The Misfits vs. The Viper
Chapter 6: The Big Battle! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Where are you, Viper!" Craig snapped. "Come out, you filthy coward!" Wanda charged up a hex-bolt on each hand.
"I got a nice juicy hex-bolt right here with your name on it!" Wanda snapped.
"Here I am." A voice called out. The Misfits turned around to see Viper himself. He wore a dark green scaly bodysuit with a full head cowl and white eyepieces. The cowl only revealed his lips, nostrils, and chin. The bodysuit had a yellow chevron-like pattern that crossed the shoulders and met at the chest. His costume also had a long green tail twitching at his lower back.
"Man, what a hypocrite!" Lance pointed out. "He has a tail! How can he be human with a tail!? He can only be a mutant with that thing!"
"Indeed." Xi agreed. The mutant assassin laughed.
"Get 'im!!!" Craig shouted. Toad spat some acid, Paul and Craig fired their eye lasers, and Wanda pitched her hex-bolts. Viper managed to dodge them with an expert leap and twirl.
"Where'd he learn that?!?!" Lance cried.
"Try this, mutants!" Viper cried out. He fired a pair of hidden wrist- mounted laser cannons.
"DUCK!!" Althea cried out. The Misfits quickly jumped out of the way of the laser shots, scattering in the process.
"Man, this guy ain't playin' around!" Paul dove behind a pile of junk, Craig with him.
"Paul, cut the comedy for once in your lousy life!" Craig snapped. "Where are the others?"
"I dunno, they split like bananas!" Paul shrugged.
"Come out, come out, wherever you are..." Viper looked around.
"If I can just catch him with my hypnosis..." Craig mentally planned, sneaking up to the assassin.
"Careful, bro." A worried Paul telepathically told his brother, peeking out of the pile of junk.
"Hey snakeface!" Craig snapped. Viper turned, and Craig's eye flashed. "What?"
"Remember, little boy. I know how your hypnotic powers work. Your skin absorbs light, converting into alpha waves. Alpha waves are a special light known to cause hypnotic trances. These waves are stored in your eye. When you use your powers, your eye puts out a flash of concentrated alpha waves, rendering your opponents under your power. My eyepieces are shielded against them."
"Then try hot laser at point blank range!" Craig snapped, firing his laser at Viper's chest. However, the laser didn't affect the chest plate. Viper smirked at Craig's shocked face.
"My costume is lined with a special form of the indestructible metal adamantium. It's called carbonadium. Carbonadium is a flexible version of adamantium, and just as indestructible." Viper smirked. Craig stared at Viper intensely.
"I don't care what material your fancy costume is made of." Craig growled, eye flashing. "Every armor has a chink!" Craig aimed a nightstick blow at Viper's chin, but the assassin blocked. The action caused Craig's nightstick to fly into the air, spinning. Viper threw a right cross, but Craig slapped it away, and let years of streetfighting take over. Craig blocked the cross and fired one of his own. Viper blocked and went for a roundhouse kick, which Craig easily dodged, but didn't take the tail into account. He felt the tail slap against his cheek like a whip. As Darkstar staggered, Viper hit the ex-gang member with a gut shot.
"Hang on Craig!" Paul ran to his brother's aid, firing his laser.
"You are as hopeless as your pathetic brother!" Viper growled. He fired his laser at Paul, who countered with his own beams. Paul then jumped up and smacked Viper with a kick to the chest. As Viper fell over, Paul helped Craig up.
"Watch his tail." Craig warned. Paul immediately looked around. "Where are the others?" Starchild thought. As if in response to his mental quandary, a shuriken landed dangerously close to Viper's cheek. "Alright!" Viper looked around, getting up. He got ambushed by Wavedancer and Toad.
"I may not be able to use my powers here, but I still can fight!" Althea and Viper traded blows. Toad tried to cut through the armor with his acid, but the carbonadium resisted.
"Nuts!" Toad growled. The ground started to shake, knocking Viper off balance. Avalanche was concentrating.
"Let's rock, snake!" Lance held up his fists. Out of nowhere, Wanda and Xi attacked. Xi made himself visible, kicking Viper's legs out from under him, and Scarlet Witch attacked with hex-bolts.
"You are sooo in trouble!" Paul quipped. Pietro, grabbing some rope he found, tied Viper up with it.
"Hah! We got you now!" Pietro cackled. "Where's Fred?"
"Here I am." Freddy walked up, a banana in his hand.
"Typical Fred. We do the work, he eats." Craig wheezed, still recovering from the gut shot. "Owww..."
"Want Wanda to kiss it better?" Paul quipped.
"Oh shut up." Craig coughed.
