Author's Notes:
Hey Hey Hey!!! Folks, I truly have to say that the feedback from the last chapter was greater than I expected and I truly want to thank each and every one of you for your reviews,emails,and/or death threats. ^_^ I would also like to take this time to thank those great authors that took the time to enter my contest. I was kind of worried for a while there, but it is nice to see that people were paying attention and I have truly enjoyed reading fics filled with Daikeru goodness! Now remember, you still have time to enter (September 2nd), so get 'em in. ^_~
Disclaimer: I really hate saying this all the time, but once again I don't own Digimon and it's characters. I just like to use them for my own (and others) twisted enjoyment.
Dai,Takeru,Ken: ::giggling madly:: AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH!!!
Dream-chan: ::pushes muses back in the drawer:: Who the hell asked you?!? Anyway people, hope you enjoy this installment.
Takeru: ::popping head out of the drawer:: Also the song featured at the end is the sole property of Sade, but it was meant for my Dai-chan ^_^
Dai: Awww! My Take-chan gave me a song!!!!!! o_o
Dream-chan and Ken: Oh brother......
"dialogue" ~thoughts~ POV
Back To The Middle by Dream-chan Rating: R Email: dream_chan@hotmail.com
Yamato
"Well, do you have anything to say? I really don't understand why it's so quiet now, seeing that during the past year no one had a problem bad- mouthing my ototo." she said menacingly, letting us know that now was the time for anyone to something that resembled an apology.
"Jun," I began haltingly, not sure where to start. With this mess, where could I start?
"What Blondie?" she snapped harshly, pinning her flashing eyes on me.
"I'm sorry for all the pain we've caused-" I said sincerely, before she held up a hand, cutting me off.
"Why the hell are you apologizing to me! Save it for the person that should really hear it..." she said tightly. Giving an individual glare to both Takeru and Ken, she continued, "...from all of you."
Hoping to dissipate the growing tension in the room I replied, "I know and you're right. However, that doesn't excuse the way we acted towards you as well, and for that we're sorry." I finished, wanting her to know that this was a sincere attempt we were trying to make.
"Apology accepted. Now, what are ya'll going to do this to make it up to my brother? Cause if I have to hear Dai cry one more time because of what you people have done to him, you can bet that there will be a rash of broken bones among the Chosen. I will give you two days to come up with something acceptable."
"And you two, I know that he has already said something along these lines, but I am going to emphasize the point. If I catch either one of you within a hundred yards of Daisuke with anything more than an apology on your lips, I will take the great pleasure of ripping them off and making you kiss your own ass. Is that clear?"
"Good, now that we have that cleared up, I'll be going now." she annouced, shrugging on her jacket. Opening the front door, she turned around and fixed us with a look that would make weak people shit in their pants. "Remember, in two days, you better have something good...", and with that, she slammed the door shut.
Wincing at the loud bang that resounded through the apartment, I looked around the chastised group and asked, "So, any ideas?"
Wasting no time at all, Taichi jumped right in. "Simple, we have to get Takeru and Dais back together and grovel like the shitheads we are."
"WHAT?!?!?" came the collective shout, Takeru and Ken being the loudest.
"Why are all you so shocked? I mean, that is the best solution to all this- " my koi began to explain, before he was rudely interrupted.
"Taichi, weren't you listening just now??!? Jun said that he wants nothing to do with us, and as I told you before he gave me and dumbfuck over there specific warnings to stay the hell away from him. So what would make you think that is the best way?" Takeru screamed, tears coming to his eyes again.
Looking at Tai, I could tell that he was not happy with at Teek's outburst and this was one of the few times I had to agree with him. It was time to give him a swift kick in the ass. "So, all that talk about how you still love Daisuke and want to be with him is just air, huh?" I mocked him, praying that he wouldn't rip me a new one. After seeing how angry Takeru could get, I wouldn't put past him.
Quickly, his angry blues turned in my direction. "And just what is that supposed to mean?"
"You're just going to give up on him like that?" I said calmly, not wanting to encite him any further. Seeing Takeru this pissed was a bit unsettling not only for me, but by the nervous looks around the room it was for the others as well.
"Of course he is! Look how fast he turned on him before?!?" Ken spat out, instantly getting the attention of everyone. Personally, I shocked that he was still there. If I was him, I would have been long gone.
"Ichijouji, if you didn't look so pathetic, I would give your shiner a partner, but I'm not going to waste my time on you. We all know what you did and I know that I can speak for everyone hear by saying that we are disgusted by it. Now, I think it would be a good time to leave." Takeru suggested coldly, the ice in his voice almost visible.
With one eyebrow raised, Ken ignored my brother's threat while issuing a challenge of his own."Takeru, the only reason why I have this black eye is because I don't hit girls, but don't think that I would hesitate to kick your ass from here to Tamachi. As for rest of you...you can sit there all high and mighty in judgement of me, but if you loved someone as much as I love Daisuke, I wonder how many of you would just let the chance to slip through your fingers..." he taunted bitterly, slipping on his coat and shoes.
"Just get the fuck out!" Takeru yelled, ready to put action to words until Taichi grabbed a hold of him.
Nice save Yagami.
"I'm going. Besides, I see how you treat friends, and frankly I think that I will be better off without the lot of you around." he sneered, his eyes betraying the pain he was in, before slamming the door hard enough to rock the apartment building's foundations.
Seconds ticked past, as we just sat there, letting Ichijouji's words sink in. "Maybe someone should go after him..." Jyou said quietly, seeing the same look that I saw in the boy's eyes before he left.
"I'll go.", Hikari volunteered quickly, grabbing her coat and shoes, before walking out the door.
Seeing one situation resolved, Taichi decided to step in, taking back the role as leader, which was good because I felt worn out. "Now back to the matter at hand..." he began, pinning a steely gaze on Takeru. "Are you going to fight for what you want or turn tail like you did before?"
"Taichi-" I warned, before he waved me off. He didn't say anything but the truth. It was time for me to let Teek handle his relationship on his own.
