecting humanity."
"From what?" Paul asked, even though the guitarist knew the answer.
"From mutants. I am not like the Friends of Humanity. They like to ambush and fight dirty. I prefer to let my targets see my face. To let them know that they stand no chance."
"Why? Not all mutants are bad guys." Fred queried. "We used to be part of Magneto's Brotherhood, but we wised up. We joined the Joes and we now use our talents to help people."
"Mutants only want one thing: To destroy humanity. To take over and enslave humans."
"That's not true!" Althea snapped.
"I've heard enough!" Craig's eye started glowing. "Where are you?!?!"
"Craig's right!" Toad held up his staff. "It's time to fight!"
Man, Viper is one crazed snake! In the next chapter, the face of Viper revealed!