"Heh heh heh." Viper smirked. "You freaks aren't as dependent on your powers as I thought."
"We freaks just whupped ya." Todd tapped his head. "Let's call the Joes and go home."
"I don't think so." Viper smirked. He easily broke out of the ropes, and disappeared. "Catch me if you can, Misfits!"
"Where'd he go?" Blob looked around.
"He made himself invisible!" Lance snapped. "Just like Xi!"
"He seems to mimic our powers." Xi noted.
"His tail is fake." Craig wheezed. "I felt it when it smacked me in the face. It felt like it was metal. It made a clanging sound, like metal."
"So this guy's faking it?" Toad crossed his arms. "How low."
"A very interesting psychological play." Xi nodded.
"Yeah. He uses a fake tail to make himself look like a mutant when he does his jobs." Fred reasoned.
"Makes it look like a mutant is killing his fellow mutants." Wanda sighed.
"I say we take that tail, wrap it around his neck, and squeeze for a few hours." Craig suggested angrily.
"We gotta find this guy!" Paul said. "If he gets to the city..."
"He won't go to the city, Starboy. It's us he's after." Pietro said.
"Where could he have gone?" Fred scratched his head.
"Maybe he went out for a pizza." Paul suggested.
"Starchild, are you even on the same planet as the rest of us?!?!" Lance snapped. "He's trying to kill us!!! "Why would he leave to get a freakin' pizza?!?!"
"Assassins get hungry too, Avalanche." Paul explained.
"Guys, shut up!" Althea snapped. "We have to stop this guy, and now!"
"Yes." Xi agreed. "What about the tail? Darkstar said he felt metal."
"Mmm." Craig nodded. "He said his armor was made of carbonadium."
"Carbonadium? What's carbonadium?" Wanda asked.
"He said carbonadium is a form of some indestructible metal called adamantium." Craig remembered.
"Adamantium?" Lance thought out loud. "Isn't that the stuff that Wolverine's claws are made out of?"
"Yeah." Althea remembered hearing that around the base. "I have heard that his whole skeleton is lined with the stuff. Makes his bones impossible to break."
"He said carbonadium is a more flexible form of adamantium." Craig said. "He's got indestructible armor."
"Every armor has a chink, bro." Paul said, trying to lighten everyone up. "There's got to be a way to stop him."
"If he can artificially simulate mutant powers, then we are in trouble." Wanda pondered, then she got an idea. "Hey guys, I got an idea."
"Oh brilliant, Wanda's got a plan." Pietro grumbled. "Someone call the loony bin." Wanda glared at her twin brother.
"Remind me to kill you later." Scarlet Witch crossed her arms.
"You got a busy night ahead of you, between dating Craig and killing Pietro." Todd snickered.
"Shut up." A blushing Craig growled.
"Hey!" Pietro snapped.
"Let's just hear her idea. We desperately need one." Lance defended.
"Okay. Gather around." The Misfits huddled and listened to Wanda's plan. Pietro let out a whiny "Me?!?!" during the whispering, and Craig smacked him upside the head with his hand. "Everyone got it?"
"No problem, SW." The ever-optimistic Paul grinned, giving a thumbs up.
"This'll be fun!" Todd smirked.
"Wanda, that's brilliant!" Althea smiled.
"Why me?" Pietro whined.
"I like the plan." Craig nodded.
"You like it 'cause Wanda cooked it up." Paul teased lightheartedly.
"Shut up Paul." Craig blushed.
"Man, that Viper's gonna get it." Fred chuckled.
"Yup, only Wanda could think of this." Lance shrugged.
"Fascinating." Xi said. Craig found his nightstick.
"Let's do this!" Paul put his hand out. Taking the hint, the other Misfits put their hands on top and raised them. "Alright! Let's go!" The Misfits ran off in eight different directions. An invisible Viper watched them in confusion.
"What could those freaks be up to?" The assassin thought to himself. He then heard clanging.
"Here Viper Viper Viper Viper! Here Viper! Here Viper! Viperrrrr, yoo-hoo, where are yooooou?" Pietro clanged some metal parts together. He had two thoughts in his mind: "I'm gonna die" and "If this plan works and we get home, I am gonna kill Wanda". An invisible Viper slowly and carefully moved to where Pietro was making all the noise. "Viiiiiiperrrrr!!! God, help me pleeeeeeease..." Quicksilver started whining, as usual. "I don't wanna be dead. I'm too young and too pretty to diiiiiiiieeeeee..."
"That's a shame." Viper made himself visible, and Pietro squeaked in fright. Viper fired his hand lasers, and Pietro ran away as fast as he could without using his super speed.
"MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Quicksilver cried out at the top of his lungs. Viper was chasing him, firing his beams. The silver-haired scaredy-cat ran past a pile of junk. Viper was just about to pass it himself, but Blob stepped in front of him at the last second. The assassin ran into the huge teen. Viper bounced off a smiling Freddy like a rubber ball off a tile floor. Viper landed hard on the ground.
"Ohhhh...my head." Viper moaned. "Wha-?" He saw Scarlet Witch standing above him, grinning evilly.
"Hi." That was all Wanda said before she zapped him with a hex-bolt. "Okay!"
"Rock 'n' roll!" Lance cackled as he made the earth around and under Viper spin around very fast, like milkshake in a blender.
"I think I'm gonna puke." Viper groaned weakly.
"Okay Pietro!" Lance cried out. Quicksilver around the dirt circle very fast, creating a whirlwind that spun Viper around even faster, and carried him into the air.
"Whoaohohohohohohohohohoh!!!!" Viper looked like he'd hurl at any second. "Ugh."
"Okay guys!" Wanda said. Lance and Pietro quit their attacks, causing Viper to fall, landing hard on his head.
"Uhhh..." Viper held his dizzy head, but now he got repeatedly punched and kicked by an invisible Xi. After a couple minutes, Xi leapt away, and Althea got a few shots in. Paul and Craig used a flash of light from their eyes to blind Viper, then Toad pulled him off his feet with his tongue. As his sight returned, he saw a smirking Craig stand over him.
"Have a nice nap." Craig then smacked Viper's head with his nightstick, knocking the assassin out. The other Misfits gathered around.
"He wasn't so tough." Lance smirked.
"He never faced us." Craig said. "He underestimated the fact that our powers are only one of our tools."
"You're dead, Wanda." Pietro glared at his twin sister. "I nearly got fried like an egg!"
"Be grateful you weren't roasted." Wanda glared back. Paul stood over the knocked-out Viper.
"You got knocked the heck out!" Paul laughed, doing a great Chris Tucker impersonation
"Let's hurry and find a way to get this armor off him before he wakes up." Althea said. The Misfits searched for a clasp or anyway to get the armor off. After what almost seemed like an eternity, the mutant-killer woke up, groaning. He looked around and saw that he was tied to a steel pole, planted in the ground. The grinning Misfits held pieces of his armor, and he realized he was only wearing his cowl and underwear. "Looks like we win."
"Let's go home." Craig said.
"Craig's gotta go on a date with my sister." Pietro grinned.
"Do you have any idea how to shut up, Quicksilver?" A blushing Craig growled. The Misfits walked away, Paul and Pietro razzing the assassin. Viper burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" Wanda asked.
"You think I came alone?" Viper smirked. He whistled, and a whole mess of Cobra troopers revealed themselves, pointing blasters at the Misfits.
"You lying scum!" Craig snapped, eye glowing brightly. "You said you were alone!"
"I lied."
"Oh man!" Lance looked around. Althea started giggling.
"What's so funny, mutant?" A Cobra trooper asked.
"Oh boys, you didn't think we wouldn't come prepared, did you?" Althea grinned.
"Huh?" Todd scratched his head.
"I don't get it." Paul said. The other Misfits looked at Althea.
"They should be here right now." Althea looked at her wrist like she was checking a watch. Suddenly, a familiar cry rang out.
"YO JOE!!!" A group of Joe vehicles drove in, laser guns blasting. The Misfits quickly ducked.
"Watch it, guys! Don't hit the kids!" Cover Girl ordered.
"No prob." Low Light fired his laser rifle.
"Hang on Paul and Craig! Recondo's here!" Recondo fired his laser rifle. The Joes leapt out of the vehicles, surrounding the Cobras.
"Surrender, Cobra!" Cover Girl ordered. A helicopter flew up over the junkyard, Wild Bill at the helm. It landed near the kids, and the Joes captured the troops and rounded them up into the truck. Paul hugged Recondo, Pietro and Wanda ran to Cover Girl, Lance hugged Spirit, while the others went to Roadblock.
"How'd you know, hon?" Todd asked his girlfriend. Althea smirked.
"While Viper was knocked out, I activated a hidden homing beacon in my costume, just in case the snake brought friends." Wavedancer explained.
"Brains, beauty, and brawn." Paul whistled. "I said it once, and I'll say it again: You lucky frog!"
"Can we go home? Craig and I have to go on a date." Wanda said.
"I kept hoping she forgot." Craig grumbled. "I should've taken the first shot at that stupid pool game."
"You have to kill Pietro too, remember?" Paul joked.
"Tomorrow." Wanda said. "I'm too excited to kill my brother now. What time is it?" Cover Girl checked her watch.