A now slightly subdued Takeru replied, "No, he's right. I was a coward before, but I know one thing. I will not make the same mistake again. I'm sorry for taking this all out on all of you." and with that he got up and left, his bedroom door heard closing seconds later.
"Well, now what do you think we should do first?"
"Troop over to the Motomiyas and start begging forgiveness..." Sora suggested tentively, speaking for the first time since Takeru's 'display' of emotion from earlier.
"Okay. Next move?"
"Do it repeatedly until he comes around...." Jyou added, getting a kiss from Mimi for being so intuitive. I rolled my eyes at yet another PDA dispaly from the Kido-Tachikawa camp.
"If he ever does. Let's face it, after what we did to him, it's going to take more than a bunch of 'I'm sorry' for him to forgive and forget." Miyako pointed out, still wiping tears from her verbal lashings, courtesy of Takeru and Jun.
"If he comes around at all." Iori said quietly, picking up where Miyako left off. "Maybe we should let things stay the way they are. Let's face it. None of us deserve his forgiveness and we shouldn't press him just because we feel guilty."
"I can't believe this! Are you saying is that all of you are just going to ignore what we did to him??!?" Taichi yelled at them, making Miyako slouch even further.
"What can a simple apology do? We hurt him too badly." Iori pointed out logically, although I could see the unshed tears in his eyes.
"It's a start...we have to start somewhere." he reminded his, smiling in apology for snapping at them, getting small smiles in return.
Seeing that my koi had everything pretty much under control, I slipped out the room intent on one thing.
Being there for my ototo.
Quietly, I opened the door, seeing the now familiar sight of Takeru curled up on his bed, looking as if he was trying to block out the whole world.
In the background, I could hear one of the CDs he brought back home from the States by a band named Sade. I've listened to it a couple of times and I know why he gravitated towards it. Right now, I heard the blaring horn of this one song called 'King of Sorrow'.
If anyone deserved that title it would be Takeru.
Sitting down on the bed, I place a hand on his shoulder...just a touch to let him know I was there. That he wasn't alone.
"Look Teek, I know that I've meddled enough, but this is the last time I'm going to give you advice on something. Now, I need to ask you a question."
"What?" came the muffled question, his body still turned away from me.
Knowing that this had the possibility for him to explode again, I knew that this was something I needed to know in order for me. "Do you still love Daisuke?"
"I wouldn't be laying here crying my eyes out if I didn't." he whispered, my ears having to strain to pick up the words.
Using the hand on his shoulder, I turn him around to face me, wiping away the evidence of the pain he's in. I think that he would agree there has been enough tears for one day.
With a confident smile, I tell him "Good, because you have a tough job ahead of you, but don't worry, the rest of us will be there to help you."
"What job are you talking about?" he asked warily, giving me an equal look of hope and nervousness.
"Getting Daisuke back."
Hikari
We were so STUPID! We deserved everything Jun said and more. How could we have done that to Daisuke? More to the point, how could I?
Sighing, I continued to walk down the street, hoping to catch a glimpse of raven hair. However, my mind wasn't totally focused on finding Ken, but on something equally disturbing.
Could the reason be that I accused and judged Daisuke so quickly is because I was jealous? Because I wanted Takeru for myself? Did I let my own feelings overlook what Daisuke was going through?
Dammit. I don't have time for self-reflection right now. I have to concentrate on Ken.
Swiveling my head, I managed to glimpse of a gray clad figure with inky hair plastered to it's skull. It didn't take me a moment to realize that I've found my target.
"KEN!" I cried out, running after him. Thank goodness for Taichi making me practice with him, because it looked like the 'Rocket' wasn't going to slow down.
"KEN!"
"What the hell do you want?!? To scream at me some more? If so-" he sneered, turning back around to walk across the now wet field.
Rushing up behind him, I caught his arm and held on, determined to make him see sense. "Ken, I just wanted to see if you were okay." I said in as much of a sincere tone as I could manage without my anger coming through.
Snatching his arm out of my grasp, he whirled on me, his face positively livid. "Why? So you could just kick me back down again? Thanks, but like I said before, I don't need the lot of you. Besides, I don't want to taint you, Light."
Rolling my eyes, I decided that two could play the sarcasm game. "Ken, spare me the melodrama. I've been through enough as if today and frankly I don't want to go through anymore."
"Well, I don't care what you have gone through, because nothing could be worse than hearing the person that you love with all your being say that they HATE YOU!" he screamed with all his might, his cold shell beginning to show it's cracks.
And it was then that he broke down, falling into a puddle with sobs racking his thin frame. No matter how upset I was with him, I couldn't stand to see him in that much pain...no one should have to be in that much pain.
Kneeling down next to him, I pulled him to me, rocking him back and forth, and that is when I began to see things a bit from his perspective...and how similiar it sounded to mine. I remember when Takeru first told me about his feelings for Daisuke. It felt like I was ripped apart from the inside out. To me, it was like destiny decided to pull the rug out from under me, taking with it my best friend and the boy that I had grown to love, but instead of tears I smiled, hugged him and told him that I was happy for him. After he left, I remember crying and cursing both him and Daisuke to the deepest pits of hell. For years I had to look at Takeru pine away for Daisuke. Listen to him talk about how Daisuke would never love him. Dry his tears when the pressure of loving Dais got to be too much.
Then it seemed to stop. There wasn't as many tears and we began to spend more and more time together. I only took this as a sign that maybe things could begin between us...that he was finally prepared to show me the same feelings I had for him.
What I didn't know is that he had given up. Lucky for him that Daisuke had different plans.
Now as I hold Ken, I realize that the only difference between him and I is that he acted on his emotions. I wonder how many times Dais confided in Ken? How many times did Ken hold him about loving Takeru? How many tears did he brush away? How many days he hoped that his feelings were being returned only to have them evaporated in an instant?
Scary ne?
"He was supposed to love me." he said morosely, his drenched hair shielding his face from curious eyes.
/I know Ken. I know./ I agreed silently, thinking of my own situation with my best friend.
"I was his best friend first" he continued on, a sob breaking through every few seconds. "I am his Jogress partner. It was OUR hearts that beat at the same time. He said he said he loved me. Why did he lie to me Hikari?" he mumbled sadly, tears still making harsh trails down his pale face.
