Title - Kill Me, Please!
Author - Elladora Ketteridge
Rating - R, for later chapters
Disclaimer - I don't own them. But the leprechauns tell me I should...
Summary - I've written something that's not a one-shot PWP! Before you faint in shock, take a looksy. As with all writers, I crave feedback. I hope the formatting works, I'm still fighting with it. Anyway, I won't say any more, I'll let Ron guide you through...
***
Prologue
***
A lot's happened over the past few months. I won't bore you with *all* the details, I know you're only here for one thing. Yeah, I see that guilty smile. It's all about the sex with you. I know your game, I know what you want, but I'm not giving it up that easily. Because I *didn't* give it up that easily. Not to him, so not to you. What, you're shocked I'm talking about a *boy*? You hadn't realised already? What the hell are you even doing here?!
Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, I was trying to explain myself. I didn't fall into his arms, bleh, just the image makes me snort. What do you take me for? You think you know me by now and you expect six years of fighting to turn to kisses just like *that*?!
Nope, I'm no push-over. I have to be *won*. Not that I'm a prize or anything, but I drift from my point...
Hah, it's starting to piss you off now, isn't it? I promised you hot sex and I'm going off on a tangent! Okay, okay, don't get angry, I'll be serious. Although I wasn't kidding when I said you'll have to wait a while. Don't roll your eyes, I just think any tale worth telling is worth telling right and I think we need a little back story...
***
End of fifth year, Harry and Hermione were spotted cuddling up in the library. Unfortunately for them, it was Seamus who noticed. Mass screaming and chaos ensued, by dinner that night *everyone* knew. Seamus was banned from the library for a month and Harry and Hermione avoided making eye contact with each other, and the entire Gryffindor table, for the whole meal.
Yes, I knew!! They're my best friends, you expect them to hook up and not tell me? Wow, your friendships must be pretty messed up. There wasn't any way I could not know. I had the two of them exchanging meaning filled glances, waxing lyrical about each other, gushy, lovey, blah, for *months* before they even voiced their feelings.
Naturally it was Hermione who took charge. Harry can face You-Know-Who but not a girl he likes.
I know what you're thinking and, honestly, I didn't expect it either. Lavender Brown didn't, she spent weeks trying to 'console' me, poor broken- hearted Ron. She, and the rest of Gryffindor, seemed convinced it was me who'd end up with Hermione. I can understand why - the arguing, bickering, nagging, rowing, sniping, did I mention the FIGHTS? That apparently equals 'sexual tension' or something. But, if anyone bothered to pay the slightest bit of attention, they might of noticed that my relationship with Hermione is almost identical to my relationship with Ginny. We bitch and pester and mock and care for each other. And if my acting that way with Hermione meant *that* then my acting that way with Ginny? Ewwww, soooo not going there!
But Harry and Hermione? It crept up on me and then threw itself in my face. And did a little jig. With pom-poms.
People seemed to think they had a sibling-like relationship. But *I* was the sibling, to both of them. What they had was something deep and unquestioned, something that clicked instantly; Harry always noticed her, who could help but notice Harry Potter. *I* was slowly convinced, completely against my will, that Hermione was worth my time. Oh, leave me alone, you're *supposed* to hate the bookworm, especially if you come from a family that includes Percy. And the troll thing kind of sealed the deal - Hermione was the third part of the trio we didn't even know was supposed to exist, yet fit together so perfectly.
But where was I? Oh yeah, Harry and Hermione. So, they weren't like siblings. But they weren't quite like friends. Friends don't risk their lives for each other on a regular basis. Family may do, yes. But friends? That requires something more, something... Oh God, I hate to use the term 'soul mates' but at least that will give you a rough idea.
