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We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.
Max Du Pree Platus

Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.
Lyndon B. Johnson

Part Two

CHAPTER SIX

Malcolm lay rigid on his bunk. When he finally conceded that willing himself to sleep wasn't going to work, he sat back up, resting his feet on the floor and dropping his head into his hands. 'God, this room is empty.'

Sighing, he stood up, dressed only in his skivvies, and moved to the desk. He flipped on his computer, bringing up all of the data from Massum. He had been over it a thousand times, but he still checked it every day. He couldn't go to sleep without running over it once.

The answer was there, he was certain. And, as usual, he placed the burden of Hoshi and Trip's disappearance squarely on his own shoulders. 'I have to get them back.' Too much time had passed, and the Enterprise had been forced to move on from Massum. Starfleet had declared Commander Charles Tucker III and Ensign Hoshi Sato officially missing. But for once, Malcolm refused to accept the inevitable. He was going to find Hoshi—and Trip.

For the next two hours he scrolled through pages of data—information that he could recite by memory now. He could close his eyes and read the Sh'ron schematics on the insides of his eyelids. But he kept looking for that one missing piece.

When the screen blurred from his exhaustion, he grudgingly switched the computer off and staggered back to bed. He closed his eyes, allowing his mind to drift.

Suddenly his eyes snapped open. He jumped from the bed and ran to his desk, digging through his notes. Finding the page he sought, he read it once more before hitting the com on the wall.

"Reed to Subcommander T'Pol."

Her voice came back as collected as ever, despite the odd hour. "Go ahead, Lieutenant."

"Subcommander, I've found something!"

"Can you be more precise, Lieutenant?"

"Hoshi! Trip and Hoshi! Could you come to my quarters, Subcommander? I know it's late, but…"

"I will be there shortly. Should I wake the Captain?"

"Um, no, no. Not yet. I would prefer to see what you think first."

"I will be there momentarily."

Excited, Malcolm paced while he waited, reading his notes over and over. When the door rang, he dashed to open it. It wasn't until he saw T'Pol that he remembered he was still in his underwear. 'Don't have time for modesty. And it's nothing she hasn't seen before.'

Forgetting his state of undress, he rushed her into the room, showing her the notes.

T'Pol listened to him while she scrolled through the database. Finally, when he was finished talking, she turned back to him.

"Tell me I've found something, something useful," he pleaded.

T'Pol looked at him calmly. "Lieutenant, I believe you have found something useful."

**

Snow swirled in the dark night, piling against the trees and clinging to the lone figure moving through the woods. As he reached the edge of the village, he paused, squinting against the shards of snow falling in his vision. The cloak he wore concealed his face entirely, except for his eyes. Ahead he could see the glow of many warm homes. He clumped past them instead, heading for the center of the village.

A large tent enclosed the fire pit, its circumference allowing plenty of room for people and a bonfire. He ducked quickly through an opening and threw back his cloak, exposing his face as he surveyed the crowd inside.

Trilling music, accompanied by the throb of drums, filled the space. All around him, Jafari danced and laughed and talked. His eyes moved around the area, seeking a specific face. He found what he sought near the bonfire. As his eyes settled on her, she turned and noticed him. Grinning widely, she held out a hand.

"Trip!"

Smiling, Trip brushed the snow from his shoulders and tossed the cloak away, revealing his blue wrap-style top, and slim brown pants. He stomped the snow off of his old boots and walked directly to Hoshi.

She grabbed his hand. "I thought you'd never get here." For a moment, she was serious. "Anything?"

He shook his head, but his eyes contained a teasing light. Every day since they came to this world, over ten months ago now, he or Hoshi, or sometimes both, would make the trek to the temple, hoping to find the answer that would lead them home. The outcome was always the same; neither of them really expected results anymore. But still they tried.

He smiled down at her. "So, it's been a while since I had a chance to put my dancin' shoes to the test. Gonna gimme a whirl?"

Hoshi laughed. "If you think you can keep up; I've spent a lot more time learning the steps than you."

