The now revised ch.1:
Hi! It's me Suzan aka Sammie. This is my first fanfic so go easy on me K? If you have any suggestions, questions or comments just e-mail me at tzelada@msn.com or smzelada@msn.com, and I will answer them as soon as I can. (I check the first one more often.) I hope you enjoy my fic! Disclaimer: This goes for my whole fic. : I don't own SM or GW or their characters so don't sue me.
I decided to add this after revising due to comments by friends/reviewers: IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: Some of the spelling in the dialogue (what they say) may be wrong, but that is purposely done to show how they say it so I am warning you now. For example, Lita says "hungy" and "gonna" because she is only a little kid. Also this takes place in a time when violence is very high, and so is poverty so if some conditions or people seem a bit harsh it is because of this. Remember there has been confrontation and tension building up to the war. My story doesn't have much violence but a friend reading this said that a character seemed too harsh, this shows why.
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CH 1: Trouble
The day was a bit cloudy and overcast as a little girl about the age of five walked through the market place. She was dirty and her brown hair that was kept in a ponytail was messed up and out of place. Her cloths were also torn which made her cold on a day like this.
Looking up, she noticed it would rain soon, making her even more miserable if that was at all possible. "Great now I'm gonna be wet too. And I'm still hungy." She grumbled to herself. The girl had been living like this by herself for almost 2 weeks now ever since her parents had died and she had run away from the social workers. She then spotted a street vender's cart filled with apples and heard her stomach growl with hunger since her last measly meal had been a few days ago. 'Maybe I can sneak one.' She thought to herself.
She carefully sneaked up to the cart ducking behind different people while trying her hardest not to get caught. At five years old, she didn't know what would happen if the big scary man selling the apples caught her, but she knew it would be bad. Soon she was close enough to grab a particular apple that looked very sweet.
Just as she reached out and clutched it though, a large hand grabbed her arm and yanked her away while at the same time she could hear a gruff voice yell "Hey, what do you think your doing?!"
The girl yelped and looked way up to see the man scowling down at her. She was so frightened that she was trembling and all that came out of her mouth was a small squeak. Her arm was now hurting from the powerful man's grasp so she tried to pull away so that she could run. The man's grip was too tight though and she couldn't pull away, so in her desperation she kicked him in the shins with all her might. Unfortunately, she was too weak from hunger and too small to do much damage and although she hurt the man, he was still able too hold onto her.
Angry he yelled "Why you little brat you're going to pay for that" He pulled back his hand and cuffed her hard. She cried out in pain but was too dazed to do anything. He pulled back his hand and was about to hit her again when a small boy stepped in the way taking the blow on the shoulder. The man was a little surprised at first, but he quickly recovered and yelled, "Fine! I'll beat the both of ya!"
He pulled back his hand yet again and was about to hit the boy when the boy calmly called out "Please stop sir. I'll pay for the apple if you let us go."
The greedy merchant, never one to turn down money, immediately stopped and looked at the boy. 'He doesn't look like he has any money. It could be a trick.' He thought to himself. He then said, "How do I know it's not a trick? You give me the money first then I might let you and her go." The boy nodded and held up the meager change he had in his pocket. It had taken a while to get it but it was worth it to help the girl.
The merchant simply stared at them before he snatched up the money and threw the young girl into the boy's arms.
"Fine I'll let you two go this time, but I better not see you around my cart again or I'll beat the two ya and turn youse in. Understand?!" He said fiercely in his gruff voice. The boy simply nodded before he led the still dazed and wobbly girl away while she continued to clutch the apple in her small hands.
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So how'd ya like it? I know it's a bit short but it's my first try and I have a good idea of how I will start my next chapter but I'm open to suggestions. I think the boy will be Duo and the girl will definitely be Makato (Lita), but I might change the pilot depending on the reviews. The same goes for me keeping Duo.
Thanks for reading my fanfic; I hope you enjoyed it! - Suzan. ^.^
PS.: If you want to vote on the pilot (the boy) and for me to update soon, hurry please because I can't write the next chapter until I decide who the pilot will be! And I have also decided that the pilot may not necessarily end up as her boyfriend/love, he may end up as a brother or a friend to her. You will just have to see what happens.
* Should now have the real chapter 2 out in a couple of days.