Oh, I'm so crap at explaining this! Can you understand? There was something between them from the very beginning, something so natural, and it seemed only natural that it would progress into something more. Of course, I'm not exactly tuned into this lovey stuff, so I didn't notice right away. But pretty soon I was surprised I'd ever *not* seen it.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, it was Hermione's sixteenth birthday and Harry got her this set of books (he umm-ed and ahh-ed over getting her jewellery but we both decided we didn't have the first clue about what sort of thing she'd like) and I can't even remember the titles of any of them, but Hermione barely even glanced at them, just said there was something else she'd rather have and Harry looked so blank and then she pounced and I left the room pretty sharpish.
So, end of fifth year, Harry and Hermione's relationship is 'outed' in spectacular camp-shrieking-and-pointing-and-theatrical-gasps style by Seamus, Lavender Brown and the rest of Gryffindor try to mend my broken heart for me, despite it being perfectly fine, thank you, and after a few weeks the pointing stops and they only get a few isn't-it-sweet looks and the odd jealous glare.
***
Yes, I *know* that I've babbled endlessly and I haven't even mentioned HIM yet but I have to set up the scene at Hogwarts and all that. You're bored? You're only here for the sex? Maybe you should go elsewhere, I'm not quite done with the exposition yet.
Now, moving ahead...
***
So, back to Hogwarts for seventh year, Harry and Hermione still together, still going strong. The three of us as close as ever. And I still don't, and probably never will, understand why people are surprised by that. Why would them being together mean I'd stop hanging with them? It's always been the three of us and it still was. It's not like they couldn't be in the same room without jumping each other or something. The idea that I would be angry at them or they would dump me is, frankly, nutters.
It was our third day back, the first being the feast and the second involving the morning dossing about and unpacking and an afternoon straight into lessons. Of course, these lessons never involved any real work, not for the first week, we all had to share our holiday stories, but the third day involved our first Health and Healing class. Most specifically the Medical Potions module. Three guesses who teaches *that*! And three guesses the amount of time we're allowed to spend catching up. That's right - zero!
So, Snape duly droned out instructions and I duly tuned out of his lecture, absent-mindedly copied down what Hermione wrote, the usual. Everyone else got up and wandered over to the stores at the back of the classroom, I got up and wandered after them. Hermione gathered her things first, mainly due to the fact everyone else dragged their heels and took as much time as possible moving across the barely big enough room (a lot of people had, rather wisely in my opinion, chosen this course for their N.E.W.T.s) and Hermione had a habit of striding everywhere with purpose and a gaint to rival any race horse.
I was last there. No surprise, I just followed what everyone else did. I squeezed into the crowd, past Lavender, who threw a rather appreciative look my way, and looked over the bent heads in front of me at the shelves, the list I'd copied from Hermione already forgotten.
And then one of the people in front of me stepped back, almost standing on my feet, and straightened up. Managing to rub against every part of me as they did so. And I, being me, went bright red.
I was seventeen! Calves, thighs, one hip pressing into mine, and, oh, I'm not going into the way my mystery person's arse managed to press against and follow every curve of my legs. Oh, whoops, too late...
And then they were standing upright, their arm against my arm, their shoulder against my shoulder, fitting oh so nicely and, hey, still remembering I was seventeen, my mind started flashing images of other ways I could fit against this rather firm and warm body. I swear I could feel their heartbeat, thundering loud but so hypnotic, feel their blood rushing through them to the beat, my own rushing to my flushed face...
Oh, if I'd gone blind there and then I would have been so happy. But I didn't. So I saw the flick of silver blond hair, the flash of green in the uniform as he turned and moved back to his seat.
I'd missed the little bastard, crouched down on the floor, looking at some obscure jar containing something I'm sure wasn't on the list.
Couldn't miss the way the cold rushed to fill the space he'd just vacated though...
***
So that's the first time I noticed Malfoy. Well, obviously I'd noticed him before, you couldn't but help notice the insults and the slander and the pathetic attempts at being evil, when he's no more than a school-yard bully. But that was the first time I really, you know, *noticed* him. C'mon, you know what I mean. And all I could think at that moment was *oh shit*...