"He does love you, Ken. He loves all of us...you know that." I said gently, smoothing the ebony strands away from his face.
"You weren't there-" he blurted out, before returning to study the surface of the puddle we were kneeling in.
"You're right, I wasn't, but you and I both know that Daisuke has the biggest heart of anyone and hopefully as time pasts, we can have our friendship back." I told him, infusing the words with hope that I didn't feel at the moment. It would take a miracle for all of us to be friends after this. That's funny seeing how Daisuke holds the Digimental for that particular trait.
Feeling him take a deep breath, he backed up a bit and looked at me, his eyes looking as haunted as the day Wormmon died. "Do you really think so?"
Knowing that this had to be handled very carefully, I decided to give him the best answer I knew. "I don't really know Ken, but we have to believe that we will all get through this, and hopefully all the better for it. Now I don't know about you, but I could really do without all this rain. How about we grab a coffee across the street and warm-up?"
Please don't pull away from us Ken. Let me help you. Let you help me.
Nodding slowly he gets up off the wet grass and looks at me, the pain dulled somewhat. "Thank you Hikari."
"No Ken, thank you." I reply, knowing now that we will be able to help each other this time instead of suffering alone.
And hopefully help our best friends at the same time.
Daisuke
It's been almost four months since everything turned to shit, and surprisingly things are getting a little better. It's strange how we used to be so close and now everything is fractured...because of one lie. That was all it took to break up the Great Chosen of Odaiba. I bet Ken is pissed to find that out now, instead of when he was the Kaizer.
/That was a low blow Dai/ my conscience scolded, but I could have cared less. He didn't deserve any favors after what he did to me. Besides, I've rarely seen him since that day, which is a blessing...and somewhat of a curse. Even after all the shit he put me through, I still miss him. The deep talks, the sleepovers, the inside jokes that only us would laugh at. Now, I doubt we will ever have that again...damn him.
As for the rest of the motley crew, I see them occasionally. For the most part, I have accepted their apologies and decided to reopen the lines of communication. Wether they knew it or not, they each held a spot in my life that only they could fill.
Iori was the one to keep me grounded.
Jyou was my security blanket.
Koushirou was the puzzle I could never figure out.
Mimi was an example of what laid beyond Japan.
Sora was the calming influence I needed.
Miyako was the female version of me...however twisted that sounds.
Hikari was the first person to treat me as a human.
Yamato was the pain in the ass that kept me on my toes.
Taichi was there to show me what I could grow to be.
But none of them could fill the holes left by Takeru, for he was so much more.
Much much more.
Jun still doesn't understand how I can still feel so strongly for him. To tell the truth neither can I, but whatever it is, the shit just won't go away. Like a bad rash and right now it feels just as bad as one.
And it doesn't help that the very people who ostracized you are know making amends by helping you and your ex get back together again. I know if I asked them straight out they would deny it, but I know better.
The funny thing in all of this is that Takeru won't come to me himself.
Oh sure, there were the little notes that I found every day in my locker, bookbag, and every day in my mailbox, along with various forms of chocolate...my secret weakness.
Telling me that I was loved.
That I was cherished.
That I was the person they always wished for.
Well if I was all those things, why can't he just come and tell me instead of hiding behind a pen and some paper. If he thinks I'm going to make the first move, he must be kidding. I did last time and looked how everything turned out.
Taking the steps two at a time, I finally get to my apartment, ready to collapse. It seemed that the teachers felt it necessary to give us more homework since the school year was winding down...no life bastards. I was so pathetic that I couldn't even catch a break on my birthday. If someone would have told me I would be spending my birthday alone a year ago, I would have laughed and confidently replied that my boyfriend would never allow that to happen.
Now as I slip into an empty apartment and plop myself on our lumpy couch, I think how I was so naive back then...and the consequences of it.
(Begin Flashback)
Hearing the door slam open, I woke from my exhaustion-induced nap and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes to be greeted with a still furious 'neechan. I could tell by the jerky movements and the bruise forming on her knuckles that things hadn't gone so well.
"Hey PB? Do you feel a little better?" she said quietely, sitting down next to me on the couch and pulling me into a hug at the same time.
"Yeah, thanks." Not wanting to wait any longer, I asked her directly, "What did you do Jun?"
"Nothing too bad..." she evaded, letting my know that she indeed did something that was going to have some serious consequences.
Imitating the disapproving look I've heard so many times from my parents, I just shook my head wearily.
"Don't give me that look! All I did was let them know how they should act from now on." she snapped, getting up from the couch in a snit.
"And..."
"Maybe gave that Ichijouji brat a black eye..." she yelled back, going to the kitchen. Shaking my head, I should have known there would be some casualties.
"Is that all?"
Smiling, she plucked Chibs off my lap, and started to scratch him between his ears. "Honest. I may highly dislike all of them now, but I would rot in hell before I got into real trouble because of it."
Knowing that I shouldn't be smiling but doing it anyway, thankful that Ken was the only casaulty of the night. "Thanks JuJu."
With a small smile of her own she replied happily,"Hey, what are big sisters for?"
(End Flashback)
And that has been the last thing I heard and wanted to hear about the whole mess. By silent ageeement Jun, Chibs, and I don't talk about it all that much, seeing how we all want to forget about what happened, although that really hasn't halped seeing how the only time I don't think about it is when I'm sleep and even then I'm haunted by electric blue eyes, bright blonde hair, and a smile that always made my knees go weak.
Hearing a knock on the door, I jump, my last birthday cupcake my mother made for me falling on the floor. Briefly mourning the small piece of chocolate heaven, I open the door prepared to tell whoever is on the otherside to get lost for such a serious offense.
As usual things are never that easy. /You'd think you would know that by now.../ my conscience laughs, making me wonder if I'm the only person that has to put up with a smart aleck voice in my head.
"Hello Daisuke." came the hesistant greeting from the wary blonde standing on my doorstep.