Hi! It's me Suzan aka Sammie. This is my first fanfic so go easy on me K? If you have any suggestions, questions or comments just e-mail me at tzelada@msn.com or smzelada@msn.com, and I will answer them as soon as I can. (I check the first one more often.) I hope you enjoy my fic! Disclaimer: This goes for my whole fic. : I don't own SM or GW or their characters so don't sue me.
I decided to add this after revising due to comments by friends/reviewers: IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: Some of the spelling in the dialogue (what they say) may be wrong, but that is purposely done to show how they say it so I am warning you now. For example, Lita says "hungy" and "gonna" because she is only a little kid. Also this takes place in a time when violence is very high, and so is poverty so if some conditions or people seem a bit harsh it is because of this. Remember there has been confrontation and tension building up to the war. My story doesn't have much violence but a friend reading this said that a character seemed too harsh, this shows why.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CH 1: Trouble
The day was a bit cloudy and overcast as a little girl about the age of five walked through the market place. She was dirty and her brown hair that was kept in a ponytail was messed up and out of place. Her cloths were also torn which made her cold on a day like this.
Looking up, she noticed it would rain soon, making her even more miserable if that was at all possible. "Great now I'm gonna be wet too. And I'm still hungy." She grumbled to herself. The girl had been living like this by herself for almost 2 weeks now ever since her parents had died and she had run away from the social workers. She then spotted a street vender's cart filled with apples and heard her stomach growl with hunger since her last measly meal had been a few days ago. 'Maybe I can sneak one.' She thought to herself.
She carefully sneaked up to the cart ducking behind different people while trying her hardest not to get caught. At five years old, she didn't know what would happen if the big scary man selling the apples caught her, but she knew it would be bad. Soon she was close enough to grab a particular apple that looked very sweet.
Just as she reached out and clutched it though, a large hand grabbed her arm and yanked her away while at the same time she could hear a gruff voice yell "Hey, what do you think your doing?!"
The girl yelped and looked way up to see the man scowling down at her. She was so frightened that she was trembling and all that came out of her mouth was a small squeak. Her arm was now hurting from the powerful man's grasp so she tried to pull away so that she could run. The man's grip was too tight though and she couldn't pull away, so in her desperation she kicked him in the shins with all her might. Unfortunately, she was too weak from hunger and too small to do much damage and although she hurt the man, he was still able too hold onto her.
Angry he yelled "Why you little brat you're going to pay for that" He pulled back his hand and cuffed her hard. She cried out in pain but was too dazed to do anything. He pulled back his hand and was about to hit her again when a small boy stepped in the way taking the blow on the shoulder. The man was a little surprised at first, but he quickly recovered and yelled, "Fine! I'll beat the both of ya!"
He pulled back his hand yet again and was about to hit the boy when the boy calmly called out "Please stop sir. I'll pay for the apple if you let us go."
The greedy merchant, never one to turn down money, immediately stopped and looked at the boy. 'He doesn't look like he has any money. It could be a trick.' He thought to himself. He then said, "How do I know it's not a trick? You give me the money first then I might let you and her go." The boy nodded and held up the meager change he had in his pocket. It had taken a while to get it but it was worth it to help the girl.
The merchant simply stared at them before he snatched up the money and threw the young girl into the boy's arms.
"Fine I'll let you two go this time, but I better not see you around my cart again or I'll beat the two ya and turn youse in. Understand?!" He said fiercely in his gruff voice. The boy simply nodded before he led the still dazed and wobbly girl away while she continued to clutch the apple in her small hands.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So how'd ya like it? I know it's a bit short but it's my first try and I have a good idea of how I will start my next chapter but I'm open to suggestions. I think the boy will be Duo and the girl will definitely be Makato (Lita), but I might change the pilot depending on the reviews. The same goes for me keeping Duo.
Thanks for reading my fanfic; I hope you enjoyed it! - Suzan. ^.^
PS.: If you want to vote on the pilot (the boy) and for me to update soon, hurry please because I can't write the next chapter until I decide who the pilot will be! And I have also decided that the pilot may not necessarily end up as her boyfriend/love, he may end up as a brother or a friend to her. You will just have to see what happens.
* Should now have the real chapter 2 out in a couple of days.