"6:00 PM." Cover Girl said.
"It can't be! The sun's still up." Fred looked at the sky.
"Summer's coming." Paul said. "That's why." Craig nodded in agreement.
"Let's get outta here." Lance sighed.
"What do we do with him?" Xi pointed at a shocked Viper. The Misfits and the Joes all looked at each other. The vehicles left the scene, Viper tied to the helicopter's nose, making him scream with fright. Back in the "clubhouse", Lance, Pietro, Paul, and Xi were sitting on the couches, laughing at a joke Starchild told.
"Man Paul, you are multi-talented!" Lance laughed.
"Actor, musician, comedian, impressionist. I am a man of many talents, indeed." Paul grinned.
"Speaking of a Starr family member, where's a certain foul-tempered street savage?" Pietro grumbled. "He's at home. He's hiding from Wanda." Paul grinned. "Craig is still not too crazy about the date."
"No kidding." Xi said. "I overheard him cursing the pool game the whole time we flew back to the Pit."
"Yeah. I'm gonna call Kitty." Lance got up and went to the phone.
"Here he goes again." Pietro groaned. "Betcha something wild happens."
"Tell Tabby I said hi." Paul told Lance.
"Last time I did that, Tabby and Amara fought over who got to talk to you first, Paul." Lance reminded.
"Things got interesting when Rogue, Rahne and Jean jumped in and tried to get the phone. Oh yeah, Kitty did too." Pietro grinned. Lance chagrined at the last remark. Kitty answered, and Starchild and Quicksilver watched them talk until...
"Paul, she wants to talk to you." Lance grumbled. Paul happily jumped over the couch and ran to the phone.
"Hi Kitty." Paul said. Ten seconds later, the sounds of cat-fighting could be heard, as the X-Girls were fighting over who got to talk to Paul on the phone. Fred walked in, holding some mail.
"Hey guys!" Fred handed Starchild the envelopes. "Hey Paul, I have some love letters from the X-Girls, and some hate mail from Scooter, Ray, Gambit, and Peter."
"Why am I not surprised?" Pietro sighed.
"I told you I'm just as good a charmer as you, Quick." Starchild grinned.
"Actually, Paul does better. He has no inflated ego." Blob observed.
"Hey!" Pietro snapped. Xi listened to the receiver.
"Do all women act like this around Paul?" Xi asked.
"Yeah, Xi. They do. Except Althea and Wanda. Paul's never worked his charms on them. Thank God." Todd sighed.
"Yeah." Lance agreed. "Can I talk to Kitty now, Paul?"
"Okay." Paul happily handed the receiver to Lance.
"Hey guys, what about Craig and Wanda's date? Should we help out, like the Joes did with Todd and Althea's?"
"Hey yeah!" Althea said.
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"%&$#@!!!" Cobra Commander stomped around in his office, raging about the usual thing: His big plan failing. "$#&@*!!! $&(#@!!!!" Destro walked in, smirking.
"Well Commander, it looks like your plan has failed. Why am I not surprised? I told you not to hire that assassin. I told you he'd underestimate the Misfits."
"Oh shut up, Destro." Cobra Commander grumbled. He looked around his office. "I still haven't got my coffee."
"By the way, who sent those weird messages to the Misfits?" Destro wondered.
"I don't know, and I don't care. I just want coffee." Cobra Commander grumbled.
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"You idiots!" Zarana snapped at the Dreadnoks. "I can't believe you dopes sent those 'window wiper' messages to the Misfits!"
"Sorry." Torch groaned. "Not my bloody fault the mutants have similar e- mail addresses!"
"What was the plan again?" Ripper asked. Monkeywrench groaned.
"The plan was to send the X-Men on a wild goose chase, the come to the Institute disguised as window wipers." Monkeywrench held up a bunch of window wiper costumes. "Then, we blast 'em!"
"I can't believe I went along with this stupid plan." Zandar groaned.
"What'd he say?" Ripper pointed at Zandar.
"WAHHHHH!!! No one listens to meeeeee!!!" Zandar whined.
"Just one competent Dreadnok besides Zanya. Is that too much to ask?" Zarana sighed. "Where is she anyway?"
"Trying to find a way to get that Misfit to herself. What's his name, Starkid?"
"Starchild." Zandar sighed. "The one with the purple star over his eye."
"Oh yeah, the KISS wannabe dressed like a bloody 1980s rock video." Torch snickered. "Man, that kid can charm. Zanya still fawns over him."
Well, looks like the day is saved, thanks to the marvelous Misfits. However, there's still one big loose end to tie up: Craig and Wanda's date! (A/N: Craig: Let's not and say we did, please?) Let's hope nothing goes wrong!