Just then, their friend Tiron approached. "Trip, we are discussing your plans for the crop irrigation system. Come, we are eager to hear your thoughts." The Jafari tugged on Trip's arm. Hoshi tugged the other arm just as forcefully.

Trip exchanged knowing glances with Tiron. "Just cuz Mila is outta commission, doesn't mean some of us don't have certain party responsibilities," he told Tiron with a grin and a nod at Mila, heavy with child. "We can work tomorrow."

Tiron smiled. "Enjoy yourself, friends. It will not be long before Hoshi is in a similar condition, yes?"

Both Trip and Hoshi blushed scarlet. Without answering, Trip grabbed Hoshi's arm and pulled her among the dancers. They began twirling about the room, imitating the other dancers.

Their Jafari friends all considered them mates, and they hadn't done anything to discourage the idea. It was just simpler that way. Meanwhile, Trip and Hoshi had formed a deep friendship. Trip sometimes felt a little wistful when he looked at her, but he was sure that she still thought of Malcolm often. Although it had been a long time since he woke up to hear her crying in the middle of the night.

They were settling into their new home, Trip reflected. He was even learning to speak Jafari. He still relied on the universal translator in large gatherings like this, but Hoshi pointed out that it was only a matter of time before its power was drained. He would need to be fluent by then.

He turned his thoughts back to dancing. Hoshi was cheerfully telling him a story about Rissi. She and the child had become inseparable since Hoshi recovered from her illness. Her breath came in little gasps of exertion as she danced and talked. Her hair, which she now wore loose like the other women, spun out around them. Her cheeks were bright, matching the rose-colored dress she was wearing. She had completed its simple rose and green embroidery herself; Trip had been greatly amused at the smug satisfaction she took in the accomplishment.

The song ended, interrupting his thoughts, and they walked off the dance floor, out of breath.

"Thirsty?" Trip asked. She nodded and he grabbed cups of the sweet water for both of them. She immediately went to Mila, sitting beside her. Trip dropped down on Hoshi's other side. Tiron called for his attention.

"Trip, what do you think of lining the system with stones? It would filter the water and prevent leaking. In the dry season, I would not want to waste even a drop of the water."

Trip frowned while he considered. "Huh. That's not a bad idea, Tiron. Course, we'd have to build the system strong enough to bear up under the extra weight…what were ya thinkin' of usin' for supports?"

His mind now on his project, he launched into a discussion with some of the Jafaris. He was impressed by how quickly they had taken to his original idea, contributing many useful suggestions of their own. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rissi approach and tug at Hoshi's hands.

"Hoshi, come and dance with me, please?"

Hoshi laughed and leaned forward conspiratorially. "Wouldn't you rather dance with one of the boys?"

The little blond girl made a horrible face. "Uck. No! I want to dance with you. Please?"

Hoshi allowed herself to be drug back to the dance floor. Trip felt the sudden emptiness beside him and turned to watch her, mind still processing support systems. He couldn't help but grin at the delight on her face as she clasped hands with Rissi and twirled her around and around. His attention now fully back on Hoshi, he nodded absently at Tiron's voice.

She belongs with your friend, he reminded himself emphatically.

A friend that isn't here, answered another voice. And probably won't be, ever again.

Watching her, screaming with laughter, firelight glinting in her hair and eyes while her dress swirled around her, Trip felt himself slip again. Only this time he didn't step back from the edge—he simply let himself fall, a slight sense of vertigo giving way to the certainty that he wanted to be here, with this woman, more than he wanted anything. And if he could have her, he could live the rest of his life among these people, perfectly content.

****

The room spun about her in a smear of color, Rissi's hot little hands clasped in hers. Finally, Hoshi was forced to stop them. "No more," she rasped, laughing. She and Rissi staggered a little as they stopped. Hoshi impulsively grabbed the girl into a quick hug.

A gaggle of girls absorbed Rissi into their group and Hoshi waved goodbye before turning back to where her friends sat. Her eyes met Trip's.