Author - Elladora Ketteridge
Rating - R, for later chapters
Disclaimer - I don't own them. But the leprechauns tell me I should...
Summary - I've written something that's not a one-shot PWP! Before you faint in shock, take a looksy. As with all writers, I crave feedback. I hope the formatting works, I'm still fighting with it. Anyway, I won't say any more, I'll let Ron guide you through...
***
Prologue
***
A lot's happened over the past few months. I won't bore you with *all* the details, I know you're only here for one thing. Yeah, I see that guilty smile. It's all about the sex with you. I know your game, I know what you want, but I'm not giving it up that easily. Because I *didn't* give it up that easily. Not to him, so not to you. What, you're shocked I'm talking about a *boy*? You hadn't realised already? What the hell are you even doing here?!
Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, I was trying to explain myself. I didn't fall into his arms, bleh, just the image makes me snort. What do you take me for? You think you know me by now and you expect six years of fighting to turn to kisses just like *that*?!
Nope, I'm no push-over. I have to be *won*. Not that I'm a prize or anything, but I drift from my point...
Hah, it's starting to piss you off now, isn't it? I promised you hot sex and I'm going off on a tangent! Okay, okay, don't get angry, I'll be serious. Although I wasn't kidding when I said you'll have to wait a while. Don't roll your eyes, I just think any tale worth telling is worth telling right and I think we need a little back story...
***
End of fifth year, Harry and Hermione were spotted cuddling up in the library. Unfortunately for them, it was Seamus who noticed. Mass screaming and chaos ensued, by dinner that night *everyone* knew. Seamus was banned from the library for a month and Harry and Hermione avoided making eye contact with each other, and the entire Gryffindor table, for the whole meal.
Yes, I knew!! They're my best friends, you expect them to hook up and not tell me? Wow, your friendships must be pretty messed up. There wasn't any way I could not know. I had the two of them exchanging meaning filled glances, waxing lyrical about each other, gushy, lovey, blah, for *months* before they even voiced their feelings.
Naturally it was Hermione who took charge. Harry can face You-Know-Who but not a girl he likes.
I know what you're thinking and, honestly, I didn't expect it either. Lavender Brown didn't, she spent weeks trying to 'console' me, poor broken- hearted Ron. She, and the rest of Gryffindor, seemed convinced it was me who'd end up with Hermione. I can understand why - the arguing, bickering, nagging, rowing, sniping, did I mention the FIGHTS? That apparently equals 'sexual tension' or something. But, if anyone bothered to pay the slightest bit of attention, they might of noticed that my relationship with Hermione is almost identical to my relationship with Ginny. We bitch and pester and mock and care for each other. And if my acting that way with Hermione meant *that* then my acting that way with Ginny? Ewwww, soooo not going there!
But Harry and Hermione? It crept up on me and then threw itself in my face. And did a little jig. With pom-poms.
People seemed to think they had a sibling-like relationship. But *I* was the sibling, to both of them. What they had was something deep and unquestioned, something that clicked instantly; Harry always noticed her, who could help but notice Harry Potter. *I* was slowly convinced, completely against my will, that Hermione was worth my time. Oh, leave me alone, you're *supposed* to hate the bookworm, especially if you come from a family that includes Percy. And the troll thing kind of sealed the deal - Hermione was the third part of the trio we didn't even know was supposed to exist, yet fit together so perfectly.
But where was I? Oh yeah, Harry and Hermione. So, they weren't like siblings. But they weren't quite like friends. Friends don't risk their lives for each other on a regular basis. Family may do, yes. But friends? That requires something more, something... Oh God, I hate to use the term 'soul mates' but at least that will give you a rough idea.