"Hello Takaishi-san." I said coolly, letting none of the nervousness I felt come through. I
"Um, is Jun here?" Oh, I guess he would ask that after the spectacular 'performance' she put on last time.
"No, she just left for her evening classes." I lie, not wanting him to know that she was on field study and wouldn't be back for a few days. I don't want him to get too comfortable.
"Great! Could I come in for a second? I would really like to talk to you." he asks, giving me that sunshine smile that I have only seen in my dreams these past months.
Damn him for smiling at me like that. Who the fuck does he think he is?
"Not to be rude, but how did you get in? I don't remember buzzing you up." I reply back ignoring his question, the anger beginning to bubble up.
"Someone was kind enough to let me in with them when I said I was coming to see my best friend." he explained, his nervousness clearly displayed by his case of the fidgits.
Opening the door I little wider for him to pass through, I invite him in, closing the door quietly behind him. Motioning for him to sit down, I decided to be blunt. "So, what did you want to talk about?"
"How have you been doing Daisuke?" he asked, his eyes giving me an appraising look I didn't appreciate.
"Okay." came the instant reply, which both of us knew was a big fat lie. How could he be so stupid to ask me a question like that?
Stay calm Dais.
Fidgeting again, he tries for another approach. "Start applying to any colleges yet?"
"Some." I stonewall him, wanting him to get to the point. C'mon Keru you can do better than that.
Hearing him mutter something under his breath, I ask him calmly,"What did you say?"
It only takes a nanosecond for him to explode. "I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS! I can't sit here and talk to you like we're polite strangers, when all I want to do is beg you to take me back and kiss the fucking daylights out of you!"
To say that I am shocked is an understatement. Knowing that I had to get back on track, I put some distance between us and steel myself for what I am about to do. I wonder if this is how he felt when he decided to end our relationship, but before I could even say anything, he beat me to the punch.
"Look, I'm sorry for yelling like that, but Daisuke I can't take this. I know the mistake I made in not trusting you and I can't apologize enough, but can't you see that I'm lost without you..." he says a bit shakily, getting up from the couch and making his way towards me.
"What can I do to make you believe that I still love you, Dai-chan?!? What can I do to make you forgive me?" he whispers feverently, the desperation in his eyes becoming more apparent as he approaches.
A shiver ran down my spine when I heard him call me Dai-chan, filling me with something that I haven't felt in a long time. Happiness, however it didn't take long before it was replaced with sadness and hurt...the familiar feelings that have been with me this past year.
After thinking about it for a few minutes, I came up with the answer I've always known was truth...something I knew that would always between us. Leaning against the coolness of the glass pane of the balcony door, I will myself not to give in to the temptation to turn around and give him what both of us want. "Forgiveness isn't the problem here. To tell you the truth, I have forgiven everyone, even you and Ken for what happened."
I never knew it would be so hard.
"Then why? Why are you still shutting us out! Please Daisuke, let us-" he pleaded, before I waved my hand, cutting him off.
"No." Turning around, I decide I want to see the effect my words are going to have. "Just because I have forgiven you, doesn't mean that I trust you...any of you."
"Then tell me what I have to do to get it back-" he rambles, looking frantic. Now I'm scared that maybe I have pushed it a little too far and I want to just reach out to tell him that everything is going to be okay...then I realize for the umpteenth time that is not my place anymore.
Feeling trapped and a little helpless, I decide to strike back in hopes that he would just leave me alone.
"There isn't a fucking thing you can do about it." I remind him brutally, seeing the little color that he had drain away.
Not wanting him to have time to recover, I continued relentlessly "Look, Jun should be coming back soon, so it might be a good idea to get out of here now."
Seeing his light dim, he take my hint and walks towards the door. Digging in his pockets for something, he pulls out an envelope and presses it in my hand. "I want you to have something."
"I don't-" I can't take anything from him. I have enough reminders as is.
"Just shut up and take it." he smiled, pushing it into my hands again. Seeing that I still wasn't taking it, he set those beautiful blues in puppy dog mode and covered my hand with his.
"Please." and with that one word, I gave in.
Manipulative shit.
"I'll be going now, and for the record, I am deeply sorry for not believing in what we had." Slipping on his shoes and grabbing his jacket, he pushes open the door. With one last sad smile, he whispers, "Ja ne Dais. Don't think I'm going to give you up again."
Then he was gone.
I tried resisting as long as I could, but after about five minutes, I ripped into the package never being one for patience.
Pulling out a cassette tape, I have half a mind to get a hammer and smash it to smithereens (which Jun would do gladly) but my curiousity gets the better of me and I decide to give it a listen before Jun butts her nose in.
At first there is just silence, then I hear the voice of the person that I loved the most.
"First, I just want to thank you for not throwing this away after I left or stamping on it"
How well you know me Keru.
"I know that I don't have the right to make demands on you, but I feel that I should let you know that I still love you. Always have always will. I'm not asking you to be my friend, because I know that we can never go back to that. All I ask is that you give me the chance I regretfully denied you. I know this is kind of corny but that is besides the point, but all I ask is that you just listen to what I'm trying to say. Happy Birthday Dai-chan. This is my song for you." and with that the music cued in and a breathy, earthy voice began to sing.
It's all about our love so shall it be forever never ending
After all this time After all is said and done
We have seen some suffering baby it has not always perfect
After all this time After all in said and done
Darling we know it Whatever may come We can get through it As if it's only begun Oh it's just begun
It's all about our love so shall it be forever never ending Darling we know it
After all this time After all is said and done
After all this time After all is said and done.
By the end of the song, I can feel wetness on my face and I know I'm crying. Crying for what I lost. Crying for all we have been through. Crying for what we could have again.
However the same question lingered.
Could I ever give him the same trust again?
tbc......