Chapter 6: The Big Battle! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Where are you, Viper!" Craig snapped. "Come out, you filthy coward!" Wanda charged up a hex-bolt on each hand.
"I got a nice juicy hex-bolt right here with your name on it!" Wanda snapped.
"Here I am." A voice called out. The Misfits turned around to see Viper himself. He wore a dark green scaly bodysuit with a full head cowl and white eyepieces. The cowl only revealed his lips, nostrils, and chin. The bodysuit had a yellow chevron-like pattern that crossed the shoulders and met at the chest. His costume also had a long green tail twitching at his lower back.
"Man, what a hypocrite!" Lance pointed out. "He has a tail! How can he be human with a tail!? He can only be a mutant with that thing!"
"Indeed." Xi agreed. The mutant assassin laughed.
"Get 'im!!!" Craig shouted. Toad spat some acid, Paul and Craig fired their eye lasers, and Wanda pitched her hex-bolts. Viper managed to dodge them with an expert leap and twirl.
"Where'd he learn that?!?!" Lance cried.
"Try this, mutants!" Viper cried out. He fired a pair of hidden wrist- mounted laser cannons.
"DUCK!!" Althea cried out. The Misfits quickly jumped out of the way of the laser shots, scattering in the process.
"Man, this guy ain't playin' around!" Paul dove behind a pile of junk, Craig with him.
"Paul, cut the comedy for once in your lousy life!" Craig snapped. "Where are the others?"
"I dunno, they split like bananas!" Paul shrugged.
"Come out, come out, wherever you are..." Viper looked around.
"If I can just catch him with my hypnosis..." Craig mentally planned, sneaking up to the assassin.
"Careful, bro." A worried Paul telepathically told his brother, peeking out of the pile of junk.
"Hey snakeface!" Craig snapped. Viper turned, and Craig's eye flashed. "What?"
"Remember, little boy. I know how your hypnotic powers work. Your skin absorbs light, converting into alpha waves. Alpha waves are a special light known to cause hypnotic trances. These waves are stored in your eye. When you use your powers, your eye puts out a flash of concentrated alpha waves, rendering your opponents under your power. My eyepieces are shielded against them."
"Then try hot laser at point blank range!" Craig snapped, firing his laser at Viper's chest. However, the laser didn't affect the chest plate. Viper smirked at Craig's shocked face.
"My costume is lined with a special form of the indestructible metal adamantium. It's called carbonadium. Carbonadium is a flexible version of adamantium, and just as indestructible." Viper smirked. Craig stared at Viper intensely.
"I don't care what material your fancy costume is made of." Craig growled, eye flashing. "Every armor has a chink!" Craig aimed a nightstick blow at Viper's chin, but the assassin blocked. The action caused Craig's nightstick to fly into the air, spinning. Viper threw a right cross, but Craig slapped it away, and let years of streetfighting take over. Craig blocked the cross and fired one of his own. Viper blocked and went for a roundhouse kick, which Craig easily dodged, but didn't take the tail into account. He felt the tail slap against his cheek like a whip. As Darkstar staggered, Viper hit the ex-gang member with a gut shot.
"Hang on Craig!" Paul ran to his brother's aid, firing his laser.
"You are as hopeless as your pathetic brother!" Viper growled. He fired his laser at Paul, who countered with his own beams. Paul then jumped up and smacked Viper with a kick to the chest. As Viper fell over, Paul helped Craig up.
"Watch his tail." Craig warned. Paul immediately looked around. "Where are the others?" Starchild thought. As if in response to his mental quandary, a shuriken landed dangerously close to Viper's cheek. "Alright!" Viper looked around, getting up. He got ambushed by Wavedancer and Toad.
"I may not be able to use my powers here, but I still can fight!" Althea and Viper traded blows. Toad tried to cut through the armor with his acid, but the carbonadium resisted.
"Nuts!" Toad growled. The ground started to shake, knocking Viper off balance. Avalanche was concentrating.
"Let's rock, snake!" Lance held up his fists. Out of nowhere, Wanda and Xi attacked. Xi made himself visible, kicking Viper's legs out from under him, and Scarlet Witch attacked with hex-bolts.
"You are sooo in trouble!" Paul quipped. Pietro, grabbing some rope he found, tied Viper up with it.
"Hah! We got you now!" Pietro cackled. "Where's Fred?"
"Here I am." Freddy walked up, a banana in his hand.
"Typical Fred. We do the work, he eats." Craig wheezed, still recovering from the gut shot. "Owww..."
"Want Wanda to kiss it better?" Paul quipped.
"Oh shut up." Craig coughed.