Oh, I'm so crap at explaining this! Can you understand? There was something between them from the very beginning, something so natural, and it seemed only natural that it would progress into something more. Of course, I'm not exactly tuned into this lovey stuff, so I didn't notice right away. But pretty soon I was surprised I'd ever *not* seen it.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, it was Hermione's sixteenth birthday and Harry got her this set of books (he umm-ed and ahh-ed over getting her jewellery but we both decided we didn't have the first clue about what sort of thing she'd like) and I can't even remember the titles of any of them, but Hermione barely even glanced at them, just said there was something else she'd rather have and Harry looked so blank and then she pounced and I left the room pretty sharpish.
So, end of fifth year, Harry and Hermione's relationship is 'outed' in spectacular camp-shrieking-and-pointing-and-theatrical-gasps style by Seamus, Lavender Brown and the rest of Gryffindor try to mend my broken heart for me, despite it being perfectly fine, thank you, and after a few weeks the pointing stops and they only get a few isn't-it-sweet looks and the odd jealous glare.
***
Yes, I *know* that I've babbled endlessly and I haven't even mentioned HIM yet but I have to set up the scene at Hogwarts and all that. You're bored? You're only here for the sex? Maybe you should go elsewhere, I'm not quite done with the exposition yet.
Now, moving ahead...
***
So, back to Hogwarts for seventh year, Harry and Hermione still together, still going strong. The three of us as close as ever. And I still don't, and probably never will, understand why people are surprised by that. Why would them being together mean I'd stop hanging with them? It's always been the three of us and it still was. It's not like they couldn't be in the same room without jumping each other or something. The idea that I would be angry at them or they would dump me is, frankly, nutters.
It was our third day back, the first being the feast and the second involving the morning dossing about and unpacking and an afternoon straight into lessons. Of course, these lessons never involved any real work, not for the first week, we all had to share our holiday stories, but the third day involved our first Health and Healing class. Most specifically the Medical Potions module. Three guesses who teaches *that*! And three guesses the amount of time we're allowed to spend catching up. That's right - zero!
So, Snape duly droned out instructions and I duly tuned out of his lecture, absent-mindedly copied down what Hermione wrote, the usual. Everyone else got up and wandered over to the stores at the back of the classroom, I got up and wandered after them. Hermione gathered her things first, mainly due to the fact everyone else dragged their heels and took as much time as possible moving across the barely big enough room (a lot of people had, rather wisely in my opinion, chosen this course for their N.E.W.T.s) and Hermione had a habit of striding everywhere with purpose and a gaint to rival any race horse.
I was last there. No surprise, I just followed what everyone else did. I squeezed into the crowd, past Lavender, who threw a rather appreciative look my way, and looked over the bent heads in front of me at the shelves, the list I'd copied from Hermione already forgotten.
And then one of the people in front of me stepped back, almost standing on my feet, and straightened up. Managing to rub against every part of me as they did so. And I, being me, went bright red.
I was seventeen! Calves, thighs, one hip pressing into mine, and, oh, I'm not going into the way my mystery person's arse managed to press against and follow every curve of my legs. Oh, whoops, too late...
And then they were standing upright, their arm against my arm, their shoulder against my shoulder, fitting oh so nicely and, hey, still remembering I was seventeen, my mind started flashing images of other ways I could fit against this rather firm and warm body. I swear I could feel their heartbeat, thundering loud but so hypnotic, feel their blood rushing through them to the beat, my own rushing to my flushed face...
Oh, if I'd gone blind there and then I would have been so happy. But I didn't. So I saw the flick of silver blond hair, the flash of green in the uniform as he turned and moved back to his seat.
I'd missed the little bastard, crouched down on the floor, looking at some obscure jar containing something I'm sure wasn't on the list.
Couldn't miss the way the cold rushed to fill the space he'd just vacated though...
***
So that's the first time I noticed Malfoy. Well, obviously I'd noticed him before, you couldn't but help notice the insults and the slander and the pathetic attempts at being evil, when he's no more than a school-yard bully. But that was the first time I really, you know, *noticed* him. C'mon, you know what I mean. And all I could think at that moment was *oh shit*...