This has been a long time in coming, ne? I know I know, I've been VERY slow with the updating of this story (and others), but it seems my muses like to jump from fic to fic, never staying long enough for me to get a decent chapter written. In any case, I told myself that I had to buckle down and get this finished and it will be finished! Um, just to give you a heads up for the next chapter...let's just say that there are brighter days ahead for our angst-ridden couple and maybe another couple in the making........*smiles evilly*
ja ne minna
dream-chan
Hey Hey Hey!!! Folks, I truly have to say that the feedback from the last chapter was greater than I expected and I truly want to thank each and every one of you for your reviews,emails,and/or death threats. ^_^ I would also like to take this time to thank those great authors that took the time to enter my contest. I was kind of worried for a while there, but it is nice to see that people were paying attention and I have truly enjoyed reading fics filled with Daikeru goodness! Now remember, you still have time to enter (September 2nd), so get 'em in. ^_~
Disclaimer: I really hate saying this all the time, but once again I don't own Digimon and it's characters. I just like to use them for my own (and others) twisted enjoyment.
Dai,Takeru,Ken: ::giggling madly:: AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH!!!
Dream-chan: ::pushes muses back in the drawer:: Who the hell asked you?!? Anyway people, hope you enjoy this installment.
Takeru: ::popping head out of the drawer:: Also the song featured at the end is the sole property of Sade, but it was meant for my Dai-chan ^_^
Dai: Awww! My Take-chan gave me a song!!!!!! o_o
Dream-chan and Ken: Oh brother......
"dialogue" ~thoughts~ POV
Back To The Middle by Dream-chan Rating: R Email: dream_chan@hotmail.com
Yamato
"Well, do you have anything to say? I really don't understand why it's so quiet now, seeing that during the past year no one had a problem bad- mouthing my ototo." she said menacingly, letting us know that now was the time for anyone to something that resembled an apology.
"Jun," I began haltingly, not sure where to start. With this mess, where could I start?
"What Blondie?" she snapped harshly, pinning her flashing eyes on me.
"I'm sorry for all the pain we've caused-" I said sincerely, before she held up a hand, cutting me off.
"Why the hell are you apologizing to me! Save it for the person that should really hear it..." she said tightly. Giving an individual glare to both Takeru and Ken, she continued, "...from all of you."
Hoping to dissipate the growing tension in the room I replied, "I know and you're right. However, that doesn't excuse the way we acted towards you as well, and for that we're sorry." I finished, wanting her to know that this was a sincere attempt we were trying to make.
"Apology accepted. Now, what are ya'll going to do this to make it up to my brother? Cause if I have to hear Dai cry one more time because of what you people have done to him, you can bet that there will be a rash of broken bones among the Chosen. I will give you two days to come up with something acceptable."
"And you two, I know that he has already said something along these lines, but I am going to emphasize the point. If I catch either one of you within a hundred yards of Daisuke with anything more than an apology on your lips, I will take the great pleasure of ripping them off and making you kiss your own ass. Is that clear?"
"Good, now that we have that cleared up, I'll be going now." she annouced, shrugging on her jacket. Opening the front door, she turned around and fixed us with a look that would make weak people shit in their pants. "Remember, in two days, you better have something good...", and with that, she slammed the door shut.
Wincing at the loud bang that resounded through the apartment, I looked around the chastised group and asked, "So, any ideas?"
Wasting no time at all, Taichi jumped right in. "Simple, we have to get Takeru and Dais back together and grovel like the shitheads we are."
"WHAT?!?!?" came the collective shout, Takeru and Ken being the loudest.
"Why are all you so shocked? I mean, that is the best solution to all this- " my koi began to explain, before he was rudely interrupted.
"Taichi, weren't you listening just now??!? Jun said that he wants nothing to do with us, and as I told you before he gave me and dumbfuck over there specific warnings to stay the hell away from him. So what would make you think that is the best way?" Takeru screamed, tears coming to his eyes again.
Looking at Tai, I could tell that he was not happy with at Teek's outburst and this was one of the few times I had to agree with him. It was time to give him a swift kick in the ass. "So, all that talk about how you still love Daisuke and want to be with him is just air, huh?" I mocked him, praying that he wouldn't rip me a new one. After seeing how angry Takeru could get, I wouldn't put past him.
Quickly, his angry blues turned in my direction. "And just what is that supposed to mean?"
"You're just going to give up on him like that?" I said calmly, not wanting to encite him any further. Seeing Takeru this pissed was a bit unsettling not only for me, but by the nervous looks around the room it was for the others as well.
"Of course he is! Look how fast he turned on him before?!?" Ken spat out, instantly getting the attention of everyone. Personally, I shocked that he was still there. If I was him, I would have been long gone.
"Ichijouji, if you didn't look so pathetic, I would give your shiner a partner, but I'm not going to waste my time on you. We all know what you did and I know that I can speak for everyone hear by saying that we are disgusted by it. Now, I think it would be a good time to leave." Takeru suggested coldly, the ice in his voice almost visible.
With one eyebrow raised, Ken ignored my brother's threat while issuing a challenge of his own."Takeru, the only reason why I have this black eye is because I don't hit girls, but don't think that I would hesitate to kick your ass from here to Tamachi. As for rest of you...you can sit there all high and mighty in judgement of me, but if you loved someone as much as I love Daisuke, I wonder how many of you would just let the chance to slip through your fingers..." he taunted bitterly, slipping on his coat and shoes.
"Just get the fuck out!" Takeru yelled, ready to put action to words until Taichi grabbed a hold of him.
Nice save Yagami.
"I'm going. Besides, I see how you treat friends, and frankly I think that I will be better off without the lot of you around." he sneered, his eyes betraying the pain he was in, before slamming the door hard enough to rock the apartment building's foundations.
Seconds ticked past, as we just sat there, letting Ichijouji's words sink in. "Maybe someone should go after him..." Jyou said quietly, seeing the same look that I saw in the boy's eyes before he left.
"I'll go.", Hikari volunteered quickly, grabbing her coat and shoes, before walking out the door.
Seeing one situation resolved, Taichi decided to step in, taking back the role as leader, which was good because I felt worn out. "Now back to the matter at hand..." he began, pinning a steely gaze on Takeru. "Are you going to fight for what you want or turn tail like you did before?"
"Taichi-" I warned, before he waved me off. He didn't say anything but the truth. It was time for me to let Teek handle his relationship on his own.