"Heh heh heh." Viper smirked. "You freaks aren't as dependent on your powers as I thought."
"We freaks just whupped ya." Todd tapped his head. "Let's call the Joes and go home."
"I don't think so." Viper smirked. He easily broke out of the ropes, and disappeared. "Catch me if you can, Misfits!"
"Where'd he go?" Blob looked around.
"He made himself invisible!" Lance snapped. "Just like Xi!"
"He seems to mimic our powers." Xi noted.
"His tail is fake." Craig wheezed. "I felt it when it smacked me in the face. It felt like it was metal. It made a clanging sound, like metal."
"So this guy's faking it?" Toad crossed his arms. "How low."
"A very interesting psychological play." Xi nodded.
"Yeah. He uses a fake tail to make himself look like a mutant when he does his jobs." Fred reasoned.
"Makes it look like a mutant is killing his fellow mutants." Wanda sighed.
"I say we take that tail, wrap it around his neck, and squeeze for a few hours." Craig suggested angrily.
"We gotta find this guy!" Paul said. "If he gets to the city..."
"He won't go to the city, Starboy. It's us he's after." Pietro said.
"Where could he have gone?" Fred scratched his head.
"Maybe he went out for a pizza." Paul suggested.
"Starchild, are you even on the same planet as the rest of us?!?!" Lance snapped. "He's trying to kill us!!! "Why would he leave to get a freakin' pizza?!?!"
"Assassins get hungry too, Avalanche." Paul explained.
"Guys, shut up!" Althea snapped. "We have to stop this guy, and now!"
"Yes." Xi agreed. "What about the tail? Darkstar said he felt metal."
"Mmm." Craig nodded. "He said his armor was made of carbonadium."
"Carbonadium? What's carbonadium?" Wanda asked.
"He said carbonadium is a form of some indestructible metal called adamantium." Craig remembered.
"Adamantium?" Lance thought out loud. "Isn't that the stuff that Wolverine's claws are made out of?"
"Yeah." Althea remembered hearing that around the base. "I have heard that his whole skeleton is lined with the stuff. Makes his bones impossible to break."
"He said carbonadium is a more flexible form of adamantium." Craig said. "He's got indestructible armor."
"Every armor has a chink, bro." Paul said, trying to lighten everyone up. "There's got to be a way to stop him."
"If he can artificially simulate mutant powers, then we are in trouble." Wanda pondered, then she got an idea. "Hey guys, I got an idea."
"Oh brilliant, Wanda's got a plan." Pietro grumbled. "Someone call the loony bin." Wanda glared at her twin brother.
"Remind me to kill you later." Scarlet Witch crossed her arms.
"You got a busy night ahead of you, between dating Craig and killing Pietro." Todd snickered.
"Shut up." A blushing Craig growled.
"Hey!" Pietro snapped.
"Let's just hear her idea. We desperately need one." Lance defended.
"Okay. Gather around." The Misfits huddled and listened to Wanda's plan. Pietro let out a whiny "Me?!?!" during the whispering, and Craig smacked him upside the head with his hand. "Everyone got it?"
"No problem, SW." The ever-optimistic Paul grinned, giving a thumbs up.
"This'll be fun!" Todd smirked.
"Wanda, that's brilliant!" Althea smiled.
"Why me?" Pietro whined.
"I like the plan." Craig nodded.
"You like it 'cause Wanda cooked it up." Paul teased lightheartedly.
"Shut up Paul." Craig blushed.
"Man, that Viper's gonna get it." Fred chuckled.
"Yup, only Wanda could think of this." Lance shrugged.
"Fascinating." Xi said. Craig found his nightstick.
"Let's do this!" Paul put his hand out. Taking the hint, the other Misfits put their hands on top and raised them. "Alright! Let's go!" The Misfits ran off in eight different directions. An invisible Viper watched them in confusion.
"What could those freaks be up to?" The assassin thought to himself. He then heard clanging.
"Here Viper Viper Viper Viper! Here Viper! Here Viper! Viperrrrr, yoo-hoo, where are yooooou?" Pietro clanged some metal parts together. He had two thoughts in his mind: "I'm gonna die" and "If this plan works and we get home, I am gonna kill Wanda". An invisible Viper slowly and carefully moved to where Pietro was making all the noise. "Viiiiiiperrrrr!!! God, help me pleeeeeeease..." Quicksilver started whining, as usual. "I don't wanna be dead. I'm too young and too pretty to diiiiiiiieeeeee..."
"That's a shame." Viper made himself visible, and Pietro squeaked in fright. Viper fired his hand lasers, and Pietro ran away as fast as he could without using his super speed.
"MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Quicksilver cried out at the top of his lungs. Viper was chasing him, firing his beams. The silver-haired scaredy-cat ran past a pile of junk. Viper was just about to pass it himself, but Blob stepped in front of him at the last second. The assassin ran into the huge teen. Viper bounced off a smiling Freddy like a rubber ball off a tile floor. Viper landed hard on the ground.
"Ohhhh...my head." Viper moaned. "Wha-?" He saw Scarlet Witch standing above him, grinning evilly.
"Hi." That was all Wanda said before she zapped him with a hex-bolt. "Okay!"
"Rock 'n' roll!" Lance cackled as he made the earth around and under Viper spin around very fast, like milkshake in a blender.
"I think I'm gonna puke." Viper groaned weakly.
"Okay Pietro!" Lance cried out. Quicksilver around the dirt circle very fast, creating a whirlwind that spun Viper around even faster, and carried him into the air.
"Whoaohohohohohohohohohoh!!!!" Viper looked like he'd hurl at any second. "Ugh."
"Okay guys!" Wanda said. Lance and Pietro quit their attacks, causing Viper to fall, landing hard on his head.
"Uhhh..." Viper held his dizzy head, but now he got repeatedly punched and kicked by an invisible Xi. After a couple minutes, Xi leapt away, and Althea got a few shots in. Paul and Craig used a flash of light from their eyes to blind Viper, then Toad pulled him off his feet with his tongue. As his sight returned, he saw a smirking Craig stand over him.
"Have a nice nap." Craig then smacked Viper's head with his nightstick, knocking the assassin out. The other Misfits gathered around.
"He wasn't so tough." Lance smirked.
"He never faced us." Craig said. "He underestimated the fact that our powers are only one of our tools."
"You're dead, Wanda." Pietro glared at his twin sister. "I nearly got fried like an egg!"
"Be grateful you weren't roasted." Wanda glared back. Paul stood over the knocked-out Viper.
"You got knocked the heck out!" Paul laughed, doing a great Chris Tucker impersonation
"Let's hurry and find a way to get this armor off him before he wakes up." Althea said. The Misfits searched for a clasp or anyway to get the armor off. After what almost seemed like an eternity, the mutant-killer woke up, groaning. He looked around and saw that he was tied to a steel pole, planted in the ground. The grinning Misfits held pieces of his armor, and he realized he was only wearing his cowl and underwear. "Looks like we win."
"Let's go home." Craig said.
"Craig's gotta go on a date with my sister." Pietro grinned.
"Do you have any idea how to shut up, Quicksilver?" A blushing Craig growled. The Misfits walked away, Paul and Pietro razzing the assassin. Viper burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" Wanda asked.
"You think I came alone?" Viper smirked. He whistled, and a whole mess of Cobra troopers revealed themselves, pointing blasters at the Misfits.
"You lying scum!" Craig snapped, eye glowing brightly. "You said you were alone!"
"I lied."
"Oh man!" Lance looked around. Althea started giggling.
"What's so funny, mutant?" A Cobra trooper asked.
"Oh boys, you didn't think we wouldn't come prepared, did you?" Althea grinned.
"Huh?" Todd scratched his head.
"I don't get it." Paul said. The other Misfits looked at Althea.
"They should be here right now." Althea looked at her wrist like she was checking a watch. Suddenly, a familiar cry rang out.
"YO JOE!!!" A group of Joe vehicles drove in, laser guns blasting. The Misfits quickly ducked.
"Watch it, guys! Don't hit the kids!" Cover Girl ordered.
"No prob." Low Light fired his laser rifle.
"Hang on Paul and Craig! Recondo's here!" Recondo fired his laser rifle. The Joes leapt out of the vehicles, surrounding the Cobras.
"Surrender, Cobra!" Cover Girl ordered. A helicopter flew up over the junkyard, Wild Bill at the helm. It landed near the kids, and the Joes captured the troops and rounded them up into the truck. Paul hugged Recondo, Pietro and Wanda ran to Cover Girl, Lance hugged Spirit, while the others went to Roadblock.
"How'd you know, hon?" Todd asked his girlfriend. Althea smirked.
"While Viper was knocked out, I activated a hidden homing beacon in my costume, just in case the snake brought friends." Wavedancer explained.
"Brains, beauty, and brawn." Paul whistled. "I said it once, and I'll say it again: You lucky frog!"
"Can we go home? Craig and I have to go on a date." Wanda said.
"I kept hoping she forgot." Craig grumbled. "I should've taken the first shot at that stupid pool game."
"You have to kill Pietro too, remember?" Paul joked.
"Tomorrow." Wanda said. "I'm too excited to kill my brother now. What time is it?" Cover Girl checked her watch.
