It was a day later when the only other surviving member of my family joined me at the Jedi Temple where Zak had taken me. Natan was a wreck, but I was far, far worse. He had been at the Grand Republic Botanical Gardens when the bomb had gone off, and had come home to an empty shell. We held each other and wept. The Jedi and the Coruscant Security Force who investigated the bombing and the Assassin Droid attack interviewed me and Natan, asking us many questions. It was looking more and more like an assassination.
Somehow, when they said that, I could only see Senator Palpatine's face with a cruel smile on it. I didn't voice my suspicions however. Who would believe the hysterical twelve-year-old, who was blaming her parents' death on the wise and respected Senator of her planet? The investigators accessed the brain of the droid Zak had crushed, and found that Father and I had been programmed as targets. I spent most of my days sitting on a chair, staring out the window. Natan and I wore only black, neither of us said much, did much, or ate much. All I wanted to do was go home.
I finally found out the statistics. Five Senators dead, fourteen aides dead, eighty-nine civilians' dead, and three hundred and sixty-seven wounded.
A week later, we finally did go home. A non-descript ship took Natan, Master Koon, Zak and I all to Naboo within a day. We came into the atmosphere into a thunderstorm, late at night. Lightning flashed off the roof of the Palace. We landed in the Royal Hanger, the landing platform opened and Master Koon came out, followed by Natan, me and finally Zak. I had on my darkest cloak, but I could still see Riv's face underneath the large hood. I ran down the rest of the boarding ramp and into his arms, crying again, so relieved to be home and safe. He held me fiercely as my crying subsided and I just clung to him.
"You'll stay in the Palace for now, of course." King Veruna said to Natan, Natan looked at me, then back at Veruna and nodded. "Please, accept our deepest condolences over the loss of your family."
"Thank you." Natan said mechanically, so many people had said that to us, the response was inborn, "Your highness, this is Jedi Master Plo Koon and his apprentice, Zak Dahamas." They bowed to Veruna. "Master Koon, Zak, this is King Veruna of Naboo."
I closed my eyes and sighed, Riv smelled good as he held me tightly. They took us back to the Palace and to the rooms they had prepared for us. I was exhausted. I sat on my bed, wrapped in a silken blanket, leaning on Riv's shoulder. We sat there quietly for a bit.
"I'm sorry." He finally said.
"I know. So is everyone else." I said, half bitterly.
"I knew you shouldn't have left!"
"Father was so angry at me! It was entirely my fault. I only I had passed that stupid exam! Then-"
"You would be dead too."
I blinked, trying to hold back tears. Why is the truth so hard to face?
"They played the footage of it on Inter-galactic holovision six standard days ago." Riv said. "I saw it. Everyone did. We tried to call you; me, Dek and Joss tried, but we couldn't reach you." He blinked furiously. "I saw you on that stupid footage." He brought up one of his hands to his face, and rub something away from his eye. Was he crying? "Gods damn it, I was worried about you." He said quietly.
I hugged him then, and sighed. It was nice to know I was missed. Riv smiled crookedly at me.
"You're wearing the necklace I gave you."
"Of course I am. I never take it off." I sighed again. We sat like that for a time, until I fell asleep. That's when the nightmares started. Father accusing me. This is all your fault! He cried in my dreams. Mother was there, small and perfect in a white dress, until blood started running from her chest and she collapsed onto the floor. I ran to her, but Jayen beat me. How could you?! He yelled, I tried to run away, but my feet were like cement. Jonas stared at me with dark eyes as tears slipped down his cheeks. I reached for him but he faded from sight. Rayel was there, and before I could stop him, he fell away from me. Suddenly, I felt guilty for living.
I woke up screaming that night. Natan was in there first, holding me and comforting me as tears started to slip down my cheeks again. Master Koon came in next, followed closely by both Zak and Riv.
"Nightmares." Natan said to them. Master Koon nodded as Zak and Riv came over to the bed.
"Is she all right?" Master Koon asked.
"Yeah, she'll be okay in a couple minutes."
"Do you need anything?"
"A cup of tea for her would be good."
"I'll get it." Zak said.
"No, I'll get it." Riv said.
"But-" Zak started to protest.
"I know where the kitchen is Zeek, do you?" Riv asked him.
"It's Zak."
"Whatever." And Riv left to get the tea.
"If we are not needed," Master Koon said, "then we will go back to our room."
"All right. Thank you for your concern Master Koon." Master Koon and Zak left.
What was it, baby sister? Natan asked me in Ma'lacian.
Horrible. I said as I stopped crying. Horrible. A couple minutes later, Riv came back with my tea, and Natan sent him back to bed. I soon fell back asleep, and there were no more nightmares. For that night. It became a nightly occurrence, my nightmares. I managed not to scream out after the first few nights, and just sat in my bed, scared and shaking.
The next few days seemed like a dream, or a nightmare, depending on your definition. I wandered half-aimlessly around the Palace or sat, staring out a window. I spent most of my time with Natan. Riv and Zak didn't seem to get along to well and fought most of the time they were together. Yané came to Theed with her family and sat with me, listened to me, and cried with me. Dek and Joss came by a few times, but I was hardly talkative and they seemed uncomfortable.
Grandmother and Papi came up from Oxon, but I didn't talk to them much. Natan turned seventeen, and he, Grandmother and Papi decided that he and I would continue to live in Theed, instead of going to Oxon to live with them. Master Koon talked to many people who knew mother and father, in a vain attempt to find out why someone would want to kill my family. I just couldn't get Senator Palpatine out of my head.
The funeral was three days after we got back to Naboo in the funeral temple on the outskirts of Theed. Natan and I, cloaked in the deepest black, stood side by side. Yané stood at my right, Riv behind me with Dek and Joss on either side of him. On Natan's left stood our grandparents, on the other side of Yané was Zak and Master Koon, hoods up, hands in sleeves, faces expressionless.
We burned father's body and lit four candles in honor of mother, Jayen, Rayel, and Jonas. A holopic of each of them was placed in front of their candle. I was proud of myself; I didn't burst into tears during the ceremony. I cried slightly, silently. I had mixed my grief and my anger. Great moons of Alderaan, was I angry. Angry at myself, angry at my family, angry at whomever had killed them, angry at whomever had designed Assassin droids and explosives in the first place, angry at the whole damned universe.
After the funeral, I spent a lot of time by myself. Not saying much, eating much or doing much in general besides dancing or walking through the Palace gardens. I spotted Princess Amidala in there a couple of times, but I avoided human contact like a plague, and always hurried away from her.
Grandmother and Papi went back to Oxon the following week, I decided to re-take the Royal Exams, and I studied hard. It took up time and occupied my mind, taking up space that had previously been used for thinking about how guilty I felt, and reliving father's death over and over. Out of all the people there, Zak helped me absolve myself of the guilt I felt. Mostly. We would sit in the Gardens or the Library and he would listen to me ramble on for hours, then add a bit of Jedi Wisdom at the end of each monologue. I resolved to myself to have his patience by the time I was fourteen. I hoped I could be as good as a friend to somebody as he was to me.
I took the Royal Exams with Dek and we both passed in the 90 percentile. I felt sick to my stomach when I thought of how proud mother and father would have been. A few days later, Natan and I moved from the palace to our large, empty estate. Master Koon and Zak came with us. Yané and her older sister, Leaté, who was sixteen and a painter, moved to an apartment in Theed. I somehow convinced Natan to let me take a self-defense class taught by a Lieutenant from the Security Officers by the name of Panaka. I was quite good, but then, I had initiative, hitting the stuffed dummy helped with my anger.
~~~