He was looking at her intensely, a little half smile playing across his face. Hoshi felt a funny flutter in her stomach, which made her own smile falter. Trip quickly returned his attention to Tiron and the others. He said something to them and stood. While Hoshi watched, he wrapped himself back into his cloak and disappeared through a flap in the tent.

Hoshi hesitated only a moment before snatching her own cloak from a nearby pile and following him.

Outside, the silence was a startling contrast. She stood in the quiet, letting the snow settle in her eyelashes and clothes while her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Trip was out of sight now, but she could hear him crunching through the drifts. She struggled after him, trying to match his longer strides.

"Trip," she called softly. The footsteps ahead of her paused. Rounding a home-tree, she saw him waiting, ankle-deep in snow. The cloak was thrown around his shoulders, his head uncovered. Snow peppered his hair.

"Hey," he said, smiling at her as she caught up. "Thought you were dancin'."

"I was," she replied. "But I was missing my favorite partner."

Trip's smile remained in place, but his eyes flickered. "I know, Hosh. I'm sorry I haven't been able to get us out of…"

"You," she interrupted. "I meant you."

"Oh." His face was a mixture of hope, confusion, and dismay; then he grinned. "Well, guess I am quite the Fred Astaire." He angled his head in the direction he was heading—their home-tree. "I'm bushed; thought I'd turn in. I'll see ya when ya get home, Ginger." He tossed that last comment over his shoulder as he moved away.

"Wait," she blurted. He stopped again and turned back, head tilted, looking bemused.

"Trip, I've been wanting to tell you something. I know you blame yourself for our being here. And I just wanted to tell you that…I'm ok. No, really," she said, seeing that he didn't believe her. "At first I missed Malcolm, my family, everyone so much that I thought I would die. But I didn't die…and now, well, as much as I still miss them, I'm learning to be happy here. Whatever happens, I think we're going to be ok."

Trip smiled brightly. "Hosh, I can't tell ya how happy I am to hear you say that." He stomped back to her. "Listen…"

Whatever he would have said was lost as a wad of snow struck him in the ear. Startled, Hoshi jumped and gave a little shriek. Her hands flew to her mouth, trying to cover the giggle forcing its way free. Trip's mouth hung open with shock as snow slid wetly down the side of his face and into his collar. As one, they turned to see Rissi, flanked by a cluster of laughing children.

Trip narrowed his eyes at his attackers. "Oh, it's on now." As he spoke, he scooped a handful of snow and sent it hurtling back. Children squealed as Trip pursued them. He laughed out loud at the sight of them diving for cover.

He stopped at the sound of pealing laughter behind him. Turning slowly, he spotted Hoshi bent over and shaking with mirth. When their eyes met, she started shaking her head frantically and backing away, still laughing.

"Laugh it up, Sato." Snatching an enormous handful of snow, he advanced on her.

"No, no, no!" Hoshi shrieked, and turned to run. Her feet caught in her skirt and she tripped, landing on her hands. She tried to scamper away on her hands and feet, her escape hampered by how hard she was laughing.

Mercilessly, Trip leapt on top of her, trying to stuff snow inside her collar. Hoshi retaliated by smearing snow across his face. She wiggled around to face him.

For a single moment, they stopped. Snow clung to his eyebrows. Under them, his eyes still danced, but his smile was fading. Hoshi stared up at him.

Whump. They both cried out in surprise as several small bodies landed on them. They could only cover their heads as the children buried them in snow. Finally, the assault ended and the bellowing children dashed away.

Puffing, Trip rolled off Hoshi onto his back. They lay panting and chuckling, trying to catch their breath.

"Ya know, I never liked kids."

Hoshi turned her head toward him. He was grinning at her, his hair and eyebrows caked with snow. Hoshi laughed.

"You know what? Neither did I."

Trip echoed her laugh with his own and struggled to his feet. He reached out for her hands, pulling her up beside him. Smirking, he reached out and rubbed his hands vigorously through her hair, shaking out the snow.

"C'mon," he invited. "I'm wide awake now; might as well get in another dance."

She smiled and took his hand. The two of them walked back to the party, using their free hands to brush snow from their clothing.

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