"6:00 PM." Cover Girl said.
"It can't be! The sun's still up." Fred looked at the sky.
"Summer's coming." Paul said. "That's why." Craig nodded in agreement.
"Let's get outta here." Lance sighed.
"What do we do with him?" Xi pointed at a shocked Viper. The Misfits and the Joes all looked at each other. The vehicles left the scene, Viper tied to the helicopter's nose, making him scream with fright. Back in the "clubhouse", Lance, Pietro, Paul, and Xi were sitting on the couches, laughing at a joke Starchild told.
"Man Paul, you are multi-talented!" Lance laughed.
"Actor, musician, comedian, impressionist. I am a man of many talents, indeed." Paul grinned.
"Speaking of a Starr family member, where's a certain foul-tempered street savage?" Pietro grumbled. "He's at home. He's hiding from Wanda." Paul grinned. "Craig is still not too crazy about the date."
"No kidding." Xi said. "I overheard him cursing the pool game the whole time we flew back to the Pit."
"Yeah. I'm gonna call Kitty." Lance got up and went to the phone.
"Here he goes again." Pietro groaned. "Betcha something wild happens."
"Tell Tabby I said hi." Paul told Lance.
"Last time I did that, Tabby and Amara fought over who got to talk to you first, Paul." Lance reminded.
"Things got interesting when Rogue, Rahne and Jean jumped in and tried to get the phone. Oh yeah, Kitty did too." Pietro grinned. Lance chagrined at the last remark. Kitty answered, and Starchild and Quicksilver watched them talk until...
"Paul, she wants to talk to you." Lance grumbled. Paul happily jumped over the couch and ran to the phone.
"Hi Kitty." Paul said. Ten seconds later, the sounds of cat-fighting could be heard, as the X-Girls were fighting over who got to talk to Paul on the phone. Fred walked in, holding some mail.
"Hey guys!" Fred handed Starchild the envelopes. "Hey Paul, I have some love letters from the X-Girls, and some hate mail from Scooter, Ray, Gambit, and Peter."
"Why am I not surprised?" Pietro sighed.
"I told you I'm just as good a charmer as you, Quick." Starchild grinned.
"Actually, Paul does better. He has no inflated ego." Blob observed.
"Hey!" Pietro snapped. Xi listened to the receiver.
"Do all women act like this around Paul?" Xi asked.
"Yeah, Xi. They do. Except Althea and Wanda. Paul's never worked his charms on them. Thank God." Todd sighed.
"Yeah." Lance agreed. "Can I talk to Kitty now, Paul?"
"Okay." Paul happily handed the receiver to Lance.
"Hey guys, what about Craig and Wanda's date? Should we help out, like the Joes did with Todd and Althea's?"
"Hey yeah!" Althea said.
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"%&$#@!!!" Cobra Commander stomped around in his office, raging about the usual thing: His big plan failing. "$#&@*!!! $&(#@!!!!" Destro walked in, smirking.
"Well Commander, it looks like your plan has failed. Why am I not surprised? I told you not to hire that assassin. I told you he'd underestimate the Misfits."
"Oh shut up, Destro." Cobra Commander grumbled. He looked around his office. "I still haven't got my coffee."
"By the way, who sent those weird messages to the Misfits?" Destro wondered.
"I don't know, and I don't care. I just want coffee." Cobra Commander grumbled.
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"You idiots!" Zarana snapped at the Dreadnoks. "I can't believe you dopes sent those 'window wiper' messages to the Misfits!"
"Sorry." Torch groaned. "Not my bloody fault the mutants have similar e- mail addresses!"
"What was the plan again?" Ripper asked. Monkeywrench groaned.
"The plan was to send the X-Men on a wild goose chase, the come to the Institute disguised as window wipers." Monkeywrench held up a bunch of window wiper costumes. "Then, we blast 'em!"
"I can't believe I went along with this stupid plan." Zandar groaned.
"What'd he say?" Ripper pointed at Zandar.
"WAHHHHH!!! No one listens to meeeeee!!!" Zandar whined.
"Just one competent Dreadnok besides Zanya. Is that too much to ask?" Zarana sighed. "Where is she anyway?"
"Trying to find a way to get that Misfit to herself. What's his name, Starkid?"
"Starchild." Zandar sighed. "The one with the purple star over his eye."
"Oh yeah, the KISS wannabe dressed like a bloody 1980s rock video." Torch snickered. "Man, that kid can charm. Zanya still fawns over him."
Well, looks like the day is saved, thanks to the marvelous Misfits. However, there's still one big loose end to tie up: Craig and Wanda's date! (A/N: Craig: Let's not and say we did, please?) Let's hope nothing goes wrong!