A now slightly subdued Takeru replied, "No, he's right. I was a coward before, but I know one thing. I will not make the same mistake again. I'm sorry for taking this all out on all of you." and with that he got up and left, his bedroom door heard closing seconds later.
"Well, now what do you think we should do first?"
"Troop over to the Motomiyas and start begging forgiveness..." Sora suggested tentively, speaking for the first time since Takeru's 'display' of emotion from earlier.
"Okay. Next move?"
"Do it repeatedly until he comes around...." Jyou added, getting a kiss from Mimi for being so intuitive. I rolled my eyes at yet another PDA dispaly from the Kido-Tachikawa camp.
"If he ever does. Let's face it, after what we did to him, it's going to take more than a bunch of 'I'm sorry' for him to forgive and forget." Miyako pointed out, still wiping tears from her verbal lashings, courtesy of Takeru and Jun.
"If he comes around at all." Iori said quietly, picking up where Miyako left off. "Maybe we should let things stay the way they are. Let's face it. None of us deserve his forgiveness and we shouldn't press him just because we feel guilty."
"I can't believe this! Are you saying is that all of you are just going to ignore what we did to him??!?" Taichi yelled at them, making Miyako slouch even further.
"What can a simple apology do? We hurt him too badly." Iori pointed out logically, although I could see the unshed tears in his eyes.
"It's a start...we have to start somewhere." he reminded his, smiling in apology for snapping at them, getting small smiles in return.
Seeing that my koi had everything pretty much under control, I slipped out the room intent on one thing.
Being there for my ototo.
Quietly, I opened the door, seeing the now familiar sight of Takeru curled up on his bed, looking as if he was trying to block out the whole world.
In the background, I could hear one of the CDs he brought back home from the States by a band named Sade. I've listened to it a couple of times and I know why he gravitated towards it. Right now, I heard the blaring horn of this one song called 'King of Sorrow'.
If anyone deserved that title it would be Takeru.
Sitting down on the bed, I place a hand on his shoulder...just a touch to let him know I was there. That he wasn't alone.
"Look Teek, I know that I've meddled enough, but this is the last time I'm going to give you advice on something. Now, I need to ask you a question."
"What?" came the muffled question, his body still turned away from me.
Knowing that this had the possibility for him to explode again, I knew that this was something I needed to know in order for me. "Do you still love Daisuke?"
"I wouldn't be laying here crying my eyes out if I didn't." he whispered, my ears having to strain to pick up the words.
Using the hand on his shoulder, I turn him around to face me, wiping away the evidence of the pain he's in. I think that he would agree there has been enough tears for one day.
With a confident smile, I tell him "Good, because you have a tough job ahead of you, but don't worry, the rest of us will be there to help you."
"What job are you talking about?" he asked warily, giving me an equal look of hope and nervousness.
"Getting Daisuke back."
Hikari
We were so STUPID! We deserved everything Jun said and more. How could we have done that to Daisuke? More to the point, how could I?
Sighing, I continued to walk down the street, hoping to catch a glimpse of raven hair. However, my mind wasn't totally focused on finding Ken, but on something equally disturbing.
Could the reason be that I accused and judged Daisuke so quickly is because I was jealous? Because I wanted Takeru for myself? Did I let my own feelings overlook what Daisuke was going through?
Dammit. I don't have time for self-reflection right now. I have to concentrate on Ken.
Swiveling my head, I managed to glimpse of a gray clad figure with inky hair plastered to it's skull. It didn't take me a moment to realize that I've found my target.
"KEN!" I cried out, running after him. Thank goodness for Taichi making me practice with him, because it looked like the 'Rocket' wasn't going to slow down.
"KEN!"
"What the hell do you want?!? To scream at me some more? If so-" he sneered, turning back around to walk across the now wet field.
Rushing up behind him, I caught his arm and held on, determined to make him see sense. "Ken, I just wanted to see if you were okay." I said in as much of a sincere tone as I could manage without my anger coming through.
Snatching his arm out of my grasp, he whirled on me, his face positively livid. "Why? So you could just kick me back down again? Thanks, but like I said before, I don't need the lot of you. Besides, I don't want to taint you, Light."
Rolling my eyes, I decided that two could play the sarcasm game. "Ken, spare me the melodrama. I've been through enough as if today and frankly I don't want to go through anymore."
"Well, I don't care what you have gone through, because nothing could be worse than hearing the person that you love with all your being say that they HATE YOU!" he screamed with all his might, his cold shell beginning to show it's cracks.
And it was then that he broke down, falling into a puddle with sobs racking his thin frame. No matter how upset I was with him, I couldn't stand to see him in that much pain...no one should have to be in that much pain.
Kneeling down next to him, I pulled him to me, rocking him back and forth, and that is when I began to see things a bit from his perspective...and how similiar it sounded to mine. I remember when Takeru first told me about his feelings for Daisuke. It felt like I was ripped apart from the inside out. To me, it was like destiny decided to pull the rug out from under me, taking with it my best friend and the boy that I had grown to love, but instead of tears I smiled, hugged him and told him that I was happy for him. After he left, I remember crying and cursing both him and Daisuke to the deepest pits of hell. For years I had to look at Takeru pine away for Daisuke. Listen to him talk about how Daisuke would never love him. Dry his tears when the pressure of loving Dais got to be too much.
Then it seemed to stop. There wasn't as many tears and we began to spend more and more time together. I only took this as a sign that maybe things could begin between us...that he was finally prepared to show me the same feelings I had for him.
What I didn't know is that he had given up. Lucky for him that Daisuke had different plans.
Now as I hold Ken, I realize that the only difference between him and I is that he acted on his emotions. I wonder how many times Dais confided in Ken? How many times did Ken hold him about loving Takeru? How many tears did he brush away? How many days he hoped that his feelings were being returned only to have them evaporated in an instant?
Scary ne?
"He was supposed to love me." he said morosely, his drenched hair shielding his face from curious eyes.
/I know Ken. I know./ I agreed silently, thinking of my own situation with my best friend.
"I was his best friend first" he continued on, a sob breaking through every few seconds. "I am his Jogress partner. It was OUR hearts that beat at the same time. He said he said he loved me. Why did he lie to me Hikari?" he mumbled sadly, tears still making harsh trails down his pale face.
"He does love you, Ken. He loves all of us...you know that." I said gently, smoothing the ebony strands away from his face.
"You weren't there-" he blurted out, before returning to study the surface of the puddle we were kneeling in.
"You're right, I wasn't, but you and I both know that Daisuke has the biggest heart of anyone and hopefully as time pasts, we can have our friendship back." I told him, infusing the words with hope that I didn't feel at the moment. It would take a miracle for all of us to be friends after this. That's funny seeing how Daisuke holds the Digimental for that particular trait.
Feeling him take a deep breath, he backed up a bit and looked at me, his eyes looking as haunted as the day Wormmon died. "Do you really think so?"
Knowing that this had to be handled very carefully, I decided to give him the best answer I knew. "I don't really know Ken, but we have to believe that we will all get through this, and hopefully all the better for it. Now I don't know about you, but I could really do without all this rain. How about we grab a coffee across the street and warm-up?"
Please don't pull away from us Ken. Let me help you. Let you help me.
Nodding slowly he gets up off the wet grass and looks at me, the pain dulled somewhat. "Thank you Hikari."
"No Ken, thank you." I reply, knowing now that we will be able to help each other this time instead of suffering alone.
And hopefully help our best friends at the same time.
Daisuke
It's been almost four months since everything turned to shit, and surprisingly things are getting a little better. It's strange how we used to be so close and now everything is fractured...because of one lie. That was all it took to break up the Great Chosen of Odaiba. I bet Ken is pissed to find that out now, instead of when he was the Kaizer.
/That was a low blow Dai/ my conscience scolded, but I could have cared less. He didn't deserve any favors after what he did to me. Besides, I've rarely seen him since that day, which is a blessing...and somewhat of a curse. Even after all the shit he put me through, I still miss him. The deep talks, the sleepovers, the inside jokes that only us would laugh at. Now, I doubt we will ever have that again...damn him.
As for the rest of the motley crew, I see them occasionally. For the most part, I have accepted their apologies and decided to reopen the lines of communication. Wether they knew it or not, they each held a spot in my life that only they could fill.
Iori was the one to keep me grounded.
Jyou was my security blanket.
Koushirou was the puzzle I could never figure out.
Mimi was an example of what laid beyond Japan.
Sora was the calming influence I needed.
Miyako was the female version of me...however twisted that sounds.
Hikari was the first person to treat me as a human.
Yamato was the pain in the ass that kept me on my toes.
Taichi was there to show me what I could grow to be.
But none of them could fill the holes left by Takeru, for he was so much more.
Much much more.
Jun still doesn't understand how I can still feel so strongly for him. To tell the truth neither can I, but whatever it is, the shit just won't go away. Like a bad rash and right now it feels just as bad as one.
And it doesn't help that the very people who ostracized you are know making amends by helping you and your ex get back together again. I know if I asked them straight out they would deny it, but I know better.
The funny thing in all of this is that Takeru won't come to me himself.
Oh sure, there were the little notes that I found every day in my locker, bookbag, and every day in my mailbox, along with various forms of chocolate...my secret weakness.
Telling me that I was loved.
That I was cherished.
That I was the person they always wished for.
Well if I was all those things, why can't he just come and tell me instead of hiding behind a pen and some paper. If he thinks I'm going to make the first move, he must be kidding. I did last time and looked how everything turned out.
Taking the steps two at a time, I finally get to my apartment, ready to collapse. It seemed that the teachers felt it necessary to give us more homework since the school year was winding down...no life bastards. I was so pathetic that I couldn't even catch a break on my birthday. If someone would have told me I would be spending my birthday alone a year ago, I would have laughed and confidently replied that my boyfriend would never allow that to happen.
Now as I slip into an empty apartment and plop myself on our lumpy couch, I think how I was so naive back then...and the consequences of it.
(Begin Flashback)
Hearing the door slam open, I woke from my exhaustion-induced nap and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes to be greeted with a still furious 'neechan. I could tell by the jerky movements and the bruise forming on her knuckles that things hadn't gone so well.
"Hey PB? Do you feel a little better?" she said quietely, sitting down next to me on the couch and pulling me into a hug at the same time.
"Yeah, thanks." Not wanting to wait any longer, I asked her directly, "What did you do Jun?"
"Nothing too bad..." she evaded, letting my know that she indeed did something that was going to have some serious consequences.
Imitating the disapproving look I've heard so many times from my parents, I just shook my head wearily.
"Don't give me that look! All I did was let them know how they should act from now on." she snapped, getting up from the couch in a snit.
"And..."
"Maybe gave that Ichijouji brat a black eye..." she yelled back, going to the kitchen. Shaking my head, I should have known there would be some casualties.
"Is that all?"
Smiling, she plucked Chibs off my lap, and started to scratch him between his ears. "Honest. I may highly dislike all of them now, but I would rot in hell before I got into real trouble because of it."
Knowing that I shouldn't be smiling but doing it anyway, thankful that Ken was the only casaulty of the night. "Thanks JuJu."
With a small smile of her own she replied happily,"Hey, what are big sisters for?"
(End Flashback)
And that has been the last thing I heard and wanted to hear about the whole mess. By silent ageeement Jun, Chibs, and I don't talk about it all that much, seeing how we all want to forget about what happened, although that really hasn't halped seeing how the only time I don't think about it is when I'm sleep and even then I'm haunted by electric blue eyes, bright blonde hair, and a smile that always made my knees go weak.
Hearing a knock on the door, I jump, my last birthday cupcake my mother made for me falling on the floor. Briefly mourning the small piece of chocolate heaven, I open the door prepared to tell whoever is on the otherside to get lost for such a serious offense.
As usual things are never that easy. /You'd think you would know that by now.../ my conscience laughs, making me wonder if I'm the only person that has to put up with a smart aleck voice in my head.
"Hello Daisuke." came the hesistant greeting from the wary blonde standing on my doorstep.
"Hello Takaishi-san." I said coolly, letting none of the nervousness I felt come through. I
"Um, is Jun here?" Oh, I guess he would ask that after the spectacular 'performance' she put on last time.
"No, she just left for her evening classes." I lie, not wanting him to know that she was on field study and wouldn't be back for a few days. I don't want him to get too comfortable.
"Great! Could I come in for a second? I would really like to talk to you." he asks, giving me that sunshine smile that I have only seen in my dreams these past months.
Damn him for smiling at me like that. Who the fuck does he think he is?
"Not to be rude, but how did you get in? I don't remember buzzing you up." I reply back ignoring his question, the anger beginning to bubble up.
"Someone was kind enough to let me in with them when I said I was coming to see my best friend." he explained, his nervousness clearly displayed by his case of the fidgits.
Opening the door I little wider for him to pass through, I invite him in, closing the door quietly behind him. Motioning for him to sit down, I decided to be blunt. "So, what did you want to talk about?"
"How have you been doing Daisuke?" he asked, his eyes giving me an appraising look I didn't appreciate.
"Okay." came the instant reply, which both of us knew was a big fat lie. How could he be so stupid to ask me a question like that?
Stay calm Dais.
Fidgeting again, he tries for another approach. "Start applying to any colleges yet?"
"Some." I stonewall him, wanting him to get to the point. C'mon Keru you can do better than that.
Hearing him mutter something under his breath, I ask him calmly,"What did you say?"
It only takes a nanosecond for him to explode. "I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS! I can't sit here and talk to you like we're polite strangers, when all I want to do is beg you to take me back and kiss the fucking daylights out of you!"
To say that I am shocked is an understatement. Knowing that I had to get back on track, I put some distance between us and steel myself for what I am about to do. I wonder if this is how he felt when he decided to end our relationship, but before I could even say anything, he beat me to the punch.
"Look, I'm sorry for yelling like that, but Daisuke I can't take this. I know the mistake I made in not trusting you and I can't apologize enough, but can't you see that I'm lost without you..." he says a bit shakily, getting up from the couch and making his way towards me.
"What can I do to make you believe that I still love you, Dai-chan?!? What can I do to make you forgive me?" he whispers feverently, the desperation in his eyes becoming more apparent as he approaches.
A shiver ran down my spine when I heard him call me Dai-chan, filling me with something that I haven't felt in a long time. Happiness, however it didn't take long before it was replaced with sadness and hurt...the familiar feelings that have been with me this past year.
After thinking about it for a few minutes, I came up with the answer I've always known was truth...something I knew that would always between us. Leaning against the coolness of the glass pane of the balcony door, I will myself not to give in to the temptation to turn around and give him what both of us want. "Forgiveness isn't the problem here. To tell you the truth, I have forgiven everyone, even you and Ken for what happened."
I never knew it would be so hard.
"Then why? Why are you still shutting us out! Please Daisuke, let us-" he pleaded, before I waved my hand, cutting him off.
"No." Turning around, I decide I want to see the effect my words are going to have. "Just because I have forgiven you, doesn't mean that I trust you...any of you."
"Then tell me what I have to do to get it back-" he rambles, looking frantic. Now I'm scared that maybe I have pushed it a little too far and I want to just reach out to tell him that everything is going to be okay...then I realize for the umpteenth time that is not my place anymore.
Feeling trapped and a little helpless, I decide to strike back in hopes that he would just leave me alone.
"There isn't a fucking thing you can do about it." I remind him brutally, seeing the little color that he had drain away.
Not wanting him to have time to recover, I continued relentlessly "Look, Jun should be coming back soon, so it might be a good idea to get out of here now."
Seeing his light dim, he take my hint and walks towards the door. Digging in his pockets for something, he pulls out an envelope and presses it in my hand. "I want you to have something."
"I don't-" I can't take anything from him. I have enough reminders as is.
"Just shut up and take it." he smiled, pushing it into my hands again. Seeing that I still wasn't taking it, he set those beautiful blues in puppy dog mode and covered my hand with his.
"Please." and with that one word, I gave in.
Manipulative shit.
"I'll be going now, and for the record, I am deeply sorry for not believing in what we had." Slipping on his shoes and grabbing his jacket, he pushes open the door. With one last sad smile, he whispers, "Ja ne Dais. Don't think I'm going to give you up again."
Then he was gone.
I tried resisting as long as I could, but after about five minutes, I ripped into the package never being one for patience.
Pulling out a cassette tape, I have half a mind to get a hammer and smash it to smithereens (which Jun would do gladly) but my curiousity gets the better of me and I decide to give it a listen before Jun butts her nose in.
At first there is just silence, then I hear the voice of the person that I loved the most.
"First, I just want to thank you for not throwing this away after I left or stamping on it"
How well you know me Keru.
"I know that I don't have the right to make demands on you, but I feel that I should let you know that I still love you. Always have always will. I'm not asking you to be my friend, because I know that we can never go back to that. All I ask is that you give me the chance I regretfully denied you. I know this is kind of corny but that is besides the point, but all I ask is that you just listen to what I'm trying to say. Happy Birthday Dai-chan. This is my song for you." and with that the music cued in and a breathy, earthy voice began to sing.
It's all about our love so shall it be forever never ending
After all this time After all is said and done
We have seen some suffering baby it has not always perfect
After all this time After all in said and done
Darling we know it Whatever may come We can get through it As if it's only begun Oh it's just begun
It's all about our love so shall it be forever never ending Darling we know it
After all this time After all is said and done
After all this time After all is said and done.
By the end of the song, I can feel wetness on my face and I know I'm crying. Crying for what I lost. Crying for all we have been through. Crying for what we could have again.
However the same question lingered.
Could I ever give him the same trust again?
tbc......
This has been a long time in coming, ne? I know I know, I've been VERY slow with the updating of this story (and others), but it seems my muses like to jump from fic to fic, never staying long enough for me to get a decent chapter written. In any case, I told myself that I had to buckle down and get this finished and it will be finished! Um, just to give you a heads up for the next chapter...let's just say that there are brighter days ahead for our angst-ridden couple and maybe another couple in the making........*smiles evilly*
ja ne minna
dream-chan